Rainbow Dash's Emails: Season Two
by JusSonic
Summary: Fanmake of the second season of the Strong Bad E-Mails. Rainbow Dash is back to answer more e-mails and to deal with them in her own interesting and funny way via a new computer! COMPLETED!
1. invisibility

Author's note  
Hey folks! JusSonic here about to work on the second season of Rainbow Dash's E-Mails, with a new computer and action; Sounds like fun, eh; This season takes place after the season 2 finale of the Pegasus pony's regular show.

All righty, let's have some fun, shall we?

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: invisibility

It was a while since Rainbow has worked on the Lardy, which is still unused since the Pegasus pony has gone on vacation, leaving a sticky note behind. But soon, a familiar heroine is about to return.

"Hey, I'm home!" Rainbow's voice is heard as she trots up to the Lardy, sitting in front of it. The pony has a good vacation, which got extended when she and her friends attended the wedding of Twilight's brother Shining Armor and Celestia's niece Cadance (the whole thing almost got ruined thanks to Changelings).

Now that Rainbow's home, time to get to business. The pony comments, "All right, now. Don't need this anymore." She took off the post-it on note on the screen with the 'EGGHEADS' word along with the mad face with big teeth. "And...I don't need this piece of junk anymore!"

With a devilishly smirk, Rainbow knocks the Lardy, the same computer that gave her trouble since it blew up, off the table and right onto the floor. She won't deal with that thing anymore...thanks to what the pony herself has gotten from Canterlot.

"Folks, behold..." Rainbow said eagerly as she put a new computer right on the desk; one can hear a sharp playing right about...along with the Pegasi's squee of joy. "The Flutterpony 399, a spectacle of graphic and sound!"

A tune is played as the words '399 Version 1.5' logo is shown on the computer screen. Rainbow grins while saying, "Princess Celestia gave this to me after my incredible Sonic Rainboom at her niece's wedding. This computer is guaranteed to last 20 years as long as nothing happens to it before then. Man, this is awesome. Now, it's time to get to checking!"

Rainbow types in 'Rainbow Dash_email dot exe' to get the e-mail for the chapter. Soon this appears...

**rainbow dash**

**if you were invisable for one day, what would you do?**

**Jacob Price $1.50**

Rainbow announces 'invisable' as invis-ABLE as she changes her tone to reflect the question marks in 'do?'. The pony begins to speak while typing, "Well, pony with a price on his head; that is one thing that I often thought about myself. To answer that question..."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues typing while speaking, "To be honest, I don't really think that being visible stops me from doing what I wanted to do. So I probably do the kinda stuff that I normally do."

* * *

We see Rainbow Dash...well, kinda. She is invisible as she takes boxes of cupcakes from the counter at Sugarcube Corner, leaving some money. Pinkie is dancing and singing to a groovy tune, not noticing at first.

We can hear Rainbow's voice over, "You know, like buy stuff...hey, I wouldn't steal."

Pinkie, finishing her song, saw the cupcakes floating off, making her gasp and hold up a right upper foreleg. She protests, "My cupcakes!" The Earth pony raise her other foreleg. "Wait, come back, cupcakes!"

Pinkie raise down her left upper foreleg while saying, "I didn't mean what I said..." The pink pony lowers her right upper foreleg, looking down sadly then saw the money. "Oh, bits!"

We see Lyra standing in the field as Rainbow voice over again, "...punch stuff, just for fun..."

"Weird, Bon-Bon is late," Lyra remarks while waiting for Bon-Bon to show up. She turns and saw the boxes of cupcakes floating over to her, not realizing that Rainbow is holding them while invisible, "Hey, neat; Hey cupcakes!"

Suddenly Lyra yelps as she doubles over as if the unicorn was punched. Rainbow, the one who did it, walks off with the cupcakes. Lyra groans, "Oh, ouch. Man, those things are bad for you!"

* * *

We see, sort of, the invisible Rainbow eating the cupcakes on a bench, walking a TV, A show like _Family Feud _is shown while the Pegasus pony voice over, "...as well as eat stuff...and at the same time watch stuff..."

The _Family Feud _strike buzzer is heard, with Rainbow taunting, "Ha ha ha; Survey say, you stink; Man, I miss Richard Dawson. May he rest in peace..."

Just then Derpy appears, flying around as she is instructing her daughter Dinky Doo to help, via her magic, lift a magic onto something. The cross-eyed Pegasus pony said, "Okay, just drop it here on this empty bench, Dinky."

"Wait, Derpy, hey, I'm sitting here. I'm just invisible." The invisible Rainbow spoke up. Derpy looks confused and around. Who's talking? The pony holds the cupcake around the cross-eyed Pegasus pony, "Hey, hey! Weird eye! Ditzy Doo! I'm right here! The floating cupcake is talking to you!"

"Okay, drop it, Dinky!"

"Wait, no, what the...NO NO NO NO NO," Rainbow protests in horror but it's too late. Dinky use her magic to throw the crate into the air and send it crashing onto the bench...and right onto the invisible Pegasus pony, "WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

Rainbow, at her computer, cringes a bit, "Ugh!" She types while continuing, "On second thought, forget it! Being invisible isn't worth getting crushed by the combination of the Doos."

Rainbow stops typing while groaning some more, "Ugh!" The Pegasus pony continues typing, "Wow, I definitely feel like getting a massage from Aloe and Lotus. Don't know the last time that I been to that spa place..."

Once Rainbow stops typing, she continues speaking to the audience, "Now then, don't forget, ponies, take your usual vitamins, pretend that you are funny a bit, and always and never forget to e-mail Rainbow Dash."

The paper comes down as the chapter/e-mail comes to an end. We now see the old computer, the Lardy itself, sitting in a trash can, sending out the last words, "Rainbow Dash, why? Why did you do it? Do you not forget the duck pond? Aren't we a team? Ugh, fine. I don't need you; I can make it on my own! 399? More like 399 stinks to me! If you see the printer, tell her that I miss her. I betcha someone on E-Pony would love me; There's flies in me...kinda tickle. My mind is going. I can feel it. My mind is going. I can feel it. My mind is going. I can feel it. My mind is going. I can feel it. My mind is going. I can feel it. Whatever, I will start giving away secrets. Ever click the 'O' in the Message Boring? Justin Lawson...you stink!"

Soon more of the Lardy's last words are seen, "Uh oh...I think this is really it! Gasp! Wheez! Cough!"

We see the blank screen two times before the Lardy show the last word, "End of line..."

The End

**This chapter is in memory of Richard Dawson**

Author's note  
Well; Rainbow got rid of her old computer and got a new one. What a way to begin a season, eh? In the next chapter/e-mail, a fan asks Rainbow what she would be like as an action figure. Read, review and suggest.


	2. action figure

Author's note  
Good suggestion, nobodies; I may either save it for Season 3 or a later on, depending on when I get to the Transformers crossover.

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: action figure

Rainbow smiles at her home as she types on her keyboard, ready for the e-mail of the day. The Pegasus pony is singing, _**"Doo doo do doo, doo duh doo doo!"**_

This e-mail appears...

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**If you go into heat (or just want that kind of companionship for that matter) who do you think of first, and what do you want to do with them?**

**Luna**

"Whoa, the Goddess of the Moon send me a question?" Rainbow asks while blinking her eyes in amazement and disbelief. "Well, Luna, that depends...I probably go for the cutest stallion...maybe one of the Wonderbolts...and what do I want to do with them; Nothing that I can't say in a rated PG show like this. All right, next question!"

Rainbow reads the next e-mail.

**Hey there, Rainbow Dash,**

**If some pony were to make a Rainbow Dash action figure, what kind of 20% awesome stuff that it could do?**

**KingHuffman**  
**San Mario, CA**

Rainbow of course reads the name, "Camateos, Scamateos, instead of the city. The pony chuckles while typing, "Well, Huffy, my action figure would have a lot of stuff. First off..."

* * *

We see the Rainbow Dash action figure as she details it. The music that the Pegasi hum at the beginning plays as she voice over, "It would look like me..."

The action figure of Rainbow came into view; it has large muscles, is very tall and has a head that looks like the blue pony which is smaller compared to the body; As Rainbow continues describing the action figure, the camera zooms in, pans across its chest and right over the toy's head before returning to the first shot.

"In the terms of the toy's phisque, and with the size of the head to the body, it would be the same." Rainbow's voice explains. We see a weapon appears in the toy's hand that folds out into a star shape. "Of course, I would come armed to the teeth with my Neighese throwing croissant! Then I would shoot sparks from my mouth, you know..."

The screen darkens as we see sparks coming out of the action figure's mouth with Rainbow doing a grinding noise while saying, "It would sound just like that. And when you push down on my head, there would be..." The toy's head is pushed down, causing the upper forelegs to go up, "BOOM! Double Deuce action! Oh yeah," The action figure's hooves go up and down like crazy.

"And of course, you could take the head off as well..." Rainbow continues as the action figure's head come right off, showing a hole. "Of course, there would be a hole where you could pour liquids like motor oil..." We see black liquid being poured into the toy itself. "...apple cider..." Apple cider is now poured into the action figure's head hole. "...or whatever you want to put in there."

The action figure's head goes back into place as Rainbow continues, "And when you turn off the lights..." The lights are turned off, showing the toy's muscles to be glowing. "Yeah...glow in the dark muscles! Oh, oh, when you get it wet..."

We see the Rainbow Dash toy getting dunked into water as Rainbow's voice, "And you would get MAJOR RAINBOW DASH FIGHT DAMAGE!" Sure enough, scar appears on the action figure itself. "It is like magic. But that isn't all..."

The action figure's left leg fell off as Rainbow booms out, "OH NO! Battle damage! Also, switch to the dispenser hoof..." We see the toy lifting one hoof lifting up to reveal a hole in the front. "...that will cause Everfree Goo to come right out." Sure enough, we see weird slime coming out of the dispenser hoof itself.

* * *

Back at the computer, Rainbow continues typing while saying, "Man, those things will sell just like pancakes that are way hot! Ooh, maybe if they smell like them. Anyway, I tried to make an action figure of myself one time...too bad it didn't turn out as good as my imagination though."

Sure enough, to prove her point, Rainbow took up what appears to be a peanut with pipe cleaners for hooves while a painted face of her is on the peanut itself, along with cheap plastic googly eyes. Not bad for first attempt, right?

"To be honest, all it has was smells like peanut action. I gotta start looking for some license ponies." Rainbow said with a shrug. She begins to play with the action figure, "Doo doo doooo! Get away from my friends, Discord! Best day ever!"

The paper comes down as the e-mail comes to an end. We now see a package of the cool Rainbow Dash action figure. We also see each action figure versions of the other ponies. The toys are made by Cheap Pony Toys, they are for ages 3-5 and each toy cost 11 bits.

We now see each toy...

**Rainbow Dash****  
****20% Awesome Action Pony!****  
****Neighese Throwing Croissant!****  
****Major Double Deuce Action!****  
****Smells like Pancakes!**

If one would look carefully at the package, one would see that the the 'M' is right over the 'E' part. The whole 'Smell like Pancakes' sticks are poorly text; Probably due to some missing font.

**Applejack**  
**Cowboy Hat Wearing Heroine!**  
**Rope Twirling Rope Feature!**  
**Buck Kicking Action**

**Twilight Sparkle**  
**Magic Toy!**  
**One of the Cute Ones!**  
**Adopted Sister To Spike!**

**Rarity**  
**Fashion Fighting Gal!**  
**Secret Diamonds!**  
**Spike's Choice!**

**Fluttershy**  
**Action-Like Heroine!**  
**Atomic Huge Stare!**  
**Extreme Animal Caring and Loving!**

**Pinkie Pie**  
**Super Party Doll**  
**Huge Party Cannon Action**  
**Breaks The Fourth Wall! Like In Real Life!**

**Peanut Rainbow Dash**  
**Homemade Peanut Pony**  
**Museum Quality**  
**Smells like Peanut Action!**

The End

Author's note  
I don't know about you folks, but I sure want an action figure of Rainbow Dash...oh wait, I do! Anyway, in the next chapter/e-mail, our favorite Pegasus pony gets an e-mail from Bullklas and she responds in kind. Read, review and suggest!


	3. little questions

Rainbow Dash's e-mails: little questions

Rainbow is once again back on her computer, bringing up the next e-mail of the day while singing, _**"All the ladies want to know, who's checkin' that email? Was it Strong Bad?"**_

Rainbow then saw the e-mail of the day...

**Dear, Rainbow Dash!****  
****Here is some little questions:****  
****1. Has you some time play football?****  
****2. How did you seen out when you was a baby filly?****  
****3. How did you think you came's to seen out when you are wery old?**

**Bullklas****  
****Ponyden**

Rainbow snorts a bit tying to hold back laughter. It's obvious that this pony is from a foreign country as his questions got errors and typos. Ridiculous!

"Oh, is that so?" Rainbow asks with a snort. "Wow, didn't expect that you don't come from around here. All right, what is the best way to answer this one?"

Rainbow types once more. As she speaks on, we see the subtitles with synthesized Ponypean music playing while this happened, "For Bullklas. Hi?"

**Translation: "What's up, Bullklas?"**

Rainbow answers the first one while speaking weirdly, "1. Prehaps! I'm've was t make football often times.

**Translation: "Man, I love football. It's 20% awesome and cool!"**

Rainbow continues on, "Play? Know."

**Translation: "Hang on. You're asking about soccer? Well, we all make mistakes."**

Rainbow now said, "Best football results twice again.

**Translation: "I hate soccer, it's a lame game. I mean, come on!"**

Rainbow now goes to the second question, speaking weirdly again, "2. Ever age I have seen out as a baby filly."

**Translation: "I am one hot filly when I was little, baby!"**

Rainbow continues onward, "I think I has the solution:"

**Translation: "All those baby colts are like..."**

Rainbow finishes the second question, "...width times height."

**Translation: "'...wow, check out that hot filly, baby.'"**

Rainbow now speaks weirdly while answering the third question, "3. As a wery old, I can fathom the scene to be with me."

**Translation: "Seriously, I don't know what the hay you're on about here, pal."**

Rainbow continues on with the question, "Looking always as I ever did."

**Translation: "Say, all right if you send me some of those Ponydish fish?"**

Rainbow continues, "It was not came's."

**Translation: "Ooh, and some Ponydish meatballs; Yeah!"**

"He borrowed mine." Rainbow said weirdly, finishing the last question up.

**Translation: "Right, totally awesome, 20% plus two."**

Once the music stops, Rainbow nods as she said, "Okay, Bullklas, I think we're on the same page here...too bad yours got one big F on it."

-Bark Dallas

We now see Bullklas's e-mail as an essay, with red marks showing errors on it along with one huge F. The paper comes down, bringing the e-mail/chapter to an end.

We now see an animation in the style of a politicial cartoon. The Cloudsdale flag is shaking hands with the Ponydish one over a bunch of fish and meatballs. The caption 'Cloudsdale Welcome Ponydish Good' is seen as the synthesizer music players.

We now see the Ponydish flag playing as the words 'The Ponyfish Flag Does a Dance'. Pretty funny, eh?

The End

Author's note  
Yeah, pretty funny stuff, eh? In the next chapter/e-mail, we see what lures and jigs that Rainbow uses while fishing with Applejack. Read, review and suggest.


	4. lures & jigs

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: lures & jigs

_**"I check e-mail from the front to the back, I said check e-mail from the front to the back I said check..." **_Rainbow sings as she checks up the next e-mail. Soon the pony got one, saying 'Dear Rainbow Dash..." The Pegasis repeats this line three times but with different emphases, stopping halfway through the third time. "Eh, I will go with that one."

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**I don't know if ponies goes fishing or not. But if or when you do, do you use any sort of special lure or jig to attract those fishs?**

**Jacob Marleyus**  
**Austria, NY**

Rainbow reads the word 'lure' as 'lyooer' and 'fish' as 'fishes...s'...' The pony nods a bit. In Ponyville, the pony folk can fish but don't eat them, they just throw them back upon catching any fish.

* * *

**Fish Show With Rainbow Dash and Applejack**

We now see Rainbow and Applejack in a boat on a lake, the Earth pony has a pole though the Pegasus pony doesn't. Applejack wears a fisherman cap over her usual one while Rainbow has a farmer tan for some reason.

"All righty, Rainbow Dash..." Applejack said while turning to Rainbow. "What type o' lure are yew using here?"

"AJ, buddy, I'm definitely going to be using this one." Rainbow said with a smirk. Then she shouts into the water, "Hey fish; stupid fish! Come on up! I'm going to recommend that you come up into this boat! We got a keg..."

Applejack shrugs as Rainbow continues, "...of worms! As well as...phytoplankton, yeah! Hey, anypony who is everypony is up in here, come on!"

"Nope, ain't going 'ta work wit' a stocked pond." Applejack said with a sigh. Rainbow's lure didn't work, "Got any type o' jig 'dat yew can try there?"

"Hay yeah! I got this cool jig, check it out!" Rainbow laughs. She begins to sing while doing a little hip-swiveling dance.

Rainbow: _**Come on and get in the boat, fish! Come on and get in the boat, fish fish! Come on and get in the boat, fish!**_

To Applejack's amazement, three fish jumps into the boat. The jig is working!

_**Get in the boat!**_

"Boy howdy, they got in 'de boat!" Applejack exclaims in amazement, "Fish, sweet!"

* * *

Rainbow blinks as she types back at her computer, "To be honest, Jacob, and this is going to be surprising...but I don't know a thing about fishing. But if you want, you can try it on the jig. Though I think it works on the stallions." The pony stops typing. "You know, as in..." Rainbow begins to sing.

_**come on and come to my house, stallions! Come on and come to my house, colts colts!**_

Rainbow stops singing as she goes back to typing, chuckling shyly, "Actually, I don't know anything about how to lure stallions to my place either. Wait, I do! I mean...WHGT! JGTH! OH YEAH, I'M AWESOME!"

Rainboe flies out of the room; it's unknown what she's feeling at this point. The paper comes down as the chapter comes to an end.

* * *

We see a game on the computer that said 'Equestrian Fishing Challenge 91'. We can hear Rainbow offscreen, "Cool! Check out the title screen! The 399 still amazes me!"

We see the instructions on how to play the game.

**INSTRUCTIONS**

**-PRESS ' J' TO JIG****  
****-PRESS 'L' TO LURE**

**Some fish will respond to lures while others to jigs.**

**CATCH A LOT OF FISH FOR A MAXIMUS OF MAJOR FUNTIME!**

As the fishing game is playing, using lures or jigs to bring in fish, Rainbow is heard commentating, "Wow, no way! This is like the pinnacle of graphics! Ain't going to be any better than this; Betcha the sound is good too."

The End

Author's note  
That's fishing for you, folks, sort of. And no, the game doesn't really exist; it's based on the actual Easter egg; in the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow reveals what techno music is like...while Scootaloo throw light switch raves! Read, review and suggest.


	5. techno

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: techno

Rainbow is at it again, checking up her e-mail on her computer back home. The pony said eagerly, "It's the e-mail, that e-mail, what is that, the e-mail!"

Rainbow now reads the e-mail that just appears.

**Hey there, Rainbow Dash, do you like any type of techno at all; If so, what kind.**

**Quiet U**

After reading it, Rainbow roll her eyes while saying, "Oh, clever, very clever." She begins to type. "To be honest, that isn't my style, but one time, I heard a techno song one that is all..."

Rainbow stops typing as she made some sort of techno beat, "Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom." The pony stops to resume typing. "Of course, then some other part came and it was all..."

Rainbow stops typing. The original beat is heard as the pony did this new part by saying, "Doodle-um-doom doodle-um-doom doodle-um-doom doodle-um-doom." She stops to resume typing, "And of course, there is some sort of huge high pitched nose. Like a siren that is like..."

Rainbow stops the tying as she made some sort of high-pitched song that is added to the song with the other parts already, "DOO-DA-DOO-DA-DIDDLE DOO-DA-DOO-DA-DIDDLE DOO-DA-DOO-DA-DIDDLE DOO-DA-DOO-DA-DIDDLE," The Pegasus pony chuckles before typing some more. "And obviously, the folks would put in some sort of obligatory and cool old movie quote from a sci-fi film. One that would be..."

Rainbow stops typing once more. All the parts are heard as the pony booms, "The system is down! The system is down! The system is down! The system is down!" Soon the lights in the room go dark and light some more as the techno piece is playing like mad.

Of course, the reason for lights going off; Scootaloo is near a light switch, turning it on and off, causing twirling light circles on the wall while twirling a glow stick, raving to the techno piece excitedly. Sadly for the filly, she was forced to stop as Rainbow came up to her with a frown.

"Scootaloo, you are a very naughty foal!" Rainbow scolds Scootaloo. We see that the light switch that the filly is using has a label above it that said 'Foal Light switch'. "We had that light switch installed so that foals like you can turn the lights on and off; it is NOT for throwing light switch raves!"

Scootaloo sheepishly said, "Aw gee I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash. I can't help it, raves like that are so much fun."

"Well, I guess I can't blame you. But maybe I should show you something even more fun. Let's go break open that glow stick and pour the contents into Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon's sodas. I heard they have to pump your stomach if you drink that stuff."

"Yeah!"

The two fillies walk off to do what Rainbow just mentioned. The paper comes down, bringing the chapter/e-mail to an end.

We hear the music some more as a flyer for a special event appears, showing a rainbow colored fractal. It works...

**Scootaloo's****  
****Light switch Rave**

**featuring:****  
****DJ The Tree****  
****and that DJ unicorn whose name was once Vinyl Scratch**

**Doors Open at 3 am**

The End

Author's note  
Whoa! Techno music is cool! Scootaloo sure thinks so, especially the light switch raves. In the next chapter/e-mail, an e-mail said that he likes it best when Rainbow harms her enemies, bullies or creeps. So the pony decides to have her own fun on the meanies of the My Little Pony series. Read, review and suggest!


	6. your enemies

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: your enemies

Rainbow is once again at her computer, ready to read what e-mails she got for today. The pony clears her throat, singing at a high pitch, _**"E-maiiiiil..."**_

The first e-mail shows up...

**Dear rainbow dash, hope you had a great vacation. Now that i'm done with that formality. I dare yea to answer this riddle. I have been nicknamed after a vital part of a renowned campfire food by people who know me but don't know me. out of all of my 45 divided by nine best friends i have been know to sweet the small stuff. I'm anything but tomboyish. What or who i'm i?**

**Sharply yours Vilescourge.**

"Hmmm, that's a good question. Are you chocolate? Graham crackers," Rainbow ask curiously while scratching her head. "Either one of those questions would work. All right, next e-mail!"

**WHAT UP, DAWG!**

**YOU ARE 20% AWESOME! I LOVE IT WHEN YOU HARM YOUR ENEMIES!**

**TOONWRITER**

Rainbow read in a loud voice to reflect the caps lock being in. The pony made a squee of delight while typing, "Oooh, Toonwriter...this must be…the best E-Mail that I've ever gotten! Let's get to work; Ha ha ha!"

* * *

Rainbow got to work, harming her enemies. On a cloud, Gilda was watching a race when her former friend with an announcer exclaiming, "And it's down to the nine..."

"Hey Gilda; How about this," Rainbow laughs as she kicks Gilda right in the shin, causing her to squawk in pain. The griffin looks at the pony angrily as she flies off laughing.

* * *

Rainbow knocks on a door of a motel room. The Film-Flam brothers answer it, Film asks confused, "Hey, who is..."

Without warning, Rainbow hits the two unicorns over the head with a golden record for 'Everpony to The Limit', giving the two con artists a lot of pain.

* * *

Prince Blueblood is in bed, tied up and yelping in pain as Rainbow hits him with a wiffle bat. The royal pain is also gagged as he muffles with each hit, "Ouch, ouch! Ouch! Auntie Celestia! Ouch!"

* * *

In a field, Trixie Lulamoon frowns as Rainbow has a pile of circular saw blades as well as a bottle of sauce behind herself. The Pegasus pony held a saw blade behind her back while saying, "Trixie, close your eyes and hold your hooves out; Got a surprise for you."

Trixie, closing her eyes, snaps, "Forget it, Trixie don't..."

What happened next is too gruesome to explain to you viewers.

* * *

We see Rainbow in a familiar underground area, mumbling to a hot tub of lava which has the sign 'HOT LAVA' on one side. The pony is speaking to the Diamond Dogs, "Guys, put your heads in there! There are gems waiting for you three!"

"Sure, why not?" The leader Rover said stupidly as he and his fellow Diamond Dogs prepare to take a look into the hot lava thing.

* * *

We see Rainbow laughing cruelly as she gallops away from Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon in the school yard, both of them are super glued to one another. They are both complaining while trying to get free of one another.

* * *

We now see Garble buried in the ground to his neck at a canyon as Rainbow put down a box full of 'Scorpion Box'. The dragon protest, "Hey come on! This is about what we did to Spike and you ponies, is it?"

Garble yelps as the scorpions crawl around him, one of them goes right into his mouth.

* * *

Rainbow, at Photo Finish's studio, gave a bag labeled 'Cow Chips' to the fashion photo. She smiles while saying, "Ja. Thanks for ze cow chips, whatever zhey are, Rainbow Dash."

"No problem." Rainbow said with a cruel smirk as she leaves. Photo is about to find out what 'cow chips' they really are!

* * *

Soon, Rainbow finishes it all off by using the same record to smash the Pegasus jocks from flight school hard, making them scream in more pain than that of the Film-Flam brothers.

* * *

"Yeah, I love giving the fans what they wanted." Rainbow said with a smile, returning home after a while of hurting his enemies. The pony begins to type while saying, "BTW, you may notice that I didn't do anything to Nightmare Moon, Discord, that Changeling Queen and her pals, along with the two big dragons. Actually, I got a lot of reasons. For Nightmare Moon, she is now separated with being Princess Luna and Nyx, won't be cool to harm either of them. Hurting the dragons is both stupid and dangerous. The Changeling Queen and her pals...don't know if they survived the battle or if I know what those goons look like especially since the Changelings are known to change their appearance..."

Rainbow continues explaining while typing, "As for Discord, 1, the villain is still a stone statue and it's foalish to set him free just to harm the jerk. And 2, I figure that the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony causes chaos for a living, so his tolerance for pain must be through the roof. I thought of making him look at a copy of 'Cupcakes'. But the thought freaks me out." We see a Discord trading card briefly. The pony stops typing. "Hoo boy, here we go; Brr, brr, brr!"

The paper comes down as the e-mail/chapter comes to an end.

The End

Author's note  
Ha! Nice. Yeah, the actual e-mail was about Strong Bad hurting his friends, but I doubt Rainbow would bring herself to harm her friends ('Pinkie Ruiner' is one thing, physical harm is another). In the next chapter, the Pegasus pony explains what may happened if her upper hooves were cut off, showing replacements for them. Read, review and suggest.


	7. new hooves

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: new hooves

Rainbow is once again typing on her keyboard, smiling while making short sounds rising in pitch, "Doo doo doo doo doo... Email," The pony now descends in pitch, "doo doo doo doo doo."

Soon the e-mail appears which Rainbow begins to read.

**Hey there, Rainbow Dash,****  
****If you end up having your upper hooves removed at the wrist and are unable to replace them with prosthetic ones, what would you replaced them with 2 certain items?**

**-Blue****  
****Toroto**

Rainbow pauses as if thinking about this question, then she said while typing, "All right, Ryan, let's see...oh! Oh! I got it!"

* * *

We can see Rainbow, with no upper hooves, standing in a field as the real one spoke up, "Yeah, one of my hooves would have a bucket on it!" We see a bucket on the Pegasi's right hand. "That way, I can always have a bucket...for you know, when I drop oatmeal on stuff..."

We see a frog appearing, Rainbow dumps oatmeal from the bucket on it with a smirk. The pony continues, "...for washing Tank my tortoise..." The bucket itself now has water; Tank comes out of it with suds covering his head, making a sad noise. "As well as dropping the occasional beat..."

Rainbow smirks as she does a rap beat by using the bottom of the bucket as a drum. Twilight appears with a microphone, calling out, "These ponies tried to fade me! Yeah," She disappears from sight.

"Also I could sit on it whenever I get tired..." We see Rainbow putting her bucket-hoof on the ground so that she can sit on it. "...sit right down on the bucket. Now for the other hoof, it would be a bullhorn for sure!"

A bullhorn appears on Rainbow's left hoof, sort of, as the pony is heard saying, "That way, whenever I got cool important stuff to say, I can use it so other ponies can hear me."

We can see Rainbow in the field speaking through the bullhorn hand, "Oh yeah; Still 20% awesome...seriously. Hey, Twilight! I wasn't trying to fade you, okay egghead? Wasn't me! Heck, I don't even know who those ponies are anyway!"

Rainbow sighs as she got off the bucket-hoof and stands there for a second.

* * *

Back with the real Rainbow, the pony continues typing as she say, "Now I know you wanted me to pick cool stuff like guitars and laser guns..." Rainbow stops typing, slapping herself while saying, "But...oh horse apples! Why didn't I pick those things? A bullhorn; Come on! No way that a bucket for a hoof would get me cool stallions! What in Equestria was I thinking; Argh!"

Rainbow sighs as she hangs her head down in shame, thinking of the dumb answers that she gave. The paper comes down as the e-mail/chapter comes to an end.

* * *

We return to Rainbow's imagination as we see that she now has a guitar and a laser gun for hooves. Both of them changes into cool objects. On the left hoof, it changes from a guitar to a wooden plan, a hot sauce bottle from when the pony was torturing her enemies, Pinkie's head that spoke 'whatcha got there, bucket hoof', a roll of toilet paper, one huge boxing glove, the bullhorn of course and a PBA (Pony Basketball Association) Basketball.

Now for the right hoof, it changes from a laser gun to another huge boxing glove, a lightning bolt, a cloud, a paper Pegasus pony, the bucket and a spinning saw blade from when Rainbow tortures her enemies; Weird.

The End

Author's note  
So that's what Rainbow's hooves would be replaced with should they be cut off at the wrists. In the next chapter/e-mail, the Pegasi pony and Fluttershy gives Rainbow's own Cloudsdale a check for ghosts...running into a computer from Rainbow's past; Spooky! Read, review and suggest!


	8. ghosts

Author's note  
Thanks for the review, y2kbrony. Mystery Guy, I am keeping the name because it was mentioned before in a story suggestion. As long as I used 'Hyde' at the end, it should be fine.

I saw the fight suggestion, Billy Arratoon, and yes, I will use it and the new suggestion when the time comes'.

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: ghosts

"Man, is it ever Monday!" Rainbow announces as she is once again checking her e-mails on her computer at home. Soon one e-mail appears.

**Yo yo, Rainbow Dash!**

**Does your own version of Cloudsdale have any ghosts in it?**

**Your Favorite Cowponies,****  
****Doug, Barry and Philip****  
****Nash Ponyville, TN**

"Well, well, took all of you to come with that up, huh? Bright young ponies," Rainbow said, amazed by how three cow ponies were able to work on this e-mail. She now begins to type. "Well, stallions, cowponies, never gave the kingdom a thorough ghost check recently; Fluttershy!"

Fluttershy, who was visiting, flew into the room. Rainbow nods while saying, "Meet me in the Rainbow Dash Cave!"

"Uh, Rainbow Dash Cave?" Fluttershy ask Rainbow puzzled.

"Wait, I mean meet me in the closet...not that way, the actual one. We got some costumes to put on."

We see an old Batman transition appearing, with Rainbow's head being used as a logo to show a scene change. We can hear some pony imitating the music that plays on a certain Adam West show.

* * *

We see the Pegasi ponies appearing at Rainbow's Cloudsdale in weird Ghostbusters II like shirts. Rainbow herself is wearing fake ears while Fluttershy has an afro on, much to her embarrassment.

"Are you sure these are good outfits, Rainbow?" Fluttershy ask Rainbow embarrassed. "And we're coming here to look...gulp; for ghosts?"

"Relax, this won't take long. Now let me turn on my ghost-detecting equipment here to see if we can't get any readings." Rainbow said, turning a flashlight on to point it at the stop sign. "Sign, you haunted? No?"

Rainbow now points the light over to the tire, asking, "How about you, tire? Any ghosts in ya," With no answer, the pony now turns the flashlight over to a box of Neighese food, "How about you Neighese food; any chance of you being haunted?"

Suddenly the Neighese food box's top opens, causing green mist to come out. Fluttershy screams, "Eeek!" She made a goat noise before fainting to the clouds. The box is haunted!

"NO! IT'S THE GHOST OF GENERAL PONY TSO!" Rainbow exclaims in terror. But she took another look as she point the flashlight on the Neighese food. "Wait, hang on; the food is just grody and rotten. Never mind."

Rainbow shines the light on Fluttershy, waking her up as she raises her own forelegs. The cyan Pegasus asks in annoyance, "Honestly Fluttershy, you need to clean up after yourself, will ya?"

"Sorry." Fluttershy said as she got up on her own hooves, embarrassed. She must've left that box here and fail to clean it out.

"Okay, Cloudsdale is ghost free as usual. So..."

Suddenly the two ponies gasp as they turn and saw something that appeared behind them, floating, familiar and still broken down. It's...the ghost of Lardy, Rainbow's old computer that blew up last season!

"Eeek," Fluttershy exclaims in worry.

"Oh, it's...my old computer! Hey, buddy, what's up? Wow, you sure are making one cool spooky sound." Rainbow said sheepishly. The Bad Graphic Ghosts appears on the Lardy screen, much to the ponies' worry. "Whoa. Look at that, bad graphics ghost..."

Rainbow chuckles sheepishly, the Lardy doesn't look happy. She said, "Hey, little buddy, old computer...sorry, that I threw you out and everything? Errr, well...come on, Fluttershy...she got soccer practice, so...Fluttershy, you remember your cleats, right?"

"I think so, why?"

"Because...THROW THAT NEIGHESE FOOD AT HIM!"

Fluttershy didn't need a second invite. She grabs the box of Neighese Food and throws it at the Lardy ghost before the two Pegasus pony flew. The angry ghost computer chases after them in hot pursuit.

* * *

Back at the Flutterpony, the paper comes down...as the Bad Graphic Ghosts appears on the screen while the chapter/e-mail comes to an end.

The ghost is soon eliminated somehow, vanishing at the same time. The computer now reads, "Hey, you got rid of the bad graphics ghost. Now Sweetie Belle will sing you a scary song..."

* * *

We see Sweetie appearing in front of a black star field as she is singing.

Sweetie: _**Have you seen the ghost of John? **__**  
**__**Long white bones with the skin all go-o-o-one! **__**  
**__**Whoo! whoooo! whooo! **__**  
**__**Wouldn't it be chilly with no skin ooonnnn...?**_

Once Sweetie is done singing, she looks around, saying in amazement, "Whoa, check it out! I am the master of time and space in this place!"

The End

Author's note  
Spooky! In the next chapter/e-mail, a fraternity president invites Rainbow Dash to a theme park, asking her what she thinks of the theme for it. Read, review and suggest.


	9. theme party

Author's note  
Hey folks, back to work on this story. Nobodiez, okay. I can use that fanart when the time comes.

**Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: theme party**

"Oh man, e-mail, ugh!" Rainbow groans as she types on the keyboard of her computer, ready for the e-mail of the chapter. Soon this appears as the pony reads.

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**I am the president of a fraternity, and I was wondering if you want to come to our next party! It's going to be a theme party though so the whole thing won't happen for a while until a good theme is thought up. Got any ideas for one? Thanks.**

**Mike,****  
****Dottchester, NY**

Rainbow reads 'want' as 'wants'. The pony frowns as she type while saying, "Hey, fratty, sorry but I ain't going to your party. Mainly because the last time that I went to some sort of college party, I drank too much of the apple cider and almost made out with all of my friends. Trust me, why do you think ponies thought I'm non-straight? Still, I do have a cool idea for the theme. I say you stallions should throw a...'FRAT PARTY!'" The Pegasus pony stops typing while chuckling, "Oh yeah..."

Rainbow continues typing while saying, "Now then, you all could in wearing baseball hats from that college that you go to..." We see a college hat with the 'Rainbow Dash's Totally Awesome University' logo on it. "...Then some khaki pants with a tucked in t-shirt from whatever party you ponies threw last month." We now see a t-shirt with a wild colt from a comic strip on the ground unconscious, along with a Greatful Dead Dancing Grizzly Bear who is drinking Apple Cider.

Rainbow continues typing while speaking some more, "Okay, at some point, get the pony with some sort of long mane to whip out whatever cool guitar that he got and play everyone some white blues.".." She clears the screen while saying, "Then you should get a couple of Apple Cider kegs, invite some skinny blonde fillies and maybe some blonde stallions...whoa!"

Rainbow stops typing, getting excited by what she's typing so far. The pony said, "Hey...com e to think about it, this party sound 50% awesome right by now!" She types in while giving out a squee, "Count this going in, buddy!"

Rainbow stops typing while saying, "Looks like I'm going to the frat party after all! Sounds hilarious and cool! Okay, everypony; see ya all next week!"

The paper comes down as the e-mail/chapter comes to an end. We now can see a demo tape that Rainbow has made from her band, 'The Kinda Long-Maned Band'. The song 'Circles' is played.

Rainbow: _**One, two, three, four **__**  
**__**Circles **__**  
**__**She's spinning me around in circles again **__**  
**__**Oh, that skinny blonde filly **__**  
**__**Something about the ages **__**  
**__**I failed college algebra again **__**  
**__**That skinny blonde filly **__**  
**__**And the circles and the ages and the ages **__**  
**__**Beautiful!**_

The End

Author's note  
Very nice; in the next chapter, it's Rainbow's 50th e-mail so she celebrates by answering 50 e-mails...but has to leave to answer the phone. And of course, Pinkie Pie ends up messing things up. Read, review and suggest!


	10. 50 emails

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: 50 emails

_**"Oh, colt, I want to email you so nice." **_Rainbow sings a bit before she stops singing. The pony smiles eagerly. This is her 50th e-mail, the biggest milestone in her show's career! Rainbow thought that after her computer blew up the other day, the dream is gone. Now...the Pegasus pony has reached it!

"All right, everypony, in honor of this being my 50th e-mail, I am going to answer 50 of your e-mails! Ready, go!" Rainbow exclaims, hitting entering as she begins to read the first one. "First off..."

**Email #1****  
****Dear Rainbow Dash,****  
****Can you please make a book about come-back jokes!****  
****Spaxax****  
****Ponyada**

"Oh sure; Maybe you should write a book about come-back jokes, you noob!" Rainbow scoffs at the e-mail, we see a book with the pony's face on it along with the title that has what she just said. The pony hits enter to get to the next e-mail. "Second..."

**Email #2****  
****Dear Ranbow Dash,****  
****What are various cool ways to spell different words? example, fat = phat**

**Pat**

"Oh, you mean, you mean like..." Rainbow remarks as she types what she herself is saying, "Rainbow = Ranbow?" The pony stops typing. "Yeah, you look like you like that one. Or maybe this; Pat = PAT!"

Rainbow types in 'pat = DELETED!' Soon the e-mailer's name appears on the screen as the e-mail is deleted.

**PAT!**

"Third..." Rainbow remarks as she gets to the third e-mail, on a roll so far.

**Email #3****  
****Rainbow Dash,****  
****What hoof is your favorite?**

**Kathy and Anna****  
****Lost Angels, CA**

Rainbow, stopping at Kathy and Anna, looks thoughtful as she explains, "Let's see...well, I do like a lot of hooves. Like the Great Hoof, the Hoof of Hoof...Tape Hoof?" Before she could continue on, the phone begins. "Aw, horse apples, and I was doing so cool too! No pony goes anywhere, okay? I will be right back!"

Hoping that the phone conversion won't take too long, Rainbow leaves her computer and heads off to answer the phone. Once she did, the pony is heard saying, "Yeah? Yes, this is me."

"Dashie," The familiar voice of Pinkie Pie is heard happily. Rainbow didn't hear her as she is too busy talking to somepony on the phone.

"Hay if I know. What kind of savings?"

Pinkie bounces into the room with a fondue pot, saying, "Hey, Dashie! I brought your fondue pot back? Hello? Dashie," The Earth pony looks around puzzled. Where is her Pegasus pony friend? She spots the computer. "Hey...it's the TV with words on it."

Pinkie goes over to the computer and sat down before reading the e-mail, "'Rainbow Dash, what hoof is your favorite? Kathy and Anna'," The Earth pony stops reading while thinking, "Hmmm...how would Dashie deal with this?"

Pinkie, deciding to help Rainbow in the e-mail thing, types in while snapping, "Hey, horsecrap face; How about blowing it out your ear hole! Your pal, Rainbow Dashie," The Earth pony giggles while pressing entering. "That was fun! Oh, here's another one!"

**Email #4****  
****Dear Rainbow Dash****  
****How do you type with hooves?**

**Impatient and Irritated****  
****Nowhere BC, Ponyda**

Pinkie did not bother reading the signature as she narrows her eyes. The Earth pony knows how Rainbow hates getting e-mails like this, so it's time to help her get rid of it!

"Ooooh, I know how to deal with this e-mail, Dashie will thank me later." Pinkie snaps as she begins to type, "BALEETED!" The pony press enters but nothing happens. "Huh? Weird; Uhh..." Pinkie has forgotten how Rainbow deletes her e-mails, so the pink pony tries again while typing, "DELTEATED!"

Pinkie presses enter but again, nothing happens. The pony asks, "No? Uhh..."

Rainbow is still on the phone, unaware of that Pinkie is on her computer right now, typing to delete the e-mail. We can hear her say, "Del Taco? No?"

"Nah, they are more like elephant feet. Yeah, so whatcha think? 50 bits; Sounds good," Rainbow said with a nod before whispering. "I will leave the key right under the at-may if you know what I mean."

Back at the computer, a frowning Pinkie types in a lot of words to delete the e-mail, trying to get rid of it but nothing could do anything.

"Oh cupcakes; what is that silly word?" Pinkie mumbles a bit. She types in 'dat cheated' and hits enter. However the computer makes its start up noise...and suddenly some sort of screen for 'Flagrant System Error' appears...

**Flagrant System Error**

**The system is down. I dunno what you did, dummy, but you sure screwed this computer up big time.**

"Uh oh; this does not bode well for Pinkie Pie..." Pinkie said. She looks around nervously and then pulls a hand mirror out. "Okay, Pinkie, you have to Pinkie Promise that you won't tell Rainbow Dash that you broke her compu-thingy."

The pony then said quickly, "Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!" Pinkie then did the Pinkie Promise. Now she got to hide the evidence before getting out of here!

Rainbow is finishing up her conversion on the phone, saying, "Right, bye!" She hangs up and heads backl to her computer, sitting down, "Now then, back to the 50 e-mails!"

Rainbow then notices something on the computer. Unknown to her at first, there's a piece of paper on the monitor with a Windows error window that said 'This is real'. It said...

**This is real.****  
****System report:**

**Everything is all right. Normal is ruined here.****  
****ok?**

"'Everything is all right. Normal is ruined here. Ok?' Well, good to hear about that. Now then...wait, hang on!" Rainbow exclaims with a yelp of realization. Something is off! She removes the paper and saw the blue screen, much to her shock. "Wait! Flagrant Error; What the hey? Where's all my e-mails?"

Suddenly the paper appears, much to Rainbow's alarm as she protests, "WHAT? The paper, this isn't over yet! Go back up, go back up!" The pony swats at the paper, trying to hold it off the screen. She doesn't want this e-mail to be dsone yet! Wait, wait...err, I think I remember some of those e-mails! Uh...'Dear Rainbow Dash, why are you so 20% awesome? Yours truly, Dummy head'; Err, well, Dummy head, a very long story; It all started with Twilight Sparkle when she was going down the street..."

Of course, the screen and Rainbow's voice fade out. We now see a paper plate with a Swiss Cake Roll along with the '50' candle lit on it. The paper comes down once more, signaling this 50th e-mail's end.

* * *

We now see a title screen of a cartoon from earlier in Equestria's history...

**Firefly and the Pony Mail**

We see a Pegasus pony named Firefly reading a letter at Paradise Estate, with a sign that said 'Loafing Not Permitted' in the background.

**Dear Firefly, stop!****  
****How are you able to write letters when you have hooves? Stop!****  
****signed, Lord Bucky McNothing**

"Gah! For the love of...that's what everypony ever ask me!" Firefly groans in annoyance. She then uses a pencil in her mouth, responding to the telegraph while muffling, "You dumb pony! Stop. You...fur petter. Stop. I will show you what's going on!"

Spike the dragon, when King Spykoran the Old was still young back then, came in, Firefly, spitting out the pencil, smirks while exclaiming to him, "Ha! Hear that Spike? I told that foalish jerk off big time! Now get me some fresh apple jam!"

"What am I, your servant? Ugh, fine!" Gen 1 Spike groans as he walks off. "I hope someday my grandkids would get better respect than I got!"

The End

Author's note  
Poor Rainbow Dash' she lost all her e-mails thanks to Pinkie Pie's mistake. In the next chapter/e-mail, an e-mailer asks for help on building a web-site with the Pegasus pony showing off her own. Read, review and suggest.

Impatient and Irritated is a flamer who flamed my 'The Little Te Xuan Ze' fic. That flame is now deleted.

Firefly appears in the pilot episode for the original MLP series. Spike, the first one, is shown her. King Spykoran the Old was an OC name for him in 'The Elements of Harmony and the Savior of Worlds'.


	11. website

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: website

"Folks, just when you think there was no more e-mails...but guess what? There's an e-mail!" Rainbow booms in a narrator like voice, bringing up the next e-mail on her e-mail show.

**Dear Rainbow Dash.**

**I'm planning on making a new website but don't got any ideas on what to do for it. I was wondering if you could give me some ideas for my new website. This one will be 20% cooler and when it's done, I will e-mail ya.**

**Sincerely Yours:****  
****Julie Riley**

Rainbow said, "Website...wait, I mean Julie," after reading the e-mail. She begins to type while saying, "Well, Julie, I have been around this internet of ours a few times so I know what I'm talking about here. It's safe to say that whatever idea you have is completely not important as long as you adhere to these fundamentals..."

Rainbow clears the screen while continuing. "First off, I want you to start out with a long flash into." The Pegasus pony stops typing. "Like this one that Spike has made for me."

We see 'Spike presents' on a back background appearing on the screen followed by two familiar eyes, with Rainbow continuing, "Check that out, I think those are supposed to be my eyes!" Once the eyes are gone, the letters 'RB' appears, the words 'Rainbow' and 'Dash' are inside each letter. "That stands for my name."

The letters now turned into 'The Web' in cursive', the pony explains, "The Web."

Now the words turn into 'Welcomes 'u' '2'', they are made of horizontal and vertical lines. We see the words 'rainbow dash's cybersite' appears in red below the words. A rainbow circles about 3/4 the size of the '2' appears and rolls in, stopping right at the quotation mark before the '2'.

"Yeah, the rainbow is kinda cool, like me." Rainbow said with a smirk. The word 'cybersite' turns into rainbow colors as new words like 'exit' and 'a blackhole-like thingie' appears. "Oh yeah, go through the tunnel, wait, look out!"

When Rainbow said the last three words, a hand appears to hit ya. Once that happens, the word 'OUCH' appears above it. Now we see the words 'get in here' appearing in a long button.

"D'oh! You got pounced! Wow, right in the face." Rainbow laughs a bit. She types while continuing, "Now next up: a lot of animated GIFs!"

Rainbow stops typing while saying, "Or just GIFs...or however you say it, hay if I know. I heard a couple of nerdy ponyes argue about it once." The pony clears her screen. "But of course, you want those babies a lot as possible!"

Now we see an animated GIF appears which cycles between a flame, the word 'Fire' and another flame. Rainbow continues on, "Especially the..." Another GIF appears that shows a mouse that looks around before revealing a letter that is labeled 'INTERNET?' in its own mouth, "Rotatey kind!"

Two rotating GIFs now appear, one of them is a guitar and the other is a diamond that flashes showing the words 'hey there rez' that disappears. Rainbow chuckles a bit, "Those are very awesome, no one ever get stired of looking at those."

Rainbow clears the screen as she types while saying, "Okay then, you can pick whatever you want for your subject. Doesn't matter as long as you got the rest of this stuff on there," The pony stops typing, "I mean..." She types again. "Julie, the Internet is a place where absolutely nothing happen. You gotta take advantage of that, filly."

Rainbow stops typing, continuing, "Heck, you can even make a webpage of your cat..."

We see a picture of a cat that is lying on a football with red eye. The feline is thinking, 'It's 4th and 10...so where is blasted pony WITH MY SUPPER?' while appearing.

"Or Spike." Rainbow said with a slight chuckle.

We see a picture of Spike on his back on the ground. The dragon is thinking 'It's 4th and 10...Rarity will be mine soon'!

"And..." Rainbow said as she types some more. "Heck, who knows? Perhaps tomorrow you will be big in Ponyistan or at least with some stallion named Barbo." The pony stops typing. "Weird, anyway, gotta go work on my webpage!"

As Rainbow leaves, the paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to an end.

We see the flash intro for 'rainbow dash's web page' and enter it. We see stuff like 'Fluttershy's Lament', which is the yellow Pegasus pony's LiveJournal-esque wedlog, 'the room where Rainbow's e-mails are received, an Email GIF to send an e-mail to the pony (not really!), also an Enter GIF where you can add an extra RAINBOW DASH on top of the page each time.

The End

Author's note  
That's how you make a website, folks! In the next chapter/e-mail, we find out what happened when Rainbow Dash is trapped, with her wings broken, on a deserted island with Derpy. Read, review and suggest!


	12. island

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: island

Rainbow comments as she types in the next e-mail of the season, "Rainbow Dash E-Mails are a part of this balance breakfast." Soon it appears as Rainbow reads the e-mail.

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**If you where ever stuck on an desert island with Derpy Hooves and both of your wings broke, what would you do?**

**Ash Ketchum****  
****Pokyo, Neighpan**

Rainbow said 'were' instead of 'where' and 'a' instead of 'an'. The pony scratches her mane while typing. She said, saying the name hesitantly, "Well, Ash Ketchum, I would believe that it would happen like in most cartoons. In other words, we go out of our hay-picking minds. When I see Derpy, I would think she is a big steak. Yes, even I may have to go cannibal. Then Derpy herself would look at me and I would look like..."

Rainbow stops typing while saying, "You know..." She types once more, "a bunch of muffins."

Rainbow clears her screen while continuing on, "Now we would end up chasing around one another across the island in hopes to eat one another. Of course, at one point, one of my hooves would look like apples; I would put salt on it and try to eat it. I would scream in pain while exclaiming, 'Ouch, my foot!'"

Rainbow clears the screen while she continues on, "But that is a best case scenario. In real life, it would be even more annoying and painful when it comes to Derpy." Of course, the pony types in 'Ditzy Doo' instead of Derpy.

* * *

Indeed, we see an island; both Rainbow and Derpy are trapped with their wings broken. The cross-eyed pony smiles stupidly while saying, "Hey, Rainbow Dash!"

"Yeah," Rainbow asks Derpy with a frown.

"Any chance of us being rescued yet?"

"Hey, if you keep asking me that, you're the one that will need rescued! Stop that!"

"Oh, okay." Derpy said happily, noticing that Rainbow, shaking a hoof at her, is getting impatient. Of course, the weird pony pauses, "Hey, Rainbow Dash!"

"Ugh! What?" Rainbow ask Derpy impatiently and more annoyed.

"Is there ice cream yet? Yay!"

"Look, in a second, you're going to need that stuff if you don't stop asking me that! You see, I may...have to hit you in frustration...and the ice cream is...to stop the swelling and stuff. Ugh, I got nothing, I am getting frustrated and freaking out here."

"Hey there, Crono," Derpy said stupidly and happily once more.

"Wait, did you just call me 'Crono'?" Rainbow asks Derpy in confusion and disbelief.

"Sure did!"

"Argh. Do you happen to have a gun or something on your side of the island? Because I feel like shooting something...maybe myself, I don't know."

"No, not really," Derpy remarks with a shrug as she turns around, "Rainbow Dash, check this out!"

Rainbow groans in annoyance, knowing what Derpy is going to do. The blue Pegasus pony snaps, "Derpy, don't you start..."

"Toons," Derpy laughs happily. Suddenly an ocean liner passes by the scene, making a loud 'toot' while doing so.

"Derpy..."

"Games," Derpy laughs as an annoyed whale monster, with harpoons in its body, came from the water's left side, shooting out water from its blowhole before diving back under.

Rainbow, looking annoyed, snaps angrily, "Derpy, don't do another..."

"E-Mail," Derpy laughs happily. We now see a plane flying by with a banner on its end that said 'Wear a swimsuit'!

"Ugh! For crying out loud!"

"Hee hee, love doing that."

Just then, the two ponies spot something washing up shore, some sort of the bottle. Rainbow grins while saying, "Hey, check it out, a message in a bottle! Must be something cool," The pony takes the bottle itself and pulls out some sort of paper to read. "What the hay?"

**January 20, 1985**

**Super****  
****XIX****  
****Pony Bowl**

**Flankford Stadium,****  
****Flankford, Cowlifornia**

**Fillymi****  
****Dolphins vs. San Frankisco****  
****49ers**

"Ugh! It's a ad for Super Pony Nineteen, the Fillymi Dolphins vs. the San Frankisco 49ers!" Rainbow groans in annoyance since this ad was so years ago. She snaps sarcastically, "Terrific! I can't wait."

"Hey, we're saved!" Derpy exclaims happily, not thinking a bad thing about it.

"Face it, worst deserted island ever."

The paper comes down as the e-mail/chapter comes to an end. During this time, the trapped Pegasus ponies imagine each other as various things. Derpy imagine Rainbow to be a bunch of muffins, some grass, a plate of marshmallows with a derby, an eye patch and a cigar, and a helmet for San Frankisco 49ers.

As for Derpy, Rainbow imagines her to be a big steak, a stack of pancakes, a guitar and of course the Fillymi Dolphins helmet.

The End

Author's note  
Relax, folks; Rainbow doesn't hate Derpy. One tends to get frustrated when trapped on a deserted island with someone like her for company. Nothing against her of course; in the next chapter/e-mail, a fan named Wilson ask Rainbow to make a comic of him and his friends. And of course, the Pegasi replies with a new series called 'Teen Colt Squad'. Read, review and suggest.

Ash Ketchum is one of the main heroes of the Pokemon franchise.

Crono/Chrono is a reference to the main hero of _Chrono Trigger_ and of course Rainbow herself is in the main role of a MLP fanmake of the game. Of course, that's the name of the parody of Stinkoman later on.


	13. comic

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: comic

Rainbow is sitting in front of her computer at her house, bringing up the e-mail of this chapter. The pony said, "Every day in Equestria, somepony checks their e-mail every 3 seconds. This is one of them."

**Any chance you can make a comic about my pals? Tey are so obsessed with ya. Their names are Furryiginia, Jay, Krist and Jenner. I would really appriciate it.**

**Thanks.**

**Bert**

We can see the shapes that is supposed to look like states, though the the Furryiginia one looks like the actual state. In fact, if one clicks on them, the states appear to be in undies.

Of course, Rainbow mumbles the names of Burt's names while pronouncing the typo words, much to her annoyance. Doesn't this e-mailer made sure to proofread his e-mail before sending it to her?

Rainbow spoke up while typing, "Well, Burt, I'd really 'appriciate' it if you at least proofread your emails before sending them to me! What the hay! Still, a comic about your friends, eh; Okay...let's see what this pony can do."

With a smirk, Rainbow got a pencil out as she begins to draw some sort of comic. We see some paper that shows the intro, 'Teen Colt Squad by: Rainbow Dash'. The pony narrates it in some screechy voice, "And now...Teen Colt Squad!" We meet the characters that are bad drawings of stallions, "Football Jock (cheer)! Hum Dum (no fashion sense); What's His Flank (not so cool); The Ugly Mule (what smells here?)!"

In a nondescript field, we see the stallions and mule standing. Rainbow did the voices while the Football Jock said, "Hey, boys; Time for us to get ready to look SO GOOD!"

"Word," Hum Dum said in agreement.

"Word," The Ugly Mule said, agreeing with his two pals.

"Word," What's His Flank said, agreeing with the rest of the gang.

The four had to the right with birds and clouds, a helicopter appears and attacks the birds themselves, Rainbow makes the shooting noises. The stallions and mule stop walking as the scene goes back to normal.

"All right, time for us to start LOOKING GOOD!" Football Jock said to his pals with a grin.

"Right," Hum Dum said in agreement.

"Right." The Ugly Mule remarks, agreeing with his pals.

"Right," What's His Flank said, agreeing with the rest of the group.

Suddenly a huge Vision Robot appears, zapping Hum Dum with a laser. Rainbow makes the noise, "VOIP!" Soon the pony's upper body is now a black pile of ashes and a skull. He is now dead.

"Dang, Krist, you look burned or DEAD." Football Jock said as he glances over the remains of Hum Dum, apparently not caring what happened to him.

Despite what happened, the remaining three moves on to the right, What's His Name comments, "I miss Krist...sort of."

We now see the Ugly Mule with what looks like numerous arrows flying through the air behind him, the mule comments, "Oh, I have a crush on every FILLY IN THE SCHOOL!"

However, the Ugly Mule screams as he is pierced by the arrows which really came from the Arrow'd Eagle that shoots more out of his mouth. Rainbow is heard saying, "ARROWED!"

"Hayseed! My skin!"

No sooner than the Ugly Mule gets killed, a dinosaur appears and kicks What's His Flank, sending him to his demise.

"PUNT," Rainbow's voice laughs devilishly.

"Dang yo," What's His Fank exclaims for the last time as he is being send to his doom.

We now see Football standing near the headstones of his dead friends. Despite this, he unemotionally exclaims, "Oh, I look so good!"

Somehow, Rainbow appears from offscreen, smiling as she said, "Hey, whoa, Football Jock! You are looking so good! How about take a flight with me to Chess's...or Tally's...or Veggie Burger? Whatever you guys got here."

In reality, a smirking Rainbow spoke up while typing, "Whoa, Burt! That really turned out pretty good! Perhaps I can make crazy xeroxes of the comic and sell it at the local newspaper stand. Or maybe some snooty independent comic store." The pony stops typing. "Okay, that's it! No more Rainbow Dash's E-Mails; Nah, just kidding...perhaps."

The paper comes down as the e-mail/chapter comes to a close.

* * *

At some sort of unknown record store, we can see the comic itself on sale. We can hear music playing as a conversion between a customer and the clerk is taking place.

"Hey, man! What's up?" The customer asks the clerk.

"Fine, how are ya doing?" The clerk asks the customer curiously.

"I am doing pretty good."

"Okay, good to have you back in here."

"Yeah...so did you listen to this yet?" The customer asks the clerk, preferring to the music being played right now.

"Yeah, I have, but...I wasn't into it." The clerk admits to the customer. "Just couldn't get into it, you know?"

"Really; Huh; I thought...well, I was hoping it would be..."

"Yeah, you know...they were, the whole thing is in 4/4...and yeah, so I just thought it wasn't for me anyway. Their solo stuff is much better, you know?"

"Yeah. So how about their guitars, huh," The customer ask the clerk curiously. "Do you think that they are, I don't know, in tune? Like the frets?"

"The frets are in tune." The clerk said. "The frets that those guys used are B-modal. But they just have the same producer.

"Albino."

"Albino."

"Yeah," The customer said.

"Right," The clerk said.

"You know, I really like their last album."

"Yep! Their old stuff is 20% awesome! Ever saw them live?"

"Yeah, yeah," The customer said.

"I mean, yeah, I saw them, saw them like twice." The clerk explains to the customer. "I saw them last night, cool."

"Yeah, I just saw them earlier this morning; yeah."

"Oh."

"Like 4 times, dude." The customer said, explaining how many times that he saw the band performing the song right now.

"Oh." The clerk said.

"Yep; I mean, I have been a bigger...correction, a bigger fan than you for a while, I mean..."

"Yeah, well..."

"For a lot longer too, I bet." The customer said proudly.

"Well, no, no..." The clerk said.

"I mean, yeah, I don't know. Yeah..."

The End

Author's note  
And thus, the Teen Colt Squad is born. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow explains her morning routine to a fan but she keeps getting interrupted by Noteworthy. Read, review and suggest.


	14. morning routine

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: morning routine

"Man." Rainbow mumbles, smacking her mouth while checking up her e-mails again. The pony is sitting in front of the park's TV via the bench, bringing her computer with her. "My mouth definitely tastes like...e-mails."

Rainbow soon reads the e-mail that appears on her computer.

**Hey there Rainbow Dash-**

**What up? What is your morning routine besides the weather one?**

**Mikey S.****  
****Gibbonia, PA**

Rainbow announces 'routine' as 'Ha-routine' and 'Pa' as 'P-A'. The pony nods as she explains, "Well, besides my weather job, my morning routine is probably the most important routine of the day..."

Few Minutes Earlier

We see Rainbow sleeping on a cloud that is too cloud too cloud to the ground, mumbling a bit. Just then, Noteworthy trots up and pokes the Pegasus pony, speaking up, "Hey, Rainbow Dash." Rainbow mumbles some more. "Wake up!"

Rainbow mumbles some more. Noteworthy sighs while explaining, "I want to watch that show on public broadcasting by that donkey guy and you have the remote." She mumbles some more. "Come on, you told me not to let you sleep past noon, remember?"

Rainbow mumbles, "Super Mare Bomber..."

"Wake up, come on!"

Rainbow groans as she gets up from the cloud, her hoof is in a bag of chip. The pony, yawning, flew off and heads back home. She took her computer and arrives in the park...where the e-mail has started right now!

"Man." Rainbow mumbles, smacking her mouth while checking up her e-mails again. The pony is sitting in front of the park's TV via the bench, bringing her computer with her. "My mouth definitely tastes like...e-mails."

Rainbow soon reads the e-mail that appears on her computer.

**Hey there Rainbow Dash-**

**What up? What is your morning routine besides the weather one?**

**Mikey S.****  
****Gibbonia, PA**

Rainbow announces 'routine' as 'Ha-routine' and 'Pa' as 'P-A'. The pony nods as she explains, "Well, besides my weather job, my morning routine is probably the most important routine of the day. The 'R' in 'routine' stands for 'r...'"

Rainbow kept saying 'rrrrrrrrrr' but is interrupted by a familiar voice, "Rainbow Dash!" The Pegaus pony turns to see Noteworthy coming up with some sort of egg. "I found this egg under the cloud that you were on. Is it yours?"

"Yes, yes, it is very fragile, now put it down." Rainbow instructs. Noteworthy put the egg down and trots off. The Pegasi sighs as she types some more. "Anyway, as I was saying, Mikey, the 'R' in 'routine' stands...' Of course, Rainbow types 'r' but doesn't say anything as she is interrupted once more.

Why? Because Noteworthy came back with another egg, asking the pony, "Hey, Rainbow; I found some sort of goose egg in the cloud."

"Yeah, yeah, thanks, Interruptor Pony Jones. That is my eggs as well. Put it down." Rainbow said impatiently by the next interruption. Noteworthy puts the egg down as she kept typing some more. "Sorry about that, Mikey...anyway, the 'R'..."

"I also found a duck egg, a nuthatch egg, ostrich egg, perhaps some sort of dinosaur eggs, one of those brown eggs..."

"Oh come on! What are you saying, Noteworthy? So what if I got a lot of eggs? And I keep them in the cloud but they sometimes fall out?"

"To be honest, there needs to be a better word for 'weird'." Noteworthy said to Rainbow as he looks at her oddly.

Suddenly Spike is seen rushing by with a hair bow in his hands. An annoyed Apple Bloom, her hair bow missing that the dragon took from her, chases him while yelling, "Give me mah hair bow back, yew thieving dragon!

"Make me, nah nah!" Spike taunts Apple Bloom as the chase leaves the area.

Noteworthy pauses and trots off, saying, "Okay, I'm definitely staying away from you and your friends for a while."

Once Noteworthy shrugs as she continues typing while saying, "Fine with me, Noteworthy...err, Mikey I mean...awww, whatever."

The paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to an end. We also see some of Rainbow's 'eggs' (in a box). The box itself has the following phrases on it: 'Rainbow Dash's EGGS brand type cereal', ''nut-hatch' eggs', ''goose' eggs', ''brown' eggs', ''duck eggs', 'A nutritious part of your morning routine', 'side words' '0 mg (it was listened seven time, the only content of the nutritional table)', and 'Ingredients: eggs, eggs, eggs, and two more eggs'.

The End

Author's note  
Weird morning routine, eh; in the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow prepares to help Applejack speak like a normal pony. Will it work? Read, review and suggest.

Spike stealng Apple Bloom's bow is based off a fanart on deviantART.


	15. apple talk

Author's note  
To anon, no, I'm keeping the voice. There's no point in changing Tadaka's anyway.

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: apple talk

"Duh duh dududududududududuh duhduhduhduhduhduh email." Rainbow said as she brings up the next e-mail for this season on her computer that the pony brought with her to Sweet Apple Acres.

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**I think that Applejack is the coolest pony ever, but what's with that Southern accent of hers? Can you tell her to speak normal?**

**Sincerely,**

**Jeremy,****  
****North Foalota**

"Whoa, cool, the entire type of Jeremy, North Foalota, has decided to e-mail me! That is nice of them!" Rainbow exclaims impressed. Her voice then echoes. She types while making herself sound like the pony is speaking through a megaphone, "Citizens of Jeremy, thanks for the e-mail! Hang on while I get Applejack!"

Rainbo turns around and spoke up in her normal voice while saying, "Hey, Appl...oh, Applejack!" Turns out, Applejack is nearby.

"Howdy, Rainbow; Came 'ta see if yew want any Apple Cider," Applejack said to Rainbow with a smile.

"Maybe after this e-mail; Listen, some town is wondering about your accent and wants you to speak normal for a change. Try speaking something like, I don't know, Douglas."

"Shucks, us farm ponies always speak 'dis way. Still, if they insist...Douglas!"

"No, no. Douglas?" Rainbow corrects Applejack as the Earth pony spoke in her usual Southern accent.

Applejack sighs in annoyance while she said again, "Douglas!"

"Douglas!"

"Douglas! Sorry, Rainbow, Ah done got work 'ta do. Come by 'de house fer Apple Cider, okay?"

As Applejack leaves, Rainbow turns back to her computer, typing while saying, "No dice. I guess you can't expect much from a pony who works on a farm and hangs out with her big brother almost every day." The pony pauses as she stops typing. "Speaking of..."

Rainbow turns around again as she calls out, "Hey, Big Ma...whoa!" The Pegasi is startled as Big Macintosh is standing right besides her, "Horse apples! You Apples amaze me sometime. Anyway, say Douglas."

"Not sure why but Douglas." Big Macintosh said in his usual Southern accent, a bit puzzled by Rainbow's quest, "Yyup!"

"Douglas!"

"Nnope! Ah said Douglas!"

"Douglas!" Rainbow said, trying to get Big Macintosh to say Douglas once more and in a normal way too.

"Douglas? Sorry, can't git what yer're going fer here." Big Macintosh remarks with a shrug as he heads off to get back to work.

Rainbow goes back to her computer and starts typing, "Well, there you have it, Jeremy, North Foalokta..." The pony pauses as she stops typing. "Wait, hang on for a second."

Rainbow turns away again while calling out, "Hey, Thunderlane!"

Thunderlane shows up, wondering what Rainbow wanted. Suddenly the blue Pegasus pony hits him in the stomach with the keyboard, causing him to yelp out, "Douglas!"

Rainbow with a cruel chuckle goes back to typing while saying, "Well, there you have it, Jeremy, North Foalokta. Can't get Applejack to say anything normal like Douglas," Suddenly, something that sounds like 'Douglas' in an Applejack like voice heard, making the pony turn in alarm. "What the hay? Who just said Douglas?"

'Douglas' is heard again. Could it be? But Rainbow notices a branch scraping off a window on the Apples' window, enough for her to hear it from where she's at.

"Oh, wait; nothing; Just an Apple tree branch rubbing against the window; nothing to be worry about." Rainbow remarks with a shrug. She turns back to her computer and types once more. "Looks like you ponies will have to learn how to speak southern accent. I know a little myself."

Rainbow stops typing while saying, "You know as in..." The pony speaks like Applejack. "Golly! Boy howdy, yeehaw! Y'all! Ah reckon!"

Rainbow clears her voice and spoke normally again, "Yeah, I know what that means...but sometimes I do that stuff to annoy Applejack sometimes when I do that all the time. Anyway, give it up for me; Ponies?"

The paper comes down as the chapter/e-mail comes to an end. We see a postcard for Jeremy, North Foalokta."

We now see a record player playing a record as an announcer speaks up, "...language is what help ponies talk. Let's begin."

We see Applejack offering a glass of Apple Cider to Twilight as she spoke, "Howdy, Twilight; Want 147 glasses o' Apple Cider?"

"That means, 'Hey Twilight. Do you want 147 glasses of Apple Cider.'"

We see Applejack commentating on Trixie Lulamoon's performance while saying, "Shucks, 'dat dang Trxie is a big showoff."

The announcer translates, "'Blast it all. Trixie is a big showoff that it annoys me!'"

We now see Applejack wearing a dress in front of Rarity, frowning as she said, "Hayseed, Rarity; 'Dis here dress will make mah duds look like an apron an' a hairnet!"

"That means 'I really don't like this dress that you gave me Rarity. I like being naked most of all."

We see Applejack talking to Apple Bloom while saying, "Hey, Apple Bloom; Do me a favor; Kick 'dat there Diamond Tiara in 'de neck fer me."

The announcer translates, "Applejack said 'Apple Bloom, this is going to be great. Just kick Diamond Tiara's flank!' And now, all the swears..."

Suddenly a record scratching noise is heard as the recording comes to a stop. Let's not go there!

The End

Author's note  
That Applejack sure talks funny, eh? In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow explains her certain status with the stallions while running away after a bad experiment with Applejack and Rarity has come wrong. Read, review and suggest.


	16. current status

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: current status

The chapter started out at Rainbow's computer which hums a bit. Of course, for some reason, the Pegasi in question is missing. Weird; as the humming continues humming faintly, hoof steps are heard, getting faster.

Rainbow rushes onto the scene, a bit worried and freaked out for some reason. She spots the computer and stops a bit, saying, "Oh, right! The e-mail," The pony sat at the computer, "Listen, everypony; can't stay here too long. I am in the middle of something, can't explain! I will try to do an e-mail very quickly!"

Rainbow quickly types in 'rainbowdash_email dot exe' quickly as the e-mail appears. The pony quickly read fast. She doesn't have much time to do so.

**Hey pony.****  
****Just wondering; What is your current status with the stallions?**

**anon****  
****New Hamster**

"Okay, let's see..." Rainbow said, knowing that she must answer quickly. The pony types while saying, "Rainbow Dash with the stallions. Current Status: They still want me, yeah!"

The pony stops typing as she chuckles sheepishly, "Well, come on. What can I say? I am a colt magnet, a stallion conductor, a...logarithm...for those guys, yeah."

Suddenly the angry voice of Applejack snaps, "Rainbow Dash!"

"Rainbow Dash, we know you're in there!" Rarity's voice scowls angrily, making Rainbow yelps in alarm.

"Gah; Gotta go," Rainbow exclaims in alarm as she flies off. The Pegasi is in big trouble here!

Soon Applejack and Rarity walk in, wearing jet packs to get into the place. They both look around, looking for Rainbow. What happened next is shocking.

"Dang it all, she ain't here!" Rarity spoke...in Applejack's voice!

"Well, we better find her quickly! This whole nonsense is not funny!" Applejack snaps in Rarity's voice angrily. As it turns out, Rainbow has performed a spell or experiment on the two...swapping their minds in the progress! Now the Earth pony's body has the unicorn's mind with Rarity's vice versa.

"Well, shoot! It's hard 'ta buck anything in yer frou frou body! Ah mean, whatcha been eating? Fish eggs?" 'Rarity' mumbles as she trots off.

"You should talk! At least my hooves aren't dirt! I can't stand the sight of these things!" 'Applejack' scowls as she glances at the Earth pony's own hooves. The unicorn in her friend's body groans while trotting off as well, "Honestly, haven't you ever bathe?"

The paper comes out, as this chapter/e-mail comes to an end. We see the computer making an important message about what happened.

**The Applejack/Rarity Mind Swapping Project****  
****Current Status: Very Funny**

The End

Author's note  
Hee hee. Rainbow is in trouble. Anyway, in the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow explains what she would be like as an Anime...and thus, Crono is born along with My Little Pony Anime. Read, review and suggest.

The mind swapping of Applejack and Rarity is based on a fanart at deviantART.


	17. anime

Author's note  
To be frank, it's not mind-swapping, nobodiez, it's more like personality reverse. It's called 'Rarity and Applejack Reversed' by ImmortalTanuki.

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: anime

"Yeah, so cool an email. Thought you would like it," Rainbow said with a chuckle while typing in on her computer to bring up the e-mail. "Ding dong knock, knock!"

Soon an e-mail appears...

**Dear Rainbow Dash,****  
****what would you look like as an Anime character and what would it be about?**

**-Al T.**

Rainbow announces 't' as 'ttttttttt'." The pony types as she remarks, "So an Anime, eh Al; Yeah, saw one of those foals once. Let's see what I can remember."

* * *

We see Rainbow standing there on a white screen. As the pony is heard describing, the changes are shown, "Right, then, my head would be a bit lean, with real big eyes. Now change the lightning bolt to be Japanese and shiny." We hear a clean noise like a harp, bells, or whatever. "Now the boots that I wore would be cooler, like robot boots." We can hear the robotic 'shooo' noises.

"Now for some reason, I got black in my rainbow like my mane, gotta have that. Then there's my mouth. It's real tiny when it's closed but huge when it's open." Rainbow explains some more. "Then you would put me in space and I would fly around in cool poses!"

We now see the anime version of Rainbow Dash...AKA Crono! She flew around in assorted cool poses, landing in some sort of Anime version of Ponyville with video game music playing in the ground.

"Of course, they probably have some folks do the voices." Rainbow's voice continues.

We see the My Little Pony Anime version of Pinkie Pie, AKA Wild Milly, appearing, saying, "Hey Crono! Everypony says you're the mare! I wanna be the mare too!"

"Forget it, not a chance! You're just a foal!" Crono taunts Wild Milly with a scoff, "Perhaps when you're older."

Just then the anime version of Spike, a dragon named Spiker who is designed to look like a huge dragon, flew up and sat on Wild Milly by mistake.

Crono laughs, stomping on one hoof to another with miniature mushrooms appearing around her head, "Ha ha ha ha ha; Spiker is big! Ha ha ha ha ha! He landed on you by mistake; Hee hee hee; a real good dragon!"

We now see the cartoon transitioning into an ink-drawing of the scene as the Crono Pony theme song begins to play.

_**Challenge and fighting and**__**  
**__**Fighting the challenge tonight.**_

_**Everybody's fighting for the**__**  
**__**Challenge of the fighting and the**_

_**Challenge and fighting and **__**  
**__**Fighting the challenge tonight.**_

As the song plays, the background changes to a similar sketch of Crono powering up as the credits appear.

**Executive Producer**

**L. Faust**

**Producer**

**C. McCracken**

We now see the backdrop changing to show Crono in a different pose.

**Director**

**J. Sonic**

**Nine Nine**

**Designer**

**Night Night**

The backdrop now becomes a head with spikes for hair and Rainbow's eyes, the style resembles that of another Anime show.

**Programmer**

**L. Faust**

**Naku Naku**

**Sound Composter**

**Neighchan**

* * *

We see Rainbow back at her computer, speaking as Crono while typing, "Anime cartoons are..." The ponies clear her throat while returning her voice to normal. "Oh, excuse me."

Rainbow types while continues, "Anime cartoons are weird, to be honest. But I think I may be onto something with adding black to my rainbow like mane." The pony stops typing while looking thoughtful, "Yeah, pretty awesome; Looks 20% awesome!"

The scene now changes to an ink transition with more credits appearing. Rainbow sings the My Little Pony Anime theme tune.

**Director**

**JusSonic**

**Designer**

**Julayla Beryl**

**Combolations**

**Neros Urameshi**

**Click on the Reviews to E-mail Rainbow Dash**

The final credit of course is the reviews moment. The paper comes down, ending the chapter/e-mail.

We see Rainbow Dash in action, then seeing Pinkie Pie watching the show, singing along to the theme song.

Pinkie: _**Challenge and fighting and fighting that challenge tonight, somethin' and a somethin' and a somethin' and a somethin' and a...**_

We see various endings to certain video games of the Nintendo Wii, Nintendo 64, NES, Super Nes, etc. They consist of 'Super Mario Kart 64', 'Street Fighter II', 'Mega Man X', 'New Super Mario Bros.', 'Sonic the Hedgehog', 'Mortal Kombat (new one)' 'Myst', 'The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time', 'Metroid Fusion', and 'Pokemon Leaf Green and Fire Red'.

The End

Author's note  
Cool, looks fun with Rainbow as an Anime, huh? In the next chapter/e-mail, the Pegasi shows folks how to draw a dragon. And thus, Metal Iron the Invincible is born! Read, review and suggest.

L. Faust and C. McCracken are references to Lauren Faust and Craig McCracken, the ones responsible for _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_ and _Powerpuff Girls_.

The video games at the end are of course real ones.


	18. dragon

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: dragon

_**"Here I go once again with the email! Every week I hope that it's from a male!" **_Rainbow sings, hoping for an e-mail from a stallion. Of course, as she opens it and stops singing, the pony frowns a bit, "Oh great, not a male or a stallion. Well, better than nothing..."

**Hey there Rainbow Dash,**

**Can you draw a dragon? I wanna see you with the skills of an artist.**

**anyway, g2g,****  
****Rita****  
****CA**

Rainbow mumbles, "Okay", after the 'artist' word and reads g2g as 'g two g', adding 'from' between 'Rita' and 'Cowlifornia'. The pony begins to type while speaking up, "A dragon, eh? Hay, that's easy! Feel free to follow with my simple step-by-step instructions. I can make drawing 20% FUN!"

We now see a piece of paper on a table, Rainbow's hoof is visible as she held a pencil somehow (don't ask). Simple music plays as the Pegasi instructs us.

"First off, draw an S..." Rainbow explains while drawing an S on the paper. "...for snake; or dragon or whatever. Next, draw a more different S."

Rainbow then draws another S connected to the other while continuing, "Now for the head, put a top mark on a long V..." She draws a triangle on top of the S. "Then you add some legs..." Rainbow put in some strong legs. "Draw a couple of arms and..."

Rainbow draws two strong arms, eyes, spikes, teeth and weird eyebrow. A record scratch is heard as the pony realizes something, mumbling, "Wait; hang on. I gotta start over. This doesn't look natural or cool." The heroine draws in a speech bubble from the dragon that said 'The S is for stinks'.

Rainbow grabs a clean sheet of paper to start over, the pony said, "Now let's start all over...First off, draw a pony like so." The pony draws a pony. "Then get rid of the mane." Rainbow removes the mane. "Replace it with scales." She puts scales on the pony. "Then put in some flames, give him some Pegasus wings, an unicorn horn, some sharp claws, and mean looking eyebrows."

Rainbow then continues on, "Then give him fangs, some cool muscle like arms or fore legs...and ta da!" The Pegasi smiles as she shows a half pony, half dragon creature with beefy arms, "Oh yeah, awesome! I dubbed him 'Metal Iron the Invincible!'"

Rainbow writes down Metal Iron's name below the dragon while saying, "Sweet, check him out, ponies!" The pony draws ray of majesty from it.

Back at the computer, Rainbow types while explaining, "Now there's my dragon Rita. Now then, let's see how my other students are doing." The pony has invited some ponies, whom used cloud walking magic or are Pegasi themselves, to draw the dragon itself.

Rainbow gets up from her chair, which makes a weird noise, as she goes into a room with a lot of tables. The pony approaches Derpy who is drawing on a small slate with chalk.

"Okay, Derpy, whatcha got for me?" Rainbow asks Derpy curiously.

"Check this out." Derpy said happily as she shows a squiggly drawing that looks like a snake with a huge head, "Looking good!"

"For crying out loud, Derpy, I said a pony, A PONY!" Rainbow shakes her head while trotting off. "Ugh, honestly, she wouldn't know majesty if it came up and bit her in the face."

"But it only happened once, Rainbow Dash!"

Rainbow trots up to Big Macintosh who is using a knife to carve the word 'DAGRON' into a table, the pony said uneasily, "Big Macintosh...just keep doing your thing, okay?"

"Yyep," Big Macintosh said with a nod as Rainbow trots away.

Rainbow walks up to Caramel who written 'TASTER'S choice' on a piece of paper while taping it to the table, the masking tape is nearby.

"Get the hay out of my house!" Rainbow snaps at Caramel in annoyance before trotting off.

"Awww, geez; I thought this was a taste test." Caramel said to Rainbow with a bit of a frown.

Rainbow goes up to Twilight who has drawn a more advanced realistic and shaded dragon. The Pegasus in disbelief exclaims, "Oh, horse fathers! I didn't know you were doing this!"

"Sure am!" Twilight exclaims with a grin as she motions to her picture. "I improve your methods a bit. I employed some chiaroscuro shading and..."

"I will improve on your methods, egghead!"

Suddenly Rainbow took her lighter out and set Twilight's picture on fire. The unicorn yelps as the whole thing disintegrates with nothing left.

"What the hay? That isn't an improvement!" Twilight protests to Rainbow in alarm.

"HA HA HA; Metal Iron the Invincible strikes once more!" Rainbow laughs in triumph by what she done.

* * *

A heavy metal song begins to be performed as we see black and white pencil-drawn scenes of Metal Iron, fire, countryside, an Earth pony Royal Guard with a knight, the pony/dragon, peasants on fire, and a cottage also on fire! During this, we can hear Rainbow singing.

Rainbow: _**METAL IRON!**__**  
**__**METAL IRON!**__**  
**__**Metal Iron was a pony!**__**  
**__**I mean, he was a dragon!**__**  
**__**Er, maybe he was half a pony and half a dragon.**__**  
**__**Um... But he was still METAL IRON!**__**  
**__**METAL IRON!**__**  
**__**Burninating the countryside!**__**  
**__**Burninating the peasants!**__**  
**__**Burninating all the ponies!**__**  
**__**In their thatched-roof COTTAGES!**__**  
**__**THATCHED-ROOF COTTAGES!**_

We return to the computer as Rainbow is finishing her song up.

_**And the Metal Iron comes in the NIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!**_

The paper comes down as the chapter/e-mail comes to an end.

The End

Author's note  
And thus, Metal Iron the Invincible is born. Cool, eh? In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow wonders if Soarin' loves her or not...and the Wonderbolt tries to hide it. Read, review and suggest!


	19. soarin'

Author's note  
y2kbrony, I don't know when or if I would do a fanmake of that game; Maybe someday.

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: soarin'

"Oh yeah. There once was a stallion named e-mail, and he did his best for a while." Rainbow said as she brings up the e-mail for this chapter. Let's see what fan of hers would send her now.

**Rainbow Dash,****  
****If you are so good with stallions, how come you haven't gone on any dates with any? In fact, the closest that you been with a stallion is Soarin', and I rarely see you two hang together in your adventures.**

**'Kay, bye****  
****Tammy Sea, Ohayo**

Rainbow has trouble with the second sentence as she said, "In fact, the closest that you been with a stallion is Loarin'..." But the pony corrects herself, starting the sentence over without stumbling. Rainbow also pronounces 'Ohayo' as "Ohay-hoh'.

Rainbow begins to blush a bit while typing. She asks, "Err, whatcha talking about, Tammy? Why, Soarin' hangs with me. The Wonderbolt can't keep his hooves off me! Hay, I have to change my screen name to keep him from bugging me and for him to focus on his training. Yeah..."

Rainbow clears her screen while saying, "Heck, I would be typing to write an e-mail like..." The pony types up, "'Dear Spitfire...'"

Rainbow types up while continuing, "And of course..." We now see a message coming up on the screen, 'wonderbolt4ever: 'yo rainbow dash? i heart ya so much.' "...that would close up so I would have to close the window."

Rainbow closes the message (it's unknown if this happen or the pony is making it up) while she continue, "'Anyway, Spitfire, I was going-'" Of course, another message appears. "'wonderbolt4ever: i like your wings, baby'. The blue Pegasus closes it while continuing on, "'...to ask you...'"

Another message comes: 'wonderbolt4ever: do you wanna be a wonderbolt 4 ever?' Rainbow closes it while continuing what she's doing somewhat, "'...if I could borrow...'" Once again, another message appears. 'wonderbolt4ever: (a long string of characters typed in Webdings font)'. The Pegasus pony closes it. "'...that big sword...'"

And of course, another 'message appears. This time it said, 'wonderbolt4ever: come on, you trying to fade me here?' Rainbow once again closes it before clearing the screen, typing what she's saying, "Well, if that isn't enough proof...check this out..."

* * *

We see Soarin' next to a sign against a cloud that said 'Auction for Wonderbolts' while he is singing, _**"Oh yeah, oh yeah, and I really don't like her at all."**_

"Hey there, Soarin'..." Soarin' turns and saw Rainbow, smiling as she combed back her mane a bit. The Wonderbolt blushes a bit. "So...is that a song about one of the bad girls that you don't like?"

Soarin' blush some more as if he's hiding something; The Pegasus pony was making a song about hating a member of a rival team...and has a secret about Rainbow but doesn't want to explain it.

"So...the song is about you." Soarin' said, covering up what he's hiding.

"Oh, so is it about liking me?" Rainbow asks Soarin' with a grin.

"Err, no, that's crazy! And I don't like your ego."

"Fine, I ain't telling you my new screen name."

"Fine...I don't even know what a screen name there, so ha, there you go!" Soarin' said, trying his best to hide something like some sort of secret. "Err, so go away now. I'm looking for new members of the Wonderbolts."

"Oh really? That's cool! Say that I'm a possible candidate and that you like me!" Rainbow said to Soarin' with a smirk.

"No, please leave. I got work to do."

"Say you like me?"

"No." Soarin' said, blushing and trying deny his big secret.

"Then do you like..." Rainbow begins to say then said quickly and quietly, "Rainbow Dash?"

"Come on, you're just saying your name fast. Please leave now!"

"What about that cool filly who hangs out with Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie, Fluttershy and Spike?"

"Still you; Come on." Soarin' said desperately. He doesn't want to tell his biggest secret to Rainbow Dash, not today anyway!

"Okay, one more: this one." Rainbow said with a devilish grin. "Do you don't not dislike not Rainbow Dash?"

"Uh...yeah, I guess."

"Yes! Ha ha ha! You loved me, I knew it all along! Oh wait Tammy from Ohayo hears about this!" Rainbow squeals like a girl while flying around happily. "Oh, I knew it, I knew it! He loves me; yeah, all right!"

As Rainbow flies around happily, Soarin' blinks a bit while saying, "Okay, that's weird...I guess someday I will tell her the truth for real...I think..."

* * *

In Rainbow Dash's computer room, three messages pop up from Spitfire.

**spitty65: yo RD! you there and still want that sword?****  
****spitty65: hello? you there?****  
****spitty65: can't talk anymore; got to go. makin' a video for my fellow wonderbolt**  
_**spitty65 has signed off**_

We can see the sign off noise via a sign off sound of POL instant Messenger. The paper appears as the chapter/e-mail comes to an end. After a while, we see a message from Applejack.

**applecider91234: vinegar toast; honestly, yew think ah gonna fall fer 'dat one?**

* * *

We see a weird music video as Soarin' is playing a song on a guitar, with the Wonderbolt booming, "All right, let's right!" He begins to sing.

Soarin': _**Yeah yeah **__**  
**__**Yeah yeah **__**  
**__**Oh yeah **__**  
**__**Oh yeah **__**  
**__**Oh yeah **__**  
**__**Oh yeah **__**  
**__**Oh yeah **__**  
**__**Oh yeah yeah **__**  
**__**Oh yeah yeah **__**  
**__**Oh yeah yeah **__**  
**__**And I really don't like her at all.**_

Once the song is over, Soarin' cheers on as Pegasi ponies sing, "Yeah, thank you! Those for you future Wonderbolts out there...and maybe one pony I want to be with but I gotta lie to right now; Yeah."

The End

Author's note  
Interesting. So does this mean that Soarin' likes Rainbow? Who knows? In the next chapter, Rainbow Dash deals with Spike fans, trying to fend them off, much to the dragon's chagrin.


	20. huttah!

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: huttah!

"Chee-wit, chee-wit, chee-wi-chee-wi-email," Rainbow remarks as she brings up the next e-mail. The Pegasi wonders what the subject of this will be this time.

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**How come you never let Spike answer any e-mails?**

**DBV****  
****Milkwaukee, WI**

Rainbow said the name as 'Darth Ben Valor' with 'WI' as 'Wiscowsin'. The pony speaks while typing, "Well, DBV, I will be honest...Spike is popular but he isn't THAT popular. The dragon never gets much e-mails and...well, honestly, I don't think he got a computer at all." Rainbow stops typing. "Now then, next e-mail."

Rainbow makes a sound effect as the next e-mail scrolls up, she begins to read it.

**Hey there Rainbow Dash!**

**i really love Spike; any chance you can ask him for me if he's take even though the dragon is wanting rarity? no offense to you, but I like him better then you**

**-Ankito Shileta, New Yolk**

Rainbow stops read at 'no offense to you, but I like him better then you', looking enough she snaps, "Ugh, seen enough of that one. Not that I hate Spike but I have already seen one Spike e-mail today!"

Rainbow makes the usual sound effect while reading the next e-mail.

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**You and Spike are the only reason that I love the My Little Pony series. Well, okay, just Spike, but you're cool too.**

**Love, Mako**

Rainbow stops reading after the first sentence while saying, "Hey thanks." The pony's mood turns sour for the rest of the e-mail while ending it with 'Dumbo'. Ugh! All these Spike e-mails...they are getting old; moving on."

**MOVING ON**

Unknown to Rainbow, Spike is seeing her doing the e-mails on his computer back at the Ponyville Library. So no surprise that the baby dragon is getting very much upset by each e-mail that her friend deleted so far.

Rainbow makes the usual sound effect while reading the next e-mail.

**Hey there Rainbow Dash,****  
****I think Spike is so hot. Any chance you could hook us up if he doesn't end up with Rarity?**

**Barbara****  
****U-Pony**

"Oh, funny, Barbara, very funny...I think Spike is...deleted!" Rainbow snaps as she made the usual buzzer noise while deleting the e-mail.

**DELETED!**

Rainbow groans a bit. Is there any e-mail today that doesn't have anything to do with Spike, not that she hates him but it's getting old? The dragon make the sound effect again while reading another e-mail.

**Whoa, hey there, Rainbow Dash,**

**I got a filly-friend who thinks that Spike is so cute.**

**Tilor****  
****Califoalnia**

"Why, that no good..." Spike growls angrily as he leaves his computer. The baby dragon cannot stand sitting here while Rainbow deletes his e-mails and disrespects his fans!

* * *

At her computer, Rainbow is getting fed up by the e-mails about Spike. She doesn't mind them but even her patience is wearing thin.

"Come on, ponies! Why, Spike isn't even that cute! He looks like a lizard!" Rainbow snaps, not seeing Spike, using cloud magic, coming up to her angrily, "Or maybe a stuffed toy.

"RAINBOW DASH," Spike snaps angrily to Rainbow, making her yelp upon seeing him.

"Uh...errr, which are two of the cutest things in life; Lizard and a stuffed toy; Hee hee; Hey, Spike; I was up here, talking to your fans here."

"Yeah, my fans...I saw what you were doing, you jerk!"

"Oh, so have you been watching the e-mail thing?" Rainbow asks Spike uneasily and worried.

"Yeah, you're holding out on me! Deleting my e-mails and disrespecting my fans like that!" Spike snaps at Rainbow angrily.

"Hang on, I haven't been holding out on you, disrespecting your fans and...look, I made those e-mails up! Errr, most of the e-mails that you got aren't that friendly, I promise you that. Turn around for a second, and I will show you...HUTTAH!'

Rainbow quickly tapes a piece of paper to the computer that reads 'Spike', replacing where the Pegasi's name is at in the next e-mail which now said...

**DEAR Spike****  
****WHERE THE HECK IS YOU'RE MATTERS? YOU DISRESPECT YOUR FRIENDS SOMETIMES AND YOUR EGO IS STUPID!**

**I REALLY HATE YOU,****  
****PSYCHOPATH, Califoalnia**

Rainbow reads the e-mail in a loud monotone since it has caps lock being in, in hopes to tricked Spike into thinking that she isn't doing what he thinks that the Pegasus pony is doing.

"See, Spike? This guy doesn't like that you disrespect your friends, you got bad matters and you got a stupid ego." Rainbow said to Spike. The baby dragon frowns, not buying what she's saying at all. The pony opens an e-mail. "And let's not forget this one."

**Dear Spike**

**how do you type on the keyboard with hooves?**

**dick richard**

"Yeah, I wonder about that as well." Rainbow said to Spike with a sly grin. "What is it with you and your hooves anyhow? Come on."

"Ugh! I can't believe how mean and insensitive...I get no respect from you ponies and...ugh!" Spike made grumpt grunts, black steam came out of his ears and nose as he leaves.

"Okay, bye. Man, I think I handled that pretty well. That would been...well, awkward to explain the truth to him. I guess I deserve a reward." Rainbow runs 'take-a-break dot exe', that is a screen saver of a beach. "Ahh, yeah, so relaxing. Ooooooh! Oooh! Listen to those waves!" A bird flaps past. "Hey there, fellow winged pal!"

The paper comes down as the e-mail/chapter comes to an end.

The End

Author's note  
Hope you Spike fans don't get offended, especially you DBV. I was following the script. No offense. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow hosts a monster this SUNDAY SUNDAY SOMEDAY in Ponyville! Read, review and suggest.


	21. monster truck

Author's note  
Hey folks, JusSonic here. To Billy Arratoon, good ideas though I ain't going on killing Boris and his goons. They decide to leave when the getting's good, knowing a 'back stabbing monster' when the trio sees one. In other words, they make their escape before the other members get killed off.

For Discord, is he really going to be killed by being broken into pieces? It's hard to tell with that guy sometimes, being the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony and all.

When it comes to Fluttershy, I will have Nyx's Stare be more stronger than hers which is to how Lorcan get paralyzed long enough for the gang to escape.

Also, having Lorcan slice Pinkie Pie's party cannon in two? I can't do that. She will never forgive me if I do!

To the Legend of Derpy, this isn't an interactive fic. It's a fanmake of the Strong Bad's E-Mails at the Homestar Runner website. It isn't breaking rules so I ain't removing it. Also, no one reported on Season One so why now?

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: monster truck

"Ponies! Games," Rainbow calls out as she begins checking her e-mail for this chapter. "I'm going to check my eeeemail!"

**What are your thoughts on Big Mac? Nice stallion, brother to a friend or cider making pony?****  
****-Guest**

"What, no name? Just guest?" Rainbow asks puzzled, then shrugs it off. "Well, to answer your question, 'Guest', I definitely go for D, all of the above. Okay, next question!"

**Hey Rainbow Dash,**

**Ever thought of doing TV commercials for Monster Truck Shows? You would do awesome for the voiceovers, I bet.**

**Your devoted fans,**

**y2kbrony and nobodiez**

"Awww, very sweet." Rainbow said, amazed by how two of her devoted fans are e-mailing her. She then begins to type, "Listen why 2 kay and nobody, this is one pony who doesn't sell out to anypony, no matter how monstrous or cool their truck show may or may not be. Heck, even I wouldn't leave my friends hanging by selling out, not even for a Shadowbolt. However I did do the occasional promo for the events we held in Ponyville. In fact...I believe there's one coming up this..."

* * *

We now see a monster truck promo like segment as the words appear while Rainbow say them, "SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SOMEDAY," Two tires came across the screen with the Pegasi doing the noises for them. "IT'S 20% AWEXOME PONY CROSS 2012!"

We see the logo for '20% Awexome Pony Cross 2012' appearing. Another tire rolls by, screeching away to show the national flag for Equestria as Rainbow's voices, "LIVE IN PONYVILLE, EQUESTRIA!"

We see Scootaloo in a daredevil out on her scooter, waving to the crowd. Rainbow's voice said, "THRILL! AS SCOOTALOO PREPARES TO TRY TO JUMP HER SCOOTER OVER PINKIE PIE WHO IS EATING CUPCAKES COVERED IN HOT SAUCE!"

We see Scootaloo on her scooter rolling up a ramp and right over Pinkie Pie who is eating cupcakes covered in hot sauce, mumbling happily, "This is good food!"

We now see Applejack holding a barrel full of apples over Derpy, who is wearing a helmet and knees pad. Rainbow's voice continues, "CHILL! AS YOU SEE APPLEJACK SMASHES APPLES OVER DERPY'S HEAD!"

"Yahoo; let's do this like an accident!" Derpy exclaims to Applejack happily.

"RECOIL IN HORROR," Rainbow's voice booms again as Applejack raises the apple barrel and starts to bring it down. We see Lyra throwing out a lot of smoke bombs, "AS LYRA HEARTSTRINGS LIGHT SOME SMOKE BOMBS! AND THEN?"

We see several pieces of trash and a question mark appearing as Rainbow's voice comments, "TRUST ME! YOU GOTTA BE THERE TO SEE FOR YOURSELF!" Lyra winks to the camera.

"ADULT ADMISSION IS STILL 5 BITS! BABY FOALS AND OLD PONIES..." Rainbow's voice exclaims as we see Pound and Pumpkin Cake, as well as the Mayor of Townsville, appearing on screen before they are respectively crossed out. "AREN'T ALLOWED WITHOUT ADULTS AND/OR WITHOUT A BUCKET OF APPLE CIDER..."

We see a bucket of apple cider on screen as Rainbow adds, "FOR MEEEEE!"

An image of Rainbow adds as she voice over, with changes in pitch between words, "MAKE SURE...TO STICK AROUND...AFTER THE SHOW...FOR A FREE PERFORMANCE...BY KNIGHTSHADE!"

We see a photo of the band Knightshade as we can hear them singing, _**"I've got the heart of a lion and the wings of a bat, because it's midnite!**_**"**

* * *

Back at her computer, Rainbow sings the same song, _**"Heart of a lion, wings of some stuff, because it's something!" **_The pony stops her singing, "Oh yeah, I love that song."

Rainbow types while continuing, "Oh yeah...I cannot wait for this Sunday...Sunday...someday."

The paper comes down as the chapter/e-mail comes to an end. We see the flyer advertisement for the show that Rainbow mentioned, with the theme song for '20% Awexome Pony Cross 2012' playing in the background.

**SUNDAY****  
****20% AWEXOME****  
****PONY CROSS****  
****2012****  
****LIVE IN PONYVILLE, EQUESTRIA****  
****Thrills! Chills! Cupcakes!****  
****Also, too:****  
****A live performance by****  
****KNIGHTSHADE**

There is this game based on 20% Awesome Pony Cross. We see an autographed picture of Knightshade with their song 'Because, It's Midnite' playing in the background. Also, there are words on the pic itself: 'YO RD; keep on dashin'!

The End

Author's note  
SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SOMEDAY! Oh yeah, wouldn't that be awesome, eh? In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow Dash interviews Derpy Hooves...with puppets. Read, review and suggest.


	22. interview

Author's note  
Back to the e-mail story, folks. Billy Arratoon, VISION-KING, Lorcan turning good will be the case here (though he will return later in a lot of stories).

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: interview

Rainbow is back in her home, bringing up the next e-mail, saying, "Yes, so many e-mails, only a little good ones." The pony now reads what shows up on her computer.

**Say, what the hay is up with Derpy Hooves? She is weird, got cross-eyes and all, but don't you think we oughta know more about her? You should do an interview with the Pegasi sometime so we can finally find out what her story is.**

**Squirk****  
****P-A**

We see a Fluttershy-style drawing of Squirk, some sort of octopus like creature, being smite by Metal Iron the Invincible, Rainbow's creation. The bleu Pegasus pony creature said 'PA' as 'P-A'.

"Wow, that's sounds like a pretty cool name." Rainbow said, impressed by Squirk's name then she begins to type in a Gothic black letter font. **"And then Metal Iron smite the Squirk, and all was laid to burnination."**

Rainbow clears the screen before she begins to type normally. The pony said, "Good Squirk, while you may enjoy such an encounter, I on the other hand am not so sure. Nothing against Derpy but one have trouble talking to her for more than 3 seconds and wants to gnaw one wings or hoof's off. Some day that might be a more better way to spend one's time...more, more better..."

Rainbow clears the screen, she speaks while the pony continues type, "Allow me to show you how it would go down with notes attaches to the top of pens."

Rainbow then ducks down before taking out two pens that have sticky notes attached to them, one of them has a crude drawing of the pony herself while the other has one of Derpy. While Rainbow does the voices for both puppets, the puppets can be switched to have different versions.

"Okay then, for the record, Derpy." The Rainbow puppet spoke. "Tell us who you are."

"Duuuh, hiya, Rainbow Dash! I don't know what went wrong!" The Derpy puppet said. "I'm Derpy Hooves AKA Ditzy Doo and I sometimes crash into stuff."

"Okay, that's weird. Can you speak some sense during this interview?"

"Okay, sure! I can think so twice!"

The Rainbow puppet said, "Derpy, tell us about your childhood."

"Nothing much to tell to tell; I was raised by nice parents and a dumbbell!" The Derpy puppet remarks happily.

"Interesting, so how did you end up in Ponyville?"

"I think I crashed landed here. Don't know what I did wrong! Is this some kind of test?"

"Well, no. So you crash landed here." The Rainbow puppet said, getting a bit impatient. "So got any last remarks?"

The Derpy puppet now said, "Don't be mean to me! I am the cute one!"

"Okay, the interview is over. Begin the friendly wrestling!"

The Rainbow puppet begins to tackle the Derpy one in a friendly game of wrestling. As this continues, the doorbell rang as we see our fave Pegasus pony kneeling in front of her computer.

"Oh, that must be Fluttershy with my Cloudsdale iced tea." Rainbow said with a grin. "Come on in!"

To Rainbow's surprise, it isn't Fluttershy but a familiar cross-eyed pony who came in while saying, "Yahoo! Hey there, Rainbow Dash. Have you seen Dinky around?" During this time, the light switches can be used to use the lightning effects or shut the lights off.

"Oh, yes, Dinky Doo. Well, she should be in the park, playing with the CMC, Twist and Nyx."

"Oh, okay! I hope Dinky is doing so well! I was supposed to take her to Twilight's for...something, I think; Yeah; so whatcha up to?"

"Nothing," Rainbow said while sitting on her stool and pouring salt on her wings. For some reason, she felt the need to gnaw her wings off. "Err, better get going or things could get real ugly around here."

The paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to an end. Fluttershy arrives with Rainbow's Cloudsdale iced tea, but she doesn't notice her. After a while, the yellow Pegasi shrugs and trots off, leaving her friend to continue salting her wings indefinitely.

Did I mention Derpy has a home page? No? Got no idea why I brought that up.

The End

Author's note  
Wow...nice...interview? Anyway, in the next chapter/e-mail, a fan suggest to Rainbow to give herself fingers so that she can stop getting questions of how she herself types with hooves. Will it work? Read, review and suggest.

Squirk is the name of one of the Gen 1 villains.


	23. fingers

Author's note  
I haven't seen that musical, Guest, so I can't do so there. Okay, time to continue.

Good suggestion, Billy Arratoon.

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: fingers

_"Previously...or not...on Rainbow Dash E-Mail!"_

We see an email asking a question that Rainbow Dash is getting annoyed with by now. It reads...

**Hey Rainbow Dash,****  
****How do you type with hooves; I mean, it makes a lot more sense for unicorns because they have telekinesis and, therefore, wouldn't need hands to type. Still, I'm curious as to how YOU do it because I think it's a pretty darn good trick.****  
****One of your fans,****  
****Neros Urameshi**

_"A familiar message!"_

We see another familiar e-mail that Rainbow is now reading...

**Dear Rainbow Dash,****  
****How do you type with hooves?****  
****Nobody,****  
****Nowhere, Oregon**

Rainbow groans at the 'hooves' part once more.

_"Yes, two of the same!"_

Another familiar e-mail comes up, making Rainbow more annoyed as she reads it.

**WOW! HOW DO YOU TYPE WITH THOSE HOOVES? THAT IS INCREDIBLE!**

**WEIRD FRANKY**

Rainbow reads this e-mail loudly to reflect the caps lock being on.

_"And of course another one!"_

Yet another e-mail with the same question shows up. It reads...

**Say Rainbow Dash,****  
****How can you type so fast on the keyboard when you got hooves?**

**Typing Faster Than You...****  
****Brundon Hickers,****  
****Bearclaw WA**

_"It's the frustration of frustrations! It's what these ponies ever asked though Rainbow has already given them a clear answer!"_

We see the next two announcements being accomplished by text banners appearing.

_WILL THEY EVER END? KEEP READING TO FIND OUT!_

As the words 'FIND OUT' blinks out, we now return to Rainbow in the present, looking at the company with a blank screen while singing, _**"Welcome to the Rainbow Dash Emaaaail! Dat-dada-dun! Everybody get down!"**_

Soon an e-mail appears, much to Rainbow's notice.

**Dear Rainbow Dash,****  
****Have you ever thought of putting fingers on your hooves so that folks can stop asking how you type with hooves? Even though you already have a special keypad, I felt that it would be best. They don't have to be permanent. Heck, they can be a pony antennae that you can buy at the joke store at any time or costume store.**

**Yours pal,****  
****V.I.S.I.O.N.-K.I.N.G.****  
****Edmule, Albert**

Rainbow reads her name as 'A-dear A-Rainbow A-Dash', then she stops for a moment after reading the 'costume place' part and ask, 'Wait, Vision, you mean 'costume palace', right?"

Rainbow thought about the suggestion, perhaps fingers on her hooves would work. The pony types while speaking, "Fake fingers, eh Vision? Well, those e-mails have been getting on my nerves; no matter how many times I keep telling those folks…"

Rainbow grins as she imagine herself with fingers...

* * *

We see Rainbow at Applejack's stand while saying, "Hey there, Applejack. Give me a little something, something?"

"Shucks, how many yew need?" Applejack asks Rainbow curiously.

"Three!"

Rainbow holds up a hoof...that got a candle, an action figure leg and a shrimp for fake fingers! Weird!

* * *

We hear a drum beat as we go to Rainbow rocking out to music with Golden Harvest; both ponies are throwing corna gestures. As the Pegasi pony has various objects for fingers, we see the unconscious head of Diamond Tiara in the corner of the room.

* * *

In a locker room, Rainbow is speaking with Cheerilee; the teacher speaks up, "Apparently, you got some kind of prawn on there..." Unknown to the duo, a locker opens up, revealing Diamond stuffed in there.

"You got that right." Rainbow said pleased, not noticing the locker that Diamond's closed in closing its door.

"Maybe a little leg..."

"Yup."

"Wait, a candle; that would be a good one." Cheerilee suggests to Rainbow thoughtfully.

"Right, that would be my best one yet, you know." Rainbow said in agreement. "That would definitely keep me warm at night!"

* * *

We see Lyra standing on a soapbox with fake arms, not seeing the box that she's on open up, revealing Diamond stuffed in there before the lid closes again.

"...to be honest, I'm getting worried." Lyra said with a frown. "At least, I can use hands, right?"

"Be quiet, Lyra." Rainbow snaps to Lyra in annoyance while flying by, showing off her fingers.

"Hey there, Rainbow Dash!"

"You look ridiculous as usual, then again, with your obsession with hands, who could blame ya?"

* * *

We go back to reality and to the computer as Rainbow is typing with fake fingers, making numerous errors while doing so. The pony said, "Well, Vision, good idea in theory but uh...in reality, I don't think it would work out very well. But it would be awesome to be able to do the evil fingers."

Of course during the typing, Rainbow was typing down this, 'qwelo jwee, ufs gopod isda treery vuit yuiyyj, un tweanouty U du'p yhij utz quijf reardy owd vera nis. bu6 rt woild b pletyt gool yo be swabl tp do teh ebil flindas.'

"Anyway, I don't think I wanna be around n case this shrimp goes bad. Gah," Rainbow, who stops typing before hand, remarks. The paper comes down as the pony plays with the shrimp itself, doing its voice."I'm a shrimp! Doggy, doggy, doggy! Don't eat me, come on. I'm a shrimp!"

The End

Author's note  
Well, that's weird, eh? In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow helps a fan with an English paper. Read, review and suggest.

Two of the questions involving 'typing with hooves' came from two episodes of 'Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: Season One'.


	24. English paper

Author's note  
Hey folks, after a big delay, Rainbow Dash's E-Mails are back with some more fun and hilarity! To Guest, even so, I am not going to see that play anytime in the future or planning on making a fanmake of it.

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: English paper

"Wow, back to this...it feels like I haven't done this in half a month." Rainbow mumbles as she types in to get her e-mail. "All right, ponies; get your heads back into the game."

**Dear Rainbow Dash,****  
****For a while, I have been putting off writing a paper for my English class. Can you do that assignment; Don't care if it's good or not, I just don't wanna do it.**

**Hal Smith,****  
****Manehattan, Coltsas **

Rainbow stops after 'Dear Rainbow Dash' to remark, "Man, I never get tired of how cool that sounds." She said 'English' as 'Englilish'.

"Hmmm..." Rainbow begins to say before the pony starts typing. "I will be honest, I seriously don't think you need to worry about it being any good if you write it, Hal...but let's see if I can take a crack at it."

A blank sheet of paper appears as Rainbow's voice is heard, "All right, now for the title 'A Well Thought-Out English Paper' by Hal Smith. Hmmm, it wouldn't hurt to soup your name a little bit. You know, use a cool nickname like Hal 'The Rainbow Daredevil' Smith. Oh yeah! That there will definitely get ya 5 to 10 extra credit pony points easily. Next up is the introduction."

Rainbow begins typing the essay while explaining, "Now the chances are, your teacher will want to read this before giving you that grade, so that's why the cool nickname is important. 'The Rainbow Daredevil'; I am so awesome is needed." We see a '5+ nickname is still 20% awesome' on the paper. "Of course, then you got the body, which is my personal favorite."

"Dashie, I'm inside your house!" The familiar voice of Pinkie Pie is heard, much to the annoyance of Rainbow who is typing the essay.

"Oh, that stinks. Pinkie, what can I do for ya?"

"Any chance I can have the rest of this breakfast burrito?"

"I guess so." Rainbow's voice said. "Whatcha need it for?"

"I'm planning on selling it on an online auction at E-Pony." Pinkie's voice explains happily.

"Well, go ahead; do whatever. Listen, not to be rude or anything but I am busy writing a paper for my pony 'The Rainbow Daredevil' here. No distractions, okay?"

"Okie dokie lokie! Later, Dashie!"

As Pinkie is heard running off, Rainbow's voice is heard calling out to her, "Trust me, you get more than $3.50 for it, I've tried, believed me!"

Okay, we now see the essay written while sitting on a desk as Rainbow continues, "All right, we're about done. We just need to apply a little double space action..." The essay became more double-spaced now. "Err, hang on. Maybe a little triple space action..."

The essay now became triple-spaced as Rainbow's voice continues, "Perhaps this pony can spice things up with some random diagrams. Don't hurt to try, right?"

The diagram is a comparison of eating one battery to eating 5 batteris. We now see Rainbow sitting in front of her computer, saying, "Hmmm, that does look like a good as-is...but doesn't hurt to throw some bits in there right to...uh, seal the deal." The Pegasi continues typing, "Okay, The Rainbow Daredevil, you owe me big time. Don't no pony say that Rainbow Dash doesn't do nothing for the ponies. All right, now it is my intention to sit down and play video games on my flank for a few hours."

Rainbow gets up and leaves. The paper appears, bringing this e-mail to an end as the essay appears. We go through it and see the words 'Scootaloo' allowance, as well as an online auction for the breakfast burrito.

Also, you can download the thing...but why would you want to? Just check out the actual e-mail, ponies!

The End

Author's note  
Nice of Dashie to do that English paper, eh; in the next chapter/e-mail, we find out what happens to the unused e-mails that the pony doesn't answer. Read, review and suggest.


	25. unused emails

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: unused emails

Rainbow smiles while typing up one of her e-mails while saying, "Yeah, check it out, ponies! Another one of those 20% awesome...rdemails," The pony brings up the e-mail itself.

**Hey there Rainbow Dash,****  
****I was wondering as to what happens to the e-mails that don't get showed up on your e-mail show.**

**Billy Arratoon****  
****Aura, Illipony**

Rainbow stops and says 'Hey' after the 'Hey there Rainbow Dash' part while pronouncing Illipony in a weird way.

"Ahh..." Rainbow said with a nod before she begins to type. "Well, oh, Billy, you mean what do I with the thousands and thousands of nearly unreadable e-mails that I get every day? Simple, this pony likes to mix it up!"

* * *

We see Twilight and Spike carrying some papers and putting them into huge stacks while Rainbow's voice explains, "Sometimes when I feel like it, I give them to Twilight and Spike for filing and archiving in the Ponyville Library."

Indeed, we see the e-mails that appear in this chapter that haven't been read; in the medium stack...

**Dear Rainbow Dash,****  
****This must be my best one! You like it? I sure hope you do.****  
****HOW STUPID IS IT TO BE A DUMB ROBOT PONY. GLAD YOU ARE A ROBOT PONY AND NOT ME SO GO AND KILL ANYONE YOU HATE!**

**NOT YOUR BIGGEST FAN****  
****SPAM**

Now in the tall stack...

**Dear Rainbow Dash,****  
****how come you don't do that thing?****  
****say, i like yur e-mail and games i am brittney lawson and i am 10/f/nh and i play cheerleader for baseball**

**from brittney lawson**

**pooh bears**

In the short stack...

**Dear Rainbow Dash,****  
****Hey, I tried to email you twice yesterday but you didn't email back. What gives here? I'm out like that.****  
****Do you have a monkey because if so, you are horsecrap! If not, you are still horsecrap so get lost horsecrap head. Stop making me right this stupid horsecrappy letter to you. So buy horsecraphead uh I mean horsecrapface...wait, no horsecrapnose urrrrrgh whatever you are stupid to me and a piece of horsecrap. Also, yeah, your also stupid.**

**sincerely, me Flaming Rising**

**PS: Your still horsecrap and always will be horsecrap. And please kill the rest of the Mane Six please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.****  
****So long, loser**

Let's say these e-mails that Rainbow doesn't like. As Spike sticks an e-mail into the medium category, the Pegasi pony peeks in, the dragon said, "All right, I got this e-mail into the medium category.

"No, no, that's a short one." Rainbow points out to Spike with a shrug. The dragon shrugs as he tries to get the e-mail back but is too short to reach the top of the pile. Twilight has to use her magic to get it for him.

* * *

At the Tree, facing away from each other, Rainbow is there talking with Pinkie Pie, the blue Pegasi is holding a CD labeled 'The Goodies' while her friend hold a bag of bits labeled 'Payoff Layoff'.

Rainbow's voice continues, "Of course, if I needed bits in a hurry, I would sell the e-mail addresses to Pinkie Pie so she can use them in her free weekly spamvertisements for Sugar Cube Corner."

Rainbow pretends to drop the CD by accident as she said, "Oh horse feathers! I dropped a CD of 5,000 e-mail addresses!"

Pinkie drops the bag of bits onto the ground by 'accident', saying, "Oopsie! I dropped a quarter for each one!"

* * *

We see the students at the school crumpling papers of e-mails at the Ponyville School. We see one of them...

**Dear, Rainbow Dash****  
****Do you enloy reasing?**

"And sometimes when I'm generous, I would give them to the students at Ponyville School for the Neighenese art of paper-folding." Rainbow's voice explains.

Rainbow came into the room, asking, "So, how are your Origamis, ponies? Is that one the crane?"

"We made a lotus flower!" Scootaloo exclaims eagerly while holding one crumpled ball of paper.

"Right, as well as a praying mantis," Nyx exclaims as she held up a crumpled ball of paper of her own.

"Oh right, that's great, kids." Rainbow said, sniffing while shedding tears. "Oh yes, incredible likeness."

* * *

Back at the computer, Rainbow types in as she said, "But most of the e-mails I don't use, they get..." The pony smirks as she stops typing, standing up before backing away slowly. "A-digga...a-digga...a-digga-digga...a-digga...a-diggity..."

Rainboe then rush back to her desk, yelling, "DIGGITY DIGGITY DIGGITY DIGGITY A-DELETEEEEEED!" The pony flies up ward and hit her elbow right onto the keyboard, breaking the desk in half in the progress. The stool tips over as the floppy desk container flew off, but the progress has been done.

**DELETED!**

"Man, I think I broke my clavicus majorus thing." Rainbow groans a bit as the paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to an end.

We see Pinkie Pie's Weekly Spamvertisement, which show products from Pinkie like a plastic tape dispenser, a small cup of ketchup as well as a jar of three jelly bean salad.

**Pinkie's Super Duper Weekly Free Spamvertisement****  
****To: Every Pony I Know or Don't Know****  
****From: Pinkie at Sugarcube Corner dot com****  
****cc:****  
****Subject: Re: Grossly Overweight? Need a New Porch?**

**The newly sugarly supply is very healthy and IS WHAT YOU NEED! Don't want to lose sleep over the monthly payments? Below average performance made you down? Then come on over to Sugarcube Corner, in the door around back! Try to see if you can't believe your ears. NO JOKE, THIS IS REAL! It happened to my friend's cousin one time. Why if you are lucky enough to send this to 50 real ponies before tomorrow, you can get a dream getaway for good! Just don't tell Mr. and Mrs. Cake. They don't know what I'm doing back there!****  
****CONFIDENTIAL E-MAIL!****  
****If you somehow got this e-mail by mistake, today's your lucky day. To be removed from this list, just forward this to 50 ponies.**

The End

Author's note  
There you have it, folks and ponies. What Rainbow does to the e-mails she gets. In the next chapter/e-mail, a fan ask her why Spike rarely shows up on her actual show while one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders get sick. Read, review and suggest.


	26. the show

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: the show

"Email, stallions, e-mails, colt; E-mail, stallions, e-mail, colts," Rainbow hums a bit, wanting the next e-mail to be from a stallion or a colt.

Sure enough, Rainbow's wish came true via this e-mail...

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**My pals and I are at a local Pokemon tournament. We were wondering as to how come Spike rarely appears in your adventures or show anymore?**

**your friend,****  
****Darth Ben Valor from VA, TX**

Rainbow of course reads 'tournament' as 'Toe-OO-na-ment while she said 'VA, TX' as 'Verneiginia and Texasloin, respectively'.)

"Anymore, Ben," Rainbow ask the fan as she begins to type. "Huh. I wasn't aware that we kept Spike out of our adventures lately. Come to think about it, we never asked if he wanted to go. Normally, Spike stays behind to do work at the library...maybe we did treat him unfairly unintentionally. Of course, besides those, our dragon buddy does other stuff so if you want to see him so badly, why don't we check out what he's doing right now. We'll see how it measures up to say, me…pushing Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle...into Apple Bloom...with the chicken pox."

* * *

The screen cut to static before we see Spike hosting a game show called 'The Spike Show' as the contestants are Golden Harvest and Lucky. The cards that he's holding said 'golden harvest = golden one', 'lucky = a stallion that's rarely shown', 'spike = you of course'.

"Turns out, I didn't die!" Spike remarks as we can hear canned laughter. "Anyway, once more, I like to welcome Lucky and Golden Harvest onto 'The Spke Show'. Canned laughter is heard once more, "All right, ponies, hooves on the buzzers!"

Golden Harvest and Lucky look at each other oddly. Easier said than done since there are no buzzers for them to press!

"All right, Lucky, for 500 points...want to share with us some of your political views?" Spike asks Lucky with a smile.

"Listen, not to be a jerk but I gotta go do more important stuff." Lucky said as he trots off the set.

"Right; Golden Harvest, for the block; Do you agree?"

"Okay, I think I am done here. Later." Golden Harvest comments dryly as she leaves to canned applause. "This show is kinda pointless."

"All right, that's 162 points for you!" Spike exclaims eagerly. "We will be right back for round 2 after these important words from these important messages."

As a little ditty played, a title screen shows the words 'We will be right back...maybe'.

* * *

We see a pink screen with faded concentric circles emanating from the center. A huge pony made out of Jello named Gello appears saying, "Hey guys! You best be eating a whole mess of Liquidy Red Jello!" We see a green screen that shows a black and white man reading a book saying 'Stuffed in Each Cheek'. "When a couple of them is stuffed in each cheek, you won't think twice!"

Sure enough, we hear someone saying 'boing' with the man looking shocked. We return to Gello who continues, "They make my morning..." The words 'SHIVER WITH FLAVOR' appearing on the bottom left, "...shiver with flavor...' The freak comes to the screen as the words appear in front of him, "...shiver with flavor; HA HA HA HA!"

The screen returns Gello to normal as he continues, "Yes, I will say it twice!" The Jello pony appears in the sky over a mountain range now. "This is going GREAT!"

Gello's 'great' word echoes. We now see another large version of him coming across horiziontal from the left, leaving a trail of red behind himself which forms the original pink background; Kinda freaky, if you ask me.

"Liquidy Red Jello," Gello exclaims as he appears in the middle screen. The words 'FIRST ONE TO EAT A MILLION, WINS' appears on the bottom, "'first one to eat a million, wins.'"

Gello winks as we can hear a squishing noise.

* * *

Return to the Spike Show, the dragon smiles as he said, "All right, welcome back to 'The Spike Show'. Now I would like to recite a list of words." Spike takes out some cue cards. "Ahem, here they are..."

As Spike reads the cue cards, words appear on the screen, "'Tetherball', 'Pony Olympic race', 'Sparkler', 'Tim Donkey', 'Wisconpony', 'a book of matches', 'next week', 'a lot of bits', 'Zecora's b...'"

Of course, static cuts off Spike before he can finish what he himself is doing.

* * *

Returning to Rainbow on her computer, the pony said, "Okay..." She begins to type, "Problematic; that is what Spike does on his show which he shares with Pinkie Pie whenever the little guy isn't doing chores or whatever. You know, it's been a while since I did something mischievous with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, but I promised it would be comedy gold compared to what you just seen. And what the hay is with that red pony that Spike always advertises for? Can anypony understand what that freak's saying?"

Rainbow stops typing while saying, "I assure you, Ben, we will try to get Spike involved with our adventures more...or make him stop doing chores more. Anyway, let me how know that Pokemon thing turns out...err, 'touns out'. Oh well, just let me know."

The paper comes down, ending the chapter/e-mail.

* * *

We go to Apple Bloom in her room at the Apples' farm. The filly of course is in bed with the chicken pox, Sweetie and Scootaloo are waiting for Rainbow to show up...but no sign of her.

"Weird, where is Rainbow Dash, Apple Bloom?" Scootaloo ask puzzled as she looks around. "I thought she would come and push us to you so we can catch the chicken pox too."

"Ah know, Ah don't know where she is." Apple Bloom said with a raspy voice. "Ah done thunk it was a sure thing as well."

"So much for getting our chicken pox cutie mark," Sweetie said with a groan.

The End

Author's note  
Well, folks, there's your answer. Hopefully Spike will show up more in the third season. In the next chapter/e-mail, a fan asks Rainbow if she would do an autobiography on her life. Read, review and suggest.


	27. autobiography

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: autobiography

"This e-mail has been brought to you by a grant from the Royal Sisters!" Rainbow, who is at her computer, say as we see a logo of Princesses Celestia and Luna, it captioned 'The Royal Sisters since centuries ago'. "And the support of Bronies Like you." The words 'Bronies like You' appears as well.

Now the e-mail appears.

**Hey Rainbow Dash!****  
****Ever thought of making a biography based on your life? It would be one 20% awesome idea since everypony likes you anyway! I mean who wants to read about a bragging pony like 'The Great and Powerful Trixie' or anypony else anyhow?**

**Tan, PA**

Rainbows stops at one point as she comments, "That is so true", after reading 'everypony likes you anyway' and said 'Tan, PA' as 'Tan from Ponyslvania'."

"Wait a moment, let me check something." Rainbow said in realization as she runs 'spellchaka dot exe' to check for spelling errors. To her amazement, the screen said '0 spelling errors found,' "No way, seriously?"

Rainbow excitedly types in, "No sight of misspellings, good idea, made fun of Trixie...don't get me wrong, I wanted to make fun of you, Tan, but...you put together one hay of a solid e-mail here!" The pony said this while she types 'no misspellings + good idea + made fun of Trixie = SOLID'.

"Oh yeah, I'm printing this baby out to save it for prosperity...maybe a little prosperity too!" Rainbow exclaims with a smile. She runs 'print_of_it dot exe' as the paper prints out the e-mail. The Pegasi tears the printout out as she begins to type again. "Well, Tan, you big, dumb colt. I already started work on my memoirs. It's a new books on tape series called 'Words I Said Already' by Rainbow Dash'."

Rainbow stops typing as she adds, "Let's listen, shall we?"

We now see a boom box with a cassette tape inside with the title of Rainbow Dash's series as well as the words 'Tape One'. We see the other tapes and the back of the box, showing what Mike Ponyer would say about.

**Here is what they are probably saying about 'Words I Said Already'**

**"Hootie Hooter!"****  
****-Mike Ponyer**

**"Hootie Hooter again!"****  
****-Mike Ponyer**

**"One nice smooth and cool drive."****  
****-Mike Ponyer**

**"Hootie Hooter!"****  
****-Tex Archy**

Rainbow press play on the boom box as we can hear her voice came from it, "...and Blossomforth had the ball at the top of the key. I was like, 'Hey, I'm open, come on, I'm open!' But apparently, somepony gave her some drugs or something before the game. She didn't see me and the filly passed it to Derpy instead and she SLAM-DUNKED IT!"

We see a trading card of Derpy as the tape continues, "Oh yeah, my greatest moment on the court. I was trying to high-hoof everypony in sight but there's a lot of commotion and excitement happening. Plus Derpy accidentially pushed me to the ground and called me..."

Rainbow hit fast forward, the tape is heard squealing. She said sheepishly, "Oh, better skip that. Heh heh."

Once Rainbow let the fast forward button go, the tape continues on as her voice said, "...and this pony is one very fine stallion. He loves me so much and got skinny blonde hair, always hanging out at the beach, looking at a photo of yours truly. Shamefully, the stallion had to go to another world for reasons too complicated for me to complain. I would probably never see him again...and neither would any of you apparently."

"Oh how true...let's skip ahead again." Rainbow said as she hits fast forward once more for a minute before stopping.

"...but Pinkie wouldn't stop laughing and I don't know what the big deal was until I saw the piece of paper..." Rainbow's voice explains. We now see a piece of notepaper that shows the Mane Six that is labeled 'us' with an arrow pointing to a lots of bits sign that are labeled 'bits'. We see further details as the tape continues, "I mean, I almost lost it there! Milk and cookies came right out of my nose! Oh, what a great idea. Who knows? It might just work!"

Rainbow leans into view as she exclaims, "And it did work! Okay, no more. You heard enough of my secrets for too much." The pony goes back to her computer as she types, "Right, you get the picture. I mean, it's going to be awesome. Ponies would listen to it on road trips. Probably would play it on their Walkpony while jogging in the park. I mean, it would make ponies gallop or fly faster because of how cool it is! The thing could double as one of those weightless tapes."

Rainbow stops typing as she said, "All right, paper; take it away! Preeeeeeeeowwwww...Come on. Preeeeeeowwwwweeee. Hey, what the..." The Pegasi yelps as the paper came down rather quickly. "Oops, must be a paper jam."

* * *

We now see a track in the field. Big Macintosh is looking at a stopwatch while Caramel is slowly jogging in a jogging suit, headband and a Walkpony. We can hear Rainbow's voice from the tape, faintly.

"Gotta keep moving, work off my weight," Caramel exclaims in determination. "This will be a new beginning for Caramel! Oof!"

"Hoo boy, this is a dark day for track and field. Eeyup," Big Macintosh said with an annoyed sigh at this.

The End

Author's note  
And that's Rainbow's autobiography, pretty cool, eh? In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow recalls a caper that she and Scootaloo has done, but the little filly mess things up. Will the cyan Pegasi have the heart to forgive her? Read, review and suggest.


	28. caper

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: caper

"rainbow dash, underscore, email, dot e-x-e. Enter." Rainbow said as she brings up the e-mail for the chapter. It shows up.

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**Any chance you and Scootaloo would pull out a caper of some sort? It seems like there has been little cooperation between you two Pegasus ponies recently.**

**Jimmy****  
****Unitroit, MI**

Rainbow said 'Mi' like "me'. With a sigh, Rainbow types in while saying, "To be honest, Jimmy, you are right. It has been no secret since Scoots and I haven't got along recently since she messed up our last caper."

* * *

In a flashback, we see the two Pegasus ponies in a familiar household, trying to swipe stuff. The little filly grabs a newspaper though the mare whispers, "Come on, I don't care about the crosswords, just the jumbles, okay; the jumbles?"

"So where can I find the jumbles?" Scootaloo whispers to Rainbow curiously.

"Hay if I know; go look over there."

"Oh, give me a moment."

"Wait, look out!" Rainbow exclaims to Scootaloo but it's too late. The little filly bumps into a table that has a cow lamp on it, sending the thing onto the floor and breaking it. "Oh horse feathers!"

Suddenly the light is turned on as Pinkie came in, wearing PJs...and does she has a five o'clock shadow? As Rainbow looks around madly for an escape while Scootaloo put her hooves in the air frantically, Pinkie yawns sleepy, "Hey Derpy, Little Boy Wonder; Whatcha doing in my house?"

"Gah! We have been seen! Run, every pony for herself," Rainbow screams as she and Scootaloo rush out of the home frantically.

"Okay, thanks for coming over, my little ponies. Oh, also, thanks for breaking my cow lamp."

* * *

Back at her computer, Rainbow shakes her head in sadness. Ever since that time, things have been strained between her and Scootaloo. We see the original plan for the caper.

**OPERATION JUMBLE JUMBLE****  
****Objective: Steal Pinkie Pie's Jumbles****  
****Details: Strike in the wee hours****  
****Don't knock over any cow lamps****  
****Try to be cool.****  
****And if we meet any stallions, just say 'hi'.**

"Oh, Scoots." Rainbow said with a sigh as music begins. "I mean, where did we go wrong? It seems like yesterday we were putting ink on Fluttershy's underwear."

"Uh, that was yesterday." Fluttershy's voice points out to Rainbow but she chose to ignore it.

"This one is for you."

As the computer plays music, Rainbow begins to sing.

Rainbow: _**I got mad at Scootaloo, uh!**__**  
**__**For screwing up the jumble caper, uh!**__**  
**__**I hope I don't see her name in the paper, in the obituaries**__**  
**__**Cause that would mean she's dead.**_

We now see Derpy and Fluttershy standing next to the computer, clapping their own wings to the beat. As she keeps singing, Rainbow stood on the stool.

_**Scootaloo is not dead,**__**  
**__**I'm so glad Scootaloo is not dead.**__**  
**__**Scootaloo is not dead,**_

"Dead!" Derpy exclaims happily.

_**Ohhh, I'm so glad Scootaloo is not dead.**__**  
**__**Scootaloo is not dead,**_

"Dead." Flutershy said softly.

_**So glad Scootaloo is not—**_

Rainbow stops singing, moving her body around on each clap while saying, "All right, just the clap, just...say, Fluttershy. I didn't know that you had any rhythm."

"Actually, I do, remember?" Fluttershy points out to Rainbow softly. "I got plenty of it."

"Yes, keep it rolling for me, ponies, keep it rolling."

Rainbow smiles as she flew out of her house. The Pegasi pony made a mistake and must make amends.

* * *

As we can hear the computer still playing the music, Scootaloo is in the field as she saw Rainbow landing near her. The mare smiles sadly while saying, "Scoots. I...I just wanted to say that..."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash. I didn't mean to mess up a bit." Scootaloo said to Rainbow with a sad smile of her own.

"Aww, heck, I can't stay mad at you!" Rainbow said as she hugs Scootaloo a bit.

"Oh, yeah; I'm glad you forgave me."

"Ohhh...how about a little kick for some fun," Rainbow asks as Scootaloo put her upper forelegs akimbo, looking a bit annoyed, "Nah, just kidding," She made a few fake kicking motions though the little Pegasus pony dodge each one. "Oh, watch me now. Had you there; Heh heh heh."

The paper comes down. We now see Pinkie appearing, in her PJs. She smiles at her friends while saying, "Awww, you gals are soooo cute. Say, you think I should get dressed or something? Is it 3 in the afternoon; Looking good, Pinkie Pie!"

"Say, what gives with the five o'clock shadow, Pinkie Pie? I didn't know that you can shave."

"Oh, I don't. I just throw cinnamon onto my face."

* * *

Back at the computer room, Fluttershy and Derpy are still clapping to the music's timing. The timid one asks her friend, "Uh, shouldn't we stop doing this now?"

"Just keep rolling!" Derpy exclaims happily as Fluttershy sighs a bit.

There is also a Jumble word puzzle with Twilight and Spike but that doesn't exist.

The End

Author's note  
Nice; Good to know that Rainbow can forgive, right? In the next chapter/e-mail, the Pegasi pony explains which e-mails are her personal favorites, bringing us a trip down memory lane...sorta, well, maybe not really. Read, review and suggest.


	29. personal favorites

Author's note  
Well, SquirrellyJay, ask and ye shall receive!

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: personal favorites

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH EMAIL!" Rainbow yells madly at her computer. Her voice echoes as heavy music plays as she rocks out, "Wow, that rules. So what function key do I press to get that to happen again?"

Rainbow looks for the key but she hit enter, loading the e-mail onto the screen.

**Hey there Rainbow Dash,**

**You had done so many of these e-mails which one would you say is the best, or in this case your personal favorite.**

**Thanks,****  
****SquirrellyJay**

Rainbow shouts the 'Hey there Rainbow Dash' and pronounces the name as 'Squirrelly...whatever.' She smiles while the pony types in, saying, "Well, Squirrell, I don't know what to say. My e-mails are like my foals if I ever have any! I love them all! But if I must play favorites...okay, let's see..."

* * *

We see the scene from 'invisibility' where Rainbow, invisible, punches Lyra as we can hear the pony, "There's one e-mail where you fans asked what I'd do if I was invisable...and I got to hit Lyra right in the gut!"

"Hey, neat; Hey cupcakes," Suddenly Lyra yelps as she doubles over as if the unicorn was punched. Rainbow, the one who did it, walks off with the cupcakes. Lyra groans, "Oh, ouch. Man, those things are bad for you!"

* * *

"Oh, oh, there's one time where my previous computer exploded!" Rainbow's voice adds excitedly.

We see a scene from 'gimmicks' as Rainbow was sitting at her previous computer...which exploded, sending the pony flying across the room and right through the wall of her room, sending her outside.

* * *

Rainbow's voice comments, "Of course, there's that one time where Time Turner, back when we used to call him 'Doctor Whooves', made a Rainbow robot out of Cupcake-Oats and that toy that speak and spell!"

We see Time Turner and Rainbow glancing at a robot made out of a Cupcakes-Oats cereal box and a Speaks and spell toy, it spoke, "Now spell 'Come back Alfred. Come back Alfred's brother'."

"Cool!" Rainbow exclaims in amazement while we see her glancing at the robot in double-takes. "It sounds just like me!"

* * *

Rainbow's voice comments, "As well as the time that little filly wrote in, I drank a glass of soy sauce, thinking that I could fly Rarity's Carousel Baroque!"

We see Rainbow n top of Rarity's Carousel Baroque, wearing aviations and holding a makeshift steering wheel with empty soy sauce bottles on the ground. As Rarity watch on in disbelief, the weird out Pegasi pony calls out, "Yahoo! Move the launch way, ponies! We're taking this baby to the MOOOOOON; HA HA HA HA!"

Rainbow then falls over behind the sign, causing the 'C to fall off, landing onto the ground. The white unicorn puts up a sign which says ''C' for SALE''. May as well may some extra money, right?

* * *

"Oh, oh, who could forget...TAPE-HOOF TWO?" Rainbow's voice booms excitedly.

We now see Rainbow at her computer showing an e-mail which says...

**Hey, me again Rainbow Dash,****  
****my siblings still kept saying that your hooves are made out of tape, you sure that it's not true?****  
****-Ben Valor**

"What, those foals still insist that my hooves are made out of tape? WHAT? I say again, do I look like some kind of tape-hoof? I sworn on the grave of Firefly that I was never, nor will I ever be, a tape-hoof!" Rainbow scowls while sticking one hoof in the air, which is covered with tape again.

* * *

Rainbow, getting more excited, exclaims, "Oh, and how about that one time where I left a good prank call on Twilight's answering machine, causing it to explode?"

We see Twilight's Answering Machine, Rainbow's voice from it booms, "PRANK CALL!" Soon the machine squeals and explodes, leaving only half a tape labeled 'Equestria Fair '99' behind.

* * *

Rainbow's voice then said, "Also, there is that really old one that asked what my favorite phrase is."

We see some sort of retro version of Rainbow at her computer. There's an e-mail on it that reads.

**Favorite phrase?****  
****-Susiepharilla**

"I like to say 'Holy Horsecrap'!" Rainbow, in an old style voice, exclaims eagerly.

We see a retro version of Derpy that said happily in an old-style voice, "Oh no, it's Rainbow Daaaaash!"

* * *

"And there's that one where Big Macintosh and Caramel got into that knife fight on the stone bridge." Rainbow's voice adds eagerly.

We see the bridge over a river as Big Macintosh and Caramel fight each other with knives in their mouths. The latter kept jumping back and forth, dodging the big stallion who twirls his knife.

"Ha, woo-ghi; I'm the blade pony, man!" Caramel exclaims to Big Macintosh in determination.

* * *

"Of course, there's one time that Pinkie Pie drank a glass of soy sauce, trying to eat Rarity's Carousel Baroque." Rainbow's voice adds, bringing in another flashback, so to speak.

Of course, we see Pinkie, weird out with lots of soy sauce bottles on the ground, gnawing at the back corner of the Carousel Baroque, growling, "Grrr! Me hungry, me want!"

Interestingly enough, Rainbow is back on top of the place,, wearing the aviation goggles and holding the steering wheel, weird out again while cheering, "YAHOO! Hold on tight, Pinkie, we're blasting off to the MOOOOOOOOON; HA HA HA!"

* * *

Back in the present at the computer, Rainbow types some more, "So Rodentpal, that's pretty much the creep of the crop. There might be a few good ones...but let me tell ya, nothing gets better than that Cupcake-Oats robot." She stops typing while exclaiming, "All righty, so...OHHHHHH THAT'S THE END!"

Rainbow's last line echoes as she imitates a guitar...but no rocking music. The pony groans while saying, "Oh great! Which button was it?" She begins hitting various keys on the keyboard to play the music once more as the paper appear, bringing this chapter/e-e-mail to an end. Soon the e-mail intro tune is heard, "Oh yeah! That's it, but which key was it?"

* * *

In a flashback, we see Rainbow sitting at her previous computer that shows this e-mail.

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**Are you are real future Wonderbolt? Hope u r.****  
****-Ned**

Rainbow's voice over as she narrates, "How about that time that Gummy won't leave me alone?"

We see Gummy crawling onto Rainbow's computer as the Pegasus pony tries to swat at him, snapping, "Come on, Gummy, get out of here. I got an e-mail to check here!"

* * *

In another flashback, Rainbow is sitting at her present computer with another e-mail.

**What's up Rainbow Dash,****  
****Do that thing you do that one time. I wasn't watching and I missed it.****  
****Forever yours and young,****  
****Zebadoo**

Rainbow's voice comments, "Also, there's that one time that the G and U keys were the only ones that aren't broken."

Rainbow, in annoyance, types in this, "guUU gu guu uuUUUuu gugug ug ug UG gu gu Gu gu." No mistake about it, the pony either got to get this keyboard fixed or she has to get a new one!"

* * *

We see the Cupcake-Oats robot in the field, sating stuff like "Now spell, 'Hooves for brains'. Things were about to get getting Rainbow Dash. Now spell 'Douuuuuuuuble Deuce.'"

The End

Author's note  
Well, those are Rainbow's personal favorites though I think most of them are imaginary or unseen. In the next chapter/e-mail, a fan ask why fans made a big deal out of a certain background character in Applejack's episode (she means Derpy Hooves), but Rainbow has no idea whom she's talking about. Read, review and suggest.


	30. background character

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: background character

"Hoo! Cha! Cheritiza! Hooritajuzu-duh-email," Rainbow exclaims as she bring up the e-mail for this chapter.

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**Why do fans of the show make a deal about that certain background character in the Roundup episode with Applejack?**

**Ken P. from Fillybrae, CA**

Rainbow said 'Dear Rainbow Dash' in a slightly high-pitched voice...then looks confused while typing. She says, "Certain background character in the episode of Applejack's Roundup? Who the hay is she talking about? Hang on..." The Pegasus pony types in 'run golden mare'. "Is she talking about Golden Harvest?"

A picture of Golden Harvest appears. Rainbow pauses then say, "Nah. She isn't that much of a background character." The pony types in 'run dragon purple', while saying, "Spike? Nah, wait. I don't recall seeing the little guy in that adventure. Huh. Come to think of it, we should've brought him along anyway." Rainbow types in 'run little apple sister. "Huh. Apple Bloom wasn't shown much but...I think she is too cute to be a background character."

Rainbow laughs a while then types in 'run apple colt' while adding, "Now I know Caramel didn't speak much but I doubt folks make a deal about him.' The Pegasus pony then types in 'run weirdo pony'. "And Pinkie's physiology plain baffles me. And she's still a main character!" We see a physiology of Pinkie Pie.

Rainbow now types in 'run farm pony'. She pauses while asking, "Does she mean Applejack? Oh, AJ. Why would ponies give her a hard time? Probably because how she refuse to come home at work and how AJ broke her Pinkie Promise. But a background character; Perhaps this fan isn't thinking straight. Maybe...hang on."

Rainbow types in 'run different POV'. We see the monitor screen being converted to a devil-lookalike of Applejack making the pony gasps, "Of course! That's it!" She tabs out of the whole thing as she begins to type, "Yeah, I guess folks have been giving that poor filly a hard time. Perhaps I should cheer her up or something.

Rainbow got up and heads off. Derpy, who is visiting, came by and say, "Oh hey Rainbow Dash! Just come to do some stuff...eh? What's this?" The cross-eyed pony read the e-mail, mumbling a bit, "Wow! Yahoo; I finally get some comeuppance or something. I should go out there, pretending to be innocent and no pony will be the wiser."

* * *

We see a screen of the devil setup with the captain 'A little while later...' along with a wristwatch cursor on the screen. In the field, we see Derpy smiling as she stood there, waiting for Rainbow to do something nice for her.

"Nothing, nothing," Derpy said happily. Just then, Rainbow flies past her with a cake behind her back, "Hey there, Rainbow Dash."

"Hey there, weirdo eyes," Rainbow said, not noticing or seemingly caring that her friend is there.

"Got something that you wanted to tell me?"

"Uh, you're weird and you got weird eyes?"

"Not that." Derpy said happily, thinking that Rainbow is pretending to play dumb to avoid the cake,"Whatcha holding behind her your back?"

"Let's see...uh, a single deuce? Dooj," Rainbow ask puzzled as she flips Derpy the single deuce. The cross-eyed pony doesn't seem to notice or even care at this point.

"Come on, the other back!"

"Oooh...you mean cake for Applejack? Dooj," Rainbow suddenly throws the cake right into Derpy's face, making her yelp. "Aww, horse feathers, Derpy! Now look what you made do! Now I got to ask Pinkie Pie to make me another cake; Nice going."

As an annoyed Rainbow flew off, Derpy said with a sad sigh, "Wow, I wish that this is the first time that this has happened to me...today."

* * *

We now see the computer showing 'Another while later...' We see Applejack hitting trees to knock down some apples when Rainbow came by with another cake.

"Oh, howdy Rainbow Dash," Applejack responds to Rainbow."Uh, what's wit' 'de cake?"

"Hey AJ! I just want to apologize for throwing that first cake at Derpy. I put some jellybeans on it...you know, in case you wanted some of that stuff on it. Hope there's no hard feelings." Rainbow said as she gave the cake to Applejack who looks a bit confused.

"Shucks, none taken...though Ah don't git why 'de cake is fer me."

"Oh, you need cheering up! Well, I see that you're working so...I gotta go. Enjoy the cake!"

With that, Rainbow flew off, making Applejack blinks as she said, "Ah done don't git what just happened." Just then she flinches as the paper comes down. "Ah also don't git 'dat!"

Applejack pokes the paper with a hoof, doing it a few seconds or so. We see the cake and what it looks like so you can add toppings like cookies, sprinkles, grapes, cereal, ice cubes, lemon slices as well as a Swiss Cake Roll with the '50' candle from '50 e-mails' on it. Also, it reads 'Sorry I threw that 1st cake at Derpy' with a 'you' pointing at a caricature of Applejack and a 'me' pointing at one of Rainbow Dash.

The End

Author's note  
Poor Derpy (no offense to any fans of her or any disabled folks); Rainbow doesn't get it. In the next chapter/e-mail, a fan asks the blue Pegasus pony to do 2 e-mails. She agrees as Rainbow gets a question as to what she would do with a time machine. Read, review and suggest.

This chapter holds references to 'The Last Roundup' episode which features Derpy that shows some controversy problems.


	31. 2 Emails

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: 2 E-mails

_**"What do you get when you email Rainbow Dash? You get a world of hurt." **_Rainbow sang a bit as she brings up the e-mail for this chapter.

**Hey Rainbow Dash,****  
****I believe you should do more e-mails every week, as in two. That way, we could have double the Rainbow Dash, and double the fun.**

**Jamie, MN**

Rainbow stops reading temporarily and remarks, "Nice! That sounds like Rainbow Dash gum!" after 'double the fun'. We can see 'Rainbow Dash's Double-Deuce-blemint Gum', the top has the product label and a '25 cents' sticker while the bottom reads 'light blue! Rainbow Dash's Double Deuce-blemint Gum is the 20% product of choice!'

Rainbow pauses then she types while saying, "All righty, little Jamie. Your wish is mine command. I will do 2 emails this week." The pony stops typing, pausing a bit. "All right, time for number two!" Rainbow brings up the second e-mail.

**Hey Rainbow Dash,****  
****If you could time travel, what period of time would you wanna travel to?**

**Tom Nester****  
****Annteater, IL**

Rainbow of course draws out the 'eater' in 'Annteater' while saying 'IL as 'Ill-annoy us'. The pony then speaks while typing in, "Well, Nester, unlike when Twilight uses time-travelling to warn herself for a few minutes, my time machine would be longer. I would definitely travel about 15 minutes to when all the stallions would show up for the '2012 Stallions' Choice Awards."

We see a logo saying 'Stallions' Choice Awards' been seen as well as a little ditty of music, which can be brought up again and again. Rainbow explains, "Oh yeah, 50, maybe even 50 fine stallions will show up to vote on who gets to dance with yours truly. But since I don't have a time machine, may as well wait it out."

* * *

It was a few seconds; the whole thing goes fast forward. We see a brief glimpses of what's happening as Rainbow forwards ahead, stopping the fast forward on a screen that said, 'Now onward to the stallions!'

We see Rainbow, Applejack, Twilight, Rarity and Fluttershy waiting for the stallions to arrive in a room decorated with a banner which says 'welcome stallions/colts'. There are balloons that read 'Stallions' Choice' along with 'Vote Rainbow Dash'. We see a lot of nametags on the tray for the stallions themselves.

However, for some odd reason, no stallions are seen. A concerned Rainbow said, "What the hay gives here? Where are the stallions?"

"Rainbow, you said that there's going to be stallions here." Rarity said to Rainbow in annoyance. "Why am I feeling disappointed here?"

"Give me a break, I know! Perhaps their buss flew off a bottomless cliff or something; hey Fluttershy? Any pony called and told us that they weren't coming?"

"Oh right." Fluttershy said in realization. "Oh sorry, I forgot."

"Or...say anything about a bottomless pit?" Rainbow asks Fluttershy curiously.

"Wait, no. I forgot to tell you. A lot of stallions called while you were checking your e-mail. They mentioned about being a few minutes late."

"Oh good. On the plus side, their bus is okay!"

However, Fluttershy giggles while saying, "Oh, just kidding, really! But Pinkie Pie called. He said she was a million stallions tall!"

"Ugh, what," Rainbow ask Fluttershy, a bit disturbed by what she just said. "Oh horse feathers, this has gone from bad to worse."

"Well, check 'dis out, everypony!" Applejack exclaims while putting a nametag on herself. "Ah am hot colt number 37!"

"Applejack, come on! No, this is freaky enough as it is!"

"No, no, check me out! Ah am done shaking it 'to 'de left an 'to 'de right." Applejack begins dancing, making Rainbow screams in alarm as she trots off. The Earth pony doesn't notice as she hums while dancing, "Doo doo duh DOO doo doo doo duh doo doo!"

"Well, that was disturbing." Twilight said in concern. "We could've at least gets some action!"

We see the same ditty from before playing, but the logo now said 'No Stallions Showed Up!' The banner falls from the wall.

* * *

Back at the computer, a freaked out Rainbow types again while saying, "Sorry you have to say that. Perhaps I should've played it safe and go back in time to where I know that I'm 20% awesome. But since I don't have a time machine, may as well wait it out." The pony stops typing. "Ummm..." She begins to type once more, "Backwards actually."

The paper comes down as this chapter/e-mail comes to an end; we see the 'backwards' logo in a mirror image.

* * *

In the times of Ponyland and the Mag'ne, Firefly stands in front of a microphone while saying, "I ain't no apothecary, but before you trot long and wide on the Ponyland trail, make sure to try Aunt Firefly's Flavor Taste Style Chewing Powders!" The pony holds up a tin of some stuff, "Nothing else increases brain juice like this stuff! Once again that's Firefly's Flavor Taste Chewing Powders! Whisk the worries away!"

Firefly held the tin to the camera and pulls it back as Spike (Gen 1) came from the right. She turns to the dragon while asking, "So how was that phraseology, Spike? Are your worries gone now?"

"Yeah, they're gone all right." Spike mumbles as he wiggles his nose.

"Good, very smashing! No, I mean, start smashing."

"Fine!"

Spike heads off camera as we can hear the sound of glass breaking. Firefly laughs as she held out a hoof while saying, "Ha! Shows what you know, Ming vase!"

We see a close up of the product as Firefly exclaims, "Aunt Firefly makes good!" The words 'Firefly Powdertory, St. Filly, MO' appears under the cane. The pony speaks in a lower of tone of voice while doing so quickly, "Firefly Powdertory, Saint Filly MO!"

The End

Author's note  
Looks good, eh? In the next chapter/e-mail, a fan asks Rainbow to make a crazy cartoon, which she did with weird and interesting characters. Also, Spike makes a cartoon of his own. Read, review and suggest.


	32. crazy cartoon

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: crazy cartoon

"I am very intrigued by these...how you say...e-mails." Rainbow said at her computer, typing as she begins in the e-mail.

**Hi there rainbow dash!****  
****I wanted to know what your craziest cartoon would be like. Please make one CRAZY cartoon.**

**Your very awesome friend Slm Ken**

Rainbow, frowning, types while saying, "Look, I ain't your friend, Slim Ken, probably because of the trouble you gave others on the grapevine that I have ever heard. Hay, I ain't going to call you 'Slim Ken'," She types in 'blank' instead of 'Slim Ken', "ever again. I will call you 'Jar Jar', because that's the name that no one likes."

Rainbow pauses as she continues, "Well, a kah-razy cartoon right, Jar Jar? Well, to start things off, crazy cartoons usually got titles that doesn't have anything to do with the cartoon in general." The pony stops typing while continuing, "In other words..."

* * *

We see a weird cartoon landscape that has a cartoon logo that appears. Rainbow's voice is heard, "Amazing Harmony Elements! Now the main character, who we shall called Swipe-O. is some fox with a mask on that can fly." We now see a fox wearing a mask while flying. "His talking is just some mumbling noises, no words."

Sure enough, Swipe-O makes mumbling noises. Rainbow's voice continues, "In all these episodes, the fox is always trying to get a rabbit named Bugsie right out of the ground." A hole appears in the ground as a rabbit named Bugsie appears, peeking out before Swipe-O lands on him. "Oh, wait! Also, at least one an episode, Luario would show up to deliver one cool catchphrase!"

We see an Italian dog named Luario appearing from top of the screen, exclaiming, "It'a a me, Luario!"

"And then Applejack will be the voice of a pony dummy named Ashleigh."

As Luario ran off, a badly drawn pony dummy named Ashleigh trots up, speaking angrily in Applejack's voice, "Dang nab it, Luario! Ah will done git you if it's 'de last thing Ah dooooo!"

Rainbow's voice continues, "Also, I will be in there...but my head would be a Disc Burner that plays a demon whenever I get upset."

We see Rainbow with a disc burner for a head, making a demo play while she dances around, apparently upset. Swipe-O begins dancing along as Luario rush by them with Ashleigh in hot pursuit.

* * *

Back at the computer, Rainbow types some more as she remarks, "Now that is one crazy cartoon, eh Jar Jar? Of course, yours truly isn't much of an animator. But I betcha Spike could make some crazy cartoons. How about we find out what our baby dragon buddy is cooking up tonight...today...just right."

* * *

We see Spike on his computer working on a cartoon back at the library. Rainbow comes up to him, asking, "Hey, what's up, Spike; Whatcha working on now?"

"I got a keeper this time! Check this out!" Spike exclaims excitedly as he starts the cartoon up.

Now the cartoon itself appears to be of very poor quality in typical Spike style. The words 'ACTIVATEd by SPIKE' appears on screen.

We now see Rainbow and Trixie on the field, the latter said in a weird way, "Hey Rainbow Dash! I want to be kicked in the face."

"I can do it, I can do so 9 times!" Rainbow in a weird voice exclaims as she flies up, kicking Trixie in the face 9 times.

"That is the last..."

"Shut up you...shut it up you!"

"Shut it up me!" Trixie exclaims in agreement with Rainbow, shutting herself up.

Soon Spike appears on screen, Rainbow with a smile exclaims, "Here you go, Spikey-Wikey, have a trophy!" The pony tosses a trophy to the animated dragon. "You are 20% awesome than I am!"

"Thank you Rainbow Dash! I am 20% awesome, am I?" Spike asks Rainbow pleased.

"Here you go, Spikey-Wikey, have another trophy!" Trixie exclaims as she spits out a trophy to Spike who catch it.

Rainbow, smirking, kicks Trixie in the face, saying, "I was saving that one 2 seconds ago!"

"Good...timing."

Soon a pink Twilight Sparkle lands from the sky with a trophy via her magic. She exclaims, "Hey, Spikey-Wikey, have a trophy!"

"Yay, 3 trophies for Spikey-Wikey," Rainbow and Trixie said at once and excitedly to Spike.

"3 trophies for my little Spikey-Wikey!"

Just then, Luario appears, saying, "It's-a me, Luario!"

We leave the cartoon and saw...another badly drawn cartoon of Rainbow and Spike, watching it, as the badly drawn Pegasus pony exclaims, "Spikey-Wikey, this must be the greatest cartoon in Equestria! Have a trophy!"

Rainbow gave a trophy to Spike who exclaims, "Thanks! I am 20% awesome!

We finally return to reality as a confused Rainbow ask Spike, "Wait, I didn't do that...did I?"

"What can I say? I am the master of my cartoons!" Spike explains, pleased with himself. "You like?"

"Well, it was good...like how you worked in Luario but no offense, this thing doesn't deserve a trophy. Hay, I don't think it deserved a pizza either! A pizza trophy perhaps; and what's with all of fillies calling you 'Spikey-Wikey'? Doesn't Rarity's the only one who does that?"

"Ugh, everypony's a critic. At least I try to have an imagination."

The paper comes down, showing the e-mail Rainbow part in badly-formed letters. As this chapter/e-mail comes to an end, we see Luario dropping in and standing in front of the scene remarking, "It's-a me, Luario!" Then the dog leaves.

The End

Author's note  
Crazy cartoons, folks. In the next chapter, we meet the mascot of RDTAU as their golf team the Cupcakes faces off against a Pile of Useless Junk. Read, review and suggest.

Jar Jar is the name of that annoying Gungan in the Star Wars series.


	33. mascot

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: mascot

"Oh yeah, a little e-mail never hurts anypony...except maybe Derpy." Rainbow comments as she brings up the e-mail for this chapter. "Okay, what do we got today?"

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**I am curious. Does RDTAU have a mascot as well as sport teams? Thanks for the info.**

**Annon**

Rainbow nods as she types in, saying, "Yeah, we got a mascot all right, Annon. Of course, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Spike and I were really hungry when we decided on a name at the time." We see a MLP (MLP Ponyinterviews) styled cartoon of Rainbow, the CMC and Spike sitting on the couch or whatever with the words 'really hungry and tired. "The best we can come up with is Rainbow Dash's Totally Awesome University Cupcakes. Perhaps I think we meant 'Fruitcakes' at the time. Of course, we were really hungry, tired and kinda confused so we ended up putting 'Cupcakes' on the application."

We see the application in general, sort of.

**College Mascot Application**

**College Name: rainbow dash's totally awesome university**

**Mascot Name: CUPCAKES!**

**Dean of Students: myself**

**Essay on why you think this is a good mascot: I was hungry, what the hay did you expect?**

**Drawing of Mascot: come on, you know, a cupcake for desert**

We see a picture of a cupcake with a fork in it.

Rainbow continues, "But yeah, we do have a sports team, the Golf Club Team which consists of me, AJ, Spike, Big Macintosh and the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Hay, every Sunday, we have a game at 6pm!"

* * *

We see the scoreboard on the field as the game is in progress.

**HOME****  
****Rainbow Dash's Totally Awesome University****  
****0**

**VISITOR****  
****A Pile of Useless Junk****  
****0**

We see Spike hitting a bunch of useless junk with a golf club right in a ring. His team which consists of Rainbow, Big Macintosh, Applejack and the CMC are cheering him on while Apple Bloom exclaims, "Yay! Go git them, Spike!"

"Go Cupcakes!" Rainbow cheers wildly as Spike hit the useless junk like mad with the golf club.

"Defense, eeyup," Big Macintosh cheers wildly.

"Head in 'de game, Spike; Yew are wide open!" Applejack calls out as Spike hits the electronics even harder.

"Yeah, sweet," Rainbow exclaims with a smile at how Spike is doing.

"YEEHAW! 'Dat a boy, Spike!"

"Scootaloo, get me some juice!"

"Right away, Rainbow Dash!" Scootaloo exclaims as she rush off and came back with a tray of apple juice on her back. The mare smiles as she takes a box, that's the advantage of having Scootaloo as a juice filly.

In the crowd, the ponies are cheering on the RDTAU team, Twilight is with Fluttershy and Rarity. The purple unicorn looks puzzled as she said, "I don't see the point of this since the team would smash the junk and win anyway."

"Oh, don't sound so disappointed, Twilight." Rarity said to Twilight with a grin. "My sister Sweetie is so happy on being in a university at someone her age."

"You do know that Rainbow's university isn't real, right?"

"And your point?"

"Go for the 8-track, Spike!" Rainbow cheers on Spike eagerly.

"Take this 8-track!" Soike laughs as he smashes the 8-track like mad; soon the pile of useless junk is finished off, "Yeah!"

"Oh my, that's a bit violent." Fluttershy comments as the scoreboard gives 1 point to the RDTAU team.

Time Turner sounds the buzzer as the Mayor announces on a mike, "And the Cupcakes win!" Everypony cheers on even the awkward Twilight who applauds for the win's win.

"Look, everypony!" Sweetie squeals in delight as she points. "It's the Sugarcube Cupcake, here to celebrate our victory!"

Sure enough, the said mascot came onto the field. It's Pinkie wearing a Cupcake outfit that has a weird hat, a big mouth that we can see her in, a huge tongue with drool on a spring and two huge hands giving thumbs ups. As Pinkie dances, the fight song plays as Rainbow sings.

Rainbow: _**Fighting and sometimes striving**__**  
**__**Wondering what the Cupcake is**__**  
**__**Excellence and what is valor?**__**  
**__**And Spike will hit stuff with a golf club**_

Spike appears as she held up cue cards that said 'are, 'dee', 'tee', 'ate', and then 'you' which Rainbow chants while singing.

_**R D T A...U!**_

"Me?" Pinkie asks a bit confused by the chant.

* * *

Back at the computer, Rainbow types once more while saying, "Yeah, we're still undefeated. Of course, next week's game is going to be a tough one against the Construction Ponies' Building Tech which consists of building supplies. Gotta go; I promised the team that I would get them real fruit smoothies if they won...and guess what? They won the game so I'm getting them real fruit smoothies."

Rainbow types in 'run 'fight song'' then trots off. The computer plays the song in general as we see the letter name of each note. Once it's done, the computer said 'GO CUPCAKES' as the paper comes down, bringing the chapter/e-mail to an end.

Author's note  
Go Cupcakes! Great game and team, eh; in the next chapter/e-mail, we see Rainbow upgrading Scootaloo's privileges. Read, review and suggest.


	34. privileges

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: privileges

_**"Ohh-ho-oh ohh EEEEE-MAIL ME COLT!" **_Rainbow sang as she begins up the e-mail for this chapter. The pony stops singing while saying, "Uhh; once times, twice times!"

**Dear rainbowdash,****  
****ever thought of giving scootaloo some other privaleges since she helps you so much.**

**from you pal insanelenny**

Rainbow pronounces 'privaleges' as 'pree-vah-lah-gees' while saying her name and 'insanelenny' very quickly due to the fact that they ran together. The pony types in while speaking, "Privilages, eh I.L.? Well, I do believe that Scootaloo is overdue. Now then, if I remember right, the last time I upgraded her privileges, I reinstated her bathroom privileges here at my house; which she previously abused due to reasons I rather not get into...Stalkaloo...time to see when she is up for an upgrade."

Rainbow looks to her left, calling out, "Hey, Scootaloo! Scoots, where are..."

"Hey, Rainbow Dash," A familiar voice calls out from behind Rainbow, making the mare screams as she falls off her stool, landing right on her face. She got up and saw Scootaloo behind her. "You called?"

"Ouch...horse feathers, Scootaloo, don't sneak up on me like that." Rainbow groans as she got back up completely, turning to face the filly. "All right, I need to check your Rainbow Dash Rewards Score Card."

Scootaloo nods as she holds up a yellow business card which has the following details.

**Rainbow Dash Rewards Score Card**

**member name:****  
****Scootaloo**

**"Save up a lot of cool points to curry my favor!"**

Sure enough, we see that Scootaloo's score card has four out of five points punched in already at the bottom. One more as the whole thing is updated.

"Ooh, hey Scoots; you need only one more point and you will be a Medallion Gold Plus Club member!" Rainbow exclaims to Scootaloo with a smile of approval on her face.

"Really; YES; BE RIGHT BACK!" Scootaloo exclaims extremely excited then she zips off as if to do something for Rainbow.

We can hear drilling and staple noises as Dumb-bell's voice screams, "Ouch! Ooh!"

"Gah, my face and hooves," Hoops is heard screaming in some pain as well.

"Ouch! My wings, my wings," Score's voice screams in terror, making Rainbow smirks in amusement. She can tell what Scootaloo has done big time.

Scootaloo came back with a smirk while putting down a drill and stapler. The filly exclaims, "There! What do you think, Rainbow Dash?"

Rainbow laughs madly while exclaiming, "Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh man, that's definitely worth a point!" Scootaloo eagerly gives her score card to the mare who punches in the last hole. "And now, time to see what new privileges await you, my filly friend!"

Rainbow, clearing her screen, types in 'run 'medalliongoldplus dot txt'. We see the privileges for those in the Medallion Gold plus Club.

**Medallion Gold + Club Privileges**

*** Twilight's Sock Drawer (Not to sleep in)****  
***** Dominion over Tofu Pizza Toppings****  
***** Mute on TV Remote anywhere****  
***** Limited Use of Beamer Lighter****  
***** Ghost-write issue of TCS****  
***** Spike Bath****  
***** Friday Night Study Session****  
***** Saturday Flightday****  
***** Rainbow Dash Math****  
***** Use of Duct Tape****  
***** Pony Braces****  
***** Pony Uno**

"Oh yeah, check these babies out! Twilight's sock drawer, I know you have been wanting to get in there. Also, the mute button; you can do plenty with that! Heck, this is much better than the rewards that Noteworthy gives out for selling magazine subscriptions! 'Oh, save up points for a tropical vacation'. Man, that's a scam." Rainbow chuckles a bit. "So, whatcha going do with your new powers, Sco..."

Rainbow turns but to her surprise, Scootaloo is gone by now. The pony blinks while calling out, "Scootaloo? Hey, where..."

* * *

Of course, Scootaloo is already taking advantage of her new privileges. She is lying in Twilight's sock drawer in front of the TV, muting and unmuting the thing at all times with Spike nearby, watching as the TV itself plays ominous music.

We can hear a stallion talking on TV as Scootaloo keep muting and unmuting it, "...think that carriage is alive..." Mute then unmute. "...carriage is trying to kill me, "...mute."

Twilight came in and saw Scootaloo in her sock drawer, making her ask in surprise, "Scootaloo? What are you doing in my sock drawer? You aren't allowed in there."

"Relax, Rainbow upgraded her privileges." Spike explains to Twilight with a grin. "It's cool now."

"Yeah, to my expense."

"Bing bong!" The familiar voice of Derpy calls out into the library.

"Come on in!" Scootaloo calls as Derpy came into the library with a tofu pizza box. The filly unmutes the TV once more.

"...probably think I'm crazy but that carriage..." The stallion on TV said seriously before he was muted.

"What brings you here, Derpy?" Twilight ask Derpy curiously as Scootaloo mute and unmute the TV some more.

"Delivering tofu pizza to Scootaloo; Anyway, little filly! Here you go, Noteworthy asked me to bring you this said pizza that you ordered1 It's a large, thin crush with mushrooms and cupcakes!" Derpy explains happily.

"...like I have lost my mind, but that carriage is..." The stallion on TV continues before being muted once more.

"Thanks; just leave it on the couch!" Scootaloo exclaims to Derpy with a smile.

"Yeah, we will have it at some time." Spike remarks with a nod. "Twilight, you will pay for the pizza, right?"

"Yep," Derpy exclaims happily as she drops the pizza onto the couch while Scootaloo unmutes the TV. Twilight gave out an annoyed sigh as she gets some bits out to pay for the meal.

"...that thing is chasing me as if it was trying to..." The stallion on TV insists before being muted once more.

"So..." Derpy exclaims as she took some magazines. "Any of you three wanna buy some magazine subscriptions from me?"

"Uh, maybe another time," Twilight said uneasily as she gave the right amount to Derpy quickly.

"Yeah, no thanks, I'm good." Scootaloo said to Derpy in dismissive while watching TV some more. "I want to make good on my rewards!"

"Yeah, me too," Spike exclaims with glee.

"Come on, fillies, Spike, help me out here. I'm trying to get to Acowpulco." Derpy pleads to her friends with a frown.

Scootaloo unmutes the TV once more as the stallion on TV continues, "...I still think that the carriage might be trying to kill me." Soon a screeching and crashing noise is heard on the TV itself before the Pegasi filly mutes it once more.

Rainbow pokes her head in, saying to the camera, "Well, I.L., as you can see Scoots here ended up in Twilight's socker drawer. Until next week, so long and thanks for all the privaleges, I think."

The paper comes down. We see the top of the pizza box which said 'Noteworthy's Old Pizza. 'Well, It Is Really Old, Right?''

We now see an article which shows Tardy Ponyrocini from 'Nightshade' performing the 'hardest Chord Ever' which requires a lot of hooves to play (as well as another to strum). We see some hooves being used to depress strings while some of the strings themselves must be depressed in a lot of places before the fretted point (that alters the pitch by a few cents).

Also, a shortcut chord could be used with only 4 hooves; And...wait, hang on, why am I telling you this boring stuff for? Let's go to the article!

**The Hardest Chord Ever**

**Colten Island fretmaster Tardy Ponyrocini has found a way to play 'the hardest chord ever' last week in the studio in his basement. Ponyrocini was in hot pursuit of the chord for the better part of 6 years. "I finally got it!" said Ponyrocini. The chord is a combination of a diminished 8th and a demonished 10th. "This chord will land me one awesome record drawl with Mulenel and hopefully some pony ponies as well." The chord itself is perfected on a Ponynez B800-XV. Ponrocinis' mom is reported to be very proud indeed.**

Scootaloo, with a devilish smirk, then take a lighter out and burns Derpy's magazine, making Twilight yelps. Regardless, the cross-eyed Pegasus pony said, "Wow, 3 points!"

Rainbow peek her head in once more, smirking while saying, "Yeah; Another point for you, Scootaloo!"

The End

Author's note  
Nice privileges for Scootaloo, eh folks? Hope she likes them. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow responds to it in a funniest and weirdest way, much to her friends' notice. Read, review and suggest.


	35. funny

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: funny

_**"Watch me do a little bit o' email,"**_ Rainbow sang as she prepares to bring up her e-mail in the field. Of course, the pony unknowingly and accidentally types in 'ranbowdash_email dot exe'. _**"And I'll watch you do a little bit o'—"**_

Rainbow looks confused as the screen say 'File Not Found'. The pony remarks, "Err...odd; that never happened before." Rainbow tries again as she sang the same song. _**"Watch me do a little bit o' email,"**_ The pony puts in the right one 'rainbowdash_email dot exe'. _**"And I'll watch you do a little bit o'—"**_

The e-mail loads properly this time. Rainbow, misunderstanding at first, said, "Err, odd that never happened bef...wait, it's an e-mail. That has happened before as well as a few times if I remember right. Now then..."

**Hay Rainbow I was wondering, can a human enter Equestria? If so how?**

**Your pal, Lankore**

"Well, Lanklore, to answer your question, yes; Megan and her family has arrived to Equestria before and even centuries ago back when the place was called 'Ponyland'. Of course, the time thing is a bit complicated to explain. As for how, they usually get here via the Rainbow Bridge." Rainbow explains. "Their arrival is random; Next-email!"

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**Respond to this E-Mail in the funniest way ever.**

**From Nack**

Rainbow enunciates 'funniest way ever' and reads 'From Nack' as if the whole phrase is the e-mailer's name. The pony then types in while saying, "Okay...I can tape this blank floppy disk to my head..." Rainbow didn't actually type in 'blank' of course. "Then talk weirdly while acting like Derpy Hooves."

Rainbow clears the screen as she begins to do so, "DUH, DUH, DUH; I'm Derpy Hooves! Yahoo," She jumps onto the table, dancing around. "Whee! I got weird eyes! Check out my weird eyes dance! Squee bah bah duh duh heehaw!"

We see a bottle of ketchup falling from the ceiling from one of her hooves as she begins flinging the stuff all over everyone. The pony then hits the keyboard with a lower hoof, making, 'YEAH! I CAN TYPE HORSE CRAP WITH MY LOWER HOOVES!'

"—pongity pongity pongity pongity pongity pongity pongity pongity pongity pongity pongity pongity! Aunt Dummy, Aunt Dummy! I got ketchup on the computer! YEAH, WHOOPIE," Rainbow exclaims as she leaps from the table backwards, spinning while bouncing around the floor on her own head, "Pont-REER; Pont-REER; Pont-REER; Pont-REER; Pont-REER; Pont-REER!"

We see Pinkie Pie coming in from the left with Rainbow entering from the right; the Pegasi is bouncing on her own head while shooting out gibberish, much to the pink pony's notice.

"Oh, hey Dashie; Err, I was going to help by to do something funny. But looks like you don't need my help this week." Pinkie said as Rainbow bounces off to the left while his friend watch on.

Rainbow now flies up to Cheerilee, begins shouting gibbering at her while doing a weird dance, "Jor Jee Jibbera Jaw! Huppidda Roopja Oop Jup Jaw! Ooka Oog—"

Cheerille looks worried as she talks over him, "Now stop that!"

"Ooka Reetoo Taw!"

"Honestly, you're weirding me out!"

Rainbow pauses a bit then continues on, much to Cheerilee's dismay, "Eeckoo Ickoo Ickoo Slaw; Hooka Hoo Ha!"

"You took some of Screwball's pills, didn't you?" Cheerilee ask Rainbow a bit oddly.

Back at the computer, Spitfire and Soarin' are dipping flies in the ketchup that is on the computer, the mare Wonderbolt ask eagerly, "Wow, Soarin', you're right! The computer catsup stuff is way better than the regular kind...or that purple kind."

Rainbow just then came back, back to normal while saying, "All right, come on, clear out, you ponies...except for you, Soarin'. I got plans for you."

"Hoo boy, why am I not surprised," Soarin' ask a bit nervous by Rainbow's response.

"How about cleaning this mess up before we hang out later, baby?"

"Uh...well, sure. I guess."

"What the hay happen?" Spitfire asks Rainbow puzzled. "Did you set off some sort of ketchup bomb or something?"

"Nah, not really," Rainbow remarks to Spitfire with a shrug. "I was answering my e-mail and act and dance like Derpy while throwing ketchup all over the place."

"Oh, pretty cool."

"Uh...say, Spitfire? Ketchup bombs are real, right?"

"Not yet!" Spitfire remarks as she held off a French fry before flying off.

"Well, Soarin', you going to get your 409 or 20% Awesome Sauce or whatever to clean this stuff off with so we can...hang out later?" Rainbow asks Soarin' with a wink of an eye.

"Okay, sure, just don't do that again!" Soarin' blushes a bit as he flies off to get something to clean the computer off with. "Darn, why do I feel mushy around her?'

"Perhaps a moist chamois," Rainbow pauses as she tries to dip a fry with the computer ketchup before eating it. "Cool. This computer ketchup is pretty good actually. Needs some RAM though...probably a couple of mega chips as well."

The paper comes down, bringing this e-mail to an end. We see a bottle of the ketchup that Rainbow has used. The labels reads...

**a lot of ounces**

**Quite Cool 'Whatsup**

The End

Author's note  
Wow, that's pretty funny, don't you think? In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow tries not to make a song about some fan named 'Billy' but you know how that goes. Read, review and suggest.

The first e-mail response has references to the first MLP series and the fan-fiction 'The Elements of Harmony and the Savior of Worlds'.


	36. billy

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: billy

"E-mail, e-mail, e-mail, e-mail!" Rainbow cheers on as she brings on the e-mail of this chapter.

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**You rock, yahoo! You are the most awesomest thing in Equestria! But how come you made a song about fhqwhgads? Can you make one about me?**

**Billy.**

Rainbow stops saying 'fhqwhgads' to remark, "Well, whoever this colt is spelled fhqwhgads right. Trust me, you wouldn't believe how many I get where they are like, 'Yo, Rainbow Dash I enjoy your fubugrass'. Or 'Dear Rainbow Dash, where is that fuguman'? Anyway..."

The pony remarks, her voice is becoming more incredulous while doing so. Rainbow looks shocked by the question, especially the name 'Billy'. Needless to say, this ticks her off.

"For crying out..." Rainbow groans as she begins to type, "You ponies and your demands! Look, I am not going to fulfill whatever dumb whim you got it, okay? Make a song about me! Send Metal Iron the Invincible right over to my place! Put on a purple whatchacallit and dance around!"

We now see Rainbow Dash's Fruit of the Sun impression as purple grapes on paper, the caption reads, 'Looking good, RD'." The pony angrily snaps, "Well, forget you guys! I have had it! I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever make a song about the billy." Unknown to her, a beat begins playing in the background as she types and sings along with it, _**"And I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever write a song about..."**_

Rainbow stops as she looks around confused. The pony stops singing while typing as she said, "Hey, what the hay? Where is that beat coming from?" Rainbow turns and saw Blossomforth playing a keyboard while bobbing. "Oh, look who is Clever Jan. What are you doing to do? Scram!"

"Ugh, fine, sorry!" Blossomforth groans as she picks up the keyboard and trots behind Rainbow's computer.

"Well, that brought this e-mail to one crazy halt. For some reason, my focus is all messed up; Time for a break."

As Rainbow exit stage left, Blossomforth peeks out from behind the computer with a smile.

* * *

In the living room, Rainbow enters stage right as the TV emits canned laughter.

"And whoops!" Rainbow exclaims as she flies over the back of the couch, sitting down to watch TV, "Oh, yeah. Love this show; this is the one where the colt's mom shows his girlfriend the pictures of the colt when he was a foal."

"MOM," A voice on TV is heard in annoyance as we can hear canned laughter once.

"Oh man, that was so embarrassing!"

Just then Fluttershy, listening to an IPony, came in while singing a familiar song, _**"...never, ever, ever, ever, ever write a song about Billy."**_

"Gah! Hey, stop that!" Rainbow exclaims in alarm upon hearing what Fluttershy is singing. "Where did you hear that song?"

"Not sure, Rainbow. I downloaded the song off the Internet. It's a big hit."

"What? No way, guh! I gotta get the hay out of here!"

Rainbow didn't write any song about 'Billy' but it ends up on the Internet as if made by her anyway! She gotta get out of here! The cyan Pegasus pony flew away out of the room, stage left.

Fluttershy shrugs it off as she flew off, stage right while singing, _**"And I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever..."**_

* * *

In the field, Bon-Bon was standing near a radio, bobbling left and right to the music that has a familiar pony singing on it, _**"And I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever write a song about Billy."**_

As Rainbow enters stage right, looking shocked and embarrassed, the announcer on the radio say, "And coming in at number 4 is Rainbow Dash with 'Song about Billy'."

"Gah! I didn't write any song about Billy! Blossomforth, she...she started playing some beat!" Rainbow protests in shock and alarm. "I mean, I wasn't even...hay, I didn't mean to...it wasn't any intention...GAH; I STINKING HATE BILLY!"

"And coming in at number 3, it's Rainbow Dash with 'I Stinking Hate Billy'!"

Sure enough, Rainbow's voice is heard on the radio, singing, _**"I stinking hate Billy..."**_

Finally Rainbow loses it, enough is enough! As the Pegasus pony screams, she grabs the radio and pile drives it like mad. Then the pony kicks the thing over and suplexes it, damaging the radio to the point of the thing no longer playing.

After calming down, Rainbow stood up, breathing hard as her right eye twitches twice in victory. Bon-Bon nods while saying, "Thanks, Rainbow! I have had it with that talking toaster too."

The paper comes down, bringing the whole thing to an end.

* * *

After the recovery, Rainbow and Bon-Bon are in front of a chalkboard that has the word 'FHQWHGADS' written on it. The former is trying to teach the latter how to say it right.

"'Fhqwhgads.'" Rainbow said to Bon-Bon with a nod.

Bon-Bon of course said, "Fubugrass."

"Say it with flourish, for Celestia's sake; 'Fhqwhgads.'"

"Fooboomagoo."

"Trust me; it doesn't sound like it looks." Rainbow said as she tries again once more, "'Fhqwhgads.'"

Suddenly Caramel pops in in the foreground, saying, "Forhorglingrads!"

"Caramel, I told you to leave like an hour ago!"

Big Macintosh unknowingly pushes Caramel out of the way while shouting, "Douglas!"

Rainbow grins eagerly while exclaiming, "Whoa, a breakthrough, at last! Big Mac, you got yourself a gold star!"

The End

Author's note  
Poor Rainbow; she made a song that the pony has no intention of making. In the next chapter/e-mail, our favorite Pegasus pony discovers the awesomeness of black marker on stomach which she markets to become rich. Read, review and suggest.


	37. suntan

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: suntan

_**"I met him in the summertime. His name was..." **_{Falsetto} _**"E-mail," **_Rainbow sang, doing the last part in a falsetto voice as she checks her e-mail.

**Hey there, Rainbow Dash,**

**You looked cute as a Neighpanese, what with that hair and everything. (Wink) I was thinking that you would look better if you go out into the sun sometime and get a nice tan. I've heard that it can help your muscles stand out a bit.**

**Wilson, KS**

"Hee-Oh hee! I think that's how you say that." Rainbow said for the wink part as she said 'KS' as 'K.S.'

Rainbow begins typing in as she said, "Say, good point, KS. Why, with the summer months almost ending and all that, I probably should go out often more than usual. I do know that the stallions love more a lightly toased Rainbow Dash than a regular one."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "And maybe it can help my muscles, abs, and what I may got. They are showing up all over the place as it is...but I guess a little more definition wouldn't kill me."

* * *

We now see Rainbow on a towel, sunbathing in the field with buckets of 'Animal Phats - 'its lard, dawg!'' and 'cocoa butters. The pony sighs while saying, "All right, sun, show me what you got from the princess! No punches, just that radioactive stuff!"

We see Pinkie smiling, wear round sunglasses while sniffing, "Oooh. Oh yeah, there it is."

"There what is?"

"Oh nothing. Hey Dashie, how are you today?"

"I was doing better until you showed up." Rainbow said to Pinkie dryly, "Nothing personal, such wanting to do pretty good with my privacy."

As Pinkie continues, she sneakily swipe the cocoa butter while her friends isn't looking, "Oh that is super duper nice! What I needed to know. Well, better get going to a better smell...err, I mean place, yes!" With that, the pink pony zips off.

"Hang on! Did Pinkie Pie just take off with my cocoa butter?" Rainbow asks in alarm. Pinkie came back while swiping the Animal Phat. "What the hey, gah!"

* * *

The words '6-8 hours later' appears on the computer e-mail loading screen before we go back to Rainbow sunbathing. Her chest is now extremely pink due to her being out here for too long.

Twilight, Spike and Nyx chose that time to arrive; the purple unicorn is using an umbrella to cover the last two; the alicorn, noticing Rainbow, spoke up, "Rainbow Dash?"

"Rainbow Dash, how long have you been lying out here?" Twilight ask Rainbow puzzled.

"Not sure, probably 6, maybe 8 hours." Rainbow remarks to Twilight with a shrug.

"Oh, you do know that you're supposed to flip every 15 minutes, right?"

"What? Come on, who wants a tan on their back? There isn't any abs to show off! Not like up here!" Rainbow insists as she stands, showing off any abs...that the pony doesn't got. "Oh yeah, AB City, Equestria, baby!"

Rainbow shakes her hips while her back is the same clothes, she hums, "Do-doot do."

"Come on, I don't see a single ab on you, Rainbow." Spike said to Rainbow in disbelief.

"Right, I don't think us ponies got any abs." Nyx said while agreeing with what Spike is saying.

"Come on, whatcha ponies talking about? It's like a Apple Cider brewery over here, so many six packs!" Rainbow insists as she takes out a marker. "I mean, look."

Rainbow begins drawing abs on her chest, smiling at Twilight's group while saying, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6! Wait, forgot the hatching." The pony adds in shading while smirking.

"Shouldn't you have pecs or something?" Twilight ask Rainbow oddly, "Though ponies aren't supposed to have any."

"Who needs pecs? That's why they called this pony 'Double A': All Abs!"

"Very weird, let's leave."

"Right, see ya Rainbow." Nyx comments as she, Twilight and Spike leaves the weird out Rainbow to whatever illusion that she's in!

"Hmmm, I betcha I could make some serious bits off this idea." Rainbow said thoughtfuly. "Why, I could be a thousandaire...or a hundredaire; Sweet!"

* * *

We see a fake add as the product 'Rainbow Dash's Ab-Abber 2012' zooms in. The announcer announces, "Now introducing the all new Rainbow Dash Ab-Abber 2012! Get results that the professional got in..." We see the words appearing on screen, "Minutes, no! Seconds! Why, listen to this pony right now!"

We see Big Macintosh with the product, sounding like he's reading off a tele-prompter, "Shucks, ever since I used Rainbow Dash's Ab-Abber Two Thousand and Twelve, the fillies have been all up ons." The stallion looks confused while turning to Rainbow off camera, "All up ons? Don't know what that means."

Rainbow is heard saying, "It means that the fillies really like you!"

"Come on, they don't...well, at least most of them. Anyway, who could with all this marker on my front?"

"Read the lines, Big Mac!" Rainbow snaps as she holds Miss Smartypants, or a lookalike since Big Macintosh gave the original back to Twilight after the Gabby Gums incident unknown to the others, while snapping, "Or do you don't wanna see Miss Smartypants again?"

"Shoot, leave Miss Smartypants out of this!" Big Macintosh exclaims in alarm and worry. Even if that doll isn't the original one, this is playing unaware.

* * *

We see the Mayor finishing drawing up an adding machine that shows the word 'SALAd' on her clothes while the words 'Celebrity (?) Testimonial' is shown on the middle of the screen.

"Well, it seems like a good guy." The Mayor said to the screen with a sheepish smile.

* * *

We see a closeup of the Ab-Abber 2012 box with the words "Act Now' flashing on top of the screen. The announcer exclaims, "If you act now, you will also receive the Clotsterizer, "The words are seen on the screen's bottom, along with a cheese wedge with string attached to it, "Absolutely free!"

As the words disappear, the announcer continues, "Just max out you're," The words 'Clotis and Dloits?' flash on the center of the screen, "Cloits and Dloits with the ease of a thousandaire; Rainbow Dash's Ab-Abber 2012!" The words appear, "'They'll be all up ons!'"

The paper shows up as the chapter/e-mail comes to an end. We now see the instructions of the product in general.

**Rainbow Dash's Ab-Abber 2012 Instruction Manual**

**Just use a fine tip black marker (not included) to define the desire abdominal muscles (abs). Repeat as necessary until it's done.**

***Actual drawing is shown**

The End

Author's note  
Well, that's one way to make some bits, right? In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow takes the week off so Rainbow fills in by discussing the finer points of frying computer parts with beverages. Read, review and suggest.


	38. anything

Author's note  
Glad to see you reviewed again, ABI. Also, I did review those stories and hope that Philip make more soon.

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: anything

It is another day at the computer in the library as...Rainbow Dash is absent. Odd; Just then, a familiar pink pony bounces in and sat down.

"Hey there, class! Dashie could not be here today. Something about a Wonderbolts show; so I will be filling in today! My name is...Pinkie Pie." Pinkie said slowly while writing her name on the screen with a piece of chalk before erasing it. "Now class, if you can get out your paper and number 2 pencils, we can begin, okie dokie lokie?"

Pinkie hums as she types in 'rd_email dot com', rather than the usual 'rainbowdash_email dot exe' that her friend usually does to get the e-mail program going. Strangely and surprisingly, it works.

"Okay, lesson one." Pinkie said as she reads the e-mail.

**hey there Rainbow Dash,****  
****ever made anything out of anything?****  
****bye****  
****Phillip from FL**

Pinkie frowns angrily at the 'Rainbow Dash' part as she regards the screen saying, "Perhaps you have forgotten but my name is Pinkie Pie. But I will let it slide it this time, okay?"

Pinkie Pie continues reading the e-mails and pronounces 'FL' as the letters 'F' and 'L'. The pink pony ponders this, typing as she asks, "FL; Far-off Lands; Foreign Leadership Camp; Fish Lake?" The pony stops typing. "Oh wait, that guy must be from Fish Lake!" We see a postcard from the mentioned place.

Pinkie clears the screen as she types once more, "Well, Phil, I once made a birthday present for Rarity out of my old CDs that I don't like anymore and put them in a decorative bag." We now see the CDs in general that are labeled 'Really Slow Old Mare Music', 'Pretty Slow Old Mare Music' and 'Very Slow Old Mare Music'. Yeah, they're slow all right.

Pinkie stops here typing as she clears the screen while explaining, "And then..." She types some more, "I once made breakfast right out of cold cupcakes and half and half. Oh, oh! One time, I even made a whole set of coasters out of..."

We see some glasses of lemonade sitting on came cartridges as Pinkie continues, "...some old Ponyga tapes. And of course, I made a pair of shoes..."

* * *

We now see Noteworthy and Derpy was talking, the latter was wearing a Pegasus Foreign Leadership Camp '91 T-Shirt. Just then, Pinkie came in wearing shoe-boxes for shoes as she voice over, "...out of a pair of shoe boxes!"

"Hey Pinkie Pie, you got some cool kicks." Noteworthy comments on Pinkie's 'shoes'.

"Thanks, I know!" Pinkie exclaims happily while trotting off.

"Anyway, Lucky got the ball at the top of the key thing..."

* * *

As we go back to the computer, Pinkie continues typing as she say, "But this week, Pinkie Pie will show you how to make a wet computer...out of Rainbow Dash's computer!" Spike chose to come in, wearing a red outfit but yelps as the pink pony unknowingly knocks him offscreen while standing up, "Okie dokie lokie! You will need a 2 liter bottle of Cloudsdale Dew, like so."

Pinkie took out a bottle of Cloudsdale Deew from out of nowhere while continuing, "Then get Rainbow Dash's computer...make sure you apply liberally!"

Pinkie smiles as she pours Cloudsdale Dew right onto the couple. The liquid ends up overflowing onto the floor that forms a dark puddle on the carpet. Suddenly a ringing noise is heard from out of nowhere.

"Oops, sorry, class, we're out of time!" Pinkie exclaims to the audience happily.

"Uh, that's my egg-timer." Derpy is heard from offscreen.

"Class is dismissed...except for you Phil! I got some words to talk to you about! Your number just came up!"

The paper came down as the chapter came to an end. As Pinkie twitches a bit, the soda continues pouring right into Rainbow's computer. Its 13 seconds later when the pink pony notices something.

"Wow, this thing is like...the never ending soda or something." Pinkie said in amazement. Then she happily sings, _**"Never-ending so-oda! A-a-a, a-a-a, a-a-a..."**_

The sound fades out but the soda continues pouring from the bottle indefinitely of course.

The End

Author's note  
That's the class lesson from Pinkie Pie, though I know Rainbow is going to be upset when she gets back. In the next chapter/e-mail, the Pegasus pony continues, explaining how an e-mail works, at Iron Will's expense. Read, review and suggest.


	39. the process

Rainbow Dash's E-mails: the process

_**"My name is not Email Sam. Ooh ahh. So please don't call me Email Sam. Ooh ahh." **_Rainbow was singing a song while typing up on her computer (which she has to clean after Pinkie Pie spill soda right onto it). Soon the email shows up.

**Hey Rainbow Dash what do you do on the internet just curious **

**Also i have an interesting question how would you feel if someone wrote a fanifc crossover about you and Twilight ? **

**Adam Seville **

**Salinas,California**

Rainbow shrugs as she types in, "Well, to be honest, Adam, I do a lot on the internet, play games, chat a bit and answer these e-mails. But as far as me and Twilight goes, forget it! I got into trouble for insulting that dumb book series and I ain't going anywhere near that subject again; next e-mail!"

**Dear Rainbow Dash,****  
****How long does it to answer an e-mail?****  
****Can you show me the prosess?****  
****Me**

Rainboew say 'How long does it take to answer an e-mail" though the word 'take' isn't mentioned. As for 'prosess', she reads it as 'prosess-sess... sess.'

Rainbow begins to type while saying as she pauses at times, "Me? Weird, what the hay does that stand for? Mereson; Mebrodak; Metarkanderundersgunderson; Pal, you got some terrible and stupid name." Rainbow stops typing a bit. "But I digress..."

Rainbow clears the screen, speaking as she resume the typing, "Show you the process, Me; Sure, no proble,. I can do that. But I oughta warn ya. It may spoil the magic for some of you folks out there. I better ask that those with the faint of heart and the faint of the butt to leave the room right now." We see the international symbols for 'faint of heart' and 'faint of butt'.

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "Right then..." The pony types once more. "Well, I usually start things off with a little song that somehow involves the word...e-mail."

Rainbow stops typing as she said, "You know, like 'I'm pronouncing e-mail!' Or like 'e-mail, bu da ba doo dow'. Some stuff like that." The pony then goes back to typing. "Then I take the e-mail Picked for this week and read it, pointing out any and spelling as well as grammatical errors along the way. And right after I poke fun at your name, I will begin to answer your e-mail." We see Me's name tag.

Rainbow clears the screen then continues typing while saying, "Now then, mostly I would like to start with, 'Well, something, whatever something and whatnot'. Or occasionally (sic) I would switch it up like, 'something whatever huh, whoever?' Next off, as I'm trying, you can usually click on certain words and make little pictures of dumb stuff pop up especially when Easter Eggs are involved."

Sure enough, we see the following pops up when you click on certain words...

'typing' - We see a picture of hooves on a keyboard with the caption 'PLEASE, enjoy typing!'

'Certain words' - wee see a picture of both hooves holding a book with the captain 'But for real, enjoy certain words'.

'dumb stuff' - We see a pie chart that has 61% Dumb Stuff, 28% Manticores, 17% Pony Net Gain, and 8% Rhythm/Note Blues. These add up to 114% but whatcha going to do?

* * *

In the field, Rainbow trots in explain, "Okay, we now reach the point where we leave the computer to some other scene. Thiere is where some background character like Caramel or Derpy shows up to shine. And if any of my friends like Twilight, Spike or any of the CMC were to appear, well, you will see any of them too."

Just then Iron Will appears, exclaiming, "Hey there, little pony! What's happening?"

"Or someone liked him who only shows up in one of our adventures. Anyway, Mr. Iron Will, I'm showing the folks like I go about answering my e-mails."

"Yeah, right on! You got to the part where Iron Will would put on a shirt, tear it off and begin flexing to show off my lady fans, right?"

"Uh no, not going to happen." Rainbow said to Iron Will in annoyance. This guy apparently likes to do more than give out guru tips to ponies like Fluttershy who toughen themselves up later and make nuisances of themselves too as well.

"What about the part where I, Iron Will, ride out waterskiing on two of my goats, much to my lady fans' delight?" Iron Will ask eagerly though Rainbow cuts over before he could finish.

"No way, not going to happen either."

During this time, Pinkie giggles as she came in, putting 3 matches in Iron Will's left foot. The minotaur remarks dryly, "Sounds like you got a lame e-mail show to Iron Will, pony!"

"Whatever." Rainbow remarks while rolling her eyes a bit. Pinkie then light the matches and Iron Will's hoof is set on fire.

"Whoa, mama; Ouch," Iron Will helps in alarm. Then Pinkie happily put a beehive on the ground, causing the minotaur's other hoof to land on it. "OUCH, HOT BEES, OUCH!"

"And that's how pranks on those who asked for it are made!" Pinkie explains to the camera happily much to Rainbow's amusement as Iron Will ends up getting a bit tortured.

* * *

We return to the computer as Rainbow continues, "Then we go back to my computer. This is where I either finish things up or wind things off, depending on how funny the last part was. And that's about it, Me, that's how things around here are done. Now you can answer e-mails like a true Rainbow Dash."

Rainbow clears the screen as she adds, "Then right before the paper would come down, I usually mutter some stuff," The pony lower sher voice, "Right under my breath, about some stallion named Daveth."

The paper soon comes down. Rainbow pauses for 10 and 15 seconds then continues while typing, "And sometimes, if you wait around for 10 or 15 seconds more, something funny would happen."

Just then Lyra appears while asking, "Like me showing up to show a classic line, Rainbow Dash?"

"No, like me throwing a discount brick at you!" Rainbow scowls as she throws the discount brick at Lyra, only for the unicorn to duck and making it miss. We can hear a crashing sound in the background. "No offense, Lyra, but that happens."

"Oh, discount brick! Cool!"

We go back to the computer. We see a radio tuning noise and white noise as an announcer spoke up, "Yes, come on down to Discount Pony where we got a deal for you!"

The other announcer spoke quickly, "Open 7 days a week. Take the interstate side to Exit Ponyer B, 1 mile south of Granny Road. The foals get in free. Try not to laugh at whatever bald spot I got."

The radio turns noise and white noise once more.

The End

Author's note  
That's e-mail for you, folks. Now normally, I would give you the next chapter/e-mail which is 'stunt double'...

Pinkie: But you cover that with 'Dasheresque 2', right?

Me: Right, so I won't do it. Instead, I will go to the e-mail after that one, where Rainbow shows what a date between Big Macintosh and Cheerilee would be like. We also see one of the pony's dirty happens: using security cameras to spoke on folks! Read, review and suggest.


	40. date

Author's note  
ABI is right, chipmunkfantatic, in the MLP continunity (my fic ones anyhow), 'Cupcakes' is a movie made by Rainbow and Pinkie (on a dare and which the Pegasus regrets making).

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: date

At the Ponyville library, Rainbow begins making typing noses while typing up 'rainbow dash_email dot exe', "Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tep..." The pony hits enter now. "...tick."

**What is the most interesting song that you or the gang have ever sung **

**Giggle at the ghosties **

**Winter wrap up **

**At the Gala**

**and any song that i can't think of off the top of my head **

**sorry though anyway ciao**

**chipmunkfantic OUT**

"Oh, you again, huh?" Rainbow asks the fan in amusement. "Well, to answer your question, that's a big toughie. I will have to say the song that I sang with Fluttershy, involving the Best Pet. That's how I met Tank. Okay, next e-mail!"

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**Got a question for ya: what happens, if you think about it, when Big Macintosh and Cheerilee got out on a date?**

**Dinomite****  
****Buffalston, MA**

Rainbow said "Din-o-MITE' for the addressee's name and remark, 'Err, and whatever state the city is in' for MA, not really having a clue as to what 'MA' stands for.

Rainbow begins to type while saying, "To be honest, I did a lot of thinking on that subject. And yes, buddy, you guessed it...it freaks me out. So to watch from a proper, safe distance, I made the..." The pony brings up the a prompt while running 'bmacerdsxr dot exe' while continuing, "...Big Macintosh and Cheerilee Extra Real Dating Sim XR!"

The game's title screen appears as Rainbow continues, "With the help of most state of the art ponygoniest technologies, we will see what Big Mac and Cheerilee's date would be without worry of personal injury...or throwing up. So I believe it will go a little something...like this."

Rainbow goes by the title screen as we see 3D, pony-gon heavy images of Cheerilee and Big Macintosh on the screen with a pixelated backdrop of the field. Below the scene, there are words for each character like 'Duh', 'Buh!', 'Fuh' and ?.

As Rainbow clicks on the words, the character got a quote bubble with the appropriate word. Cheerilee on screen say, "DUH!"

The Big Macintosh on screen remarks, "FUH! DUH! DUH!"

"BUH! DUH! FUH! Rainbow Dash is on point!"

"FUH!"

Rainbow leaves the program while typing. She say, "This, ponies will give you a good idea of the lurking horrors." The words 'lurking horrors' appear, showing a flashing logo of the words. "Of course, if you folks want to experience it first hand, unfortunately, I got to get Spike to hide one of my security camera, you know, in that new restaurant made by lookalikes of us Mane Six, one of those places that they start going to. We did so...let's check it out."

Rainbow goes over to a TV that said 'Rainbow Dash's New Secret Security Camera Monitor'. As she messes with the switch, Twilight came over with the CMC; the fillies are getting out library books.

"Whatcha doing, Rainbow Dash," Apple Bloom ask Rainbow curiously.

"About to see what your big brother and teacher are doing right now on their date." Rainbow explains to Apple Bloom with a grin.

"As in spying; you're going to get into trouble if they find out." Twilight points out to Rainbow with a frown. "Didn't you learn anything from the Gabby Gums incident?"

"This is different; it's for my own entertainment."

We now see a black and white feed of Big Macintosh and Cheerilee at a table at the new restaurant own by the Mane Six lookalikes. As the frowning teacher watch on, her date said eagerly, "Okay, Cheerilee, let's play again! What do you think I will say next; Sid Neighman; Or Sid French Ponyman?"

"Big Mac, no offense, but this is the dumbest game that I have ever played." Cheerilee said to Big Macintosh dryly.

"Shucks, you are upset because you're losing. Come on."

"Fine, I will go with Sid Horseman."

"Sid Horseeeeee...French Ponyman," Big Macintosh exclaims with a smirk. "Lose again, eeyup! I said 'Sid French Ponyman'."

"Wow, I think he's cheating." Sweetie said, blinking her eyes a bit.

"Come on, Big Mac, I know that you said Sid Horsefrenchponyman." Cheerilee said to Big Macintosh with a frown. "That isn't even a choice!"

"Oh man, I don't think I can handle much more of this!" Scootaloo exclaims with a groan.

"Yeah, this is invasion of privacy, this isn't right, Rainbow Dash." Twilight remarks to Rainbow with a frown.

"Yeah, you're right. Let's see what else is on the tube." Rainbow said quickly as she changes the channel on her security monitor.

The image now shows the channel 'CAM 2'. Diamond Tiara is screen as it zooms in, the filly yelps in pain as she is getting smashed in the face while Tough Apple is heard grunting offscreen, getting lumps on her head. It's obvious that the mean bully has done something bad and Apple Bloom's cousin is beating her up right now.

"Ouch, please, quit it! Stop punching me in the face!" Diamond exclaims, yelping each time as Tough hits her hard in the face. "And another thing, ugly, when did you start wearing a class ring?"

Rainbow and the CMC laughs madly as the mare remarks, "Oh man, this is priceless."

"Yeah, I know." Sweetie giggles in delight at this.

"With a camera in it," Diamond on screen demands to Tough before the big cousin hits her on more with the hoof with the camera in the ring on it.

"Good work, Cousin Tough Apple." Apple Bloom remarks eagerly at her cousin's work.

Rainbow changes the monitor again, showing a view of her Cloudsdale. She comments, "Well, everything appears to be doing fine in my little version of Cloudsdale..." The group then spots Hoops, Score and Dumbbell flying into view, landing on a cloud. "Oh man, good timing!"

"What? What's going on?" Scootaloo ask her idol curiously.

"Okay, check out the security counter-measures that I just put in."

Score touch the tire then screams in pain as he is zapped by electricity, "GAHHHHHHH! Oh horse feathers!"

Suddenly a prop of a huge dragon monster springs up from out of nowhere, causing Hoops and Dumbbell to scream in terror, "AHHHHHH! JABBERWOCKY," The three Pegasi jocks flew away in terror at the fake Jabberwocky, all three of them are wide-eyed.

"Oh man! Ha ha ha! Look at those jerks run! Those three freaks out whenever they see my Jabberwocky trap!" Rainbow laughs a bit, the fillies and even Twilight laugh along with her. She calms down and switches the channel, showing an image of the throne room at Canterlot. "Well, the Canterlot senate is now in session."

"Wait, how are you seeing this?" Twilight ask Rainbow suspiciously. "Did you put up security cameras all over Equestria?"

"No...maybe…and check this out." Rainbow said as she holds up a switch box. "I have put up a prank bomb in there a while ago that I can activate at any time with this switch box. You ponies care to do the honors?"

"With pleasure," Scootaloo squeals as she press a switch. Suddenly, an explosion occurred as sugar is now on everypony in the throne room is covered with sugar, along with a surprised Celestia, "Ha ha ha!"

"Oh horse apples." Twilight groans in embarrassment as she slaps her forehead.

"Wow, the princess is going to have trouble getting that mess out of her mane," Sweetie comments. Rainbow laughs as she switches to another channel.

The image on the monitor now shows an empty meeting room in a castle. Apple Bloom asks curiously, "Hey, what's 'dat? Ah done think Ah recognized 'de place."

"Oh, that's a camera I put up in the Castle of Nightmare Moon, Nyx's former place, a while ago. Amazingly that it's still activating after disappearing." Rainbow commented in amazement.

Twilight notices some hooded figures arriving, making her ask, "Hey, what's going..."

"Back to the subject!"

Rainbow switches back to the first camera which now shows Big Macintosh kicking Cheerilee underneath the table. The stallion comments, "Shucks, Cheerilee. Can you feel that?"

"Yeah," Cheerilee said to Big Macintosh with a deep frown.

"What the hay is that?"

"You kicking me under the table."

"Nnope, I would've remembered something like that." Big Macintosh remarks with a mischief smile as he continues kicking Cheerilee under the table.

"Eh, big brother done likes 'ta do 'dat." Apple Bloom remarks with a shrug while chuckling herself.

"Oh, almost forgot to tell you ponies." Rainbow said with a mischievous smirk while waving a hoof at the screen. "We also secretly replaced Big Macintosh's juice with...Super Mud."

Big Macintosh is seen taking a sip of his 'juice'...then yelps as he spits the stuff right onto Cheerilee while kicking her some more. Twilight comments, "Oh, that's one way to ruin a date."

"Oh yeah, ha ha ha! That's awesome!" Rainbow exclaims eagerly as she goes back to the computer. "Cheerilee got face full of super mud and this pony is feeling fine; Paper, mind taking this e-mail to a close?"

The paper comes down as Rainbow continues while typing, "Well, ponies, I got to go react that Jabberwocky trap. You all can play that game if you want." The Pegasis types in 'a run bmacerdsxr dot exe' before leaving.

As we see a can of 'Super Mud' appearing, the CMC goes to the computer, Sweetie ask, "You think Cheerilee will be upset when she finds out what Rainbow Dash did or what we have been doing."

"Nah, I'm sure she won't and even if she does, our teacher will understand. Come on, let's play that dating game." Scootaloo comments as she begins playing the game.

Twilight's mind isn't on Rainbow's spying or the date...it's on that image at the Castle of Nightmare Moon that she and the others just saw. What's going on over there?

We now see a camera of Big Macintosh and Cheerilee's date some more, the big stallion is calling out, "Chun king; Chun king!"

"Big Mac," Cheerilee said to her date with a frown.

"Chun king! Chun king!"

"Big Mac, what the hay are you doing?"

"Chun king! Chun king! Chun king! Chun king! Chun king!" Big Macintonsh continues on what he's doing, much to Cheerilee's annoyance and magrin.

"Will you stop that?" Cheerilee ask Big Macintosh with a frown. "That is getting on my nerves."

"Shucks, sorry Cheerilee. I was trying to order the Chun king here. Want to play the game again?"

The End

Author's note  
Well, that's Big Macintosh and Cheerilee's date for you...and a foreshadowing to 'Lorcan's Wrath'. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow's 'friend' ask her to do an impression of Fluttershy...and of course, she and her pals go to a Fluttershy lookalike contest. Read, review and suggest.


	41. impression

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: impression

_**"Email: It's like the sugar on the candy for my stuff.**_**" **Rainbow sang while bringing up the first e-mail of the chapter.

**There is a Fanfic Called Cupcakes involving your friend Pinkie Pie druging you with one of her cupcakes at you guessed sugercube corner you then wake up and she starts to disect you and plays with your guts just a warning if you have a weak stomach don't read the fanfic anyway the story sucked but i thought that you could take a look cause an internet personality called The FanFicCritic reviewed this in Episode 129 it was written by Seargent Sprinkles (stupid screen name) but i did a different take where i get your body and with the help of my brother Simon and my two sisters Jeanette and Jill we bring you back to life and one Pinkie and Apple Bloom are executed and two there banished but die in battle but anyway i think that my version is better well anyway gotta go i have trailers to story's that i gotta get up**

**Adam Seville **

**Salinas,Califnoria**

Rainbow shudder a bit as she explains while typing, "Okay, not sure where you're from but that was a movie that I did on a dare...and one that I prefer NOT TO go ANYWHERE near again, especially any unofficial sequels. Whatever your version is, no offense but you can have it. Okay, next e-mail!"

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**Can you please do your impression of Fluttershy?**

**Thanks,****  
****Your pal**

Rainbow pauses between 'Dear' and 'Rainbow'. She then remarks, "Weird, no name. Okay, uh...thanks; Your friend...pal," The pony types in 'Kefka' under 'Your Pal'; we see what 'Kefka' is.

**KEFKA**

**The Kefka are one of the many tribes of ugly, clown, ogre-like creatures found in the badlands of Equestria and throughout lesser known dungeons.**

**Because of how low their I.Q. is, that makes them susceptible to toilet humor and crazy gags like 'Gimme five, up high, down low, very slow'. Their temper however are the same as Nightmare Moon's and take offense to any offer of Apple Ciders.**

**FREQUENCY: Common****  
****INTELLIGENCE: Way low****  
****ARMOR CLASS: +2**

Rainow begins making her reply as she types, "Whoa, Kefka, what a coincidence that you mentioned that! I was about to head out to the annual Fluttershy Lookalike Contest, where ponies are judged on appearance, impression and penmanship. Of course, we don't do it to make fun of Fluttershy, she is actually flattered by the whole thing. We do it just for fun. I am definitely a shoo-in this year, wait until you see my costume!"

Rainbow quickly zips off but came back to say, "And I ain't beating around the cloud this week!" The pony zips off again quickly.

* * *

In the park, the Mayor, who is judging the contest as always, stands under sign that reads '2012 Sectional Finals - FLUTTERSHY LOOKALIKE CONTEST'. The pony smiles while she speaks to the crowd of ponies waiting, "All right, I like to welcome to you all back! Hope you enjoy the intermission. The cupcakes were great, Roseluck!"

"Those were flowers, your honor!" Roseluck is heard calling out.

"Yes, now then, before we begin, allow me to introduce the pony of the hour who we aren't making fun of as she is a good friend and who made this contest possible, the animal lover, Fluttershy!"

Fluttershy flew to the Mayor under the sign. We can hear Cherry Berry snapping, "Booo!"

"Cherry Berry," Twilight exclaims to Cherry in annoyance by the pony's attitude.

"Hey, I'm still bitter as to what she did to me and Bon-Bon during her 'Fluttercruel' stage!"

"Thank you, I guess, thank you." Fluttershy said meekly to the crowd. "I'm very honored yet embarrassed to be involved in this contest for the fourth year in a row. And..."

"Okay, enough, Fluttershy." The Mayor said as she pushes Fluttershy out of the way. "Not to be mean but your work is done here and we got to get this contest started. Now then, let's begin!"

The Mayor goes up to Rainbow who is in her Fluttershy costume. It consists of a 'Phys Ed' yellow sweatshirt, a pink mop for a Mane and a tail, a face with Fluttershy's face drawn on it, and of course a picture of the yellow Pegasi's cutie mark taped near the flank. There is a suspicious looking lump near the chest part of the sweatshirt itself.

"Looking good there, Rainbow," The Mayor compliments Rainbow.

"Thanks, I know." Rainbow said, pleased with her costume.

"And very good use of light and shadow as well."

"I know."

"As well as stuff from the previous Ponyville Donations Sale." The Mayor comments on the rest.

"I know, shut up." Rainbow said impatiently to the Mayor.

"Very well, show me what you got."

"Okay, now how about I push play on my 'sweatshirt' here."

We can hear a click button. Rainbow actually pushes a button on a tape recorder that she hid in the yellow sweatshirt. Fluttershy's voice is heard, "Rainbow, why do you want me to say, 'Hi, I'm Fluttershy'?" The blue Pegasi fast forward the tape a bit. "Come on, eep! Get that tape recorder away from me!" We can hear more fast-forwarding. "Stop flicking my tail!"

Rainbow's voice, also on the tape, is heard, "You stop flicking my tail with your own tail! It's no wonder why ponies think you're..."

Rainbow quickly turns the tape off and said sheepishly, "Heh heh. Oops, you didn't hear that."

"All right, very unsuspicious," The Mayor remarks, not thinking a thing of it.

"Yeah, I know."

The Mayor now goes over to Pinkie Pie who is wearing yellow slippers, a yellow shirt with Fluttershy's cutie mark painted on it, and she has pink socks taped to her head and tail as if to look like her friend.

"Hey Pinkie Pie, nice use of the slippers," The Mayor comments on Pinkie's slippers.

"Thanks, they are ponies!" Pinkie exclaims happily to the Mayor.

"I bet. Now then, let's hear your impression."

"Uh...just tell me again what kind of stuff that Fluttershy says."

"You know; shy stuff." The Mayor insists to Pinkie with a nod.

"Oh, right, right! No problem! Ahem..." Pinkie pauses then begins to speak as if in Fluttershy's voice, "Yay." The pink pony spoke in her norma onel, "Wow, it's like I'm really her! I think that's something she said, right?"

"Yeah, I believe I heard Fluttershy say that a few times...and you're right, you do sound like her. All right, next contestant," The Mayor then goes up to what appears to be Fluttershy; The Earth pony frowns as she snaps, "Fluttershy! I told you already! You aren't eligible for this contest! You are supposed to go home, not to be mean of course. Now go home!"

Of course, as the Mayor leaves, she fails to notice that 'Fluttershy's' eyes are now cross-eyed. It's actually Derpy in a perfect Fluttershy costume but the grey Pegasi pony's mouth is different when she talks.

"Oh, sorry; I just don't know what went wrong." Derpy said sadly to the Mayor, who walked away without realized who she really is.

We now see Scootaloo wearing a pink wig that is apparently too big for her, along with yellow shoes and has a picture of Fluttershy's cutie mark on her own flank. Apple Bloom and Sweetie are with her.

"All right, Scootaloo, lay it on me." The Mayor said to Scootaloo with a nod.

"All right, go ahead, just like we practiced!" Apple Bloom said to Scootaloo with a grin.

Scootaloo clears her throat then spoke as if she's Fluttershy all mad, "You're...going to LOVE ME!" The filly Pegasus then spoke normally, "Rainbow told me that she said that at the previous Gala!"

"Wow! It's as if I was there at the Gala, seeing Fluttershy all mad right now!" The Mayor exclaims impressed. "First prize goes to Scootaloo!"

"All right! I thank my friends for helping me with my Fluttershy impression and costume"

"YAY! CUTIE MARK CRUSADER FLUTTERSHY IMPERSONATORS," The Cutie Mark Crusaders all cheer at once for Scootaloo's win and their own victory.

* * *

Rainbow, still in costume, groans as she trots up to her computer while muttering, "Unbelievable of Scootaloo and her lookalike costume." The pony begins to type, "Can't believe that Scoots won sectionals for the 4th year in a row with that wig and shoes. I also can't believe that I told her about the Gala as well. I knew I should've gone for the bigger tail."

We see Rainbow's alternative plans for her costume. She stops typing while saying, "Oh well, got to give her credit for winning again, even though Scoots is no closer to getting her own cutie mark right now. Can't stay mad at the little filly," Rainbow then goes back to typing, "On the bright side, at least I won the penmanship award."

We see Rainbow's entry for the Fluttershy penmanship contest before she continues, "But I better get going if I am still going to be fashionably late to the after party at Sugarcube Corner." The pony stops typing. "So until next time, all the stallions and dudettes, she begins to sing, _**"Rainbow Dash is a cool gal! And we're not cool in the least!"**_

As Rainbow leaves, the paper descends, ending the chapter/e-mail.

* * *

At the after party at Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie and Twilight are in a room filled with balloons, the pink pony is dressed in her Fluttershy costume still, 'Winter Wrap-Up' is playing in the background while Twilight is holding a cup full of punch.

"I got to say, Pinkie Pie, those pink socks on your head and tail was sure a nice touch." Twilight said to Pinkie with a smile.

"Wait, I got socks on my head and tail?" Pinkie asks in shock and confusion. She begins to shaking back and forth like mad, "Getthemoff getthemoff getthemoff getthemoff getthemoff gettthemoff!" The pony stops shaking, "Getthemoff getthemoff!"

Twilight frowns in disbelief. Her friend can be so random.

The End

Author's note  
Nice contest, especially for the Fluttershy fans (no offense to the Derpy ones). In the next chapter/e-mail, when a fan ask Rainbow what she's doing for Pony Labor Day, the pony decides to take a day off and not answer the e-mail. Read, review and suggest.

This chapter has references to 'Cupcakes', a previous e-mail for when it's a movie in this continuity, one of the villains of the Final Fantasy (but different), the episode with Iron Will, the fact that Pinkie and Fluttershy are voiced by Andrea Libman and the Gala episode.


	42. pony labor day

**Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: pony labor day**

"Yeah, which e-mail is your favorite? Mine is the 'basics'!" Rainbow hums a bit as she brings up an e-mail. "Shang-a-lang-a..." The poni then reads the first one.

**Rainbow Dash,**

**what do you think of scootaloo if you ever had her as a little sister? And are you a fan of Alvin and the chipmunks ?**

**chipmunkfanatic**

Looks like this fan is back. Rainbow pauses to think while typing. She say, "Well, chipmunk lover, I've never gave it that much thought. Oh wait, I fib. I did give it a lot of thought. It would be cool to have somepony like her as a little sister, of course taking care of her may be hard since AJ and Rarity does it for their own sisters. And the Chipmunks; I think Megan's kids told me about them one or two times. I did listen to their music on the internet a few times. I will let you know what the status is at another time; Next e-mail!"

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**I was wondering as to what you're doing for Pony Labor Day.**

**Your friend,****  
****Crispy,****  
****Schenectady, NY**

We see an image of Schenectady Crispy cereal. Rainbow's eyes widen in shock. She types while exclaiming, "Whoa! Today is Pony Labor Day already? Well, I do know that I ain't going to answer an e-mail today! I'm taking the day off! Okay, I did answer one but no more! Suddenly it's like the world is my...place where I don't have to answer an e-mail! I think I will go sit on my cooler next to the Tree and say stuff to ponies while they go by."

Rainbow stops typing as she remarks, "Heck, that's what I called the ol' Pony Labor-Dabor!" The pony leaves the house to begin her Pony Labor Dabor thing.

* * *

We see Rainbow on top of her cooler right next to the tree; the cooler itself has a handsome 'pony labor dabor' sign right on it. Big Macintosh came in with a snack tray on his back.

"Yo Big Mac, my stallion, it's Pony Labor Day!" Rainbow remarks to Big Macintosh with a smirk. "How about getting a life?"

"Shucks, I sure do! Eeyup!" Big Macintosh remarks as she heads off.

"Wow, that stallion really needs to get a life for real. Just like I do, I got a real life! Chilling with my cooler here at the Tree, saying stuff to ponies!" Rainbow then spots Golden Harvest passing with a jar of mayo, "Whoa, good stench there, Golden Harvest. Smelling real nice, I will give ya an A+on smell. Or maybe you prefer an A+ for smelling like horsecrap...and a sold F- for smelling any good!"

Golden Harvest frowns as she heads off. Rainbow shrugs as she comments, "Man, that pony doesn't smell any good." Soon Applejack came by with a six pack that only has 1 can of Apple Cider remaining. "Hey, it's AJ, my pal! Good ol'...farming AJ. I always wonder: if your coat always orange or are you wearing a body suit? You know, with the hoovies and hat-sies?"

"Shucks, Ah done have hoovies all right, 'de athlete kind!" Applejack comments as she leaves. Just then, the Mayor of Ponyville trots up.

"Well, well, it's the self-proclaimed Mayor of Ponyville! As if you ain't an easy target for my witty jabs and clever put-downs. What shall I say?"

"Any chance you got anything edible in that cooler of yours?" The Mayor asks Rainbow curiously as we see it open to reveal a marker and Rainbow's pet tortoise Tank inside.

"Nope, you're old and weird; Yeah, high-hoof, the Tree," Rainbow laughs as she high-hoof the Tree, causing a piece of it to break off, "Oh, sorry about that, the Tree."

Just then Fluttershy and Angel came in, with a pair of badminton racquets. Rainbow grins as she remarks, "Oh, those two, Fluttershy and Angels. One of them is very cute and meekly and the other is very small. Nice contrast there, you two! Okay, that's all I got." The two leave. "Well,. this is turning out to be one hay of a Pony Labor-Dabor. Want a tofu burger, the Tree?"

* * *

During this time, the ponies whose went by Rainbow or not are attending the Pony Labor Day party tableau, almost everypony is there, minus the cyan Pegasi herself. Twilight's song 'Everypony Knows It' is heard playing in the background.

"This must be the best Pony Labor Day BBQ that I have ever been BB'd to!" Caramel remarks as he hangs out with his pals.

"I wonder why?" Rarity asks Caramel with a shrug and a grin.

Twilight looks around puzzled as she asks, "Anyone here seen Rainbow Dash? I send her an invitation."

"Perhaps it got 'da-leet-ed'," Pinkie remarks, making a joke. This causes the others to laugh.

"Wow, good one Pinkie Pie!"

"Yeah, life o' 'de party, y'all," Applejack giggles a bit, enjoying the funny joke as well.

"3 cheers for Pinkie Pie," Caramel laughs a bit as the party continues on in the park.

* * *

Rainbow continues laying on the cooler next to the Tree with a tofu burger on it, unaware of the party that's going on right now. The Tree's own broken off part is on top of the food item.

"Hey, how is your your tofu burger? Sorry about that high-five thing..." Rainbow remarks a bit then she mumbles, "Hay. Perhaps I should go check my e-mail after all. I'm bored."

The paper comes out as the chapter/e-mail comes to an end.

* * *

At the grill, we can hear Twilight singing a song.

Twilight: _**Everypony knows it. **__**  
**__**Everypony knows it. **__**  
**__**Everypony knows it's true. **__**  
**__**Oh, yeah. **__**  
**__**You gotta do the best you can. **__**  
**__**And work out twice a day. **__**  
**__**Don't ask me why I said it. **__**  
**__**Because I already forgot.**_

* * *

We now see a commercial as Rainbow is in a kitchen behind a table that has a box of Schenectady Cripsies on it. She said, "Schenectady Crispies are really good, they taste twice, in your mouth and in your...esophagus!" We see the following words at the screen's bottom. "Hope I don't get caught!"

The End

Author's note  
Well, some Pony Labor Day, eh folks? Too bad Rainbow misses the party right now. In the next chapter, our Pegasus pony herself shows off a book that she has 'made' called 'Everypony is Different'. Read, review and suggest.


	43. foals' book

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: foals' book

"Fillies and gentle-colt, I give ya...ta da the rde-mail!" Rainbow said, putting a lip on 'rde-mail'. This one shows up.

**So rainbow dash i have a question ever been in a serious relationship and stuck with i?t**

**chipmunkfanatic**

"Oh, welcome back chipmunk fan person. To be honest, I haven't gotten thar far just yet. That Soarin' stallion looks pretty good right about now." Rainbow Said with a chuckle. "And now, the next e-mail!"

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**I was wondering if you have thought of making a foals' book, what it would be about, and what kind of words would you try to teach kids?**

**Your fan,****  
****Huge Jazz**

When Rainbow Dash reach the closing, she frowns while snapping, "Forget it. I ain't going to touch that one!" The pony begins to type. "Yeah, I wrote a foals' book. Heck, who didn't? Little ponies can barely read as it is at that age? So how hard can it be to write for them? This book that I wrote is called...

We see a book itself, of course the name 'Leonard Ponyinterviews' was crossed out with Rainbow Dash's name in is place. It's obvious that the pony is just remaking the book in her own image to make it look like that Raibnwo herself has made it!

"'Everypony is Different'. All right," Rainbow's voice said as she open the cover. It turns out the book's original owner was Fluttershy. The Pegasi begins to read, "Everypony is different. No two ponies are the same."

Rainbow turns the page, showing a colt on a bike in there...of course, Rainbow has drawn a big truck behind him. The original text said, 'Some ponies has freckles. Tankie has freckles'."

"Some ponies are about to be run over." Rainbow's voice said mischievously. "Tankie has about 5 seconds."

Rainbow turns the page. We now see a huge stallion with a tennis rocket along added drawings of Wonderbolts attacking while he's amshing a city. The original text is 'Some ponies are very tall. Quinlet is very tall'.

Rainbow reads her revised edition, "Some ponies are very tall and merciless. Quinlet is destroying Saint Antponyio."

Rainbow turns the page as we see a filly with glasses reading a book. The original text here is 'Some ponies wears glasses. Sess wears glasses'.

Rainbow's voice reads on, "Some ponies wear glasses. Sess looks like a colt."

As Rainbow turns the page, we see a picture of a pony in a baseball uniform and a glove which the mare has scribbled a squirrel in the left hoof. The original text is 'some ponies are left-hooved'. Igor is left-hoofed'.

Rainbow's voice reads, "Some ponies are squirrel-handed. Igor is a weird name for a pony."

Rainbow turns the page as we can see a heavyset mare with braces and headgear. The Pegasi of course scribbles in a football jersey and a football field. The original text is 'Some ponies have braces. Some ponies have headgear. Jean has both.'

Rainbow's voice of course reads, "Some ponies have braces. Sone ponies have headgear. Jean could play linebacker for the Ponyers."

As Rainbow turns the page, we see a red-coated colt on a pogo stick...which the 'author' changes to show a detonator on a bunch of TNT planted at an enemy base. A Griffin is seen flying out of it, screaming, 'AHH! I'M BEING DEAD HERE!' The original text is 'Some ponies have red coats. Fuzzy has a red coat.'

"Some ponies have rigged the enemy base with explosives." Rainbow's voice reads on the book. "Fuzzy has."

Rainbow turns the page. We can see a stallion jumping rope with wavy lines drawn that is coming from his mouth that has the word 'HOTNESS' on it. Rainbow of drawn herself next to the stallion himself while saying, 'hiya buddy'. The original text is 'Some ponies have a Southern accent. Arnold has a Southern accent'.

Rainbow's voice reads the narration, "Some ponies have a Southern accent, and those are hot. Arnold is a severe hottie."

Rainbow turns the page. We see a filly twirling a hula hoop that is now replace dwith her being swallowed by a huge monster, she got an expression of horror dawn on her face. One of her lower legs is disintegrating into bones while she held a bag of bits. The original text is 'Some ponies have curly hair. Princess has curly hair.'

"Some ponies are being fangoriously devoured by a gelatinous monster." Rainbow's voice said devilishly. "Princess's legs are being digested."

Rainbow turns the page to show the last part that has everypony we saw being burned by fire. The original text is 'Everypony is different. No two ponies are the same'.

Rainbow's voice reads on, "Everypony is different. No two ponies are not on fire. Awwwww!"

Back at the computer, Rainbow Dash smiles as she types while saying, "Now there is my book. Pretty good, eh Huge or shall I called ya Luario? The words that foals are taught are 'fangoriously', 'gelatinous' and..err..." The pony mumbles a bit before typing in small text, "...linebacker'."

Rainbow then types normally as she said, "Well, that's education at its finest. Well, some ponies need to get themselves an ice cream sandwich. Rainbow Dash needs to go get an ice cream sandwich."

Rainbow got out of her chair as she leaves. The paper comes down, bringing this chapter to an end.

* * *

We see a page about 'Luario'. In the original version, it reads, 'Some creatures are named Luario. Luario is not exactly a creature.'

Of course, in the revised version, we see a rope trap drawn around Luario as Ashleigh is in the background on the other end. The words are now, "Some creatures are named Luario talking dummies. Luario is not exactly a person will get what he deserves'.

Of course, Rainbow Dash has written another book called 'Twinkie Pie' but that will wait for another time.

Author's note  
Well, that's Rainbow's book, folks (though she alters it like mad). Pretty good, eh? In the next chapter/e-mail, we see what Rainbow Dash will be like in 2 years...well, sort of. Read, review and suggest.


	44. 2 years

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: 2 years

"Haselos, theselos, haselos, theselos!" Rainbow exclaims, typing on her computer as she begins the e-mail for the chapter.

**Rainbow Dash,****  
****I'm planning on going on a long trip but won't check out the 'My Little Pony Website' for a long time. Whatcha think the greatest advancement for Cloudsdale will be in the next 2 years?**

**Your Main Stallion,****  
****greenrob**

Rainbow reads 'Rainbow Dash' while dressing the first part as if saying 'Dear'. She looks puzzled after reading the 'My Little Pony Website for a long time' part, asking, "Wait, we have a website? Oh."

"Uh, Greenrob," Rainbow ask before she begins to type, "Hold it, Green rob, for the record, my main stallion is, and has been for years since I was a colt, Thunderlane, and don't forget it!"

We see a little picture of Rainbow with a note from her to Thiunderlane coming down as she remark, "Man, we have some good times, eh Thunderlane?" The Pegasi types once more. "Well, Greenrob, Cloudsdale is now on the cutting edge of the future. Why, I can easily predict that the population will triple in two years!"

* * *

We go to Rainbow's Cloudsdale as we can hear the pony voiceover, "By then, the population will be tired...and a huge cake." We see a cake from out of nowhere, the sign changes its population list accordingly, "And Fluttershy."

We see Fluttershy behind the face, facing away from the camera. The sign changes its population again as the yellow Pegasi looks embarrassed as she asks, "Err; mind stop showing the camera on me? I'm doing my...business; Squee!"

"Also, for you single fillies out there, good news! The cinder block is going to break up with the sign!"

We see the stop sign moving away from the cinderblock before we see a letter from the latter to the former on screen, saying, "Dear Stop Sign, you are a stop sign...and I am a cinder block. Sorry."

As the letter disappears, Rainbow's voice eagerly exclaim, "Oh yeah! And we will also make a world-class hole!" A hole appears in the ground. "And by then, hopefully Pinkie Pie can finish up the mural I commissioned her to paint on the fence..."

A mural of the words 'WONdERBOLTS or die' appears on the fence as an annoyed Rainbow's voice continues, "...that I asked her to do a year ago. She is so random! Oh right, the tire will definitely win the title." We see a belt appearing on the tire as a crowd invisible cheers. "And finally, Spike will finally succeeded in becoming more whining."

Spike appears, speaking in a pout voice, "I want Rarity!"

* * *

Back at her computer, Rainbow types some more while saying, "Of course, that's not to make fun of him...oh hay! I almost forgot! I probably should go get Spike out of that dryer. He has been in there since breakfast!"

We now see the paper coming down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to an end. 15 seconds later, Rainbow got up and left.

* * *

We see Rainbow opening the dryer, but to her surprise, Pinkie came out, dizzy and fluffy while saying, "Wow; that was fun..."

"The hay; Pinkie Pie," Rainbow ask Pinkie in shock and confusion. "Wait, where did I leave Spike?"

* * *

We see a grill which is closed but we can hear Spike's voice from inside, "Uh, hello? Anypony hear me? Pinkie said that this place is nice, but none of her shirts fit me. I gotta get back before Twilight finds me missing! Hello?"

* * *

We see a black screen as a voice spoke up, "Revenge..." Everything this guy say echoes ridiculously as the word itself appears in red on the screen. We see Applejack on the left, half lit before disappearance, "Vengeance."

That word appears on the screen before we see the tire appearing half-lit on the right before he too disappears. "Vengeful." The word 'vengeful' appears as Applejack appears more briefly this time, "Revengeanceful."

That word appears as the tire reappears and disappears as before. Now Applejack is seen straight on, coming closer to the screen before the voice continues, "Coming this Sunday, Applejack will attempt to reclaim her title..." Tire belts appear in the Earth pony's eyes as her face begins to fade into red. "...from Cloudsdale's heavyweight champion..."

Now the whole screen goes red as the tire appears on the screen, growing towards as us as the voice said, "...the Tire. Tire Madness," A red logo of 'Tire Madness' appears, flashing and exploding onto the screen which briefly turns yellow before going back to red, "Only on pay per pew!"

The words themselves flash in yellow at the bottom.

The End

Author's note  
Nice e-mail, folks. Will what happen appear in 2 years? Probably not, but its fun to think, right; in the next chapter/e-mail, a fan asks Rainbow about the 'no loafing sign' in Ponyville and where it went. Read, review and suggest.


	45. no loafing

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: no loafing

_**"Driving down the strip in my cool cool car, checkin' all the emails out!" **_Rainbow sang on as she brought up the first e-mail.

**Dear Rainbow dash i never had send you nothing about leaveing is there another greenrob out there just let me know ok your dear friend Greenrob**

"Hmm, let's see..." Rainbow said as she checks her list of well-known fans. "Nope, as far as I'm concerned, you're the only one, Greenrob. Of course, it could be that your name was picked at random or something. Okay, next!"

**Hey Rainbow Dash!**

**What happened to that 'No loafing' sign that you used to have?**

**KingHuffman, CO**

Rainbow reads 'CO' as 'Co...colo...collarado', Then she spoke up, "Hey, great question, Kingy! Now here's my answer!" The pony begins to type. "The year was 19 whatever. That year wasn't good for productively. As a result, it went down something 8%."

A pie-chart, showing the year, falls down to show the productivity rating. Rainbow continues, "I realize that things are getting out of control unless I give them a little jumpstart. So I use a sign that said 'No Loafing'..." We see a picture of the Pegasi with the sign in question. "...and that was the answer."

Rainbow clears the screen before she speaks while typing, "But that was a long time ago. I guess that Loafy must be losing his edge. Perhaps I should put up some motivational posters and stuff. You know, get stuff back into gear. The kinds that..." Rainbow stops typing for a moment. "Like..."

Rainbow continues typing as she said, "Whales, sunsets, windsurfers on them...and they say all that horsecrap like determination or giving a care."

* * *

We see Rainbow's friends hanging out, either reading or sleeping under the 'No Loafing' sign next to a beat-up muffler and a length of pipe. As the Pegasi arrives, she has a bunch of posters on her back.

"Ugh, you ponies are pathetic." Rainbow said to her friends, a hint of disgust is heard under her breath.

"Ugh, what now," Applejack ask, a bit puzzled or confused by what her friend just said.

"Have you forgotten what got us here?"

"Geez, I don't know." Fluttershy said a bit puzzled. "What did bring us here?"

"What?" Twilight ask Rainbow puzzled. "Are you saying that...Rainbow, we aren't actually a company so..."

"Yes, we are, now look at these bad boys and get back to work!" Rainbow remarks with a smirk as she shows off the posters on her back.

"Okie dokie lokie, boss," Pinkie exclaims happily as Rainbow begins posting the posters on a tree, the first one shows a whale's tail sticking out of the clouds. It said, 'remember the 'tivities: Creativity, Productivity, and Activity. Now Get Back To Work!'

"Oh yeah, this one got some whale...in space..." Rainbow said as she put up another poster that has a windsurfer picture as well as the words 'Failure is not a four letter words'. "This one talks about cursing."

"Oh yes, that I agree with." Rarity said with a nod of agreement.

"Ah, this one is very incredible inspirational..." Rainbow now put up a picture of a stallion jumping out of the water. The words on it are 'I HAVE FRIENDS; Try to keep working, little colt', "...with the bursting waters!"

"Yew trying to tell us 'ta keep working," Applejack ask Rainbow puzzled as her friend put up a framed picture of a dog that said, 'Twilight. Watch your stinkin' flank, Squeaky'

"Hey!" Twilight exclaims, annoyed by what the poster is saying.

"Here is one of those hush puppies; they will make you work for it." Rainbow said. She now put a wood burning with a horse on it on another tree. It said 'the loneliest goat sees its last sunset...last...' "And this wood burning thing got some old age on it...about goats."

"Uh, Rainbow Dash; what does any of these posters has to do with working?" Fluttershy ask her friend. She yelps a bit as Rainbow flew up with a yell. Pinkie tosses her the pipe when she uses to smash a bench.

"Oh yeah, that a way, girls! Chins up! Trifle down! And so on..."

* * *

Rainbow returns to her computer, she goes back to typing while saying, "Well, whoever you are, looks like I got things back on track. This pony deserves a three-hour lunch. I'm heading over to Feathermay's for one of her 30-cent lunch specials!"

And so, Rainbow put a sticky note on the screen that said 'out to lunch, then appointment, then something else' and heads off. The paper comes down to bring this chapter/e-mail to an end. We see Feathermay's lunch specials.

**2 chili peppers (hot)****  
****A cup of ice****  
****A half-eaten cupcake**

* * *

A while later, Rainbow attends her appointment: which is her jumping up and down on a raincloud, pouring rain right onto Prince Blueblood while he is in his bed.

"I hate you, I hate you; I hate you!" Rainbow laughs madly as she jumps up and down on her cloud some mort, much to Blueblood's dismay.

"Ooh, ouch, stop it, ouch! Auntie Celestia!" Prince Blueblood cries out in alarm as this goes on.

The End

Author's note  
Well, Rainbow sure put an end to that 'loafing problem'. In the next chapter/e-mail, the Pegasi doesn't do an e-mail...but Spike shows a cartoon of her doing so, as well as do a cartwheel for a mile. Read, review and suggest.


	46. mile

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: mile

The computer room is empty as we arrive. Rainbow doesn't appear to be anywhere in sight. Just then, she appears while singing, _**"And I pretend that it's made of money-"**_

Rainbow stops singing and saw the camera. She pauses then spoke up, "Oh, hey...uh, folks? Sorry to break this to you but...I am not doing an e-mail this week...yeah, not doing one...so bye!"

Rainbow trots out of the room, singing some more, _**"And I pretend that it's made of money..."**_

Of course, unknown to Rainbow, a familiar dragon appears, looking around as well as at the computer. Spike then gave out a grin to the camera, having a fun idea.

* * *

**Activated by Spike**

We now see a flash cartoon beginning which is a 'Activated by Spike' one, as we can see by the more primitive graphic quality as well as the ripoff voice. We see Rainbow, sort of, at her computer, singing while bringing up the e-mail, _**"Eeeeeeeeeeemail. Ooh, ah, email, ooh, ah—"**_

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**Can you gallop a mile.**

**-Beb****  
****The Cabin**

Rainbow types in while saying, "Sure, Beb, believe it! I can gallop; I can do cartwheels for a mile." The pony stops typing, "Ready and 1 and set and go!"

Rainbow then cartwheels away from the desk, we see the floppy disk saying, 'out of equestria'. The pony now appears throughout the TV from left to right.

"TV shows featuring Spike in a cart!" The announcer on TV booms excitedly.

"Yeah, here I go!" Rainbow cheers as she moves on throughout the room, continuing her cart wheeling.

* * *

We see Rainbow arriving at a lot filled with a bunch of the carriages. Rainbow exclaims, "All right, here I go, on my own again!" The pony then uses a ramp to fly over the carriages.

Soon Applejack, with no lower body, appears behind a fence, exclaiming, "Howdy, Rainbow Dash! Yew jumped over some o' mah carriages!"

We see the words 'A new record! 19 carriages' in the air as an imitation crowd noise is heard.

* * *

Rarity watch Rainbow in a field, cheering on, "Yea;, keep it up, Rainbow Dash! Keep up the pace, darling!"

Rainbow stops for a moment to comment, "Yeah, thanks for cheering me on! I hope you and Spike-Wikey get together!" The pony goes back to cart wheeling, arriving at a brick wall, "All right, halfway to go. Now I just have to get by this wall!"

Rainbow goes further; the wall explodes upon impact as they show no resistance. They all fell down to spell out 'Hi'.

We now see Pinkie Pie holding a sign that said, 'I heart cupcakes' saying, "Yay, kick it out, Dashie!" As Rainbow goes by, she accidentally stretch out one of her lower legs, tripping the pink pony as a result. Surprisingly, not one of them is bothered by this.

* * *

At an athletic track, Rainbow is now finishing her mile, flashbulbs goes off all over. At the finish, Pinkie Pie, Rarity and Twilight are there waiting for her as she is now done. The purple unicorn asks Rainbow eagerly, "Rainbow Dash, you won the mile. Tell us, what is your secret?"

"What else? Spike-Wikey," Rainbow remarks eagerly (since this is Spike's cartoon after all).

Sure enough, Spike parachutes from above, wearing a tuxedo and sunglasses while holding a glass of apple cider, money is stuffed in one of his pockets. Upon landing, the baby dragon raises up her glass.

We see a thought bubble above Rarity's head that reads, 'i heart that spikey-wikey' as the ponies cheer on, "Yeah, Spikey-Wikey is a millionaire; A parade for our Spikey-Wikey!"

We see a parade going by that has a float of Spike that say, 'Dunkin' Spi8t'. a Spike hot air balloon as well as Big Macintosh pushing the broom. The amazing parade itself ends with the usual fireworks of course.

* * *

Back at the computer room, Rainbow comes back in (the floppy disk now say 'NITE-MARE 4-D'. The pony types in, "Yes, sure, Jimmy-Jimmy, there are a lot of parades honoring our Spikey-Wikey, but don't let that stop you from making your own parade. Our baby dragon can be the Grand...Marshal. He is also available when it comes to proms and pizza parties!"

Of course, Rainbow actually types, 'Yes, sure, Jimmy-Jimmy, there are are a lot of p's h-ing our S.W., b. d. l. t. s. y. f. m. y. o. p. Our baby dragon can be the Grand Marshall. He's a-so available when it comes to proms and pizza parties!'

"Okay, gotta go, folks. Must go to my next show, until nice time," Rainbow comments as she walks off screen. We see an Activated by Spike version of the paper, appearing with an Activated by Spike sound effect, sounding like a motor.

We see a picture of Spike with a silhouette labeling 'Your body here' along with a note at the bottom that said, 'One Knight Never to Forget, June 3rd, 20 something'. We also see a logo for Spike Parties, showing the baby dragon eating a large tofu pizza.

* * *

We now see a silhouette of the ABS Rainbow doing cartwheels over a bunch of hills, music play in the backgrounds as we see a headless dancing Pinkie Pie; Weird, eh?

The End

Author's note  
Now that is how Spike make one cartoon of an e-mail, even when Rainbow didn't want to answer an-email. In the next one/chapter, 'your pal' asks Rainbow the mystery of patch on her couch. Read, review and suggest.


	47. couch patch

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: couch patch

Rainbow is at her computer, preparing to work on her e-mail for the chapter. Of course, the pony decides to try something different interesting yet illegal today.

"Today, I'm going to try out something different." Rainbow said as she begins to type. "Print out million pony bit dot exe."

Of course, when Rainbow presses enter, the computer responds with 'Bad command or file name. The pony, not typing, asks in surprise, "What? Oh." She types again, "no, seriously, print me out a cool million pony bit, pal dot exe."

When Rainbow presses enter again, she got syntax error, making to her annoyance. She types in quickly, "okay, this time really try to print me out a million pony bits, no seriously." Of course, this time the computer gave her this: 'knock it off, will ya'? Not typing, Rainbow groans, "The hay! Oh, don't give me that crosstalk! Well, worth a shot. Okay, onward with...the e-mail."

Rainbow hits enter and types in 'rainbowdash_email dot exe' and press enter again to get her first e-mail.

**Rainbow Dash have you ever signed up for either Tumblr or Facebook?**

**chipmunkfanatic**

"Tumblr? Faceook? Oh yes, Megan told us about this. Now to be honest, those stuff that can only be found on Earth. Here in Equestria, we got Derpyblr and Facescroll and even then, I signed up for those. Got a million friends and such," Rainbow answers the e-mail. "All right, next e-mail!"

**is there a story behind that patch on your couch? If so, tell us!**

**form,****  
****your buddy**

"Ooh, my buddy." Rainbow said in amusement. She begins to type, "Okay then, Buddy, this story I'm about to tell ya is a good one...and now you all must hear it!"

Flashback

In the past, we see a sack in a room of the house, acting mysterious. Rainbow's voice spoke up, "Well, seems like I was looking for a place to hide all gold from the Buffatec. But once I made the first incision, I realize that not only that I don't have any to begin with..." The bag fell open to show that it's full of oil filters. "...but I released a stench of Equestrian proportions."

End Flashback

Back at her computer, Rainbow types in while explaining, "Of course, they got to call in a Special Forces team to hose me down and hose me down some more," The Pegasi types then DELETED, then type then DELETED, then typed again. "And do so again!"

Flashback

We see Golden Harvest wearing a special suit labeled 'Hass Matt' as she hoses down Rainbow, who is screaming like crazy.

End Flashback

Rainbow, who is typing some more, explains a bit, "I gotta spend a fortune on those Glade plug ins."

Just then, Derpy appears next to Rainbow's computer, saying, "Now hold on, Rainbow Dash. That isn't how I remember it."

"Oh sure, I betcha every pony out there wanna hear your fashion or whiny opinions, Ditzy Doo."

"You bet your flank they do, buddy!"

Flashback

We see a filly Rainbow at her former home in Cloudsdale. Derpy is heard speaking, "I remember a young Rainbow Dash thinking that Pony-a-lympic sprinter Colt Lewis was a real stallion and that she was hot."

Sure enough, we can see Rainbow using a Sharpie to write 'Rainbow Dash LUVS Colt Lewis...and thinks she's hot' on the couch. The present one's voice protest, "Hey, not that is entirely not true!"

Just then Pinkie is heard speaking, "Lies, nothing but meanie super duper lies!"

End Flashback

Sure enough, we see Pinkie standing behind Rainbow, saying, "Come in, I must be the only pony who remembers how that went."

Flashback

We see another flashback of Pinkie sitting on the couch in Rainbow's house, it has a patch on it already. As we can see the pink pony spitting out Ursa Grahams, Pinkie is heard speaking, "It's not so long ago that I was in Dashie's house, spitting Ursa Grahams all over the place. One of those things got trapped in the ceiling."

One Ursa Minor is stuck at the ceiling; Pinkie spits another at it like mad in an attempt to get it off. Rainbow's voice snaps in annoyance, "Pinkie Pie! This e-mail is about that patch on that couch. It's already there in your flashback from what I tell!"

End Flashback

Back at the computer with Pinkie and the Pegasi ponies, the Earth pony said in realization, "Oh, oh...ohhhhhh; Sorry, for a moment, I thought this week's e-mail is called "Ursa Graham Memories'."

* * *

We now see an interview session as a shadowed person, which of course is Rarity with her voice digitally lowered, saying, "No, Darling, I got the real information. Rainbow Dash has me over for Gumbo one night. Not sure what kind of food she got in there...but I must got sick!"

Flashback

We see a flashback of Rarity (still shadowed) at Rainbow's house, groaning. We can hear her voice over, "I went into that part of house and saw that little rip in the couch...so I threw up in it!" The unicorn's shadow pukes in the couch itself. Gross, ain't it?

End Flashback

"Whatever or not I used cloud walking magic is not an idea, this is." Rarity said in the interview session. "I'm really sorry for what I did, honestly."

* * *

Back at the computer, Rainbow types in while snapping, "Come on, I love that gumbo, I didn't use freaky stuff!" She shakes a hoof in anger. "Oh, if I find out who that mare is...okay, buddy, there's your answer. As for me, I'm going to go over there."

Rainbow prepares to leave her seat but got an idea, making her sit down again while saying, "Wait, hang on!" The pony types in quickly. "Make pinkie pie's head explode dot exe."

Of course, Rainbow's computer responds by saying, 'Forget it, no way.' We see Pinkie and Derpy still nearby as the Earth pony remarks, "Forget it, no way."

"Oh horsecrap! This computer is worthless than the previous one!"

After a while, Rainbow groans as she got up and leaves to be by herself for a while. The paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to an end. In an ironic sort of way, the printer prints out a PSCII art million pony bill before going away.

* * *

Back at Rainbow's couch, Pinkie is on the couch, spitting out Ursa Grahams all over as Spike is standing nearby. Suddenly his head explodes, much to her notice.

"Wow, Spike, you must've did something to make that computer upset at you." Pinkie comments to the groaning Spike whose head is now black. "Did you pour soda all over it or something?"

The End

Author's note  
And another chapter done. Good, eh? In the next one/e-mail, Rainbow and her friends does a local news program for Equestria. Read, review and suggest.


	48. local news

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: local news

_**"It's email time again; Doot doodle-ooh-doo, doot doodle-ooh-doo, doot doodle-ooh-doo," **_Rainbow sings as she brings up the first e-mail of the chapter.

**Dear Rainbow Dash ,**

**What's it like living in Equestria me living here on Earth talk about dull dull dull anyway i'm sure some awsome things happen in Ponyville care to tell me what kinds of stuff happens? Also i have another question do you ever think about the wonder bolts and how to get in you could just ask either spitfire or Soarin just a suggestion anyway though just wanted to let you know **

**Your friend ,**

**Adam Seville **

**PS : I think that your 100% awsome and your the cooliest pony around ponyville no joke btw**

"Well, glad to think you thought so, Adam!" Rainbow exclaims pleased with the PS part. "I appreciate it. To answer your question, don't sell your home short. Earth is mighty advanced next to Equestria. But I digress. Equestria is an awesome place to live in. For us Ponyville folks, we have a lot happening line Winter Wrap-Up, the Apples selling Zap Apple Jam and Apple Ciders, Pinkie Pie's parties, Rarity's fashion shows and of course I hope you don't mind the regular monster or villain attacks we get around here often. And of course, let's not forget about our monster truck shows or our RDTAU games as seen in previous e-mails."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues on, "Now as far as the Wonderbolts goes, yeah, I thought about them, I was planning on getting into that group since ever! To get in, you gotta prove your worth or moves to them, do the best that you can. There may be more but I need to ask Spitfire or Soarin' on that one; Onward to the next e-mail!"

**Dear Rainbow Dash,****  
****Does Equestria has its' own local news? If so, better hope it's 20% more awesome than my locl news.**

**Sincerely,****  
****Tom E. Tallyhassel, FL**

Instead of the regular name, Rainbow says, "Tally...Tallyhow...Grainsville, Foalida." Apparently, she has trouble saying the first name.

Rainbow speaks while saying, "All right, Tom, II'm going to sing this to you one time, okay?" She begins to sing, _**"Ohhhhhhh!"**_

Rainbow then sings while typing, _**"If you want it to be possessive, it's just 'I-T-S.' But, if it's supposed to be a contraction then it's 'I-T-apostrophe-S,'"**_ The pony did a short pause, _**"Scalawag."**_

Rainbow styps typing and singing while saying, "Ahem, anyway..." She types once more after clearing the screen. "Yeah, Equestria got a local news, it's the greatest...yeah...but I gotta now...and do something...completely unrelated to me...like throwing together...the aforementioned local news and get my pals to help me."

Rainbow types in the next part quickly before running, off, "Hoight!"

We see Rainbow holding up a sign which reads, 'Equestria Action 20% Awesome News 5 ' in front of the camera (obviously she threw it together at the last minute). Spike made noises in the background as if doing a musical intro of the news show.

"Equestria Action 20% Awesome News 5," Rainbow's voice is heard moving. We now see her standing in her own Cloudsdale. "We got Top Stories with anchor pony Rainbow Dash!"

Rainbow gives the thumbs up to the camera as we see Spike holding up an index card that shows 'Rainbow Dash with Top Stories'. We see Applejack in front of the blackboard while holding a football, a tennis racquet and is twirling an apple barrel on her flank like it was a basketball.

Rainbow is heard saying, "Applejack with the sports!" We see Spike holding up another index that said 'Sportscaster Applejack'. Now we see a timid Fluttershy with a index card nearby that said 'Meteorologist Fluttershy' as Rainbow herself say, "Local weather with Fluttershy!"

In the field, we see a grinning Spike holding an index card that said 'COOL SPIKE' as Rainbow's voice said, "And of course, Spike with SkyDragon Traffic!" Yes, we see the SkyDragon logo appearing in the lower right-hand corner.

* * *

We now go back to Rainbow sitting behind a desk in front of a fence in Cloudsdale, the pony saying, "Good evening, night, whatever. I'm Rainbow Dash with today's top stories." As we see a side view of the desk (which looks more like a cardboard box), Spike holds up a sign that said, 'Equestria Crisis'. "Equestria is in Criss...but more on that later when we care enough to do so!"

Oce Spike got rid of the Equestria Crisis sign, we go to a frontal angle of the desk as Rainbow said, "All right, time we check with Spike with SkyDragon Traffic."

* * *

Spike is now with Pinkie in the field as the pony begins to wind her tail up like a spring. The dragon doesn't want to know how she does that and due to how random Pinkie is, he decides not to bother.

Pinkie picks up Spike and bounce up into the sky with him, the two hang in the sky before bouncing up and down a bit. As Rainbow makes helicopter sounds, the baby dragon speaks each time he and Pinkie reappears on screen, "Thanks Rainbow Dash...This is Spike...with SkyDragon Traffic...There appears to be some...some congestion...around Time Turner's place!"

Indeed, in front o Time Turner's place, Caramel, Lyra, Bon-Bon and a few ponies are standing in line...and we can see why. There's a sign nearby that said 'wait in line: 5 bits.' Apparently, they are paying to stay in line.

"Best 5 bits I have ever spent!" Caramel remarks to the other ponies in line with a smile.

* * *

Rainbow, behind the news desk, smiles as she said, "Hey, thanks, Spike. Those roads are not going to be trot upon anytime soon, I bet."

* * *

Spike, as he continues bouncing up and down in the air with Pinkie, frowns as he said, "That isn't funny...I didn't even bother to mention...any roads."

* * *

"Yes, thank you, tonight. We go back to our top story: Equestria in Crisis." Rainbow said as we see some pony holding up the 'Equestria Crisis sign'. As we go to the side angle of the desk again, we saw that Twilight is holding the said sign with her magic, making her yelp and run off camera while dropping it. "But first, we got Applejack with the sports!"

* * *

At Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack stood in front of a chalkboard that said 'SCORE A POINT', the Earth Pony is bouncing a football on the floor with a tennis racquet via her mouth.

"Shucks, one team will done win it, Ah sure would win it!" Applejack exclaims. She accidentally swats the football at the camera, hitting Derpy, who is operating it, and causing her to yelp, "Ow", in pain, "Oops; Sorry, Derpy!"

* * *

Back at the news desk, Rainbow chuckles while remarking, "Apparently, our sportscaster isn't being a good sport, ain't she?"

* * *

"Lame," Spike yells out to Rainbow for her lame joke as he and Pinkie continues bouncing up and down in the sky.

* * *

"Now then, will winter weather freeze your cheeks, ponies?" Rainbow asks the camera as we see Rarity using her own magic to hold up a sign that said 'Winter Weather', "Fluttershy! What's the word?"

We see Fluttershy at a desk with a weather map prop against the fence. The nervous pony said, "Oh well...we aren't expecting any snow unless us Pegasi can..." Of course, the map slides off the desk, causing the desk to collapse. "Oh!"

"Yeah, you heard it, ponies! Get ready, but make sure to wear your swimsuit outside at all times." Rainbow said before we got to the desk's side angle. "Tonight folks and have a great job or day. Also, don't forget to tune in tomorrow for our special investigating report expose on 'Equestria in Crisis'!"

Spike's sound effects are heard as Rainbow ends the news program, "Equestria Action 20% Awesome News 5: 'We are investiga-20% awesome!"

Spike held up a sign as Rainbow say this. The paper comes down, ending the chapter/e-mail. We now see the pony's educational CD as her whole song is heard from it.

Rainbow: _**Ohhhhh... If you want it to be possessive,**__**  
**__**It's just "I-T-S."**__**  
**__**But if it's supposed to be a contraction,**__**  
**__**Then it's "I-T-apostrophe-S,"**__**  
**__**Scalawag.**_

_**Whatever happened to capitalization?**__**  
**__**It used to be so cooool.**_

_**Filly, don't forget to spellcheck**__**  
**__**Or I'll come to your house and throw a brick through your dad's windshield...**__**  
**__**Windshield!**_

**Y**_**-O-U-R...**__**  
**__**Y-O-U-Apostrophe-R-E...**__**  
**__**They're as different as night and day.**__**  
**__**Don't you think that night and day are different?**__**  
**__**What's wrong with you?**_

_**And I don't care how they spell things on the Internet.**__**  
**__**When you email me, you spell the whole word out.**__**  
**__**And I don't care that your cell phone has a camera in it.**_

We can hear Rainbow doing bass guitar noises on the CD as the whole thing came to an end.

The End

Author's note  
Not bad for a news program, sort of. In the next chapter/email, a fan asks Rainbow if she and the ponies celebrate a Thanksgiving like the Earthlings do. The pony shows a book, showing the colonization of Ponyville, so to speak. Read, review and suggest.


	49. colonization

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: colonization

_**"Email me don't email me, email me don't email me." **_Rainbow sang as she pulls up the first e-mail of the chapter, reading it out loud.

**Dear Rainbow dash i was wondering if you have ever had once did something embarassing in your whole life your friend Greenrob.**

Rainbow gulps a bit, then sheepishly say, "Wow...there are a lot of embarrassing things I did, that are a bit too much to say...but if I gotta pick one...I say actually like a Trixie ego jerk during the Mare-Do Well thing has to be it. Err, next-email!"

**Hi Rainbow Das!****  
****Ever celebrate a Thanksgiving likes us Earthlings? Or do you have a special tradition for when Ponyville was first founded? What's the story about?**

**Your Good Buddy,****  
****La La La, ****  
****Los Angels, CA**

Of course, Rainbow reads the name 'La La La' as one big word "Lalala' and 'Los Angels' with a hard 'g'. The pony begins typing as she said, "Well, Lalala, that story of the colonization of Ponyville is one tale as old as the web...or maybe Apple Cider. Ir begins in a period of strife..."

* * *

We now see a shot of an old book on a wooden table which opens, showing Applejack, in era like clothing, squirting stuff onto a bunch of apples, right next to Rainbow Dash wearng a wig and the same outfit but also is an Earth pony.

"...where one of Applejack's ancestors is being persecuted for her beliefs." Rainbow's voice explains.

"Gross, ketchup on apples," Rainbow's ancestor ask Applejack's in disgust.

We now see a picture that said ''Gross, ketchup on candy'. We see the page turns as Applejack reads a paper, seeing an ad that said 'LAND FOR SALE' along with one that said 'Pinkie Pie declares apples not food'.

"They learned of one place where a pony can be free to do what they want, planting, live and put ketchup on their fruit without being bullied by other ponies about it." Rainbow's voice continues on.

The page now shows Applejack and Apple Bloom, in same era clothing, travelling across Equestria with a younger Granny Smith, AJ is carrying a gun while eating a daisy sandwich, Apple Bloom is dragging a bag behind herself. The words at the bottom said, 'The Three Daisy Sandwiches: Plain, Super Cool and the Flower Deluxe'.

"So the Apples travel across the land with daisy sandwiches and Granny Smith to find this mystical land." Rainbow's voice explains clearly so to speak. The page turns to show the Apples meeting Princess Celestia who is waving to them. "They met this strange pony with strange ways and odors."

We see what will be Ponyville in front of a huge sunrise, right above a caption that said 'The New World'. Rainbow's voice explains, "She led them to the new world, right near the Everfree Forest."We see Granny Smith fighting off the Timberwolves, so to speak. "There was a brief struggle with the creatures of the forest."

We now see the Apples getting a deed from Celestia as Rainbow's voice continues, "Of course, the Apples reached an agreement with the princess to peacefully co-exist in the land, during which a kiss on the hoof is involved."

We see Granny Smith's father kissing Celestia on the hand, much to the mother's notice. Then we see the Apples doing their planting of the Zap Apple seeds, with Stinkin' Rich nearby.

"Soon the Apples made their Zap Apples and begin doing business with other business with other ponies, like that brat Diamond Tiara's grandfather Stinkin' Rich who set up Zap Apple Jam up for a product for some reason." Rainbow's voice explains.

"This will sell us some Zap Apple Jam!" The voice of Stinkin' Rich exclaims eagerly.

We now see a caption at the bottom of a page that said 'This will see us some Zap Apple Jam'. Now it turns to show the Apples sitting at the table, feasting on various Apple stuff.

"Then the Apples celebrate with a feast of food made with apples." Rainbow's voice explains some more as she finish up the history.

* * *

Rainbow types back at her computer while saying, "All right, there you go, Lalala...Lalalamana...don't know if I was really paying attention when Granny Smith told me before." The Pegasus pony then begins to sing, _**"Lalalamanamanamanamana tonight! That shoulda been in your history books at school. I gotta get on those ponies over at Hoofton Mifflin. Those colts are slackin off."**_

Rainbow stop typing and singing as she said, "All right, until next week, leave me the hay alone!" The paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to an end. The pony then sings to the tune of 'Canada' of Earth, missing the final note though. _**"O Lalalama... Do do doot doot doot doo..."**_

Rainbow stops singing to ponder, "Let's see, what else...Lalala... Lalalamatopoeia. Right, maybe this," She now begins to sing to the tune of 'Panana' of Van Neighn, _**"Lalalama; Lalalama ho ho ho huh ho!**_**"**

* * *

We now see a page in a history book that shows Pinkie wearing the right attire, powdered wig and all. We see text below her that said 'Pinkie Pie address weird masses' as cheering is heard.

"Ahem! I hereby declare that from today, apples are...not food!" Pinkie booms as we can hear cheering, "Yay, thank you! Be quiet. Also, furthermore, dirty socks won't be accepted as legal tender!"

We hear more cheering as Pinkie continues, "Wait, hang on, got one more! From now on, those who are called 'Mandark' won't be allowed to call themselves 'Susan'. That is too silly there." More cheering as the pony smiled happily.

The End

Author's note  
That's the colonization of Ponyville, or so Rainbow said anyway. In the next chapter, we see what happens when you put Fluttershy on caffeine! Read, review and suggest.

Some parts of the story happen in the 'Family Appreciation Day' of the actual show. The Mare Do Well reference is from another episode.

The 'Mandark' and 'Susan' thing is a reference to _Dexter's Laboratory_.


	50. caffeine

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: caffeine

"And coming in at 91 it's...E-Maaaaaaaaaaail!" Rainbow booms madly as she brings up the first e-mail on her computer.

**Hey Rainbow Dash if there was a way i could open up a portal to Equestria what would Celestia and Luna say about that a human such as myself using magic let alone using combat spells to fend off manticores and such but the question is how would you and the rest of the ponies in Ponyville adapt to having a human who can use magic living there ? Besides it kinda would be nice to have what you call an 'egghead' living with Twilight and her assistiant Spike but anyway though its a nice thought i just don't see it happening though . Humans in Equestria? Wonder how that would go anyway i think you should check out fanfiction and take a look at two of my stories some time Dash ... when your not busy one of them is called My little Rainbow Dash and Twilight and the other is Cupcakes : a different take if you want leave a review on both that is if you want to though i'm not much of an author i do wanted to try my hand . So Dash if i was to appear in Ponyville how would you and your other friends react? **

**Adam Seville**

"Hmm," Rainbow said as she begins to respond by typing. "Well, I'm sure they won't mind since we have humans in Equestria before like Megan and her family. As long as you don't kill anypony or be a threat to our world, it shouldn't be a big problem; an egghead living with Twilight, funny."

Rainbow clears her screen as she continues on, "Yeah, the humans in Equestria can happen. Now as far as fan-fiction goes, I may look at them, depending on how busy I am. And for the last question, we wouldn't mind. Now then, onward to the next e-mail!"

**Dear Rainbow Dash,****  
****Must be pretty frustrating having a friend like Fluttershy who is timid and doesn't do much actvities all the time. Why not give her some caffeine once in a while?**

**Justin****  
****Muffinboro, TN**

Rainbow of course pronounces 'TN' as 'Token'. The pony smirks while saying, "Heh heh heh. Devilish laugh," The pony types in 'Ohhhhhhh' (devilish laugh) before clearing the screen to continue typing. "Hey Justn, in addition to liking your jib, I also like the sound of your town's name 'Muffinboro'. Now then, we got the Equestrian Science Fair coming up...and I have been looking forward to finding a project for some time now. So far, I have come up with something like the effects of gasoline...on fire."

* * *

We now see a blue-print style background that has the handwritten words 'How science can work for me'. Rainbow's voice said, "Maybe if I were to drop a couple heaping spoonfuls of..." We see a spoon and a jar of coffee powder appearing. "...of Pony Sanka..."

The words 'heaping spoonful' appears with an arrow pointing at the powder as Rainbow continues onward, "...right into Fluttershy's orange juice...'" We see the said juice now. "...then I can get the data afterwards."

The spoon drops the powder into the juice then drops one more powder. As we pause, more words like 'another heaping spoonful' appears along with another arrow, the spoon begins to stir the stuff.

"Yeah, I will get first place for sure! And who knows? I may get me one of those Noble Pony Peace Prizes!" Rainbow boasts a bit. The words 'slight discoloration' and another arrow appear near the juice along with 'slightly disgusting' and another arrow pointing to the coffee jar.

* * *

Rainbow smiles as she stood in Fluttershy's home, holding a legal pad to make notes with. Now it's time to begin. Her friend is with her, but both her eyes are opened wid as both her wings are opened. Her hooves twitch like mad.

"So, Fluttershy, how are you today?" Rainbow asks Fluttershy with a smile.

As Rainbow spoke, she speaks very quickly, clapping her hooves together, "Oh yes, I feel great, I feel great! Yes, I feel great!" The pony turns to the left. "Oh, I feel bad!" She turns to the right. "I don't watch football, I don't watch that!" She turns to the left. "I can't remember what my legs are!"

* * *

As Rainbow continue taking notes, Fluttershy is following Twilight and Spike (riding on her back) on her hooves, making the two a bit disturbed by what she's doing.

"Hey, Spike, listen, widdlywiddlywill! What did I say? What did I say? What did I just say? Did I say anything? How about this one? Hoo hee hee whatchcallit! Does that mean anything?" Fluttershy ask Spike freakfully. "Did I made you upset? Sorry, didn't mean to!"

Rainbow's voice spoke up, "After being exposed to my control Spike on Twilight's back, the subject soon begins to act way more creepier than usual, even for a cute meek pony like Fluttershy!"

* * *

Rarity is working at her Carousel Baroque...or is trying to but the unicorn is having trouble due to Fluttershy talking to her like a nut, much to her uneasiness. Rainbow is in the foreground, observing while taking more notes on this matter.

"Rar-i-ty, Rar-ity, what are you making? You want to make dresses with me? I got pine cones, peanut butters, I got all we need! I said pine cones, yes, ha ha ha, pine cones! It's going to be great! Going to be good dresses! Sell them here, sell them anywhere! Rarity, you should get on the train, the dresses train! Here is te dresses train heading off, it's moving! New century," Fluttershy exclaims eagerly. Rarity uneasily trots away. "Oh, I can't remember cereal, can't remember TV! Is the football season here yet? I can run you down that in, I can do so like a clown; Ha ha ha!"

Rainbow's voice continues, "Now the subject condition continues to deteriorate as she begins making up dresses and other stuff, like dresses.

* * *

At the Apples' house, Applejack and Big Macintosh saw Fluttershy who is near the ceiling flying like mad. This is getting way out of hoof for them!

"She's been up there fer an hour now!" Applejack exclaims in annoyance.

"Fluttershy! Come down from there!" Big Macintosh demands to Fluttershy sternly.

"No! No way," Fluttershy exclaims eagerly while refusing.

"Dang it, Fluttershy; I said come down!"

"Not a chance, Hank!"

AJ and BM back up in disbelief and stare at each other. The mare asks her brother, "Did she just call yew, 'Hank'?"

"Eyup!" Big Macintosh exclaims in shock and disbelief.

* * *

In Sugarcube Corner, the ponies and the Cakes watch on as Fluttershy jump on the counter while talking to Pinkie, who is freaked out by her kinda of behavior. Rainbow is there, making notes and observations once more.

"The final stages have arrived. The subject soon became..." Rainbow's voice said as the words came up on the screen while she said them, "Erratic, violent, and Really Really Funny to Watch Here."

Fluttershy madly slaps Pinkie in the face, exclaiming, "Hey, Pinkie Pie, hey Pinkie Pie! What do you got? What do you got for me? How about that? Want to play soccer, some hackeyjack?! I got what it takes; How about salad; Pasta, tuna, fruit?"

As Fluttershy kept slapping and talking, Pinkie yelp, "No, stop! Cut it out, don't hurt me! I don't wanna die! I'm only a young pony! Ooh, ooh!"

"...Salad! Fruit salad! Fruit salad! Fruit Salad..." Soon Fluttershy begins slowing down. The caffeine is losing its effect. "Salad..." The pony soon came back to normal, looking confused. "...Salad as...some rock? Err, Pinkie Pie? What am I doing here?"

"Well, for one, you're trying to act like me, WAY too much like me while slapping!"

"Ooh, I don't feel so good."

As everypony watch on, Fluttershy fell off the counter and onto the floor of Sugarcube Corner, unconscious.

* * *

At the Equestrian Science Fair that is being held at an auditorium stage, we see a picture of Fluttershy in the same state on Rainbow's easel under the caption 'Results'. Rainbow spoke to the audience seriously, "By the time it was over, the test subject...was dead."

The crowd gasps. Of course, the rest of the Mane Six frowns as Fluttershy protest, "That's not true!"

"Quiet. These tests lead me to one big conclusion...Fluttershy play both sides of the romance gender field."

The crowd gasps again. Fluttershy, blushing, protest, "That's not true either!"

As we see Rainbow Dash's project, the paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to a close. We see some of her card sketches. The top note card said 'Jalopy'. The middle sticky note said 'Monster-mobile, can it really work?' And the bottom loose leaf said 'The Sonic Rainboom'.

We now see the paper which talks about Rainbow's original project: 'The Effects of Gasoline on Fire'. The left side said about the authoress.

**Rainbow dash has at least fifteen bits in her wallet right now; bet that's more than you, poor pony.**

Now for the right side, which it about fire, it said...

**maybe somepony should keep an eye on this.**

We now see Derpy's project. Nothing is there, except for the words 'AWW, IT MELTED. I DON'T KNOW WHAT WENT WRONG' and a puddle. The cross-eyed Pegasi appears and said, "Hey, for my project, I decided to use more social studies...than studies."

"Oh, I see, impressive." The crowd said as we can hear some miscellaneous chatter.

The End

Author's note  
Wow, freaky how Fluttershy would act like that on caffeine, huh? In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow explains what would she be like if the pony isn't the beautiful, coolest Pegasi that she is now but an old pony with no wings and is green. Of course, turns out that Rainbow is describing a certain grandmother that the Mane Six knows. Read, review and suggest.

Fluttershy calling Big Macintosh 'Hank' is of course a reference to King of The Hill and how one of my reviewers thinks that he sounds a little like Hank Hill.


	51. kind of cool

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: kind of cool

"Thanks for choosing Rainbow Dash's E-Mail. Care you to a combo meal?" Rainbow asks in a monotone voice as she brings up the first e-mail of this chapter.

**Is it possible for a Human pony realtionship? just curious is all**

**Adam Seville**

Rainbow then types in while speaking, "Interesting question, Adam. Weird, but interesting; No one knows for sure. Maybe if the ponies are anthros, that may happen. In some movies, that is an issue. On Earth...weird; next question!"

**Hey there rainbow dash,****  
****Babe, I was thinking and did some wondering. What would you be like if you weren't the awesome, cute and wonderful mare that you are...and you got no wings as well.**

**Your devoted fan,****  
****slpytlak**

Rainbow pauses to think then types in while saying, "So what you're suggesting is what I would be like if I was an old green pony with no wings and gray hair? Come on, I would just be the coolest mare in Equestria...just a different kind of cool. Hay, I would be of a 'so cool, you don't even know that I'm cool' kind of cool; or the kind of cool where I'm..."

* * *

We see what is presumably Rainbow Dash from the lower part of the pony body, dragging a plastic bag. The mare's voice spoke up, "...always walking around with a plastic grocery bag full of who knows what...probably cold fruit...rotten veggies...or maybe shattered pieces of my former life!"

We now see what the mare looks like...except it appears to be a familiar old green mare, purse and all. She goes up in line to Sugarcube Corner mumbling a bit.

Rainbow's voice spoke up, "Or...maybe it's just full of melting candy bars that I can eat really loudly while standing too close to ya in line."

The old mare is pulling out a candy bar that is almost melting, munching on it loudly. Spike, who is riding Twilight, frowns at her and spoke up, "Twilight, this mare smells like pea soup." Turning to the creepy old man, the baby dragon sang, _**"You smell like pea soooup!"**_

* * *

As we see the old mare rises up from behind a small bush. Rainbow's voice spoke up, "Of course, I would always come out of bushes and shrubs a lot suspiciously...and right when you walk by." Spike chose that time to show up. "And if I ever saw you."

"Gah, whoa," Spike exclaims in surprise, startled by the old mare showing up all of the sudden.

"Why, I would say some cool phrase that is one word and maybe not quite another.. Something like..."

"Oh, pardon excuse me." The old mare mumbles to Spike, making the baby dragon uneasy.

Spike nervously sang, _**"Um, I don't know what that means... And you still smell like pea soooup!"**_

* * *

The old mare is in a field with Big Macintosh, who looks at her creeped out as she motions to a pair of glasses that she dropped on the ground. Rainbow's voice said, "Why, I would be so awesome, if you were a stallion at all, even so, I would still talk to you like you are a filly."

"Oh, excuse me, madam...but can you help an old mare like me get her spectacles?" The old mare mumbles to the freaked out Big Macintosh, "Wintergreen...or old Ponyberrg?"

"NOOOOOOOOOO," Big Macintosh screams as he gallops away from the old mare, freaked out.

* * *

Back at her computer, Rainbow types away while saying, "Yep, that is one cool and awesome mare. Great to know that if I ever let myself go...grow a couple feet...live behind a bush or in a barn...oh yeah, I would be sitting pretty."

"Uh, excuse me, Rainbow Dash?" Fluttershy interrupts Rainbow as she appears right next to her. "Not to be mean but none of that stuff is cool or awesome. In fact, you only ended up describing Applejack's grandmother Granny Smith who lived in the barn at Sweet Apple Acres who acts creepy or weird whenever she is on her meds."

"What? What, you don't think that Granny Smith is cool at all?"

"Well, Granny Smith is nice...but some of her stories give me nightmares...and so does the way that she acts when on her meds! Plus, the only reason why you're acting cool is because you wanted to make up for upsetting her during the Mare Do Well incident."

"And...what's your point of that?" Rainboe ask Fluttershy, blinking. The blue pony really doesn't get what her friend is explaining to her about at all.

"Oh. Never mind. Go back to your creepy mare story." Fluttershy groans as she leaves Rainbow, seeing that there's no point in reasoning with her friend.

"Well, slpytlak, old mare green story Rainbow Dash is definitely one awesome mare. Hay, I wouldn't mind hanging out with a pony like that. Okay, things are looking up for the future. As for me, I'm going to go find Granny Smith." Rainbow said as she stops typing. "May as well see where that mare ended up at."

The paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to an end. We see a milk carton describing Granny Smith...

**HAVE YOU SEEN THIS PONY?**

**LAST SEEN:****  
****AT SWEET APPLE ACRES****  
****GOES BY THE NAME-A:****  
****GRANNY SMITH ****  
****STANDS, I WOULD SAY, ABOUT:****  
****OH, SO OLD****  
****DISTINGUISHING FEATURES:****  
****GREEN, GRAY, OLD**

* * *

Rainbow found Granny Smith near the Tree, the old mare is on her meds once more, having no idea what's going on. Still, she's here, Rainbow thinks that Applejack's grandmother is kind of cool, so that's all that matters, right?

"Hey...so you're really cool." Rainbow said to Granny with a smile.

"Thanks, lady. Want a slice of gum?" Granny Smith ask Rainbow weirdly.

"Oh yeah, totally, I would want one!" Rainbow exclaims eagerly. Granny Smith gave a stic of gum to the pony who mumbles to herself, "Wow, so cool, even after the Mare Do Well incident..." Turning to the old mare, the Pegasi insists, "Come on, say something else!"

"Sorry, Lucy; got to be going. I have more important lines to be in."

"Oh...any chance that I would see you again?"

"Eh, absolutely probably not," Granny Smith mumbles as she leaves the area, making Rainbow awe once more at her weirdness.

The End

Author's note  
Rainbow Dash has a weird sense of cool, doesn't she? In the next chapter/e-mail, a fan asks if Cloudsdale has an army and of course she insist that her kingdom doesn't need one. So what happens when Pinkie Pie's army of 'Pinkiestarmy' comes to invade?

Rainbow: Pure randomness.

Me: Yep. Read, review and suggest.

The human-pony relationships may be an issue once I get to the MLP version of the Little Mermaid films.


	52. army

Rainbow Dash's E-mail: army

The computer sat on the desk of Rainbow's home, it hasn't been used for who knows how long. It even has a little cobweb on the top left corner.

Rainbow flew in and sat down, noting the computer while saying, "Huh, guess it has been a while." She uses a hoof to wipe some dust off it. "Sorry about that, Flutterpony. Got to get some..." Rainbow begins to type in 'rainbowdash_email dot exe'. "Endust."

**Dear Rainbow dash i was wondering if there was another Pinkamena that did not want to make you or your friends into cupcakes and just wants to be friends and to keep you and your friends safe. your good friend Greenrob.**

**P.S you know what i mean right.**

"Yeah, I know what you mean, but do I know what you mean?" Rainbow asks Greenrob puzzled. "I have no idea of another Pinkamena, not that I know of anyway. I hope that's the case; Next e-mail!"

**Dear Rainbow Dash,****  
****I am curious as to whether or not Cloudsdale got an official army.****  
****Your Homepony,****  
****Tank Toilet**

"What, does Cloudsdale has an army?" Rainbow asks Tank in disbelief while typing. "Heck, Cloudsdale needs no army, Tanker! If you mean the real one, then yeah, there's the Pegasus Royal Guards or the Wonderbolts. If you mean my fake one, then no way! Me, that little filly, that cute yellow filly, that weird pony with the eyes...we're a one pony army...err, a four pony one-y...a four-to-one pony?"

We now see a handbook with the rules to playing the four-to-one pony, made by Leonard Ponyinterviews. Rainbow shrugs as she continues onward, "Whatcha I mean is, what bother getting an army since us Pegasi can do what we want? Not like there's any pony to oppose us, right?"

"Allright, maggot pony, fall out," A voice booms next to Rainbow who turns and saw Pinkie next to her wearing a bowl on her head while carrying a large spoon with one hoof. "Colonel Pinkie Pie is getting the most elite of crack commandos to invade Cloudsdale! Got what it takes to join the Pinkiestarmy? Are you going to bring some lunch, some cupcakes for me and serve Equestria? Will you, filly?!"

"Uh, not really; Seriously, I got no interest whatsoever in invading my own..."

"Oh, ten-hut, a draft dodger, eh; well, let's see if those clouds you hug a lot save ya when Gordon Tenderfoot comes around your back stair! All righty, company, halt! Backwards...march!"

Pinkie march off backwards, much to Rainbow's confusion as she asks, "What the hay...?"

Pinkie peeks back in, saying, "Oh, and if by any chance you change your mind or what to trade that cutie mark of yours for a nice pair of camos, we got a pep rally up at the tree in 15 minutes!" With that, the pink pony leaves the house, much to Rainbow's disbelief.

"Wow, and here I thought Pinkie Pie wouldn't get more random until now. And how did she come into my house without cloud walking magic? Although I ain't worried, I must not underestimate her. This needs some further reconnaissance; Scootaloo!"

"Yeah, Rainbow Dash," Scootloo ask, wearing a commando like outfit, smiling to Rainbow eagerly.

Turning to Scootaloo, the stern Rainbow demands, "Scootaloo, I want you to find out..."

"Rainbow Dash; I want you to call me by that commando name like I agreed one when doing missions for you like this!"

"Ugh, no, Scootaloo! Don't make me call you that! That name isn't a good commando one!"

"Come on, do it or I won't go anywhere." Scootaloo said to Rainbow sternly, making her idol sighs in annoyance; Looks like she has no choice.

"Fine, all right, you win." Rainbow groans as she caves in before reluctantly continuing, "Shep Ramsey, I want you to find out what the horsecrap that Pinkie Pie is up to at The Tree in 15 minutes."

"Yes, sir, Miss Rainbow Dash! I am on my way!"

Scootaloo, or Shep Ramsey in her commando outfit, salutes Rainbow as she heads off on her big mission.

* * *

Pinkie Pie has gathered a few ponies who she enlisted in her Pinkiestararmy to attack Cloudsdale, no matter what the cost is. The rally is at the Tree right now.

"Are you ponies sick and tired of playing second fiddle to a two bit speed pony and her Pegasus pals?" Pinkie calls out to the crowd in determination.

"Yeah," The crowd cheers on eagerly. Strangely enough, we can hear a faint rewinding noise.

"Are you ready to fight with your colonel and give your 5 bits to the Pinkiestararmy should it comes to that?"

"Yeah!"

We can hear the faint rewind noise as Pinkie continues in determination, "Wanna paint that fence another color and give that tire a fake beard?"

Of course, there is silence as no one is responding. In truth, Pinkie is talking to the painting of the stallion with a big knife, Twilight, Spike, Rarity, Applejack, Big Macintosh with both Apple Bloom and a tape recorder on his back, Sweetie Belle and some sort of pinball game.

"Oops, sorry, forgot 'ta rewind!" Apple Bloom exclaims in realization. She quickly press rewind on the tape player before pressing play once more.

"Yeah," The imaginative crowd exclaims out to Pinkie Pie in determination on tape.

"Yeah, I am loving this game of war!" Sweetie cheers on. "Too bad Scootaloo, Dinky and Twist didn't come to play with us."

"Shucks, you know Scootaloo, always playing with Rainbow first at times." Big Macintosh chuckles to Sweetie in amusement.

"Pinkie Pie, why bother invading Rainbow's Cloudsale?" Twilight ask Pinkie oddly. "Not like it's much to take or invade."

"Right, and besides, the Pegasi would overtake you all." Spike said to Pinkie in agreement.

"Ha! That sounds like the words of a coward! The Pinkiestarmy will beat those Pegasus ponies of Cloudsdale in no time!" Pinkie exclaims in determination.

"Yeah, well without me. Spike and I are going home to make lunch for us and Nyx." Twilight said dryly as she and Spike leaves the scene. "You continue doing this silliness without us."

"Right; Sweetie Belle, you have fun with your silly little army. Don't play too rough with Rainbow and our other friends." Rarity said to Sweetie happily as she and Applejack took their leave as well.

"Yes, mom," Sweetie remarks to Rarity in a sarcastic kinda matter.

"Okay, maggots, time for us to go out there and invade us some serious Cloudsdale! Company, ponies...go!" Pinkie exclaims in determination as the Pinkiestarmy (or what's left of it anyway) leaves.

As the army leaves, not one of them saw Scootaloo peeking out from behind the Tree, looking amused as she said, "This is going to be a big victory for Cloudsdale."

* * *

The Pegasi, including Rainbow and Fluttershy, meanwhile are at Rainbow's Cloudsdale that is near the ground, trying to figure out something: how to play badminton since not one of them has knowledge of the game.

"Not sure, maybe there is a goodminton." Rainbow said to her fellow Pegasus ponies with a shrug.

"Maybe if we have experienced players, we may have a bit of a chance. I hope." Fluttershy said to Rainbow meekly.

Soon the Pinkiestarmy appears, ready to invade Cloudsdale. Pinkie, seeing Rainbow, smirks while saying, "Ah, Dashie; Glad to see that you are joining the other side along with Fluttershy!"

"Uh, what?"

"Pinkie Pie, you are so random!" Rainbow exclaims to Pinkie in annoyance. "I am the other side! What, you actually think that I would intend of invading my own kingdom of Cloudsdale?"

"Ten-Hut," Pinkie exclaims in determination as the Pegasus ponies look at Pinkie oddly. "All right, Pegasus ponies, time for you all to feel the cupcake sting of the Pinkiestarmy! Cloudsdale will be ours!"

"Oh no, it won't. The Pegasus ponies are going to play some badminton as soon as we figure it out; So...sorry, no invasion."

"And how would you invade Cloudsdale since only you have cloud walking magic and the rest don't?" Fluttershy points out to Pinkie. She's right; somehow only the pink pony can walk on clouds in her little army...the others would fall right through.

"Oh...I see." Pinkie said, pausing a bit awkwardly. She wasn't preparing her army for this, "Run away, retreat! Fall back, ponies! We are in over our heads here!"

"Hold 'de line, hold 'de line!" Apple Bloom screams as the army makes some sort of retreat in this failed invasion.

"Eeyup," Big Macintosh exclaims in agreement.

"And take this stupid piece of junk with ya!" Rainbow snaps as she flies to the ground and lands before kicking the pinball machine with her back legs, sending it flying.

Pinkie heard a crash and turns, gasping as she saw the pinball machine, on the ground broken and destroyed. The pony rushes over, mourning, "No! William Clark! Don't die on me, Willie! Not on my watch! Don't give up!" Pinkie begins shedding tears. "You didn't even give me those 5 bits yet..."

Pinkie sobs as she tapes William Clark with her spoon but it's too late. The brave pinball machine is gone...

* * *

With the invasion of Cloudsdale foiled (sort of), Rainbow goes back to her computer and does some typing while saying, "All right, that, my dear Tankerin', proves why Cloudsdale, my kingdom of course, won't need an army...of course, us Pegasus ponies definitely need a copy of the badminton official rules. We got no idea what the hay we're doing, not a clue."

The paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to an end. Rainbow shakes her head in disgust while mumbling Scootaloo's commando name, "Shep Ramsey. Ugh...lame..."

We now see the Shep Ramsey action figure, which looks like Scootaloo in her commando cheer.

* * *

Pinkie looks down in sadness as she goes into the Cakes' room, walking up to some sort of baby monitor. The pony said in sadness to the thing, "Mrs. Clark, my name is Colonel Pinkie Pie. I served with your son William in the Pinkiestarmy at the battle of Cloudsdale. As much as I would hate to give you this news...why, Willie is one of the finest best soldiers that I ever met!"

Pinkie then smiles while continuing, "And he still kinda owe me 5 bits still...so maybe if you could...fork it over..." The pony taps the baby monitor with her spoon eagerly.

The End

Author's note  
And thus, the forces of Cloudsdale has crushed the Pinkiestarmy...sort of. And a pinball machine has lost his life. Sad, really; in the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow explains what she would be like in a video game. Read, review and suggest.

Shep Ramsey is the Hulk Hogan character in the film _The Suburban Commando_. The movie stunk which is why Rainbow don't think that Shep Ramsey is a good commando name for Scootaloo.


	53. video games

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: video games

"E-mail is like a prison...one with no walls and toilet." Rainbow said as she brings up the first e-mail of the chapter that the pony usually does.

**Rainbow Dash **

**who would you want for a coltfriend someone who loves hanging around or a mix of both an egghead and hanging with friends ? **

**Adam Seville**

"Good question, Adam of Seville, I ain't picky but I love a cool Stallion who hangs around...though someone who is smart I don't mind either who can also hang with my pals." Rainbow admits with a smile, "Next e-mail!"

**Yo, Rainbow Dash!**

**I am curious as to what you would be like in a video game and what it would be like.**

**From,****  
****Tylor M.****  
****Prince Creek, AZ**

Rainbow of course reads 'AZ' as 'Alcatrax', making her say, "Wow, someone on the inside." She shook her head in sadness. "Tylor, try to get out soon."

Rainbow then begins to type while asking, "So what I would be like in a video game, eh? Okay, that depends on what system that is being used here. For example, if it was on one of those really old machines from Earth..."

* * *

We see a Atari 2600-style game with an empty green rectangle on a black screen. Rainbow's voice said, "...the graphics on it would kinda look like yours truly." A blue square appears, apparently it's supposed to represent the Pegasus pony. "And I would run around a future like maze..."

We see the square moving around the screen with green blocks and blue growing barriers appearing. Rainbow's voice continues, "...and I have to get stuff that doesn't look like me at all!" We see a orange square the same size as hers in the center of the maze. "That would be 20% awesome!"

The blue square got the orange one and touches it, 'collecting' the thing in the progress. The words 'secret collect' is shown on the screen.

* * *

At the computer, Rainbow types on while saying, "Oooh, whoa! I could also be in one of those cool 3-D like vector awesome games!"

* * *

We see the said came with a corridor ending with a wall outlined in red, moving arrows appear on the walls on each side. Rainbow's voice remarks, "plus, there would be one awesome, big 3-D version of my head floating around!" Indeed, we see a vectorized version of Rainbow's head appearing on the screen. "It would be so cool, stallions would want to make out with the screen and such."

Lipstick lips is seen on the screen as Rainbow's voice continues, "Of course, we'd have to program it to be like..."

"BACK OFF, HANDSOME!" The Vector Rainbow Dash booms, its words appear on the screen as the thing spoke before falling down and disappearing.

"Of course, in this game, the player can't control me..."

* * *

"Because no way that you can control me!" Rainbow snaps at the camera as she shakes it near her computer.

* * *

"Right, instead, you gotta control some 3-D shield griffin whose has a shield." Rainbow's voice said as we see a 3-D griffin with a shield at the bottom of the screen in the vector game, "This 3-D cyber shield griffin...with a cyber shield and spiky like hair."

We see the changes on the griffin. He is now spiky-haired and is holding a striped 'cyber shield'. Rainbow's voice continues, "Here, you gotta block my powerful 3-D geometric attacks of face major 3-D DOOM!"

The Vector Rainbow Dash spits out a fireball which the cyber-shield griffin blocks with his shield. It shoots out another one, this time the hero didn't block as he got hit in the face, causing him to explode.

"YOUR HEAD A SPLODE!" The Vector Rainbow booms, its words appear on the screen once more.

"Of course, there will be some problems concerning bad translation." Rainbow's voice admits to the viewers.

* * *

Rainbow types some more on her computer while saying, "Of course, on the other hoof, wouldn't it be cool to be in one of those text-based like adventure games? You know, it's for eggheads with way better imaginations."

* * *

Now we see a black green with a green arrow at the top, along with green lines like the Lardy. Rainbow's voice explains, "It would be something like..." She read what is on the text like screen.

**Ye are now in yon dungeon. Ye saw an ELEMENT OF HARMONY. Ye obvious exits are NORTH, SOUTH, and JOHN.**

**What wouldst thou deau?**

Of course, Rainbow doesn't say the last sentence. She continues, "And you would be like..." The pony read what is on the screen.

**Get ye element**

Rainbow's voice add, "And it would be like..."

**You can't get element!**

Rainbow's voice explains, "And you would be sitting there, wondering why the hay that you can't get 'ye element', because the game is not going to tell you for sure!" The screen then adds this, 'I am not going to tell thou, that's for sure!' "Plus, there are no precious graphic to give you any help either." The screen adds this, 'Graphic shamphics...' and a few seconds later, '...for sooth!'

* * *

Rainbow smiles as she types back at her computer, adding, "But oh baby. The best thing of them all would be if I were in one of those brand new super-photorealistic games that would take a lot of migs and megs of memories to play that thing!"

* * *

We now see a blue screen as a 16-bit version of Rainbow appears. The pony herself voice-overs again, "I would be 20% awesome, running around n some grass." The background now shows a 16-bit grass field against a blue sky. "And there would be...a Hydra."

A hydra falls from the sky with music playing. Rainbow's voice continues, "A few hungry one too." A food bowl now appears in front of the Hydra as it begins to whine, jump and turns red like mad. Rainbow runs around as her voice adds, "And I would have to feed him of course."

We see a box labeled 'food' appearing as Rainbow takes it to the Hydra's bowl, calming the monster down as it eats the food the voice. Rainbow's voice adds, "And maybe...snakes."

Snakes appear, wriggling up and down the screen. The Hydra, getting mad, charges across the screen.

* * *

Back at the computer, Rainbow types some more while asking, "Yeah, who knows? Someday, technology will catch up with yours truly and her advanced thinking hopefully. That way, the handsome stallions would make out with their TV screens." The pony stops her typing and turns around. "All right, Tylor, until next one...this one is for you and the ponies whose got send up the cloud river."

Rainbow, in salute of Tylor being 'locked up', pours her Apple Cider onto the floor. The paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to the usual end. 5 seconds later, we see four familiar games in their boxes: 'RainbowDashZone', 'HydraFeeder', 'Thy Dungeonpony' and 'Equestria Secret Collect'. We see an image of each box.

The End

Author's note  
Cool! Hopefully we can see games with the ponies in the future like seen here. In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow loses a bet with Twilight and has to spend a night at Derpy's place. Read, review and suggest.


	54. the bet

Rainbow Dash's E-mails: the bet

"All right, big money, big money, and...e-mail!" Rainbow exclaims as she brings up an e-mail for her usual show.

**Rainbow Dash What do you think of The Power rangers cause from what i know Saban is doing another show next year called Power Rangers MegaForce and i hear its going to be awsome so anyway what's your opinion on the show from 1993 to the current year 2012?**

**Yours truley**

**Adam Seville**

"Seriously, Adam; To be honest, that show is kinda awesome...though it has been going overrated...huh, kinda like some crossover couples that I heard about." Rainbow answers the e-mail. "I haven't seen much of it lately, who knows? Anyway, next e-mail!"

**Dear Rainbow Dash,****  
****Ever go over to Derpy Hooves for dinner? If so, what is it like?**

**Nobodiez****  
****Ant Harbotr Mitchigan**

Rainbow said 'Nobodiez Ant Harbor' as if it's the e-mail sender's whole name, putting a stress on the middle syllable of 'Mitchigan'.

Rainbow sighs, ashamed as she types while speaking, "Well, Nobodiez Ant, I didn't want to admit this...but yeah, I did go over to Derpy's place for dinner one time. It involves a bet that I had with Twilight Sparkle on Tuesday night."

Flashback

In a flashback on that fateful illful night, Rainbow was having a conversion with Twilight, looking disbelief as she remarks "Wait, hang on, hold it; let's see if I got this un-straight and if I heard ya right. You want to be me that you're cool?"

"You betcha." Twilight said to Rainbow with a smirk.

"So if you're not cool, you gotta change your name to...Lame McEgghead. But if you are so, I got to spend the night at Derpy's place?"

"That's the deal, Miss Dash, the total. Want to back out?"

Rainbow smirks while saying, "Oh, you are going down, Egghead." It would be do the Pegasus pony justice to see his friend change her name once she loses.

"Not a chance!" Twilight laughs to Rainbow as if refusing to believe her challenge.

"Go ahead! Try to be cool! Go ahead!"

Twilight smirks as she uses her magic to summon a pair of shades and put them on. The pony pauses for a moment for the whole effort to sink in.

"Yo, what's up?" Twilight remarks cooly, much to Rainbow's shock and disbelief.

"Oh horse feathers!" Rainbow groans in disbelief. Twilight is cool! The Pegasus pony has lost the bet!

* * *

Twilight has called Derpy, telling her to expect Rainbow over soon. The reluctant pony flew over and rang the doorbell in embarrassment. She can't believe that she herself has to spend the night with a clumsy pony with weird eyes!

"Come in, Rainbow Dash!" Derpy is heard from the other side happily.

Rainbow opens the door, peeking ehind it while asking in precaution, "The coast is clear, right?"

"Coast is roast, Rainbow! Dinky is spending the night with Golden Harvest right now.."

Rainbow sighs as she came out from behind the door...wearing a fake beard that looks like it's made out of bark. The last thing that this pony wants is for anypony to see her and get a laugh out of what she is doing.

"All right, we may as well get this over with!" Rainbow groans as she takes off her beard, entering the house; the sooner that that the two Pegasus ponies can get this done, the sooner that it will be over with.

The group goes over to Derpy's pantry, the cross-eyed pony smiles while saying, "Here it is, all my food! Want some Apple Snagglin; or a can of Butter-da, anything?"

"Ugh, Derpy, that stuff is for car use only."

"Well, that's possible. Oh, check it out! This is my 200-pound bag of Awww Gratin potatoes! Only a 1983!"

"Okay, that stinks." Rainbow said uneasily. Food is out, that's for sure. "Got any video games or anything, like something for cool ponies like me?"

"Sure do! I have a video game for me and Dinky!" Derpy explains to Rainbow happily. "It's even the ones that you can stand up for, like from an arcade!"

"Really; No way, awesome! Why didn't you say so, Dinky Doo? Let's play it!"

The two Pegasus ponies fly over to where the video game is. It would've been great, except for one thing: the game is 'Pony Typing Tutor Turbo', a game that teaches ponies how to type, despite the lack of keyboard.

"On second thought, forget it." Rainbow said with a frown. This game isn't what she has in mind at all!

"How many WMPs can you get up to?" Derpy ask Rainbow happily. "That's words per minute, in case you don't know."

"Look, you're going to get 175 hooves per stomach if I am not eating ice cream inside of 1 minute! Sorry, didn't mean to threat but I am getting frustrated here!"

"Ooh, okay!"

As Rainbow is narrating, the two ponies ate some 'ice style cream', the flavors shown are 'choco-gravy' and 'mint, perhaps?', "In the end, the whole thing didn't end up half bad. At least I got to eat a horsecrap lot of ice cream."

"Okay, want another scoop of casserole flavored?" Derpy ask Rainbow, her eyes move around a bit.

"Sure, spoon it up!" Rainbow exclaims to Derpy with a smile.

We can hear Rainbow in the present narrating once more, "Plus, I left an open can of mayonnaise in Derpy's ventilation ducts, such for laughs."

* * *

We now see the insides of a duct as Rainbow left a can of 'army style' mayonnaise'. The pony herself narrates, "Plus, Pony Typing Turbo isn't a bad game as long as you play it the right way."

* * *

And sure enough, we see Rainbow playing the game...by hoisting it over Derpy's, who is wearing a blind-fold, head. This won't kill her; just knock the pony out for a few minutes or so.

"Ready for fun," Rainbow ask Derpy with a devilish smirk.

"Ready!" Derpy exclaims happily, unaware of what's about to come.

End Flashback

Rainbow types back at her computer as she say, "That goes to show ya, Nobodiez Ant, weird ponies are what you make of them. For example, I'm about to go make an indentured servant out of Thunderlane; and thus...the Getting up Noise."

We see the Getting up Noise as Rainbow got up to leave. The paper comes down, ending this chapter/e-mail.

* * *

We see a blue screen with the Butter-da can near Derpy's picture. Some synthesized music plays as the pony said, "Well, those folks, told me not to...but I drink it still." The second clause appears at the top in capital while Derpy said this stuff.

We hear a disclaimer man, mumbling something unintelligibly, but the words are 'BUTTER-DA IS NOT HUSH A BUSH PUSH LEOPOLD' at the screen's bottom.

* * *

Twilight, still wearing her shades, smiles as she stood with Spike at nighttime at the field. The pony remark, "Yo, what's up, Spike?"

"Uh, Twilight, can you please stop saying that?" Spike asks Twilight in annoyance as a meteor appears over head.

"On the contrary, it's not Twilight Sparkle, its Lame McEgghead."

"One, that name isn't cool. And two, I thought you only use that name is you lose that bet with Rainbow Dash."

"Oh, right. Never mind," Twilight remarks with a shrug. "Yo, what's up?"

"Ugh, not cool, Twilight, seriously." Spike groans to Twilight while slapping himself on the forehead.

"Come on, it is so! Rainbow Dash really says so!"

"Uh, right. If Rainbow Dash told you to jump off a cliff..."

"I wouldn't but would if I have to!" Twilight interrupts Spike sternly and forcefully.

The End

Author's note  
Poor Rainbow; Losing the bet but she did spend some time at Derpy's house...not to worry, this isn't Derpy bashing. In the next chapter/e-mail, we find out why Scootaloo is a diligent lackey or fan of Rainbow Dash. Read, review and suggest.

The first e-mail is of course a reference to the Power Ranger series.


	55. lackey

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: lackey

_**"So innocent and email-free... That's you 'n me." **_Rainbow sang while bringing up an e-mail, reading it out loud.

**Rainbow Dash**

**have you ever thought of settling down and living with a human from another world who's cool ... like me yea i'm smart when need be but if someone is hurt I will be there to cheer them up no matter what but yea you get the idea anyway though i've been in two real bad relationships and i'm unsure of a third one should i go into a third relationship or not? but i would like to hear it from you**

**Adam**

"Hmm, I never thought of that before...to be honest, if you're a human that I meat and is kinda cool...of course, I am not ready to settle down just yet. As for a third relationship, ever heard of the saying 'third time's the charm'? I wouldn't mind hanging with ya...depending on how to even get to you." Rainbow explains to Adam. "Now then, next e-mail!"

**Hey, yo there, Rainbow Dash!****  
****I always suspect that Scootaloo is such a diligent fan or lackey, but why? Ever saved her life one time and she has to do stuff for you since?**

**Bucky****  
****Maretoria, BC**

"Whoa, BC," Rainbow asks in amazement as she types on, "Must be one old stinking e-mail! Normally the others I get are ADs...and maybe the usual JD. Makes me wonder what it was written on: a stone tablet? Or maybe some papyrus; Anywho..."

Rainbow clears the screen while typing some more, saying, "Nah, Bucky. Scootaloo is a good lackey and friend because she finds me cool and often and 'knows what's best' and 'doesn't want to be left on the ground during our thunderstorms' or 'taped to a wall again', but I got nothing to do with those."

Rainbow clears the screen and type some more, "Probably due with the fact that I 'treat her like a sibling that isn't my brother Pete Pan to whom I have no idea where he is' instead of a 'little orange winged thing that steals my stallions at times or likes to stalk me all over for some reason.' I also pay Scootaloo real nice...which isn't that hard since she 'thinks pencil shavings are legal tender'. Like so..."

To prove her point, Rainbow sharpens a pencil using a pencil sharpener then calls out, "Hey, Scootaloo!"

Scootaloo trots into the room, saying, "Yeah. What is it, Rainbow Dash?" The mare smiles as she wave a hoof over the fresh pencil shavings.

"Say, Scootaloo? I can give you these cool precious pencil shavings if you swipe me some apples from Applejack's apple trees."

"Really; Sweet! I am all over those apples!"

Scootaloo eagerly rush off. Rainbow chuckles and types some more, saying, "Ahh, check her go. So excited and naive..."

Scootaloo rush back with a bunch of apples in her arms, announcing, "How do you like them apples, Rainbow Dash?"

"Whoa, now that's service! Thanks, little gal! You can go back to what it is that you were doing!"

"Hey, hey, Rainbow Dash! My payment, remember?! Hand it over!"

Scootaloo points to the pencil shavings, reminding Rainbow of the deal. The mare, remembering, said, "Oh yeah, your payment, here yo go!"

Rainbow stops the pencil shavings onto Scootaloo's back. The Pegasus filly smiles eagerly as she exclaims gratefully, "Thanks, Rainbow Dash! Yay, I got me some money!"

"Awww, how almost adorable...now what am I going to do with my cool new stuff? I got a sharp pnecil...and some apples...the possibilities are endless! Perhaps I could use the pencil to draw some little guy on an apple." Rainbow said thoughtfully. She mumbles while drawing a face on an apple. "Oooh, and perhaps if I were to jammed the apple on the pencil's end...hey check it out, ponies! It's Billy Arratoon! How are ya doing, Billy?"

Sure enough, we see the puppet known as Billy Arratoon (a silly face-drawn apple on an pencil) whose spoke up, "Hey, Rainbow Dash! I'm doing fine these past couple of days of course..."

* * *

"Okay, your total come out to 15.52 bits, half and half." Time Turner said as Scootaloo is buying some stuff, including a hobby kit that said 'screamin' lenny's hobby kit. We got no idea what is inside this box!'.

"Yeah, here you go, Mr. Turner!" Scootaloo exclaims as she push the pencil shavings onto the counter, much to the stallion's confusion.

"What is this mess?"

"Oh, pencil shavings. Your place takes them, see?"

Scootaloo points to a sign on a wall at Time Turner's place. It said 'we'll Glady Accept: Bits, Money, or Bits Money'. The word 'pencil shavings' is on a scrap of paper taped at the bottom as if being added recently.

Time Turner of course blinks his eyes, not questioning as he said, "Well, since it's on the sign...okay, nice business, with ya!"

Scootaloo smiles eagerly as she heads off with her hobby kit. Of course, Billy Arratoon appears, saying, "Hey, Mr. Turner. The collection agency has sent me! You missed your last payment! Pay up or I am going to bust your hoof caps!"

"Gah! Horse feathers, you found me!"

Frantically, Time Turner closes down a metal shop gate to his store to shut out 'the collection agency' man. It shows some 'RD wa5 HeRe' graffiti. We see some RainbowDash Lib.

The paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to an end, Rainbow comments, "Oh yeah, forgot that one! Err, I mean..."

"Nice graffiti there!" Billy Arratoon remarks in amusement.

* * *

We now see a video starting that shows some puppet on the TV. An announcer spoke, "Hey kids, it's time for the Pinkie Pie and Billy Arratoon; Brought to you by Screamin' Lenny's Hobby Kits!"

"Hey, Billy," Pinkie giggles to Billy playfully. "We got our own show now!"

"Right, I'll say!" Billy Arratoon remarks in amusement. "I'm going to be a start."

"Nope nope! Sorry! There's only one job for you to do on thie show!"

"Well, go ahead, tell me!"

"You gotta be the...'produce-r'!" Pinkie jokes as she and the audience laughs at the joke that the Earth pony just made.

"Ugh, forget you, Pinkie Horse, I'm heading solo!" Billy Arratoon groans in annoyance as he heads off. Pinkie stops laughing, looking confused.

"What? Did I hurt his feelings? What?"

The End

Author's note  
Well, Scootaloo has gotten what she wants and Rainbow has fun with her 'new friend'. In the next chapter/e-mail, the Pegasus pony is asked to make an monument, she explains how she herself never made the project. Thus, enter the Fruitkapony (AKA Big Macintosh). Read, review and suggest.

Billy Arratoon is named after a reviewer who helps me with my fan-fictions.


	56. monument

Author's note  
Read that story and review, A.B.I. Thanks though. Onward to the next e-mail!

Rainbow Dash: monument

_**"Oh, traipsing along, traipsing traipsing along, and an email got stuck in my eye." **_Rainbow sang as she brings up the first e-mail of the chapter.

**Dear Rainbow dash ****  
****If you had to play either dead space or amnesia which would you play?**

**nobody special**

"Ah. Well, if you're nobody special, then there's no reason to answer this e-mail, is there?" Rainbow teases the e-mailer and the name. "But I digress. Good question, either game is a good one...but when it comes to video games, nothing, and I mean, nothing beats Halo! Okay, next e-mail!"

**Hey there, Rainbow Dash!****  
****I was thinking that since so many ponies and stallion think you are 20% AWESOME, why not build a monument to yourself for many to enjoy?**

**Another fan,****  
****Julie U.**

Rainbow puts emphasis on '20% AWESOME' then types as she remarks, "Well, I'm guessing that U stands for a girl's first name that no one ever uses; Must be a generic one. Anyway, pal, you are really onto something there. Turns out I AM really 20% awesome!" The pony clears her throat. "As far as monuments goes, I got one, but it's kind of..."

Rainbow clears the screen while typing on, saying, "...only of my right hoof. Nowadays you know it better as...DUM DUM DUM; The Cloudsdale Sign!"

* * *

We see the sign as a picture of Rainbow Dash. While she narrates, a diagram of the monument is seen as if being rebuilt, "We got big plans once. It was to be made of the finest materials. It's on a massive scale that could rival those Aztecs in the Daring Do books and ...their techno-chocolate land."

* * *

Back at the computer, Rainbow types on as she explains, "Anyhow, we lost our funding...or the public interest was gone...or I think something distracted me. Now what was it? What could've distracted me from...hum...hmmm..."

Flashback

In a flashback, we see Rainbow and Scootlaloo working on the monument for Cloudsdale which is near the ground. The mare smiles eagerly while saying, "Sweet, Scoots! That looks like my right hoof for sure; Got all the rightness of a hoof without all the hoof-dom of a right!"

Just then, an unseen chorus is heard singing, _**"Here comes the Fruitkapony!" **_The words float across the place...enough for the Pegasus ponies to stop what they're doing and gasp upon seeing something.

"No way; Scootaloo, look; it's the Fruitkapony!" Rainbow squeals as she and Scootaloo rush up to meet him: the Fruitkapony, the coolest and best stallion in Ponyville! Of course, it's obviously Big Macintosh wearing sunglasses and has a paper taped to his front which said 'FRUIT' but of course the fillies doesn't recognize him for some reason, "Whoa, hey Fruitkapony!"

"Eeyup! Hey there, kid!" Big Macintosh, as the Fruitkapony, exclaims to Rainbow with a smirk.

"Can we have some of your coolness?"

"Eeyup, go ahead!"

"Sweet, thank you, Fruitkapony," Rainbow exclaims eagerly to Big Macintosh, the progress of building the monument seems to be only in memory now.

"Yeah, you're the best! Thanks!" Scootaloo exclaims to Big Macintosh hopping up and down at the same time as Rainbow does.

"Eeyup! Shut up, kid!" Big Macintosh remarks as he take his sunglasses off to say the 'shut up, kid' part before putting them back on.

_**"There goes the Fruitkapony!" **_The unseen chorus calls out as Big Macintosh leaves, the floats float across the screen. The two fillies look at each other in amazement, Rainbow's mouth is a gape.

That Fruitakpony is so cool!

End Flashback

Back at the Flutterpony, Rainbow types on while saying, "You can see from that flashback on how I got distracted. Though let's see you stay on task when staring down the barrel of one loaded Fruitkapony! Don't care what you do, no pony can resist." The pony stops typing while looking thoughtful. "Say, speaking of monuments, somepony gotta make one to the Fruitkapony. Oh, the things that stallion can do! Hmmm, now that I think of it, what does he do?"

Rainbow begins to type while saying, "Anyhow, I'm going to go out and find some of that Technochocolate. That stuff sounds pretty pony good right about now!"

Rainbow leaves her seat while leaving the area. The paper comes down as the chapter/e-mail comes to an end.

* * *

As Big Macintosh, in his Fruitkakpony, trots back and forth, the unseen chorus sang on, restarting themselves each time, _**"Here comes the Fruitka—There goes the Fruitka—Here comes the Fruitka—There goes the Fruitka—Here comes the Fruitakpony!"**_

"Eeyup! Shut up, kid!" Big Macintosh remarks as he faces the camera and removes his sunglasses for a moment before putting them back on.

* * *

In a field, Pinkie prepares to put on a pair of trousers, saying, "Okay, maybe if I were to put these pants on..."

Suddenly Pinkie Pie is distracted as a familiar unseen chorus sang, _**"Here comes the Fruitkapony!" **_The pony gasps eagerly as she drops the trousers, rushing off. Even Pinkie can't resist the Fruitkapony!

Pinkie pokes her head back onscreen as she sang, "**_Here comes the Fruitakpony!"_**

* * *

In Rainbow's computer room, Rainbow sang a 'Technchocolate' song with a beat while Scootaloo throws a light switch rave to go with the song itself.

The End

Author's note  
Huh, I guess that monument will never get built. Oh well, cool Fruitakpony! In the next chapter/e-mail, a fan wants Rainbow to Pinkie to say something random because her voice is hilarious. The Pegasus pony decides instead to make her friend say something smart and non-random. But will the idea work? Read, review and suggest.


	57. random stuff

Author's note  
Nobodiez, I believe you did your same question twice. Well, here it is in this chapter.

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: random stuff

_**"Dah doh, doo doh, email me some words, doo-doo, some different words." **_Rainbow sang as she brings up the first e-mail of the chapter.

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**What are your thoughts of the World of Warcraft game? Have you ever played it? And if no, do you have any plans to do so?**

**NobodieZ**

Rainbow smirks as she answers the e-mail, "Hay yeah, I played it! Best game ever! I am in the role of some huge ogre/wizard guy, I kicked some major flank. I planned on playing it later. Anyway, next e-mail!"

**Hey there, Rainbow Dash,**

**I suggest you make Pinkie Pie say random stuff, her voice is so funny!**

**Sincerely,****  
****Johnny Cheese**

Rainbow mumbles the 'cheese part'. She then begins to type while saying, "To be honest, you don't really have to make Pinkie Pie say random stuff, Cheese, that's her bread and butter...or her cracker and mustard. Anyway, the real challenge would be to get Pinkie to say something non-random or smart, kinda like what Twilight Sparkle does."

Rainbow clears the screen, speaking as she types on, "If I can get that to happen, then you owe me a bunch of your special Cheesecakes. If I fail, I would refrain from stealing bricks from your place, one by house. Okay? Okay?"

As Rainbow gets up to leave her chair, we can see a familiar mare leaning over her shoulder, saying quietly, "Hi there, Dashie," Hearing that surprised the Pegasus pony as she didn't expect her friend to come in.

"Gah! Oh, by the Herd! Pinkie Pie!"

"Say, Dashie, notice anything different about me today?"

"Let's see...you broke into my house?" Rainbow guesses as to what different about Pinkie Pie today.

"Nope; I always do that!" Pinkie admits happily to her annoyed friend.

"Fine, okay, what?"

Pinkie happily stood on one of her feet, saying, "I'm standing on one of my feet, Dashie!"

"Right, sure, whatever," Rainbow remarks with a shrug, "Listen, I will give you half a Cheesecake if you say something smart and non-random like Twilight Sparkle."

"What's that?"

"You know; it's a little cake with some cheese in it."

"No, no, the other one," Pinkie points out, wanting Rainbow to explain 'smart' and 'random', "As well as the other OTHER one."

"Oh, you mean 'smart' and 'non-random'?" Rainbow asks, realizing what Pinkie is referring to here.

"You got it, smarts and nothing-random."

"You know...something smart and non-random...something that Twilight does in her science whatchcallit."

"Oh yes...I think I can do those things." Pinkie said as she prepares to look shifty and cunning, "So what's in it for me should I do so?"

"Half a Cheesecake," Rainbow reminds her friend in annoyance.

"Oooh, right; here goes anything!"

"Before you do so, put this stuff on to help out in the illusion."

Rainbow gives a white lab coat, some glasses with masking tape and a test tube to Pinkie. After putting the first two on, the Earth pony holds the last one with her mouth as if it was a microphone and she is giving an interview to Rainbow Dash herself.

"Coool, check me out, Dashie!" Pinkie exclaims happily, speaking clearly somehow. "I look smart."

"Right, sure do." Rainbow said with a nod. Now to win the bet, "Go ahead, say something!"

"Also, I'm standing on one of my feet too!"

"Right, sure, now say something smart and non-random! Go ahead, you can do it!"

"Yes, science," Pinkie exclaims with a smile.

"Right, pretty good," Rainbow said with a nod. So far, so good, "Keep on going."

"Science once again! I said science again!"

"Fine, okay, so how about we move away from science, huh? Let's go for math."

"Plus two," Pinkie remarks with a grin, much to Rainbow's annoyance.

Rainbow begins to groan, "Ugh, this isn't getting us..."

"Hundred! Okie dokie lokie!"

"I got to get my hooves on some of those Cheeasecakes. Perhaps I would try something like a little reverse psychology...maybe I were to ask a stupid enough question, I can get an intelligent answer!" Rainbow mumbles to herself quietly. She decides to go for it while clearing her throat, "Hey, Pinkie Pie; Okie dokie lokie; Flank's 12 by pies?"

We now see a playbill for a play that has the same name 'FLANK's 12 By Pies' which is directed by Derpy Hooves.

**THEATER****  
****Flank's 12 By Pies**

We see a picture of Derpy holding a stick as she came to a fork in the road.

**A Super-short weird Play****  
****Directed by Derpy Hooves****  
****Starring:****  
****lightning & set decoration**

Suddenly Pinkie smirks as if winning, exclaiming in victory, "Yes, yes! I did it! I made Rainbow Dash say something random! Those Cheesecakes are mine!"

Pinkie rush off, much to Rainbow's shock. The Earth pony obviously bet the same person, AKA Johnny, some Cheesecakes if she can make her friend say something random...and Rainbow's reverse psychology has backfired on her, causing the pony to get outsmarted by Pinkie Pie!

"What; what...the horsecrap just happened?! Could it be that...ARGH! I was just outsmarted by Pinkie Pie!" Rainbow exclaims furiously. She then types on her couple, shouting while raising a hoof. "I WILL GET YOU FOR THIS, JOHNNY CHEESE!"

"Hey, Rainbow Dash," Scootaloo exclaims as she came in with a tray of Scootaloo Cakes, "Got some Scootaloo Cakes here!"

"Get that mess out of here! I don't want those Scootaloo Cakes!" Rainbow snaps furiously as she smacks the tray out of Scootaloo's back, much to the filly's shock and anger.

"Ugh, fine! I can tell when I am not wanted!" Scootaloo groans angrily as she exits dejectedly.

"Wait, Scootaloo, come on, come back!" Rainbow insists apologetically. Scootaloo came back as if her idol wants to apologize for her behavior. "Err, any chance that you can fix me some...mustard crackers?"

"Ugh! Make them yourself!"

Scootaloo leaves angrily as the paper come down, closing up this chapter/e-mail. We can see a box of Scootaloo Cakes while hearing a jingle.

_**"Only liars and thieves eat Scootaloo Cakes, and those ponies go to prison."**_ A singer sang out. _**"Just ask Scootaloo!"**_

We can hear Scootaloo remarking, "Those ponies go to prison!"

The End

Author's note  
Ha! Poor Rainbow Dash; outwitted by Pinkie Pie and she hurt Scootaloo's feelings. Poor pony. In the next chapter/e-mail, the Pegasus pony herself explains how she could make her town different through song. Read, review and suggest.


	58. different town

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: different town

_**"Check your email and check your email."**_ Rainbow sang as she gets ready to bring up the next e-mail while sitting at her computer at the library. Her voice is looped with another rhythm. _**"Check your email and check your email."**_

Once Rainbow stops singing, she presses Enter.

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**Could you act out with Spike Mr Spocks death from Star Trek? I always like the "needs of the many" speech Spock does.**

**Billy Arratoon**

"Hmmm, interesting idea. I will try it. Hey Spike!" Rainbow calls out to Spike with a grin.

"Yeah, what is it, Rainbow Dash?" Spike asks as he came into the room.

"Listen, Billy Arratoon wants us to act out Mr. Spock's death from Star Trek. I will be Captain Kirk, you will be Spock."

"Ugh, why am I cast into these roles? Fine," Spike closes his eyes then pretend to open tem weakly. "James...Khan defeated?"

"Yes..." Rainbow spoke out in the voice of Kirk.

"Don't grieve, James…it is logical. The needs of the many...outweigh..."

"The needs of the few."

"Shut up, I'm talking." Spike snaps to Rainbow, speaking out of character.

"All right, sorry," Rainbow said with a groan of annoyance.

Spike pretends to cough out blood while saying, "It's okay...I am and always shall be...your friend." The dragon holds the pony's hoof. "The power is yours." His head pretends to fall, the claw holding Rainbow goes limp.

Rainbow pauses then said, "Okay, that's great. Good scene, Spike."

Spike, now done with the role, smiles while asking, "You really think so?"

"Yeah. Let's hope it doesn't happen for real someday."

"Thank you, thank you! I will be here all day!"

Spike chuckles as he leaves. Rainbow decides to go to the next e-mail.

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**I was wondering, if you ever had a chance to make your town of Ponyville different, what would you do?**

**Sincerley****  
****Luario WV**

Rainbow of course read 'WV' as 'Wagonvolt' and mispronounces 'sincerely' to reflect the misspelling. The pony comments eagerly, "Say, pour hot soup on Applejack's eyes, eh, Luario?" We see a PEM drawing of 'Luario' in his formal wear. "Now that idea sounds like..."

Rainbow stops typing as she realize something, making her ask, "Wait, hang on, what did your e-mail say again?" The Pegasus pony press a key to bring back the e-mail, making sounds while reading it. "Oh. Oh ho! Sorry about that!"

Rainbow press a key to start the reply again, this time to answer the e-mail right, "So, make Ponyville different, eh Luario?" The pony then begins to break into song, _**"Weeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhllllllll,—"**_

* * *

As Rainbow sings, we go to certain places in her imagination with certain character doing something different with the town being different too. First, we see Derpy who is flying around.

Rainbow: _-_**_Derpy, she could talk,_**

"Hello!" Derpy said in a surprisingly better voice. We now see Rarity playing a rock guitar with a mohawk hairdo, as well as the Tree growing big.

_**And Rarity would rock, and The Tree would be this big ol' tree that'd try to eat everyone except Scootaloo and me.**_

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle pops up while exclaiming, "And us!"

"Yeah, we'll see." Rainbow remarks, much to Apple Bloom and Sweetie's upset expression.

_**And Trixie would be underground in a box filled up with peas...**_

"I hate peas!" Trixie complains as she is in a box filled of peas that is underground.

"I know!" Rainbow laughs evilly. We now see Pinkie holding a flamethrower that shoots out chocolate hundred-dollar bits.

_**Pinkie Pie would give away flamethrowers that shoot chocolate hundred-dollar bits****...**_

"Hee hee, imitation chocolate," Pinkie giggle happily to the camera.

_**And my egghead unicorn pal would have been born with devil horns and a devil tail...**_

"Yes, I'm evil." Twilight said sadly as we see devil horns and a tail on the purple unicorn herself.

_**And Spike would wear this cool jacket.**_

"Hey, check it out!" Spike exclaims eagerly as he shows himself wearing a jacket.

_**And Applejack just couldn't hack it.**_

"Ah quit!" Applejack scowls angrily as she throws her cowboy hat onto the ground in defeat.

_**And Princess Celestia wouldn't change at all, 'cept she'd look like pink, heart necklace pony.**_

We see Princess Celestia with a pink coat while wearing a heart necklace. We can hear Rainbow whispering softly, "2, 3, 4..." Now we see a familiar mare in the shadows.

_**And this little cute pony... would be a modestly hot one to help me through the hard times. You know, the kind that are only sorta hot so they don't mess around with other ponies.**_

We now see Fluttershy with a hot bikini like body with a striped tail saying seductively, "I am your special somepony, Rainbow Dash." A crowd is heard cheering for a moment.

* * *

Back at the computer, Rainbow is standing on her stool while the cheering continues on. The Pegasus pony exclaims, "Thanks! Thank yoy, yeah! This next song is the 14th song on my 42nd album! It's called..."

"Hey Rainbow Dash," Twilight calls out as she appears next to the table. The pony is now wearing a tunic and appears to now having devil horns and a tail. "Are..." Rainbow of course saw her and looks stunned on her stool.

"Whoa! Can it be true?! Applejack called it quits?! Trixie is pea-buried alive?! Derpy is speaking right?!"

"No, Rainbow, calm down! Spike and I are about o head out to the Clash of the Alicorns con, dressed up like Carbos with him as Spock for some reason. I came in to ask if you still wanted that busy of Bobo."

"Oh yeah...right," Rainbow said, getting sheepish and embarrassed by what she just said. She clears her throat and spoke quietly and quickly, "Yeah...I still want that said bust..."

"Fine, bye weirdo," Twilight remarks, rolling her eyes as she leaves the room, "Why are you on that stool anyway?"

"If you must know, egghead, I was...checking the lights. Yeah. We got recessed lightning. Yeah, everything looks great!" Rainbow sat back down on her stool as she goes back to typing. "Anyway, yeah, things would've been different. Though I think I am embarrassed by what I came up for Fluttershy. Hot my flank! I think my imagination is broke!"

Rainbow stops typing as she tries to start her imagination up. The pony said, "All right, try again and think up the..." The pony then starts typing ever. "Best Thing Ever...err...Fruit...Stew..."

Rainbow types up what she said then frowns a bit, "Yeah, it's busted. I'm going to go...someplace." We see a Someplace postcard with Luffy D. Monkey and the skyline of Sealtle, Washingtonburg which said 'Greetings from SOMEPLACE.'

We see the credit that said 'lyrics by PBC music by TMBP'.

The End

Author's note  
So that's how Rainbow would make Ponyville different. Now in the next chapter/e-mail, it's the 100th e-mail! Our favorite Pegasus pony reveals how long she has known Pinkie Pie. Read, review and suggest.

The first e-mail references the second Star Trek movie.


	59. flashback

Author's note  
And now...Rainbow Dash's 100th e-mail!

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: flashback

"ONE TWO THREE FOUR—" Rainbow shuts loudly. She then begins singing very hard with instruments being heard in the background. The following words appear while the pony sang them, _**"EMAIL IS AWESOME {"AWESOME"}, EMAIL IS WEIRD {"WEiRD"}, EMAIL IS AWESOME {"AWESOME"} AND EMAIL IS WEIRD {"WEiRD"}! And I'll never forget the way it was, GRRRL {"grrrl"}...uh!"**_

Once Rainbow is done, the pony chuckles as she begins to bring up an e-mail...a very familiar one...

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**Tell me, do you wear PJs before going to bed?**

**Sincerely,****  
****Alan LaDude****  
****San Eggo, CA**

Rainbow stutters a bit before reading 'before going to' then say, "dajede...hang on!" This is her first e-mail! The pony hits the Flutterpony hard, the text fix itself to show a new e-mail. "Okay, much better!"

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**How long did you know Pinkie Pie? Can we get some sort of flashback on how and when you two first met?**

**Adam****  
****Jon, NH**

Rainbow nods as she begins to type, saying, "Yeah, I got flashback, Adam. This is like having Discount Flashback Pony Warehouse over here. Of course for this particular flashback, it has way too much historical significance to be shown in anything but WIDESCREEEEEEEEEEEEN; First the left side; WOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAH!"

Rainbow say the 'widescreen' part and the 'woah' one with a resonating noise as the left side of the screen expands out, the camera cuts out to a wide shot.

Rainbow now stops typing, turning to the right while saying, "And now the right side! WOOOOOAHH—" The right side expands...then bounces out to its full extend revealing a familiar pink pony, much to the Pegasus one's surprise. "What the...Pinkie Pie, what the hay are you doing there?!"

"Oh, I am pretty much here every week, Dashie." Pinkie said to Rainbow happily. "I'm always behind the black of course."

"Heh. I suppose I should start looking to the right more often."

"Yep. Perhaps I might live here too!"

"No, no way. If you lived here, you would've fallen through the clouds and have no broken bones or legs." Rainbow points out dryly to Pinkie. "You're lucky to have some random crap or cloud-walking music to save ya."

"Okie dokie lokie," Pinkie said happily to her friend while leaning forward.

"Okay, frame shift left! WOOOOOAAHHH," Rainbow begins shifting left as Pinkie is now getting out of the shot.

"See ya later the flashback, Dashie!"

Flashback

We now go to a flashback, seeing a picture of Rainbow on the moon with a tennis racket. The drawing is in some style of the original children's book but the characters got limited animation. Rainbow herself is narrating the story but doesn't read anything. In fact, the text that she doesn't bother to read is included in the transcript in parentheses. The character voices are also mocked, written in bold.

**Rainbow Dash meets Pinkie Pie.**

The page turns to a picture of Rainbow Dash.

**Everypony loves Rainbow Dash. She is an okay pony.**

The page now changes to a picture of Rainbow and Applejack playing tennis on the moon somehow.

**One day Rainbow Dash was finishing up a game of tennis on the moon with her pal, Applejack.**

**"You see, 3 is clearly a smaller number than a million,' said Rainbow Dash.**

**"Ooooooh; Now Ah understand." **Applejack said in amazement**.**

The page now turns to the two ponies on a rainbow from the moon back to Equestria.

**They flew on a sweet, sweet rainbow bridge back to Ponyville, Equestria.**

The page now shows Applejack with a towel as she spoke to Rainbow.

**"Ah'm gotta shower up," Said Applejack.**

**"Gross!" said Rainbow Dash. "Don't do that!"**

As the page turns, we see Rainbow going to some orange egg with pink spots.

**Walking home, Rainbow Dash came upon a big ol' egg.**

**"Waaaaaaaaagh,"** The page turns to show a closer view of her and the egg itself. **"I wonder what's inside," thought tiny-winged Rainbow Dash.**

The page turns as we now see Pinkie Pie, wearing a Celestia red shirt, appearing.

**"Hello! How do you like my egg, Miss Rainbow Dashie?" said a voice from behind.**

**"Who the hay are you, Celestiashirt?" asked No-shirt.**

**"I'm Pinkie Pie!" said the Celestiashirt. "Some ponies say I'm a terrific party maker."**

We now see a closer view of the scene.

**"Well, I pony say you're a terrific liar!" said Rainbow Dash. "This is plainly my egg."**

**"What's all the commotion about?"** The story continues as the page zooms out to reveal a young Mayor of Ponyville looking at the scene. **...said the svelt, young Mayor of Ponyville. "And who's this pink pony in the Celestia shirt?"**

**"I'm Pinkie Pie! Some ponies say I'm a terffic party maker!" said Celestiashirt.**

Rainbow Dash adds in, **"Party pony over here says this egg belongs to her, when I found it first."**

We now see a close up of the Mayor of Ponyville who spoke up, **"We'll settle with with a ten-step hoofrace."**

The page shows a bunch of ponies, including some never before seen. Twilight and Spike aren't here since they haven't appeared in Ponyville yet at this time.

**And so they gathered for a ten-step hoof race. The slim and trim young Mayor of Ponyville explained the rules.**

We now see a piece of paper showing, 'Ten-step Hoofrace Official Rules. Rules One: Whoever goes the most distance in ten steps, is the winner! Rule Two, try not to bite!'

The Mayor of Ponyville explains, **"Whoever goes the most distance in ten steps, will be the winner!"**

The page turns to show the two at line at the line, ready to begin. Fluttershy gave the start off, **"Ready-and-set-and-go-now."**

The ponies begin to run, Pinkie is counting while saying, **"One, two, three, four, five, six..."**

Rainbow of course is taking only tiny steps, falling way behind as if on purpose. She said, **"Keep up the pace. Gotta break 4:40,"**Of course, the page turns as we saw the silhouettes of everyone...with Pinkie reaching the end.

**Ten!"**

The Mayor nods while announcing, **"And the Celestia-pony is the winner. Loser gets the egg."**

We hear background music playing confused noises as the page turns to see a shocked Pinkie as she watch Rainbow with the egg. After winning, the pink pony still loses the said egg?

Pinkie exclaims in shock and confusion, **"WHAAAAT?!%${}"**

**"Hooray-a for me!"**Rainbow cheers for her 'win' so to speak. She knew that tricking the Mayor has paid. A dirty move, but hey, the Pegasus pony can make it up to Pinkie later.

The page turns as we see Applejack holding the egg over her head, about to break it as Rainbow gets ready to see what's inside the egg itself.

**And so Applejack helped to break open the egg.**

Applejack tosses the egg, the page turns as we see it now broken and has a bunch of cupcakes inside the thing. What a prize!

**And out poured a lifetime supply of Cupcakes; And Scootaloo!**

We now see Scootaloo jumping out of the egg; the page shows a closeup of her. It turns to see Rainbow with her new friend while the broken egg is in the background, apparently forgotten.

Rainbow exclaims eagerly, **"Awesome; My very own Scootaloo!"**

The page turns as the ponies, even the winning Pinkie, hangs out a boom box to party on.

**And so, Scootaloo mashed play on an extremely expensive jam box with high-speed dubbing and everypony put their weight on it!**

Scooaloo begins to play a remix of the theme song to the My Little Pony series; everyone dances eagerly to celebrate a new day.

End Flashback

We go back to the present as Rainbow is finishing the tale to Pinkie who is on the floor listening in. The Pegasus pony explains, "That's how everything went, pretty cool eh, Pinkie?"

"Sure is, Dashie!" Pinkie exclaims happily. "Can you read me another one, please? Tell me another!"

"Well, fine, sure. Why not? This next story is called 'Pinkie Pie Gets Something Stuck In Her Tail'.

We now see Rainbow taking out a kid's book that has the same name, we look at it. Suddenly the computer beeps and turns blue. The Pegasus pony took a look and got a big surprise. There's message on the Flutterpony that said 'Congratulations, Rainbow Dash! You have answered 100 (no extras) e-mails!' Fireworks are shown firing off.

"Whoa, what the...what do you know?! 100 e-mails! I didn't know! I guess I lost count around 51. Perhaps I should do something cool and awesome to celebrate." Rainbow said eagerly and excitedly. She has reached 100 e-mails, the Pegasus pony never thought that this day would come. "Wait, I know! I will say e-mail 100 times! Yeah! E-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail..."

Rainbow continues as the paper comes down to bring this milestone e-mail to an end, "...e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-MAIL-a e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail-mail-nahduhluh e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-meh-meh-meh-meh-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail e-mail E-MAIL!

Rainbow takes a big breath; all that e-mail talk is making her tired and thirsty. The pony mumbles, "Man, I'm pa...thirsty." She wheezes a bit. "I got to get a glass of water."

A pixelated glass of water appears on the computer as if on cue.

* * *

We see the band Knightshade with them booming out, "Congratulations, Rainbow, Dash, on your 100th e-mail!"

The band leader Leffy pauses a bit as he announces, "Yeah, we're from the Knightshade!"

"Uh, Leffy; It says that on top of the screen." His fellow band member Tamby points out at the band's name is indeed on top of screen.

"Duh; I didn't know that!"

The band did various poses as the frame freezes. We hear the central riff from 'Because. It's Midnite' playing.

* * *

In the field, Pinkie, wearing his shirt of Celestia, announces happily, "Happy 100th birthday, Dashie! Hee hee! You're getting old for a young pony!"

* * *

Twilight and Spike stood near the answering machine at the library. The unicorn smiles while saying, "Hey there, Rainbow, happy e-mail anniversary. Of course, I almost caught up with you. I only got 90 more answering machines to go!"

"Providing more ponies get around to trying to call you." Spike remarks to Twilight dryly.

* * *

Granny Smith, standing near the bush, mumbles some bush, "Many combolations and stuff, buddy." She held up a sign that said 'combolations and stuff, buddy' before putting it down. The old mare takes a candy bar out from behind her own back. "Hope you get...err, what do you call them; Particles?"

"Wow, so cool," Rainbow is heard calling from off screen. Even Granny Smith is giving congratulations to the Pegasus pony!

* * *

We now see Firefly, in the past, next the telegraph machine, some of her feathers appears to be ripped off which the Pegasus pony put in an envelope that sh'es holding. The 'Loafing Not Permitted' sign is seen on the wall.

Firefly, operating the telegraph, announces, "Good work, my young descendant! Stop! Of course, by the time you read this telegrammaparcel, I will be dead by then! Stop! Therefore, I will send you some of my feathers in this envelope! Stop! I, one of the earlier ponies, give you good timings and hope you continue talking to folks less fortunate than you!"

* * *

We now see Rainbow's room with the TV on. The pony's face is on it as she speaks in a mumbling voice, "Hey ponies, come on down to Discount Flashback Pony Warehouse." The text of the place appears before disappearing. We go back to the screen that shows the pony's body. "Yeah, I got this awesome season."

Rainbow turns to the left as we see a scene from 'different town' that shots the hot Fluttershy. The blue pony comments, "Last season." She then turns to the right, showing a scene from 'band names', "Even some stuff that I've just made up! Cool, right?" Once the scenes disappear, the words 'just made up' appear as Rainbow said it.

We now see her head with the text saying, 'These prices: 9 bits, 6 and 53 bits'. Rainbow asks the audience, "So how can I make these prices even 20% lower?" We see her standing beneath some yellow words that said 'Discount Flashback Pony Warehouse'. "All you got to do is ask for me, the pony that works here at...the flashback place." Rainbow mumbles the last part of course.

Flashback

The young Mayor glances at the broken open egg, it along with the Cupcakes are forgotten. The mare sighs, "Is there any chance that no pony would claim this lifetime supply of Cupcakes?"

The Mayor looks around, seeing that no one did, doing a little dance then smirks devilishly. Looks like she will claim the Cupcakes; Unknown to her, the treats got a weird curse that will make her mane pink!

But that's for her to figure out in the future.

The End

Author's note  
Happy 100th e-mail, Rainbow Dash! What a way to celebrate, eh? There's still more to come after this! In the next chapter/e-mail, a fan asks about the Pegasus pony's car while Blueblood shows off his new propeller cap. Someone is going to get hit. Read, review and suggest.

I used Adam's suggestion but changed it around a bit.


	60. car

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: car

"All the views shown in this following e-mail doesn't reflect the opinions of anypony cooler...except me." Rainbow adds as she brings up the first e-mail of the chapter. Her voice lowers as the pony adds, "I'm cool."

**Rainbow Dash,**

**I was thinking though do you ever read fanfiction in your spare time ?**

**Adam**

"Sure do, Adam! I read fan-fiction whenever I ain't doing anything else. I read plenty of Daring Do stuff, along with stuff on other cool Equestria stuff." Rainbow explains as she answers her e-mail. "I can also hack into Earth's fan-fiction and read the Earthlings' stuff, even about us ponies. Some are too scary to explain here. Brrr. Also, when's that new All-Stars thing going to be updated? I'm bored here. Anyway, next e-mail!"

**Dear Rainbow Dash****  
****Do you Have any car? If so what Kind of Car is it. Is it so Pimped OUt?**

**From Beetle****  
****in West Pony Point, NY (Military Base)**

Rainbow read the e-mail as typed, punctuation errors except for 'Pimped', the pony frowns a bit. She always gets e-mails about any of herself having a car.

Rainbow scowls while typing, "Oh nice one, Beetle Lamely. As if I didn't get two jillion of these e-mails about every 2 jillion seconds! Wait, hang on. Is that so bad? Perhaps I should ask Egghead Paranoidhead about it later. Perhaps write in to 'Popular Pony Science' about it. 'Popular Pony Science', bah! Not a chance of it existing. More like 'Nerdular Nerdence'."

Rainbow clears the screen, typing on as she continues, "Anyway, pal, to make an example out of both you and your e-mail's butts, I will do so via an old classic move of mine, I believe you know of it by now. Time to you hit you with a little...uhhhh...digga digga digga digga digga DEL-"

"Hold it right there, peasant!" A familiar voice interrupts Rainbow. Much to her annoyance, she turns and saw Prince Blueblood standing near her desk to the right. "I shall save this e-mail from a tird old joke of yours by showing everypony my new tricked out propeller cap that I got my servants to buy for me."

"Ugh! Prince Blue Jerk?! What are you doing and how did you get up here without falling through the clouds?!"

"Huh? Did you just say 'doing'?"

The way Blueblood said 'doing' rhymes with 'boing'." Rainbow groans as she snaps, "What? No, no, I said 'doo-ing'. What are you doo-ing'?"

"Oh! Well, you spelled it the same!" Blueblood explains to Rainbow with an arrogant smirk, much to the Pegasus pony's annoyance.

"What?"

"Anyway, to answer your second question first, I used cloud-walking magic. And now, onward to my great words I must say. First off, check out the hydraulics."

Blueblood uses his magic to bring out a remote control that has three switching, putting on some sort of propeller hat. He then flips the firat two switches, causing the hat to move up and down on his head as mechanical car hydraulic noises are heard. Rainbow of course rolls her eyes at this. Blueblood can't be any more lamer.

Next, Blueblood mix and match the usage of the switches to adjust the pitch, yawn and angle of his cap in regards to his horn head. As this goes on, the prince comments on the movements, "Now a little..." The cap goes up, forward, back, forward, back, forward, back and down on his head. "The mares love this!"

Blueblood's cap slides up and forward on his head, the prince ignore Rainbow not being impressed. He arrogantly continues, "Turn the lights down low," The lights dim as his cap glows pink from underneath. "Sweetish ground effects."

The room lights brighten as the 'effects' are turned off. "And finally, the coup de grace." Blueblood comments as he bends down to put his cap within Rainbow's reach. "Go on, spin my buzzer!"

"What?" Rainbow asks with a frown as if Blueblood has asked her to do something stupid.

"My buzzer, I order you to give it a spin!"

"Ugh, why the hay am I doing this?"

"Heh heh, you said 'doing' again." Blueblood chuckles a bit, 'doing' rhymes' with 'boing' once more. Rainbow sighs, making frustrated noises then she spins the propeller on th unicorn's cap, it gives out a propeller-like sound. As it spins, Blueblood sang a bit, _**"Dooooo, doo doo doo dooooooooo; Dooo doot doot doot doot; Doo da doo da doo; Doo doot!"**_

"So wait, you're singing the theme from 'Equestria Court'?" Rainbow asks Blueblood in annoyance.

"Of course not! I am not singing. When you spin my buzzer, it plays the theme from that show starring Richard Mule and its custom-installed!" Prince Blueblood insists arrogantly as usual. As he spoke, Rainbow took out a huge boxing glove and wrote on it with a permanent marker while muttering 'custom-installed'. "Say, what are you doing, peasant?"

"Oh, just tricking out my new boxing glove that I brought from the Fight Store last week."

"Interesting, what is it going to say, '2-E-Z'?" Blueblood asks as the words are sound on the screen in a flash, "Or 'NEVA-DIE'?" Those words also appear on the screen in a flash.

"Nah, only this," Rainbow said as she shows what she herself has written on her boxing glove to Prince Blueblood which appears to be in a weird way. The unicorn jerk looks confused as Rainbow puts the thin on one hoof.

"Huh. Excuse me, flying peasant but you wrote that backwards or something. You should take thing back right..."

"DELETED!"

Rainbow flew forward and punches Blueblood right in the face. The screen goes white for a moment until we see the unicorn leaning against a crack in the wall with a weird impact on his head. Prince Bluehood lost his cap, his eyes got Xs on him and, of course, the heroine, left the word 'DELETED' imprinted on his forehead.

As yellow stars float around Prince Blueblood's head as weird sound plays, he groans, "Ooooh, oooh, thank you for my pines again. I spend great effort on the cream stuff..."

Rainbow, satisfied, goes back to her computer with the screen clears. The pony types while saying, "Well, that takes care of that stupidity Also, Beetle, I don't have a car. Ever saw this cool pony in one? Not a chance! Bye!" She then flew off to the right, returning to poke her head back to the screen. "And you can talk to my stallion with the green and white stripes!"

Once Rainbow leaves, the paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to an end. Blueblood continues lying on the floor in a daze, groaning, "What a lovely gathering of pies and pies ponies, just like a shout-out to Lemon Pretending over there..."

* * *

Twilight was reading a copy of 'Nerdular Nerdence' at her library. Rainbow came in while calling, "Hey, Egghead Paranoidhead!"

"Why are you calling me that?" Twilight ask Rainbow in annoyance while looking up from her magazine.

"Hay if I know, a change of pace, I guess. Quick question: how many e-mails would it be like if you got, say, two jillion e-mails every 2 jillions second; A lot or a little?"

"Rainbow Dash! Jillion isn't a real unit of measure!"

"Bah, whatever, NERD," Rainbow scoffs, heading off while muttering 'jillion to herself'.

"S'right!" Twilight exclaims as she held up a hoof. "Come on, please? Say it again!"

The End

Author's note  
Rainbow has no car, folks, but she will get one eventually. In the next chapter/e-mail, a fan promises to show our favorite Pegasus a cool stallion if she could get Firecracker to give out some free lunch specials. Will it work? Read, review and suggest.

All-Stars was a fan-fiction series made by a pal of mine who doesn't send stories to a certain website often.


	61. lunch special

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: lunch special

_**"Oh email, I'm gonna let you down easy... when I break up with you." **_Rainbow sang as she brings up the first e-mail of the chapter like the pony always does.

**Rainbow Dash ,**

**I wonder if its possible to go to equestira and acutally live with you all even you Dash for one i think that you and me are quite compatible well personality wise but yea you and me in a relationship things like that only happens in stories but i'm willing to give it a shot but either one of two things could happen 1 . one of Twilights spells back fires sending you to earth as a filly in the story My Little Dashie 2. somehow someway you get sent to earth via wormhole . but either way we find each other ... but anyway though that's the only 2 possibilities i can think of provided i'm right well i do have one question . What do you think of TMNT? now that show is downright awsome !**

**Adam**

"Let's see, Adam...yeah, that could be possible. Of course, if I end up falling for another pony before you show up, you may be out of luck." Rainbow explains as she types on her computer. "But I may give it a shot at some point if Twilight's spell backfires or I end up falling through a wormhole. As well as TMNT, pretty good show; next e-mail!"

**Hey Rainbow Dash,****  
****How about getting Firecracker Burst to give out free luncch specials? Do so and I can show you one hot looking stallion!**

**Sincerely,****  
****Somepony**

After the hot stallion part, Rainbow smirks while saying, "Say, that sounds like one hay of a solid deal!" The pony of course pronounces 'luncch' as 'lunkch' and say 'sincerly' as written.

"Awww, man; I hate it when no pony bother putting in a name, as well as misspelling 'sincerely'. 'Luncch' doesn't bother me much though." Rainbow groans a bit at the lack of name and how 'sincerely' is spell. The pony backspaces and erases the last two lines, putting in two new ones, reading them.

**Keep on truckling,****  
****Lenny Rat**

Rainbow smiles. Much better! She types once more while saying, "Well, Lenny, legend has it that Firecracker Burst will only give you a free lunch special if you can get her to say her name backwards...minus the Firecracker part, in other words 'Tsrub'."

We see a screenshot of the 'Jordan vs. Birdie: One on One' video game as Rainbow continues, "And how hard would that be, right? I said 'Tsrub' almost all the time! Oh yeah, this will be a cake walk...or in this case a 'tsrub-walk', heh heh heh."

* * *

At the restaurant owned by the Mane Six lookalikes, we see a sign that said 'Super Chinese Fish Buffalo Rice-Slushies Too' at the counter. Firecracker Burst is already holding a rubber chicken in one hoof while cleaning it off with a cloth. Rainbow enters the scene while the Twilight lookalike is singing.

Firecracker: _**Shinin' up a chicken in the mo'nin', mo'nin'... **_

"Hey, Firecracker, do me a favor and reads this sign for me, will ya?" Rainbow asks Firecracker devilishly as she held up a sign. The pony will be sure to get the unicorn to say her name backwards.

Firecracker squints at the sign while reading slowly, "Uh...'Duck a L'Orange'."

"Huh," Rainbow asks confused as she spins the sign around. Sure enough, to her annoyance, the sign itself did say 'Duck a L'Orange'. Annoyed, the pony got a walkie talkie out, snapping into it, "Apple Bloom! Didn't I tell you to make it say 'Tsrub'?!"

The screen split diagonally with Rainbow on the right. We see Apple Bloom, on the left, sitting next to the Pegasus's computer with a walkie talkie. Ironically, the Flutterpony has a recipe for duck a l'orange on the screen that Rainbow has just read. A piece of paper is pinned to the back wall that said 'Home Base' with a Rainbow Dashified skull and crossbones drawn on it.

"Well, shoot, sorry, but Ah done saw 'dis recipe for duck a l'orange an' done got a craving fer one!" Apple Bloom exclaims to Rainbow through the walkie.

"You wanted that?! We can't afford to eat like that anyway!" Rainbow scowls to Apple Bloom through the walkie talkie angrily. Apple Bloom is craving duck a'l orange. Ugh! The Pegasus pony look to the side and put a hoof over her mouth to hide her own voice, "Anyway, aren't you a pony which means you can't eat anything meat?"

"Hey! How was Ah supposed 'ta know 'dat?! An' what were yew applying?!"

"Well, not sure. The fics that I read kinda say that..."

The screen fades to black as Rainbow decides on another lunch special idea.

* * *

A while later, Rainbow returns to the restuarant, holding a mirror. She held it up while saying to Firecracker, "Firecracker, pal; Do me a favor. Say your name into this mirror!"

"Firecracker Burst," Firecracker exclaims, a bit weird out by Rainbow's demand.

"Wait, hang on. Let's try again..." Rainbow held the mirror closer to Firecracker, weirding the pony out some more. "Say it again, only say it real clear and only your last name this time."

"Bur-st."

"Ugh! This stupid thing is worthless!"

Firecracker watches as Rainbow smashes the mirror onto the floor and trots off in annoyance. That will give that Pegasus pony a few years bad luck.

* * *

Business continues at the restaurant as Caramel is ordering something, "Okay I need a basket of double hay fries, more fried, a couple of rolls..." He put his hooves onto the counter before speaking forcefully, "And the hot grass platter!"

"Sure, coming right out!" Firecracker exclaims with a nod.

Just then, without warning, Rainbow gallops in with a hose and shouts out to the side, "Okay, Scootaloo, crank it!" The pony begins shooting out water into the place out of the hose, much to Firecracker's annoyance.

"Yeah; Can I help you, Rainbow Dash?"

"Call me crazy but...I think she's flooding you out." Caramel spoke up in amazement.

"I'm flooding you out!" Rainbow snaps at the same time as Caramel. The ponies stop and stare at each other in surprise.

The two ponies tried again but once again spoke at the same time as Caramel said, "I think she's..."

"I'm flood..." Rainbow spoke at the same time as Caramel, causing the two to stare at each other again.

Finally, Rainbow put a hoof in front of Caramel's mouth to shut him up while explaining to Firecracker, "Firecracker Burst, I'm flooding you out until you say your last name backwards, okay?!"

"Why in Equestria did you want me to say 'Tsrub'?" Firecracker asks Rainbow a bit puzzled by that.

"AHA! I did it! You said it, Firecracker! Now you gotta give yours truly a free lunch special; Ha ha ha!"

"No, no, no! I don't give free lunch special if I do that! Getting me to say my last name backwards just makes me lose my super power besides my unicorn ones!"

"Super power," Rainbow ask Firecracker in confusion, "What super power?!"

"Being able to fly," Firecracker explains to Rainbow with a shrug.

"Wait, you can fly; really?!"

"Well...not anymore, thanks to you."

"Oh, right." Rainbow said, feeling a bit guilty. Looks like by making Firecracker say her last name backwards, she can't fly anymore.

"I will confess, I don't use it that much anyway." Firecracker admits to Rainbow with a smile. "Ever since I came to Ponyville, I could only hover a couple 2 or 3 inches above the ground anyhow, so it isn't that big a deal."

Caramel frantically slams his hooves onto the counter, looking around while speaking frantically, "Hey! Come on; anyone going to get me my hot grass platter or what?!"

* * *

Back at the computer, Rainbow types once more as she explains, "I suspects that Firecracker is a big liar but at least I did get her to say her last name backwards. So go ahead, Lenny Rat, show me a hot stallion...or buy me lunch. Or whatever the deal was; I will go ahead and sit, waiting for a hot stallion to appear on my screen, maybe." The pony stops typing and speaks quietly, "May as well since I don't have a whole lot else going on anyway...mmm..."

The paper appears as the chapter/e-mail comes to an end.

* * *

We see the Cutie Mark Crusaders lounging in the flooded restaurant as their favorite singing duo sing to the tune of 'Aloha 'Oe'. They are enjoying themselves apparently.

* * *

We also see Firecracker hovering above the ground. Of course, Diamond Tiara is heard snapping, "Oh brother, that is so fake; honestly. You can see the strings for Celestia's sake!"

* * *

Rainbow kept waiting at her computer, waiting for 'Lenny Rat' to send him a picture of a hot stallion. Just then the computer beeps as a new e-mail scroll up.

"All right, a new e-mail!" Rainbow exclaims eagerly. She begins to read the e-mail and talk slowly, pronouncing each word as it was made.

**Dear Rainbod dash,****  
****I hava a emau] n ow. Applle Bloom helps.**

**Bil Macintosh**

**attachment**

"Wow, looks like Big Mac has hit the Information Super Air Highway like a flaming sack of horse crap." Rainbow said in amazement and disbelief. Big Macintosh needs to approve his keyboard typing though. "Say...there's an attachment. Perhaps AJ"s bro has sent me a picture of a hot stallion."

Rainbow smiles as she double-clicks on the word 'attachment' underneath the e-mail, hoping for a drawing of a hot stallion. To her surprise and disappointment, what popped up was actually a drawing of a poorly drawn picture of a dino standing by a plate of hay fries, eggs and orange juice, all in front of a volcano.

"Oh boy, an MS drawing of a Brontosaurus having breakfast," Rainbow remarks in a monotone tone of voice; She pauses then shrugs, "Well, it's a hot one anyway. Hey, what's going on, Brontosaurus baby? Whatcha doing? Ugh, okay, I gotta get out of the house now. I am freaking myself out here."

Freaked out, Rainbow got out of her chair and flew out, freaked out over what she's doing. That pony.

The End

Author's note  
Well, so much for a hot stallion, eh Rainbow Dash? Oh well. In the next chapter/e-mail, the Pegasus pony gives out advice on how to give out cool 'mane cuts'. Read, review and suggest.


	62. manecut

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: manecut

"Man, if I have a bit for every e-mail I get...I would throw them at pones at the food court." Rainbow comments as she begins bringing up an e-mail that the ponies usually get. "And I mean the jerks...from that railing from above. Da da da..."

**Rainbow Dash**

**I saw a youtube vid on Death battl where you were pitted up against Starscream a Transformer mostly a decepticon and well lets just say you won . Do you ever write your own fanfic's? i had to ask cause i wasn't sure at all and i think your very beautiful and down right awesome at the same time**

**Adam Seville**

"'Starscream'? Who's that?" Rainbow asks while scratching her head. The Pegasus pony doesn't have a clue as to who 'Starscream' is. "Eh, must be an Earthling thing. Anyway, yeah, I wrote fanfics...I am in one ain't I? And thank you for the compliments; Next e-mail!"

**Dear Rainbow Dash,****  
****Girlfriend, who does your mane? It's so coull. I don't know what to do with mine. any ideas?**

**Julayla Beryl****  
****The Solaris Kingdom**

Rainbow pronounces 'coull' as it was spelled and said 'Berlin' instead of "Beryl'. The pony then begins to type while saying, "I will be honest, Jules Verne, I never let any barbers do my mane...so I gotta reach on this one. Now who else does a mane?"

* * *

Rainbow then sets out to find a pony on whose Mane she could demonstrate on. The pony, holding a pair of scissors, meets Fluttershy at her cottage, asking her.

"Oh, you got to be kidding me!" Fluttershy snaps at Rainbow in annoyance, not wanting her friend anywhere near her mane.

* * *

Next, Rainbow meets Spike who is in the library working. When his friend asks to cut his hair, the baby dragon points to himself while asking, "Do I look like I got hair?"

"Ugh, never mind." Rainbow said with a frown, realizing that Spike got only scales.

* * *

"Still growing it fer charity." Applejack said to Rainbow at her farm, refusing a mane-cut as well.

* * *

Next, Rainbow ask Rarity at her Carousel Baroque for a mane-cut but the white unicorn frowns, brush her own mane with a hoof while refusing, "No pony touches my beautiful mane!"

* * *

"N-O means no!" Pinkie snaps angrily as if Rainbow was acting her to cut her mane.

"Uh, I wasn't even asking you, Pinkie Pie." Rainbow said dryly, much to Pinkie's shock and confusion. The Earth pony was actually talking to now while the Pegasus pony is actually asking Twilight...who of course also refuses to have her mane cut as well.

* * *

"This is a weave." Celestia said with a shrug at her throne room in Canterlot while motioning to her own mane. Rainbow paid her a visit for a men-cut...and nothing doing.

* * *

Rainbow has searched all over but the ponies she spoke to either got no mane or won't let the Pegasus pony uses her scissors on any manes at all; looks like it's a no go

"Horse feathers," Rainbow groans as she is back at the Flutterpony. The pony begins to type, "Sorry Julie; can't practice my barber wizardry, or barbzerdry, as I call it, on anypony around here." We see a piece of parchment about the bizarre trade in general. "Sorry, you're on your own. I ghe..."

"Hey, Rainbow Dash, Rainbow," Scootaloo calls out as she held out a cardboard box to Rainbow; her friends Apple Bloom, Sweetie and Nyx are with her. "Mane the box dance!"

"Yeah, it's fun when you do it!" Sweetie giggles to Rainbow eagerly.

"Girls, sorry, but I will make that cardboard box dance and prance later. I'm in the middle of..." Rainbow then stops as he notices something: the Cutie Mark Crusaders' own manes. "Hey, pay dirt!"

"Huh?" The Cutie Mark Crusaders ask puzzled, wondering what Rainbow is talking about.

We see a camera flash going off as the screen goes white.

* * *

A while later, Rainbow smiles as she tapes four photos of Apple Bloom, Sweetie, Scootaloo and Nyx onto her computer, the instant camera develops while she talks. The mare knew that Applejack, Rarity and Twilight won't like it if Rainbow tries to cut their hair, even Scootaloo's. So she will have to make do with a marker.

"All righty, now that I got the Cutie Mark Crusaders' image...err...'scanned into my computer', I can use my cutting-art, state of the edge technology to show you folks some different mane styles...on the fillies' mane. I will get my light pen here." Rainbow said, as she holds up a dry-erase marker. The pony begins to draw on the picture, "Now first, for the Apple Bloom out on the prowl. No colt can resist the awesome grace of what I called 'The Mare Caller'."

Rainbow draw a nice lady-like mane cut on Apple Bloom's picture, the words 'Mare Caller' flashes on the screen. The Pegasus pony continues, "Or..." Rainbow cleans Apple Bloom's picture before turning her attention to Scootaloo's. "Get ready for the lightning mane of 'Jagged Metal'."

Rainbow draws a lightning-shaped mane on Scootaloo's picture, the words 'Jagged Metal' flashes on the screen. She continues, "Oh, this pony needs a guitar big time!" Rainbow now draws a guitar, putting it in the middle of Scootaloo's face on the picture.

"But I don't want to eat a guitar, Rainbow Dash!" Scootaloo protests to Rainbow with a frown.

"Who said you're eating one? You're shredding some hott lixx...with your teeth!"

Rainbow makes a guitar noise while drawing a whammy bar on the guitar. Nyx comments, "Oooh, nice! I can see it now! Rock on!"

After wiping Scootaloo's picture clean, Rainbow then said, "Also, experience the urban flavor of...'Hammer Pants'!" The pony then draws a funny mane on Sweetie's picture with a fade, putting in a comic balloon that point to the filly's mouth that said 'proper'.

"Yeah; Cool!" Sweetie exclaims with a smile as Rainbow wipes the filly's picture clean.

"And of course, for the Nyx who is not concerning for attracting attention, no offense, Nyx: 'Big Ol' Mane'." Rainbow then draws a large rectangular mane on Nyx's picture. "Perhaps I should go ahead, give her a couple missing teeth."

Rainbow then blackens some of Nyx's teeth in the picture while continuing, "Put in some acne..." The pony draw spots on the alicorn filly's face. "Give her one of them butt chins."

"Ick, hope mommy doesn't mind." Nyx remarks as Rainbow then draws a cleft on the Nyx picture.

"Okay, we got it! 110% colt-proof," Rainbow then wipes Nys's picture clean before returning to Apple Bloom's picture, drawing a dog and cat on the filly's mane, "'A Dog and Also A Cat Shaped Mane'." We see the words 'A Dog and Also a Cat Shaped Mane' appearing on the screen.

"Dang, 'dat's weird." Apple Bloom mumbles a bit.

"And of course a couple of muskrats," Rainbow chuckles as she adds two muskrats to Apple Bloom's picture then wipes it clean. "And of course, let's not forget the 'Ready for Primetime'."

Rainbow then draws weird looking characters onto the faces of the CMC on the pictures as the words 'Ready for Primetime' flashes on the screen. The little fillies exclaim, "Whoa!"

"Okay, I admit: I got a little carried away with this one."

"Hey, that looks like some of the cartoons you made!" Scootaloo exclaims to Rainbow, smiling as she saw that the cartoons on the pictures look like those made by her idol.

"What, cartoons that I made, what are...oh yah. I guess it does look like those cartoon guys that I made." Rainbow said, realizing what Scootaloo is talking about. The mare chuckles while drawing a 'Luario' like character. "Eh, buddy!"

"We definitely love this!" Sweetie giggles. Rainbow wipes all the pictures clean then take them down to resume with her typing.

"So, Jules; that will give you a lot to choose from; I think you could easily apple my mane styles to you...hair style, I guess. Good luck with yourself! I am going to use my 'Light Pen' on the napping Diamond Tiara; Prrreeow!"

"Wait for us!" Nyx giggles as she and her friends follow Rainbow to do the funny deed to Diamond. The paper comes down, bringing the chapter/e-mail to an end.

We see a Mare Do Well comic which cover said this...

**Cheap Pony Comics****  
****The Awesome Adventures of MARE DO WELL****  
****Sufferin' Space Partcles It's...JULAYLA BERLIN!**

* * *

At the park, Rainbow is behind the bench, holding up the cardboard box. The CMC are watching in the foreground as she sings while movin the box, _**"Doo dit doo doo! It's tough being a box! But I'm livin' it up! Livin' it up! Do dit do dit! Livin' it up; do dit do dit do; Box!"**_

"YAY! BOX," The Cutie Mark Crusaders cheers on.

We can even hear the Knightshade version of the song, _**"Doo dit doo doo! It's tough being a box! But I'm livin' it up! Livin' it up! Do dit do dit! Livin' it up; do dit do dit do; Box!"**_

* * *

Diamond Tiara mumbles in her room as she lies in her bed, sleeping. The mean bully has no idea of a funny face drawn on her now, courtesy of Rainbow and the CMC.

"Ugh...money...diamond...diamond and silver...that other rich stuff...watch out bits!" Diamond Tiara mumbles in her sleep as she tosses and turns for the obvious reasons.

The End

Author's note  
Nice work of Rainbow and her mane cuts! In the next chapter/e-mail, the Pegasus pony reveals her plans about her own theme park 'Rainbow Dash's FLIGHTPLACE, EQUESTRIA'. Read, review and suggest.

This e-mail comes before my future MLP crossover with Transformers so Rainbow has no idea whose Starscream is at this point.


	63. theme park

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: theme park

_**"Everypony loves this, everypony needs this, it's time for funny stuff." **_Rainbow sang on as she brings up an e-mail. She spoke in her Teen Colt Squad voice. "Hey Rainbow, ever heard of..."

Rainbow of course clears her throat a bit, saying normally, "Oh, sorry..."

**Hey Rainbow**

**Ever heard of Indiana Jones? i know he's similar to Daring Doo though the guy's in Raiders of the lost arc Temple of Doom the Last Crusade and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. he's been in a bunch of movie based games but they sucked execpt the one called Indiana Jones Greatest adventures on the Super Nintendo Entertainment System or the SNES has Daring Doo been in any movies or video games like Indiana Jones?**

**Adam**

"I have seen those films, Adam, but don't sell the PC games short. They are funny in a Lucasarts kinda way." Rainbow explains while typing up here answer. "To answer your question, yes, yes Daring Doo has; which is more to say than that old human nowadays. Next e-mail!"

**Dear rainbow dash,****  
****you are so awesome. all right, onward to buisness. i think you should make your own theme park.**

**horsecrapfully horsecrap,****  
****Sakura FL**

Rainbow pronounces the word 'buisness' like it was spelled, we see a picture of the the Football Jock and the Ugly Mule, the former's first said 'kiss fillies'. The Teen Colt Squad leader looks angry at the Ugly Mule himself while asking, "Blast it, you Ugly Mule, why must you always go up to be in my bweez-NASS?" The Ugly Mule looks sad by the comment of course.

Rainbow of course sighs at the 'horsecrapfully horsecrap' part; she was hoping to never see that stupid signature like 'horsecrap' again. The pony instead said 'sincerely yours' then said 'Football league, instead of FL'.

Rainbow begins to type while say, "Well, then, Sakfi, being a disitnguished buisness pony of sorts, that I am, I got a theme park in development for a while now." We see a mock PFL (Pony Football League) patch. "It's like as long as I was growing this mustache."

We see a 10,000x magnification of Rainbow Dash's upper lip, showing a growth of one hair, not much though. Don't ask. The pony continues typing as she said, "My theme park will be called..."

* * *

We see a theme park in the Pegasus pony's imagination by the Stop Sign and Cinder Block, with Rainbow's voice booming, "Rainbow Dash's FLIGHTPLACE, EQUESTRIA!" The words appear on the screen above the theme park. We can see someone's season pass.

**Rainbow Dash's Flightplace Equestria****  
****Season Pass****  
****Name: Luffy D Monkey****  
****Has: Fun****  
****Valid thru 9/XX****  
****(signed) Luffy D Monkey**

Rainbow's voice continues, "This place will have more rides than you or your granny can handle!" We see the words 'More Rides than You or Your Granny Can Handle!* the disclaimer, '*don't bring your granny please', at the bottom. "Of course, our cool flagship roller coaster will be..."

We now see a roller coaster which is circular and spins around without stopping. The arcade game music for Metal Iron the Invincible is heard playing in the background.

"The Bowels of Metal Iron the Invincible!" Rainbow booms. We see Derpy on the rollercoaster laughing and screaming. "It can whip you around and around...until you either puke or somehow catch on fire."

We see Derpy catching on fire somehow, screaming, "Hooieooieooieooieooieooieooi eooie!"

At the ride's entrance, Rainbow, Twilight and Spike are there near the Metal Iron the Invincible right which said, 'Peasants must be as tall as my big arm to ride this ride'. The baby dragon tries to stand but it's obviously that he isn't tall enough.

"Sorry, Spike, you are too small." Twilight said as Spike tries to stand on tip-toes, "Can't do anything for you."

Spike tries on a top hat and stands on his tip-toes again. Rainbow remarks, "Yeah, better head over to Amazing Harmony Elements Land instead. That's more enough for ya."

"Oh man! I never get to ride the cool rides!" Spike groans a bit.

* * *

We see Trixie Lulamoon on stage, Rainbow's voice remarks, "Every hour, on the main stage, there will be a performance of 'The Great and Powerful Trixie Gets Bucked Repeatedly Stunt Spook-tacular'."

We see the banner lowering behind Trixie that says 'The Great and Powerful Trixie Gets Bucked Repeatedly Stunt SPOOK-tacular'. The unicorn, wearing her usual hat and cape, prepares to get a trick but Applejack jumps in, hitting Trixie with her back feet and sending her down.

"YEEHAW," Applejack laughs as Trixie screams. The latter got up on stage, but the Earth Pony came from the left to knock her down as well. "HA!"

"This isn't what Trixie signed up for!" Trixie complains angrily for this treatment.

* * *

We see Rainbow behind a table with the theme park layout. She explains, "And to see to it that you don't got any bits left when you leave..." We see the words 'not made to scale' appearing with the arrow pointing to the layout. "...we even got games than more than you or your brother could handle!"

* * *

We see Soarin' working the 'Throw Game' with Rainbow narrating, "Like the ones where you throw hoops, rings, or baseball at different stuff, trying to win cheap knockoffs stuffed plushies versions of various cartoons."

We see an almost 270 degree spin of a real Soarin' plushie, Shark-Tooth Soarin'. During the voice-over, Lyra plays the 'Throw Game' as Soarin' looks on as well as Bon-Bon who is waiting nearby. The unicorn manages to get all rings that she tosses around the 'Xtra Apple Cider' bottle.

Rainbow's foreleg appears, holding a cheap stuffed pony while explaining, "Just like this Soarin' with a horn."

"Okay, give us the doll, Soarin'." Bon-Bon said to Soarin' with a smile.

"No way, not a chance, you two!" Soarin' snaps to Lyra and Bon-Bon with a frown. "You are supposed to throw the rings inside the bottle, not around it!"

"What? Oh, now this game is a rip off!" Lyra exclaims in annoyance by the idea of the game. She grabs a baseball and throws it at the bottle in frustration. A breaking noise is heard.

* * *

Rainbow, behind the park layout again, explains, "And of course, the theme park wouldn't be complete without a bunch of costumed mascots running around anticking..." The Pegasus pony scratches her head in a puzzled way. "...antiquing...eh, whatever works."

* * *

We see an area behind some fencing. Derpy is still riding 'The Bowels of Metal Iron the Invincible' in the distance, cheering, "Hooieooieooieooie!"

"Right there would be one of the Stop Sign." Rainbow's voice continues. We see Fluttershy wearing a costume that looks like a cartoon version of the stop sign. "I would call her 'Stoppy'', Stoppy the Sign. And of course, there would still be the the tire..."

Pinkie appears in a costume that looks like the cartoon version of the Tire. Rainbow's voice continues, "I called her 'Blowy the Tire'. And let's not forget...'General Pony Tso's Food'."

We see a carton of what is General Pony Tso's Food that falls from the sky; it has 'Ryan H' written on the side. We see Noteworthy's hooves underneath it.

"Hey Stoppy, is your suit making you scratch like crazy?" Pinkie asks Fluttershy happily.

"Well, Poppy, to be honest, yes it does, one enjoyed a good scratch...but not me." Fluttershy answers Pinkie meekly.

"Can I get out of this costume now?" Noteworthy ask in concern, getting sweaty. "It's hot in this time and it's time for taste ball!"

"Taste ball already," Pinkie asks in surprise and worry. "Oh, what am I doing here for anyway?!"

* * *

Back at the computer in reality, Rainbow kept typing as she continues, "But, to be honest, it's a pretty much unrealistic vision. I must kiss up to the Royal Sisters a lot more and get them to give me funding if I want to make that dream come true. But for now, I will give ponies tours on the Cloud Voyage Amazing Adventure."

Speaking of which, it's time to get to work. Rainbow got up and heads out.

* * *

In Cloudsdale (Rainbow Dash's own that is), Rainbow is standing in a box while holding some sort of microphone which doesn't more. As she speaks up, the Pegasus pony makes the microphone click noises and speaks like an emotionless theme park tour guide that you usually find on these safaris. Each phrase, the pitch rises, reach a high in the middle before falling.

"Good afternoon, mares and gentlecolts, the name is Rainbow Dash and welcome to the Cloud Voyage Amazing Adventure!" Rainbow made a click noise as we see her standing in a box that is labeled 'Cloud Voyage Amazing Adventure', not much to look at is there. Pinkie is sitting in the box to enjoy the ride, so to speak. There's a running hose that send out water that forms a puddle around the ride. "Please keep your legs, wings and valuables inside this vehicle at all times. Now get ready to enjoy the fury of...the Cloudsdale Riverboat Superfun...ride, yeah."

Rainbow inches closer to Pinkie while saying this, making her friend back away; we hear a clicking nose as the paper comes down. 5 seconds later, the tour continues as the paper itself disappears.

Rainbow made a clicking noise as she said, "First off on our tour if you look to your right..." Pinkie does what the pony asked her. "You will experience the fury of...one huge cloud about to fall right onto us!"

We see a fake cloud appearing behind the fence, mounted on a stick. Pinkie said, "Ooooh, wow!" The 'cloud' disappears from sight.

"Close call, eh? Hope everypony is okaaaay."

"Dashie, I am not okay..."

"Quiet!" Rainbow interrupts Pinkie while making more clicking noises. "All right, if you look up the river, you will see another one of tour guides, whose name is Spike..."

We see Spike coming by in his own box which is labeled 'C.Y.A.A. 2'. Rainbow continues, "...everypony say, 'Hi, Spikkkkke."

"Hide Tikkkkke," Pinkie said to Spike as the baby dragon passes by. Suddenly some drum sounds are heard. What could they be?

"Wait, what's that noise that I heard? Sounds like island drums. Oh no. It's headhunteeerrrs." Rainbow said. We now see the fake Jabberwocky appearing from behind the fence, posing as a 'headhunter'. The pony made a clicking noise while continuing, "Ponies, stay inside the boat. I will deal with thiiiis."

Rainbow takes out a pistol, one used to start races, and turns away while firing into the air twice. This causes the cutout to disappear behind the fence as if being taken down.

"Yeah, looks like those lame headhunters are gone. We can only hope that they won't come baaack." Rainbow said, making more clicking noises. "Well, ponies, we made it back safely. Did everyone have a great time?"

"I didn't." Pinkie answers but Rainbow continues, not really paying attention to what the pink pony's saying.

"Greeeeat. Make sure to leave you valuables under your seat and leave to your riiight. Now."

"Dashie, I must confess something to you. This might have been...the worst 3000 bits that I ever spend and that's on Princess Luna's credit card!"

The paper comes down to bring this e-mail/chapter to a close for real. Rainbow pauses as she speaks while making more clicking noises, "Also, don't forget to check out the fury of...our gift shooop."

Rainbow moves closely to Pinkie while saying this, making clicking noises and for the pink pony to back away again. That is creepy.

The End

Author's note  
Another e-mail's done. Will Rainbow ever see her theme park be done? Who knows? In the next chapter/e-mail, the Pegasus pony looks for a replacement for once she retires from doing the e-mails. Read, review and suggest.


	64. replacement

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: replacement

"Our next show is a family one." Rainbow said as she brings up the e-mail as usual for her show at the library. "It is...the e-mail."

**Rainbow Dash**

**I am working on a new fanfic called My Life in Ponyville its an interesting story and so far its interesting i did have the orginal chapter 1 planned but wrote the new chapter 1 and used that but take a look and tell me what you think in a review also have you played any of the indiana jones games?**

**Adam Seville**

"'My Life in Ponyville', eh; I may have to look at that." Rainbow said thoughtfully. "Also, I played some Indiana Jones games here and there; next e-mail!"

**Dear Rainbow,****  
****Any thought on who shall take your place when you retire; as in the e-mail business?**

**Your friend,****  
****Nyx**

"Well, well, Twilight's daughter send me an e-mail, good for you!" Rainbow exclaims with an impressed smile. She begins to type, "Good point there, Nyx. I guess I can't check these e-mails all my life. I never really thought about finding an heir to my throne. Hmmm, come to think about it, what happened to my throne anyway?"

Rainbow stops typing and pick up some sort of phone, speaking into it as if over a loudspeaker at a local supermarket, "Attention, Spike, customer needs assistance in e-mail! Customer needs assistance in e-mail!" The pony put the phone down (which isn't attached to anything). Spike came in, wearing a blue employee's vest with his name ID on it. "Hey, Spike, don't I have a throne of some kind?"

"You got a throne, Rainbow, you're sitting on it." Spike points out as he motions to the stool that Rainbow is now sitting on.

"No, no, that's my stool, I mean a throne! You know; the one with...gold nuggets on it...as well as a hundred cup holders. Some of them velvety cushions...you know; a throne! I think I got a motorcycle too. See if you can find those for me, will ya?"

"Fine, sure. I do everything for you ponies around here."

Spike heads off to find what Rainbow is talking, leaving his friend to continue typing on her computer, saying, "Well, I suppose the best way to find a replacement to subject a bunch of applicants to the same crazy screening process that I gave myself to..." The pony begins to sound unsure as to what she's saying, "...when I started checking these e-mails in the first place, Yeah."

* * *

And thus, Rainbow begins looking for a possible replacement. First off, she meets up with Pinkie Pie, saying, "All right, I'm going to hold up a last name and you will try to make fun of it." The Pegasus pony held up a cue card which said 'Gargleman', "Gargleman."

"Horsecrapface," Pinkie exclaims happily. Rainbow blinks but then holds up a cue card that said 'Dumweiner'.

"Dunweiner."

"Hmmm, also Horsecrapface!"

Rainbow shrugs a bit as she changes the cue card to 'Butkus', saying, "Butkus."

"Horsecrapface!" Pinkie exclaims happily. Rainbow pause, it appears all the answers that her friend gave her is 'Horsecraface'. The Pegasus pony changes the cue card to 'Crambert'."

"Crambert."

"Horsecrapface."

Rainbow then shows the final cue card 'Desterhoft', saying, "Desterhoft."

"Let me think about it..." Pinkie begins to say then quickly continues without hesitations, "Horsecrapface!"

"Cool; A perfect score!"

* * *

In the computer room, Rainbow is with Fluttershy front of the Flutterpony to give her a try. The blue Pegasus said, "All right, Fluttershy, let's hear your best 'deleted'." She then presses a button on the keyboard, causing the computer to show 'DELETED' on a blue background while making the standard sound.

"Deleted," Fluttershy said softly. The computer flashes the word 'DELORTED' on a yellow-green back ground and making a distorted version of the sound, much to Rainbow's surprise.

**DELORTED!**

* * *

Now in Sugarcube Corner, Rainbow is now interviewing Golden Harvest as she motions to a cardboard box that has Gilda drawn on it, sitting at a table. The Pegasus said, "All right, Gilda is sitting right there, insulting us ponies. What do you do?"

"Kick her in the teeth!" Golden Harvest suggests to Rainbow eagerly.

"Good, good, though Gilda doesn't have any teeth in her beak; anything else?"

"Kick her in the grill, whatever that means!"

"Right, right, keep going!" Rainbow urges to Golden Harvest eagerly.

"Kick you in the grill!" Golden Harvest exclaims wildly as she begins to approach Rainbow, waving her hooves while yelling like a menace. The Pegasi yelps in alarm. She is too into character here!

"Whoa, whoa, Golden, Calm down, this is only a drill! Hey!"

* * *

Now at the library, Twilight is now being interviewed by Rainbow who said, "Now let's hear your best 'scroll buttons' song."

Twilight nods as she begins to sing a song, _**"And that's why I like to scroll, with scroll buttons!"**_

Oh yeah, that's the worst song I ever heard. Play another one."

Rainbow ends up regretting that as Twilight, thinking that her friend has made a request and not aware that she was being sarcastic, sang again, _**"Scroll buttons are good, they move you up and down, they take you to..."**_

Rainbow groans in annoyance; perhaps that was a dumb idea.

* * *

Now Rainbow is interviewing Derpy back at Sugarcube Corner, motioning to the same cardboard with Gilda on it. The smart Pegasus pony spoke up, "Okay, Gilda's at the table, right there, Derpy. She's insulting us. What do you do?"

"Uh...make her a salad!" Derpy exclaims to Rainbow, much to her friend's annoyance.

"What? No, no! Try something else!"

"Errr, give her a claw massage!"

"Those aren't claws!" Rainbow exclaims in annoyance as she points at the box's claws or lack therefore. This is going nowhere.

* * *

Back in the field, Rainbow is interviewing Pinkie again as Spike is wearing a cardboard box with a drawing of himself on it. The Pegasus pony said with a smile," All right, pretend this is Spike. Now give him a playful kick in the tail! Come on, he likes it!"

"I do not!" Spike snaps to Rainbow in annoyance by what she just said.

"Let's see..." Pinkie said, bending a leg back thoughtfully then put it back down, "Horsecrapface!"

* * *

Rainbow sighs in annoyance as she returns to her computer. So far, the pony can't find any replacement for herself when she's dead or retired. This is frustrating.

"Ugh." Rainbow groans before she begins to type, "The screening process isn't processing or screening very at all. May as well cut to the chase and bring out the big guns...DANCE CONTEST!"

* * *

Sure enough, on the stage, ponies audition to be Rainbow's replacement as she watches each contestant. Music plays as Twilight spins her tail around while moving her head left and right.

Next up is Fluttershy who taps down one of her hooves while waving her upper forelegs around. Derpy happily twitch her wings while Golden Harvest shakes her upper forelegs while jumping up and down.

We see Big Macintosh standing in place, shouting, "Eeyup! I'm Big Mac, I'm Big Mac!"

Rarity, in her audition, shuffles her hooves all along the stage. We now see Pinkie, lit by a spotlight, on stage as the music changes to the ending of a slow dramatic song which the pink pony sang, _**"And then I put it on my faaaaace..."**_

* * *

Rainbow is more frustrated, the dance contest isn't working either at all! Back at her computer, she types in while saying, "Argh. This dance contest isn't contesting or dancing at all. May as well face facts, ponies; I'm going to be checking e-mails and kicking flanks until the day I die." The pony stops typing, having a thoughtful look. "Say, that would sound great on a tattoo; or maybe an even better epitaph!"

* * *

In an imagination, we see a graveyard with a blank tombstone. As Rainbow spoke we see her words carved on the slab, "Here lies Rainbow Dash; 'Checking e-mails and kicking flanks in the hereafter'. Buried with her Mane Six pals; as well as a jillion bits; Please don't dig up the grave."

The paper appears as the e-mail/chapter comes to an end.

* * *

Spike, in his uniform, was working the light switch in the library when he hears Rainbow speaking into the speakerphone, "Attention, Spike!"

"Yeah? What is it, Rainbow Dash?" Spike asks Rainbow, wondering what his friend wants now.

"Where is that motorcycle that I asked you to find? Try checking in the stock room."

"Right, right, I'm getting to it! Geez! It's like I'm being a slave to you ponies for life!"

As Spike heads out to find the motorcycle, Rainbow calls out, "Also, Nyx needs more quarters on register three."

The End

Author's note  
Looks like Rainbow is stuck doing e-mails for life; Good for her, huh? Normally I would do the next e-mail which is based on the 'dangeresque 3' one, but since I did that one already, I will do the next e-mail over. In it, the gang celebrates the birthday of the Cutie Mark Crusaders...well, sort of. Also, Twilight and Spike brings back an old band of theirs. Read, review and suggest.


	65. cutie mark crusaders day

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: cutie mark crusaders day

Rainbow is at her computer once more, typing up 'rainbowdash_email dot exe' while saying, "Time we check out a Rainbow Dash E-Mail...you and me; Together; Like we used to...like a family."

Rainbow brings up the first e-mail.

**Rainbow Dash**

**To claify Starscream is a transformer from the planet cybertron weird name for a planet i know anyway the people at screwattack paired you up with Starscream if you don't believe me the take a look for yourself from what i know doing the sonic rainboom would send you mac 50 speeds faster than what any human or transformer can pull off but anyway both you and Twilight are my favorite ponies and i know i'm saving the eggheadness for Twilight seeing if she can answer who would win n a death battle You or Starscream but most people here at fanfiction paired you up with Big Mac? doubt that would work anyway hope you live a happy life and find the right stallion for ya weather it be sorin or an alien such as me**

**Adam**

**PS:do you watch you tube videos like FanFicCritic? and i think that you Dash are an awesome pony and with that rainbow Mane you could get any stallion trust me on that (smiling face)**

Rainbow looks at the e-mail then starts typing, asking, "Really? Huh, then how come I've never heard of that Starscream guy? Then again, he must've appeared on Earth that Megan came from...and the folks on that world probably heard of me from the stories she started making of us current ponies. And the Sonic Rainboom send me 50 speeds faster; Awesome!"

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "Me with Big Mac? Nothing against the big guy but I'm pretty sure he's with Cheerilee...or Fluttershy. Heck if I know since I never get involved in their private lives...as far as you all know. And thanks for the stallion talk. Also, yeah, I saw youtube videos like FanFicCritic. Next e-mail!"

**Dear Rainbow Dash,****  
****what did you do for the Cutie Mark Crusaders' birthday party?**

Rainbow pauses then frowns at the lack of signature saying, "Oh great! Another one of those 'no-name brand' e-mails?" We see a box of No-Name Brand E-Mails. "Okay, let's see...who are you from? You're from..."

Rainbow types in a signature as she said, "Chaos...Kontrol." The pony chuckles as she begins to rap, _**"Here Comes Chaos, he's on the Chaos...Kontrol. Chiggity here comes Chaos, he's on the Chaos...Kontrol. Miggity here comes Chaos...he's on the Chaos...Kontrol."**_

"Hey, good rhyme, Rainbow Dash!" A familiar voice exclaims. Rainbow turns to see Spike standing on the right side of her computer. "You should cut a demon with me and Twilight sometimes!"

"That's right." Twilight said as she enters the room. "Spike and I did a band long before we moved to Ponyville. I could be your manager and we can make a lot of bits."

"Forget it, you won't go anything, I don't need you two...for this!" Rainbow snaps to Twilight and Spike in annoyance. "Now get out of here so I can answer Chaos Kontrol's question in peace!"

"Geez, fine," Spike groans as he and Twilight leaves the room. They can take a hint. "We are better off without her before anyway."

"Yeah, I can play the keytar." Twilight said with a smile.

"Okay, now where were we? Oh yes, the Cutie Mark Crusaders Day." Rainbow said as she turns her attention back to the computer. The pony begins to type, "To be honest, while we know what day that each of the fillies is born, when it comes to them together, no one knows for sure. So we celebrate it on the only day that we know for sure that it isn't. And that's the date of birth on their fake IDs."

We now see fake IDs in general; all of them are titled 'Equestran Fake IDs'. It gives the Cutie Mark Crusaders the names of 'Iko Skevuloski', 'Helga McClair' and "Missy Enormal', their dates f births are all 'April 18, 1961', their heights are 6-9, weight 293, and the types of 'Miners'. The profile shows mares that look like Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, only more grown up and with their hair styles and eyes. The cards are signed with the fake names.

Rainbow kept typing as she explains, "Those cards say that they're 43 year old Equestrian miners named Iko Skevuloski, Helga McClair and Missy Enormal. The festivials usually begin when..."

* * *

We see Rainbow sleeping near a tree as we can hear her voiceover, "...those girls wake me up around the crack of noon...and I would sing them the Date of Birth song."

The Cutie Mark Crusaders rush up to Rainbow, Scootaloo pokes her while saying, "Rainbow Dash, get up, get up! Come on, get up!"

"Super...Super Snake, Snake..." Rainbow mumbles a bit as she kept on sleeping.

"Rainbow Dash, come on! It's our Cutie Mark Crusaders Day!" Sweetie exclaims as Scootaloo kept on poking her. "You are supposed to sing for us!'

"Come on, wake up; wake up!" Apple Bloom exclaims eagerly. Finally Rainbow grunts as she sat down, a bag of chips is on her head. Th mare blinks her eyes and saw the three fillies grinning, batting their eyes several times.

"Oh right, right. Ahem." Rainbow said with a nod. She clears her throat as she begins to sing. _**"Sweet, sweet Cutie Mark Crusaders, today is the day on your fake I.D."**_

The chips bag fell off of Rainbow's head as it disappears from out of sight. Twilight came from behind the bench, playing a keytar.

"Right...now get going, girls." Rainbow said to the Cutie Mark Crusaders. "And get me some donuts or something."

Twilight breaks off into a solo, making Rainbow and her friends lean in at her angrily. The unicorn exclaims, "That's a good jam! We should cut a..."

"Get out of here, egghead!"

Twilight gets the hint before leaving. Rainbow sighs then pats the CMC members each on the head while the present pony narrates, "Once breakfast is done, in honor of the trio's heritage, we usually play mining games."

* * *

The Cutie Marks are hanging out with their sisters and Rainbow in the field, they are wearing helmets while holding flashlights. As the six are standing in a pile of charcoal briquettes, Rainbow digs with a shovel while Scootaloo holds a pickaxe.

"...like Mining and Coal...or whatever." Rainbow's voice continues as Scootaloo plunks her pickaxe into the ground.

"Looks like Apple Bloom an' Ah won again!" Applejack exclaims to the other ponies while the Apple sisters nuzzle one another.

"I don't know why you girls chose to be miners." Rarity said, sighing as she cleans herself off. "This coal stuff is a mess!"

"Better than nothing," Sweetie chirps happily while the gang continues with the activities.

* * *

At her computer, Rainbow continues typing as she explains, "And as a special treat, yours truly let the Cutie Mark Crusaders answer s up some e-mails."

Rainbow smiles as she got up and allow the CMC sit in her stool for them to share. Apple Bloom brings up an e-mail as she and her friends read it.

**I wanna know who is better, you, twilight, applejack, rarity, fluttershy or pinkie pie?**

**your pal****  
****zonic AZ**

"How would Rainbow Dash answers this time?" Sweetie asks her friends curiously.

"Got it," Scootaloo said with a devilish smirk as she begins to type, "'Hey, pal! We will gnaw your face off. - The CMC;' that was great! Next e-mail," The CMC brought up a new e-mail and reads it.

**hey, what's up rd!****  
****what's up again? I wonder what your parents look like.**

**please answer,****  
****bridgette thorny, co**

"Ah got this." Apple Bloom said with a devilish smirk. She begins to type, "Hey, pal! We will gnaw yer face off; - De CMC.' Next one," The fillies brings up another e-mail.

**come on, make more metal iron the invincible, please, please, oh please**

**p.s. pay out the royal sisters**

Sweetie giggles as she types in while saying, "'Hey, pal! We will gnaw your face off. - The CMC'. Hee hee hee!"

Rainbow was watching the three CMC members at their work, recovering from laughing while saying, "Ih man! 'We will gnaw your face off'! Priceless work," The CMC smiles, approved of her approval. "Every year it gets funnier; Ha ha ha!"

Rainbow regains her composure as she said, "Well, Happy Cutie Mark Crusaders day, you three! May you never get a black lung!"

The paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to an end. We now see the heads of Iko, Helga and Missy, moving from left to the right with their mouth opening and closing to the rhythm of train bell sounds.

We also see a demo tape which is labeled 'Spike & Twilight's Demo Tape; the heroic duo' as we can hear them sing.

Spike: _**Well we're good friends**_**.**

Twilight: _**But don't you steal my napkins.**_

Spike: _**I got fresh jams.**_

Twilight: _**But I get all the royalties.**_

"Hey, I didn't agree to that!" Spike is heard protesting to Twilight in annoyance about the line that her friend just sang.

The End

Author's note  
Happy Cutie Mark Crusaders Day, you three fillies! In the next chapter/e-mail, what happens when you try to poke Pinkie Pie with a pin? Rainbow is about to find out with dangerous results. Read, review and suggest.


	66. pinkie pie

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: pinkie pie

_**"Oh, I'm an e-mail gambler... that means I play cards with e-mails."**_ Rainbow sang while pulling up the next e-mail of the chapter, _**"Full house."**_

**Ok...how do you feel about knowing that you beat down a giant transforming robot, then ate it?**

"Oh man! Not another one of these nameless e-mails! Okay, I will go with...Greenrob." Rainbow said with a frown. She begins to type while continuing, "Ah, you mean that Deathbattle one I saw the other day. To be honest, would've been very uncomfortable...but nothing I can't handle, right; Next e-mail!"

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**What happens if you were to poke Pinkie Pie with a pin? She does act like a balloon and such, right?**

**Jack****  
****OH**

Rainbow of course exclaims 'OH' instead of the state. She types in while exclaiming, "Gah! Oh, geez, Jack, don't do that again. You scared me! To answer your question, who knows? I guess Pinkie would pop or explode, depending if that pony is filled with helium or hydrogen...and if my friend is one fire at the time of the poke. That actually sounds cool."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "Yeah! Poking Pinkie Pie with a pin while she's on fire! Now then...how about we raise the stakes a little bit...oh, wait, I got it! I will do this blindfolded! Yeah, this will be my greatest feat!" Eagerly, the pony puts a blindfold with a rayed sun motif on over her face. "All right; I'm ready to go."

Of course, due to the fact that Rainbow is having trouble seeing, she types in 'algrty reay tui gi' then leaves the computer, ready to poke Pinkie Pie.

* * *

Applejack is having a conversion with Caramel as the former remarks, "Hay if Ah know. Ah done think it was dot egg or dot muffing...or something."

"I thought it was dot com." Caramel said puzzled. "Or maybe dot org."

"Nah, probably dot egg, Caramel."

"Okay, random burg," A familiar voice exclaims. The two Earth ponies turn to see Rainbow entering with the blindfold still on. She is holding a pin and a lighter, ready to make Pinkie explode. "Where are you?"

"Whoa, whoa," Caramel exclaims as he jumps out of the way. "Watch it, will ya; Careful with those things!"

"Pinkie Pie, that's you, right?"

Rainbow begins to poke Applejack on the chin with her pin which makes a high pitched 'point' noise each time. This causes the cowpony to roll her eyes, saying sarcastically, "Eeyup. It's me."

"What the..." Rainbow exclaims in alarm as she kept poking Applejack, causing light pink dots to appear on her face, "Applejack?!"

"It's me, Rainbow; Whatcha doing?"

"Trying to find Pinkie Pie, duh! Where is she?"

"Shucks, ain't it obvious?" Applejack remarks with a shrug. "Pinkie Pie is over at the schoolhouse, making a documentary with Cheerilee."

"All right; Thanks." Rainbow said with a nod as she stops poking, heading over to the schoolhouse for a date with destination. When Applejack spoke again, she has a breaking voice of a teenager.

"Dang, Caramel; Check me out! Ah got bad zits!"

* * *

At the schoolhouse, the students are watching as Gummy, wearing headphones is somehow holding a boom mic over Cheerilee's head. Pinkie Pie is filming her while doing some sort of interview.

"And that's how I became a teacher." Cheerilee said to Pinkie Pie with a smile.

"Wow, that's super duper happy fun!" Pinkie giggles happily. Just then she begins to feel funny as her mane moves around. Two of her hooves tap a bit, "Uh oh, my Pinkie Sense; Someone's about to try to poke me with a pin."

Sure enough, everypony turns to see Rainbow arriving, the pony exclaiming, "All right, Miss Pie, time we settled this once and for all!"

Rainbow flies at Pinkie but ends up hitting against a wall of the schoolhouse hard. Scootaloo held up a sign that reads 'Face Mashings, 5 bits', saying, "That will be 5 bits, Rainbow Dash!"

"Scootaloo, I said no doing sales like that on school grounds!" Cheerilee scolds Scootaloo for what's she doing.

"Come on, we aren't in class right now, right?"

"Ugh!" Rainbow groans while shaking her head a bit. "I'm cool, that's cool. Here I go again; Urah!"

"Not so fast, Miss Dash!" Pinkie exclaims sternly. Rainbow flew up and charges at her but the Earth pony bounces into the air, causing the Pegasus to fly underneath her and skids to a halt next to where she was standing. Pinkie lands gracefully behind her friend, "Ha! Nice try!"

"Is that you, Pink..."

Suddenly Pinkie kicks Rainbow into the air, juggling her with a lot of strikes, as if in a fighting game, as combo signs appears after her fourth, fifth and sixth strikes; Everypony else watches as the students cheers, "Yay!"

Soon Pinkie kicks Rainbow hard, sending her flying as a '1-up' sign appears, along with the noise from a certain video game series. Scootaloo grins as she held up a sign that said 'Severe Pummelings 10 bits', saying, "10 bits!"

"Scootaloo," Cheerilee scolds Scootaloo once more.

* * *

Rainbow winds up back in her house, the pony's reply is still on the screen. The Pegasus pony crash through the roof and lands on her stool hard; Rainbow groans as she got back up, removing the blindfold. That was embarrassing but she can't let Jack knows that Pinkie has beaten her up like mad.

"Ugh..." Rainbow groans before she begins to type, "Anyway, as I was blindfolded when it happened, I didn't get a clear view as to what happened. But I'm darn sure that I didn't get ever loving snot beat out of me. Nah, I'm sure that Pinkie Pie blew up in a big fiery ball that came be seen from space. Poor pony...feel sorry for her. Heck, I even missed Pinkie a bit. Well, gotta be done in the name of science, right? Or maybe because some foal e-mailed me and told me to." The Pegasus frowns as she continues speaking in an anger like childish way, "Hope you're happy, Jack!"

The paper comes down as this chapter/e-mail comes to an end.

* * *

We can hear sad music playing as a sheet of paper is shown. Rainbow is heard reading the writing as her voice crackles as if she is getting sadder, "Dear General and Fraulein Pie, it is with a heavy heart that I must inform you both that your daughter has sadly blew up in a big, fiery ball that can be seen from space. I also like to add that there's no way that she beat the ever loving snot out of me. Sequentinially, Rainbow Dash."

* * *

At a green table at where the ponies played Poker, Rainbow is playing a game with her friends as she exclaims, "All right, ponies, read 'em and weep! A pair of Eddies and a Vikings," The Pegasus pony threw down her cards onto the table, two shows a capital A and the other a flag of some country.

"Oh shoot, All Ah done got is a lousy Luffy D. Monkey!" Applejack groans while throwing down a card that shows Luffy D. Monkey.

The End

Author's note  
Poor Rainbow; Embarrassing for her to get beaten up by Pinkie Pie. In the next chapter/e-mail, the Pegasus Pony shows that she can make Pinkie Pie cry via a drawing of a little bunny named 'Lil' Paly'. Read, review and suggest.


	67. crying

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: crying

_**"I'm not gonna sing an email song this week e—" **_Rainbow Dash raps while bringing up her first e-mail, then realize what she just did: singing when she herself said that she wasn't supposed to. "Oh. Well, never mind."

Rainbow pulls up the e-mail as she begins to read.

**Rainbow**

**how many pranks have you pulled and are you accepting guest stars from another world?**

**Adam Seville**

"Ah, good question, Adam." Rainbow said as she types in her answer. "The amount of pranks is unlimited. It would take me forever just to count them all. I will get back to you on that. As for guest stars, maybe someday, depending on what we get. Anyway, next e-mail!"

**YO Yo Rainbow Dash,****  
****Hey there Rainbow Dash, I wonder if you ever made pinkie pie cry.****  
****DJ Solarious Mare-alia**

We see a Rainbow Dash yo-yo. The pony looks puzzled as she stop mid-sentence after the 'Hey there Rainbow Dash part'. The pony ask, "Okay, so which is it; 'Yo yo' or 'Hey there' Rainbow Dash? Geez, the outcome of the rest of this whole e-mail hinges on the decision made...eh forget it." Rainbow finishes the e-mail.

Rainbow begins to type while saying, "Whoa! The DJ Solaris; this is an honor! I saw ya spinning at a warehouse in Coltberra a few years back! Wait, I fib, me and any other pony here in Ponyeville has never heard of DJ Solarbutt."

We see a flyer for the DJ event.

**Very Perfectly Legal WAREHOUSE RAVE****  
****feature:****  
****DJ Solaris****  
****DJ Skunk****  
****and DJ from Mareanne****  
****Don't tell the Royal Guard!**

Rainbow clears her screen as she continues typing, responding, "So...did I ever make Pinkie Pie cry? Well, yes, yes I have...a lot. In fact, I can pretty much make anypony cry just by showing them a drawing I made of a one-legged cross-eyed no eared bunny named 'Lil' Paly."

Sure enough, Rainbow holds up a pic that has a bunny with one-legged, cross-eyed and has no ears. It has the words 'I can make it on my own'.

Rainbow Dash continues, "I mean, I think this thing is cool, not to mention inspiring, but Pinkie just falls apart when she sees it. Let me show you."

To prove her point, Rainbow got out of her seat and heads out to make Pinkie cry via the Lil' Paly picture.

* * *

Rainbow found her friend Pinkie standing in the field, looking at something upset while snapping to the right, "Stay over there, you meanie! Yeah, you do so!"

"Hey Pinkie Pie," Rainbow said with a smile, getting Pinkie's attention, "Got a surprise for you."

"Wow, thanks, Dashie! What is it, what is it, what is it, what is it; what is it?"

"Oh, nothing much. Just a drawing that I made."

Pinkie's smile disappears as she looks worried and uneasy, knowing what Rainbow is about to show her. The Earth pony insists, "No, Dashie. Please, don't do it. You know the storm that you will unleash if you do."

"Trust me; I think you'll like it." Rainbow said as Pinkie is about to cry; Almost there.

"No, Dashie, please; I cannot handle it!"

"Ta-daaah!"

Rainbow soon shows the Lil' Paly picture. That did it, Pinkie breaks down crying, falling to her knees while sobbing, "NOOOOOOO! LIL' PALY! Oh, what a little bunny! He got a champion heart! You're going to make it, Lil' Paly! You just keep dragging along!" The Pegasus pony looks disbelief as her friend lies on the ground, sobbing rapidly while kicking in the air. She really does break up upon seeing the Lil' Paly picture. "Lil' Paly...I...I am not sure what I'm doing with my life! I am thinking of going into pony modeling...or high finance...OH I JUST DON'T KNOW!"

Rainbow decides to have some fun, shaking the drawing like a puppet while doing Lil' Paly's voice, I'm going to be all right, Pinkie Pie." Pinkie sobs hysterically some more. "I can make it on my own!"

"Oh...it's like I said...the heart of a champion!"

Nyx chose that time to enter the area, speaking up, "Hey Rainbow Dash, whatcha up to? And why's Pinkie Pie crying?"

Rainbow decides to have some more fun, just not to be mean. The Pegasus pony held the drawing to Nyx, doing her Lil' Pal act while saying, "Hey there, Nyx! I'm going to be a quarterback when I grow up! I'm going to throw for 2,000 yards!" That did it, the alicorn filly then begins to bawl. "Aww, don't cry for me, Nyx-entina..."

Fluttershy came into the area, trying not to cry at what's happening. The Pegasus pony spoke up, "Rainbow Dash? Did you base Lil' Paly after me? Do you think me as a...one-legged cross-eyed bunny with no ears?"

"Well, no. I actually made another picture based on you: a winged kitten with longed hair named Cupidheart." Rainbow took out another picture called 'Cupidheart' which said 'I'm tops'. The blue Pegasus pony spoke as the kitten, "I can spread my love just by talking."

"I probably could; Squee!"

"Ohhhhh, Cupidheart!" Pinkie sobs some more as she kept on breaking out. "Can you tell me how to get the most out of life?"

* * *

Rainbow returns to her computer, sitting down and typing. She said, "Well, there you have it; Pinkie Pie, crying, no problem. I betcha you are crying all over the place. That Lil' Paly sure knows how to tug on one's heartstrings." Suddenly the Pegasus pony begins to choke up, "Oh, what a trooper. Got a strong...one leg, crossed eyes and..."

Rainbow groans, recovering a bit. She can't take this. The pony groans, "Yeah...listen, I think I got some...food...in the oven." Rainbow begins to choke up again. I gotta go!"

With that, Rainbow gets up and flew out as the paper comes down, bringing this e-mail/chapter to an end.

* * *

Pinkie Pie is stil bawling her eyes out, kneeling over the Cupidheart drawing. Just like the Lil' Paly one, she ends up crying just by looking at it.

"Oooooh, Cupidheart! Tell me what I can do with myself! I feel like I'm at a crossroads here, with a...I don't know, Lenny's at one corner and an IHOP at the other." Pinkie groans then kneels over the drawing. "Can you give me some financial advice, please?"

Pinkie cries while lying on the ground once more, asking, "Cupidheart, can you help advise me on my future?"

* * *

We see Lil' Paly for a moment as he fell off his one leg.

The End

Author's note  
Lil' Paly...that bunny sure knows how to make somepony cry, eh? In the next chapter/e-mail, a fan wonders what a Rainbow Dash television series for kids would be like. The pony of course brings up somepony else who would be perfect for teaching kids: Derpy Hooves! Read, review and suggest.


	68. for foals

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: for foals

As our chapter begins, Rainbow is playing a game called 'Peasant Pony's Quest' on her computer. Right now her character, Peasant Dasher, is in an area with a monster known as Squirk.

"All right, let's see..." Rainbow decides on a course of action then she begins tp type, "Make friends with Squirk."

Of course, a message appears on the screen which said, 'Squirk tell you that he has enough friends as it is...and he doesn't like your shorts'. The score drops down to -40 now, much to Rainbow's dismay.

"The hay," Rainbow exclaims in alarm. She presses enter as Squirk is heading to Peasant Dasher right now. "Err..." The pony types in something, "Buy Squirk an Apple Cider."

Of course, this action causes Squirk to angrily hit Peasant Dasher on the head, killing him. The Game Over tune plays as we see another message that said, "The Squirk doesn't like apples and is offended by your offer. He pounds you right into the ground hard. Ouch. You're dead!" The score now drops to -45.

"WHAT; Oh great! Stupid game," Rainbow groans a bit. She presses enter and types in 'quit'. A message appears which said 'you quitter'. "May as well do that thing that...I usually do, yeah."

Rinbow then pulls up the A sign then types in 'rainbowdash_email dot exe' to begin up an e-mail. She begins to read.

**Rainbow**

**Do you ever check Twitter or Youtube?**

**Adam**

"Nah! That stuff is for Earthlings! I do however check Pegasuster as well as Youpony." Rainbow answers while typing. "Pretty good, eh? Okay, next e-mail!"

**Coolest pony ever - - - Rainbow Dash, I was wondering. Ever thought of making your own TV series? That way, foals will love ya, and your coolness.**

**SpaceRat , NJ**

Rainbow reads ' - - -' as 'henna henna henna'. After the greeting she exclaims, "Cool, three hennas! This must be an important one!" The Pegasus continues reading the e-mail. After the comma in the last sentence, she remarks, "Unnecessary common" then said 'SpaceRat' as 'Space Brat'."

Rainbow of course, feels a bit offended by the e-mail. The pony types in, asking, "Televisions; Foals; Are you suggesting that I'm intended for little ponies? Like the littlest and tiniest foals? You know, they watch those shows on public television." To be honest, I don't think I'm cut out for that sugar job at all!"

* * *

In Rainbow's imagination, we now see a piece of yellow paper of sort that is used for background as if to help kindergartners to write. Rainbow is there with a rocket launcher/bazooka, a monster with horns, a bunny with fangs and a weirdo that looks like a man sticking his tongue out drawn in picture all over.

"Hey ponies, we're going to play 'Where's Spike'?" Rainbow ass with a beatifically smile as she looks to the camera. "Can you say 'a-Spike'"

"Spike, Spike...Christopher Columbus." Some of the Foals remarks half incoherent, the last one said mumble. Rainbow frowns a bit. It's like these ponies aren't even trying!

"Ha! Not good enough! F minus minus!"

'F-' appears on the screen as the DELETED buzzer is heard. Rainbow is now standing in front of crayon drawings of a tree, an open box and a toilet, playing a game and being more smarter than the foals watching.

"All right, dumb ponies. Find Spike," Rainbow remarks eagerly while rubbing her hooves together. Sure enough, there's Spike, appearing from behind the box while waving to the audience.

The foals of course exclaim like mad, "He's over there! Right there," The ponies kept on saying this, much to Rainbow's annoyance.

"No, no, Spike is behind the box." Rainbow said as she points to Spike behind the box. "No, heck, Spike isn't even behind it, he's barely obscured by the box."

But the foals kept on yelling the same thing. Rainbow turns around, looking ticked. She has had enough. The pony yells out, "Look, Spike is behind the STINKING BOX!" The foals stop talking as the music came to a halt, followed by a record scratch. Spike yelps in alarm as Rainbow breaths heavily and jumps closer to the camera, waving her upper forelegs in fury, "HE'S BEHIND THE BOX!"

Rainbow slides down and got even more closer, yelling, "I WILL MAKE YOU PAY! I WILL MAKE YOU ALL PAY DEARLY!"

All goes to static.

* * *

Back in reality, Rainbow shrugs as she types on the Flutterpony, explaining, "Well, you folks can see how that might be less than pleasant, especially with the letter writing, the angry parents, and all the tying me up in town square for all to see. But you know what Pegasus pony whose would be good for that sorta thing? Why, it's none other than Equestria's favorite cross-eyed weird pony...Derpy Hooves!"

* * *

We now see a white screen as Derpy enters through a faraway door. The pony flew closer to the viewer and stops. The Foals calls out, "Whatcha know, Ditzy Doo?"

Derpy grins and opens her mouth with her eyes moving around. We now see a background with certain colored flowers spinning around. As someone is heard singing, we see them at the bottom of the viewer's screen.

A caricature of Derpy rides from right to left in a boat with a red flag, she is wearing a shirt that said, 'If you lived here, you'd be home by now'.

Singer: _**We'll have an adventure, and several long trips. We'll make some new friends—**_

We see smiling, mult-ethnic ponies appearing behind Derpy as she leaves the screen.

_**-and maybe get a bite to eat!**_

Now an orange with with 'abc' on it appears. We now see seven Derpy silhouettes fan like a hand of cards from left to right, disappearing in reverse order.

_**All 'cause we say...**_

A red silhouette of Derpy with the flag from the boat appears with white liquid spilling onto the screen. We see a logo that said 'Whatcha Know, Ditzy Doo' with another caricature of the Pegasus on it.

"Whatcha know, Ditzy Doo?" The foals call out.

The real Derpy appears on the screen's left side, saying, "Yahoo! Yeah! We're going to have so much fun; Hee hee hee!"

At a tan screen, Derpy disappears and reappears in various places, with raspberry noises following her. Once she stops in the left half of the foreground, a blue lower case 'g' appears as the foal exclaims, "A G'!"

"Yeah, a G! That's a very fun letter to learn! Yahoo," Derpy exclaims with a happy grin.

"A G!"

At a purple background, a seated, mustached Earth pony is playing a guitar. The words are sung as they appear.

Earth Pony: _**Stave it off, 1-2-3, and now you can count to three.**_

"Wow, that song is sure popular!" Derpy exclaims with a smile. "Whatcha say? Wanna hear it 50 times more?"

The foals gave out shouts of approval. We return to the previous screen as we see two of the guitar-playing ponies, one is in a darker shader superimposed behind the other. Once again, the words are sung as they appear.

_**Stave it off, 1-2-3, and now you can count to three.**_

Soon the darker shaded guitarist is upside as the song is repeated and seen once more as if Derpy is playing the song 49 more times.

_**Stave it off, 1-2-3, and now you can count to three.**_

Static cuts us off once more.

* * *

"Good gravy," Rainbow groans as she types in 'GOOD...GRAVY' on her computer, "I do have two words for foals or kids who are raised on that horsecrap..." The Pegasus now continues speaking in a monotone voice, "HELD BEAK, REPEATING THE THIRD GRADE; LOW STANDARDIZED TEST SCORE. WELL, I GUESS THIS WAS MORE THAN TWO WORDS, HUH? PAPER, PLEASE TAKE US HOME."

The paper comes down as the chapter/e-mail comes to an end. We see the Mayor of Ponyville's new food product.

**The Mayor of Ponyville's****  
****Good****  
****GRAVY****  
****"I don't let****  
****Pinkie Pie near it!"****  
****104 oz.**

We now see a CD jewel case as well as a sample on an album called 'All Is On'.

**ALL IS ON!****  
****Equestria Mega Hits!****  
****PARTY MIX!****  
****(On spine) Songs we found On the Streets of Canterlot**

Singer: _**All is on... feel it, feel it, feel it, feel it...**_

The End

Author's note  
Well, at least we know that Rainbow isn't thrilled about doing kids' show. Ironic because she is on one! In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow talks about her other days of the week. Read, review and suggest.


	69. other days

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: other days

_**"I got an email in my pocket, and I think it's starting to melt." **_Rainbow sang on as she brings up the first e-mail of the day. The pony stops before saying, "Again with the..."

**Rainbow**

**So how many emails ended with the words Horsecrapfully Horsecrap? i find that the people who sent them have fetish with horses and such then again what do i know**

**Adam**

"Ugh. I rather not say, Adam." Rainbow groans as she answers Adam's next e-mail. "They are very dumb and annoying. I usually want to delete them at times. Let's not discuss this again, please; Next e-mail!"

**dear rainbow dash,****  
****what else do you do on all the other days of the week?****  
****sincerely,****  
****Herbie Holmes CA**

Rainbow reads the name as ;'H. Brian Holmes, certified...arborist'. We then see a business card that said...

**H. Brian Holmes****  
****Certified Arborist**

**PHONE: 888-ABCD****  
****MOBILE: WHATEVER**

**"I think clouds are involved here!"**

Rainbow smirks as she speaks like a robot, bobbing her head a bit while saying, "Good question, Herbie. Now I will answer this like a robotic slave. You think this is a good idea?" The Pegasus pony pauses then spoke in her normal voice, "Yeah, I didn't think so either. Sorry. Okay, my other days of the weeks...let's me see..."

* * *

We now see a calendar that has the heading 'A Month' with weeks starting on Monday, the words 'checka my e-mail' is written on it. Rainbow is heard saying, "You know what I like to do on Mondays. Now for Tuesdays, I check my usual snail mail."

The words 'checka my snail' appears in hoof writing on a Tuesday day.

* * *

We now see Rainbow heading to her mailbox which is labeled, 'rd_snailmail dot ex'. The Pegasus pony is singing, _**"I got a snail mail in my pocket, and I think it's starting to melt..."**_

Rainbow got a letter out of the box, clears her throat while reading it.

**Dear Miss, Dash****  
****This is your final warning. Please give out payment of 3 bits and 62 whatever or you will be given to a 'cut off your wings' styles collections agency.**

**Swarthily,****  
****Pinkie Pie**

"Oh, final warning eh?" Rainbow remarks sarcastically to the response of Pinkie's warning. "Yeah, is there nothing I can to do to change your mind? Like giving your a ride in my...BMW?!"

Rainbow takes her lighter out and burns the papers, laughing madly...until she looks at herself and looks confused, asking, "Wait, err...where's my wings go," Indeed, her wings are now gone as if someone has cut them off without her looking!

* * *

We return to the calendar, Rainbow's voice continues, "And then to help better ponies over the hump and such, Wednesdays is when I give out my free motivational lectures to the Pegasus ponies." We see 'give lecture' on the Wednesday box.

* * *

Rainbow, wings back on, smirks as she flew in front of the chalkboard flying in front of the Pegasus ponies, including Derpy and Fluttershy. The blue one exclaims, "Ponies! You gotta look inside yourself! Positate the negative! When life throws pies at you, you gotta make yourself a tall, cool glass of Ponymade!"

"Yahoo, I'm a new pony!" Depry exclaims, inspired by the speech.

"I'm the hump, yay." Fluttershy said quietly while cheering. The other Pegasus ponies cheers on wildly as well, liking the motivational lecture.

* * *

Back on the calendar, Rainbow's voice continues, "Now due to a prior arrest that I rather not get into right now or getting into trouble for stealing a book from the local hospital, Thursdays are the community services days. So me and Scootaloo goes to Cloudsdale to give a place a nice cleaning." The words 'community service' appears on the Thursday box.

* * *

In Cloudsdale, or Rainbow's own version at least, the mare herself is vacuuming the dirty while Scootaloo washes the tire so better and neatly. At least that's one way to do the Pegasus pony's parole, right?

"Gotta say, Scoots, stay smart, vacuum...dirt," Rainbow said with a smile while she kept on working.

"You betcha and cleaning the tree make things better too!" Scootaloo exclaims with a smile.

"And let's not forget to wash where Celestia's sun won't shine."

* * *

Once again at the calendar, Rainbow's voice continues, "Of course, then there's Business Casual Fridays...or as we say around Ponyville, 'Biz Cas Fri'." The words 'biz cas fri' appears on the Friday box. "You know...because we have to abbreve stuff."

* * *

At the library, Rainbow's voice continues, "That's the day we all wear the free polo shirts given to us from various software companies and Canterlot."

"Did you all played Online Gaming last night?" Twilight ask Rainbow while she and her friends were free polo shirts, "Yes, no? I did! I got so many frags...whatever that means."

* * *

We go back to the calendar as Rainbow's voice said, though a bit embarrassingly, on Saturday, I definitely do NOT wake up at 6 A.M., put on a Speedo and go to swim practice." We see the words 'NOT swim practice' in the Saturday box, "No way, nah uh. No Speedo...but I do indeed..."

We see a flyer for Battle Axe lessons appearing, the words 'NOT swim practice' is replaced by the words 'BATTLE AXE LESSONS!' in the Saturday box. For Rainbow, that is so awesome and cool!

"...BATTLE AXE LESSONS AT THE PONYVILLE ARENA...with my teacher Don Stallionagen, the Instructor!" Rainbow's voice booms like mad. "And of course, on Sunday, that's the day I check my e-mails...you know for our Eastern Equestrian views from across the water."

The words 'checka my eastern Equestrian e-mails' appearing in the the Sunday box.

* * *

We see Rainbow at a gray computer with the word 'BLOCK' in the bottom left bottom. As she brings up an e-mail, the pony sings again, _**"I got a Ponyish e-mail in my pocket, and I think it's starting to melt."**_

We see Rainbow reading her e-mail while a translator speaks over her in Ponyish for those in Ponyland.

**Dear Rainbow Dash:****  
****Please to be removing those wings on your back?**

**Janet****  
****Ponyland**

Rainbow rolls her eyes as she answers while typing, "Remove my wings, Janet? Your mother is so the speed limit; your pain bill, Rainbow Dash," The translator translates this."

* * *

Back on the computer in the present, Rainbow finishes the e-mail up, "That's pretty much my week, pal. Okay, time for this pony to get herself a cool glass of Ponymade...or as we say around Ponyville, 'p-made'."

Rainbow leaves her computer as she leaves. The paper appears, ending the chapter/e-mail.

* * *

Rainbow is sleeping in a tree, mumbling a bit. As she continues doing so, Blossomforth trots in with a pair of goggles and a swimming cap. The Pegasus pony taps Rainbow while saying, "Rainbow Dash..."

"Horse feathers...chrona trigga." Rainbow mumbles as she tries to sleep on.

"Come on, wake up, Rainbow Dash!"

"Chrona trigger!"

Blossomforth sighs while trying to wake Rainbow up, "We're going to be late for swim practice if you don't wake up."

"Chrhn...Crono Triga!" Rainbow mumbles a bit. Blossomforth took out a stick with a pair of Speedo-style swimming trunks at it, looking away in disgust. The Pegasus pony doesn't know why her fast friend would wanna wear these.

"Got your swim trunks."

"Discord, Discord, I'm so going to kill ya..."

* * *

We see now an advertisement for real like Ponymade...well, sort of.

The End

Author's note  
Those are Rainbow Dash's days of the week, folks. Whatcha think? In the next chapter/e-mail, a fan asked the mare as to why the Mayor has Time Turner as an assistant sometimes. We see some old comics in the progress. Read, review and suggest.


	70. old comics

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: old comics

_**"Let's get it over with! With the email style, get it over with!" **_Rainbow sang a bit as she pulls up an e-mail, reading it.

**Dear Rainbow,**

**What is your opinion on J.R.R. Tolkien's classic stories, The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings? This is not...an academic question.**

**Ryan**

**PS: Would you ever be brave enough to face either a Balrog or Smaug the Golden, and of course, I mean the Dragon, not Trixie's father.**

"Ah yes, some Earth books. They are very excellent and I recommend them. Now for the Balrog; to be honest Ryan...I'd be really scared if I faced a Balrog, but...old Smaug himself...I'd take him on any day...as long as I had a head start." Rainbow answers while typing up. The pony blinks in realization. "Wait a minute..."

Rainbow checks at the end of the e-mail, noticing the Trixie's father part. She asks in surprise, "Trixie has a father named Smaug? That show off actually has a father? Who knew? That is something of a topic...for another time; next e-mail!"

**hey there RD,****  
****why does the mayor of ponyville has time turner as an assistant sometimes?**

**your pal,****  
****morton****  
****west islip, NY**

Rainbow announces 'RD' funny and said 'islip' as 'is lip'. We see an audio cassette of the band 'West Is Lip' with the cover art being that of Ryan Steeritt.

"Whoa; west is Lip? Now that sounds like some sort of Boltish New Wave band! Heh; 'And coming in this week at #4, it's those steer boys from Heffershire, West Is Lip..." Rainbow makes like a radio show host as a tape player is heard switching on with music playing. "...with their hit single 'she partied without Dancing'."

West Is Lip: _**She partied without dancing. She partied with my heart.**_

The song soon came to a stop. Rainbow clears the screen and begins to type as she explains, "To answer your question, Morton, the Mayor of Ponyville always had a Time Turner, even when they both got a start in some old syndicated newspaper comic. You know, before TV was made and when comics don't need any jokes, humor or readers under the age of 91 to read."

* * *

We cut to a desk and saw some funnies called 'Mayorfunnies' sliding into view. It shows the Mayor of Ponyville (way WAY younger) talking to some stallion named Clock Tower who is sitting in a chair.

The Mayor spoke in one capiton, "Goodness, I've fallen and lost my glasses." Indeed, the filly seems to have lost her glasses somehow.

Rainbow's voice continues, "It's called 'the Mayorfunnies', probably some dumb attempt by the authors into trying to fool you..." Panel two slides into the screen as the Mayor's hip is throbbing while Clock Tower is working on some files. "...into believing that it's funny when it isn't."  
"Got any hip rub in your supplies, Clock Tower?"

"It mostly shows the Mayor of Ponyville..." Rainbow's voice continues as panel three slides in. We see Clock Tower looking annoyed as the Mayor's hairband is on his head, "...complaining about some of her problems to the younger Time Turner."

"Ugh, where's your ointment? I think I got it." Clock Tower said to the Mayor in frustration.

"What, that ain't no ointment!" The Mayor exclaims to Clock Tower in a weird kinda way.

"It also involved ointments..." Rainbow's voice adds. Panel four slides appear which shows the Mayor talking to the reader, "...and whatever."

"It cures your behind!" The Mayor exclaims eagerly. Another comic appears as we see he standing by herself for some weird reason."Yes, I am indeed old."

"Back then, Time Turner appears to have a different voice and lives in a clock tower, so they of course called Time Turner..." Rainbow's voice explains as the next panel shows the Mayor talking to Clock Tower. "...Clock Tower and that was before he got the name Doctor Whooves...which is actually funny to say the least."

"Clock Tower, do you have any pittance for me?"

"And of course, Clock Tower could talk younger in..." Rainbow's voice adds as panel three shows Clock Tower speaking while his boss talks a bit. "...in weird stuff as well as commas. Of course, I think the commas themselves had just been discovered and were apparently considered comic gold."

Indeed, Clock Tower spoke in commas in the captions like this, ",,,,,,,,,." We see even a picture of the comma's discovery by Sir Monkeybert Comma. A caption below it reads 'Sir Monkeybert Comma & sharper upon discovering the comma'.

"Ha ha ha ha," The Mayor laughs madly at what Clock Tower said for some reason. In panel four, the sun is setting as she is talking to her assistant who is hard at work on building a time machine. "Ahem, I need some bits to get that new dye for my mane."

"Yeah, I can see why this master thing took two ponies to write it. One to not think of anything funny..." Rainbow remarks in annoyance as panel five appears. It shows the Mayor talking to the reader once more as a squirrel holding a bag of bits in the background, "...and another to think of something 'not funny' at all!"

"A quarter never asked is a quarter never given!" The Mayor exclaims happily. A third comic appears. The first panel shows the mare galloping along as she spoke in a caption, "Good news! Today is 'Best Day Ever Day'!"

"Anyway, later as readership begins to dwindle..." Rainbow begins to add as panel two slides onto the screen. We see the Mayor talking to what appears to be talking to younger versions of Pinkie Pie and Rainbow. "...they somehow throw me and Pinkie Pie in there as guests in hopes to mooch off of popularity; which is surprising since we were since fillies at the time and barely even met."

"Who are you?"

The third panel slides on the screen as Rainbow and Pinkie Pie are talking, the former ask in annoyance, "Come on, how can you end up forgetting Rainbow, the most awesomest Pegasi in Equestria?"

"How about me," Pinkie ask puzzled.

The present Rainbow spoke up, "Yeah, that ended up working for a week or so, but unfortunately the strip was sadly cancelled..." Panel four slides onto the screen as the Mayor watch as the comic version push down the comic Pinkie Pie. "...when the last living reader of the thing..."

"You are two worst friends." The Mayor said, expressing her disappointment in Rainbow and Pinkie's friendship. The last panel shows the trio dressed up old war uniforms in front of a tombstone that reads 'let's call him Ulysses: 'He loves the Mayorfunnies'.

"...who is a veteran of some unknown water and is a creamed corn enthusiast, have a heart attack and died."

"Thank you to All Our Reader."

* * *

In the present, Rainbow types on her computer while explaining, "Those guys tries to get back into the mainstream years later with the release of something called 'Mayor Mayorfunny Pencil Moistener?!'" We now see the product in question. "Of course, since the Dry Pencil Scare of some year lasted for 3 days, none of it was sold much."

Rainbow clears the screen as she finishes the e-mail up, "Well, Morton, there you go. The Mayor of Ponyville, still not funny. No surprised there. I'm going to start the Who Put Pasta Sald in Big Macintosh's Underdrawer Underdrawer Scared of this Year'. Or," The pony stops typing while saying, "And I'm out of here."

Rainbow leaves her desk as the paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to an end.

* * *

We see another comic as the Mayor is speaking to one of the Royal Guards in the four panels, "I think my hip got knocked out of join while I was on the polo grounds."

"You played polo?" The Royal Guard asks in surprise and confusion.

"What, you crazy? I am too old to play polo!"

"So what are you doing here then?"

"What are you asking me for?" The Mayor asks the Royal Guard in confusion. Even then, the comic wasn't funny at all.

* * *

We now see Big Macintosh in his room, eating pasta salad out of his underwater drawer. The stallion comments, "Eeyup; Tastes so darn good!"

The End

Author's note  
Well, folks, there you have it. The Mayor always has a Time Turner (which references how Doctor Who changes player like the stallion changes voices). In the next chapter/e-mail, a fan asked Rainbow Dash what the secret to her 'pizzaz' is, so the Pegasus pony does a journalism interview with herself to find out. Read, review and suggest.

The Lord of the Rings series is referenced here.


	71. pizzaz

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: pizzaz

Rainbow is up to her usual tricks, typing in 'rainbowdash' as she sings, _**"Oh, here comes The Rainbow Daaaaash..." **_The pony then types in '_email dot exe'. _**"Oh, here comes The Rainbow Daaaaash!"**_

Rainbow now brings the first e-mail up as she begins to read it.

**Rainbow**

**I think your a cool pony but still have you ever thought of going for the wonderbolts and fullfulling your dream ? cause for one i know i want to be a REAL author but that may take time but if you do get on the wonderbolts squad i wish you NOTHING but the best of luck**

**Adam**

**P.S. what are your thoughts on the story Sweet apple Massacre and My Little Dashie cause the story /movie really brings tears to my eyes and besides i think that a human and Pony realationship could work your my favorite pony alongside Twilight no offence though (smiley face)**

"Hmmm, good question. Of course, with what's been happening in Ponyville, I have been too busy to try the first dream. But I will go for the dream someday." Rainbow explains as she types in her answer. "But thanks anyway. As far as the two stories go...ugh, I don't want to go anywhere near Sweet Apple Massacre at all!"

Rainbow clears the screen, wiping a tear away as she continues, "Now for My Little Dashie...that...really happen...and I left my daddy and..." The pony cries a bit then tries to recover. "Ahem. The relationship idea is good...please...next e-mail..."

**Hey there Rainbow Dash,****  
****I want to know...what is the secret to your pizzaz? Why are you so awesome?**

**peace out dawg foo gangsta yo****  
****Ryan H.**

Rainbow blinks in confusion as she said, "Err..." The pony then types again, "Did you just call me a dog food gangsta? What does that supposed to mean anyhow?" Rainbow then speaks in Olde English typeface, "Ought I be offended?"

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "Anyhow..." The pony begins to type again. "The secret to my pizzaz/ why am I so awesome?"

Rainbow stops typing for a moment as she said, "Say..." She types once more, "good questions, Ryguy...why not I ask myself and see for myself?"

* * *

Music begins to start as a newspaper background appears. An announcer spoke up, "And now, on the Rainbow Dash-Type Interview Program..." The logo for the show appears. "Rainbow Dash herself gets to the barrel of her ripped off journalism shotgun on her toughest interviewee yet..."

We see a crosshair that moves around the screen then it reveals the scene underneath it. Rainbow Dash's head is centered on with the words 'LOCKED ON!' being flashed.

"HERSELF," The announcer echoes stupidly. "Err...I mean herself, yes."

The scene now shows Rainbow on her interview stage, the lights dimmed as she appears to be talking to someone offscreen, the phone is turned off.

Once the lights fade up, Rainbow turns to the camera as she said, "Good evening, ponies! Welcome to another night of hard hitting, Wonderbolt style journalism! Like on every show, let's..."

"GET ON WITH IT!" The audience exclaims as the words 'GET ON WITH IT' appears on the screen in colorful art style writing.

"Welcome to the show, Rainbow Dash!"

The camera switches to the rear of Rainbow to reveal...another Rainbow, this one is wearing a captain's hat with a corncob pipe in her mouth for some reason. For clarity's sake, we shall call her 'CAPTAIN DASH' who is a carbon copy of our Pegasus pony.

"Hey, thanks, Rainbow Dash." Captain Dash said with a nod. The camera shifts back and forth between the two as they talk.

"So...you are dressed like a captain on a cruise boat." Rainbow said, noting Captain Dash's appearance. "Why are you anyway?"

"Oh, well, to be honest, I heard that it was recently...the latest style."

"Ha, shows what you know. Anyway, you're still dressed like a captain of a cruise ship?"

"I told you before, Rainbow Dash! I either saw or read or..." Captain Dash then said the next part under her breath, "heard it from Rarity who told me that it's the latest style lately." Unfortunately, Rainbow heard herself say that...

"So you say...this Rarity that you mentioned...heh heh, is she dressed like a cruise captain as well by any chance?" Rainbow ask herself curiously and in amusement.

"No way, Rarity is too cool or whatnot for that."

Rainbow arches an eyebrow as she remarks, "But you don't seem to have a problem for that; Right?"

"What, no wait, you turned it all around on me!" Captain Dash protests to herself in alarm. "I am so awesome, I have pizzaz!"

"Right and a corncob pipe too."

"Oh, that's it, stupid! This interview is OVERRRRRR!"

Rainbow, the captain version, sticks her face at the screen, shaking hooves like mad. The picture soon fuzzes out. We now see an old cartoon style picture of Spike, holding a pulled power plug as the words 'Hang In There' and 'Technical Difficulties' are seen; Looks like the Pegasus pony has lost control of her show.

* * *

A while later, the newspaper background and music returns, along with a picture of Captain Dash's angry outburst. The real pony is heard saying, "Anyway, after 5 bits and saying, 'Come on' like a whining little filly, I agree to get Rainbow Dash to a second interview...this time on a Wonderbolt-style ranch in Cloudsdale."

Sure enough, we see Cloudsdale with Rainbow and Captain Dash, who reluctantly agrees to the interview as long as she behaves herself this time, behind a fence. As the camera zooms in on the two Pegasus ponies, Rainbow spoke up, "So, Rainbow, ponies are really dying to know. What's the secret to your pizzaz?"

Captain Dash, calm down since the previous interview, spoke up, "To begin, you must have the three Gs of coolness. Gumtion...err, Gum, like chewing gum, and...um...Gar-gle...Minty Gargle?"

"Minty gargle," Rainbow asks skeptically. Captain Dash nods a bit. The camera now appears behind the fence. Apparently, both ponies are flying to hang on the fence by their upper forelegs. "Honestly, me, is that all you got?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

Just then Spike appears as he makes 'la-de-da-de-da' noises, coming on screen as the camera goes back to the fence's front.

"Hey, Spike!" Both Rainbow Dashes exclaims. Spike looks from one of them to another then looks confused, going faster and faster...until his head spikes.

Apparently, two Rainbow Dashes was too much for him to take!

* * *

Rainbow types back on her computer once more, saying, "Well...okay, I never did got a straight answer out of me, Ry Guy. But if you wanna be cool and have pizzas, tofu that is, like m...the secret has a lot to do with fresh breath is my guess. All right, before I fly off, I like to give out one shout out to all my Dogfood Gangstas, Canned or Dry, We Neva Die!" The pony stops typing for a moment, "Colors, yo."

Rainbow begins to type while exclaiming, "Here goes The Rainbow Daaaaaash." With a smile, the pony then leaves the stoll, continuing her rapping, "Oh, here goes The Rainbow Daaaaash!"

The paper comes down as this e-mail/chapter comes to a close.

* * *

The announcer spoke up, "Next week on Rainbow Dash-Type Interview Program...watch Rainbow Dash gets the business end of her 12-gauge journalism bazooka as she uses it at...Princess Luna!"

We also see a 'ACTIVATEd by SPIKE-style graffiti of Rainbow Dash as a Dogfood Gangsta...of sorts. Don't ask.

At the wooden gate with a sign saying 'Wonderbolt-Style Ranch', a singer is heard, _**"Here comes the Rainbow Dash! Here comes the Rainbow Dash; Yeeha!"**_

The words 'The Rainbow Dash in Colors; Created by L. Faur' appears as a magic blast is shot through them.

The End

Author's note  
Guess we may never know the secret to Rainbow's Pizzaz apparently. In the next chapter/e-mail, the Pegasus pony explains to the fans why Scootaloo has yet to have an episode based on her; Read, review and suggest.


	72. the facts

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: the facts

_**"I'm checkin' e-mail, I'm checkin' e-mail. Hey, hey, I'm checkin' e-mail, I'm checkin' e-mail." **_Rainbow sang as she is at her computer once more, bringing up the first e-mail of this chapter.

**Rainbow Dash**

**has anyone ever called you Dashie besides Pinkie? i know Shining armor calls Twilight Twilly and you and your other friends call Applejack AJ but what about Rarity or Fluttershy do they have nicknames? besides you Twilight and Applejack**

**Adam**

**P.S. ignore the Emails that end in Horsecrapfully Horsecrap trust me it helps so uh leave an Email sometime and i might be able to read it if i can Dash oh be sure to tell your friends as well i wouldn't mind bye (smily face)**

"Well, Adam, sometimes AJ calls me Dashie just to freak me out. I don't know why." Rainbow types in her answer to Adam's question. "Now, as far as Rarity and Fluttershy's nicknames goes, we sometimes called them Rare or Flutter, depending on our moods. Also, it's hard to ignore the e-mails with the word 'horsecrap' or sometimes like it when I DO KEEP GETTING THEM!"

Rainbow clears her screen as she continues, "Anyway, as for sending you an e-mail, that's a maybe. I will need your address before doing anything. And yeah, I will tell them; next e-mail!"

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**I am curious. Why doesn't Scootaloo has an episode of her own yet?**

**Your big fan,****  
****Jess D. OH**

Rainbow announces 'Dear Rainbow Dash' as 'Dash Rain Bow Dash' and 'Jess D. OH' as 'Jess...D'oh!' The pony chuckles a bit. She is like that at times.

Rainbow begins to answer the e-mail as she types, "'Episode'? You mean 'adventure', right? Well, as much as I cherish Scoots as a sister, we may as well look at the inevitable facts." A grid shows up as lines 'scan' from top to bottom and left to right. We seen image of Scootaloo which says 'Fact 1'. "Fact one: she got a pretty tenuous grip when it comes to figuring out what adventure or so to go on."

We see the words 'tenuous grasp of adventure' appearing on the screen. Rainbow explains, "For example..." Rainbow takes a magazine and looks through it. The pony pauses then turns while calling out, "Hey Scoots! Wanna go to Cloudsdale?"

"Yeah, really," Scootaloo's voice calls out excitedly. "Then maybe we can fight off the dragons and...wait, hang on. I can't fly! Oh man!"

Returning to the screen, Rainbow then adds as we see 'Fact 2', "Fact two: she can't fly so when it comes to going to Cloudsdale or places in the sky, that's out." The words 'she can't fly' appears, the illustrated Scootaloo's eyebrows raises. Rainbow strikes a key as 'Fact 3' appears. "Fact Three: she has a habit of following me all over the place, hiding in my bathroom, my closet, anywhere which gives her the nickname "Stalkeroo'."

We see 'Stalkerloo' as Scootaloo is now changed into herself in spy clothes with a creepy smile. The left and bottom parts are labeled 'Watch out for her.'

"Not sure what this has to do to with the fact as to why she doesn't have her own adventure...but it's just plain creepy." Rainbow explains as the words 'plain creepy' appear, "Yeah, very unsettling." The word 'unsettling' show shows up.

* * *

We see a dark city and a red sky as Scootaloo, in her spy gear, lands with a thud. Rainbow explains, "Maybe if she was living in a city where she could be a spy in Spy City that may work. But...Spy City..." The logo 'Spy City' appears on the right before stopping at the upper left corner, making the filly looks around a bit. "...of course, I made that place up; Now, onward to fact four!"

* * *

Back at the screen, it reads 'Fact 4' as Rainbow adds, "That pony got zero volume control." The words 'no volume control at all' shows up on the screen. "Once again, observe." The image of Scootaloo glances at the text.

* * *

We see Scootaloo at the library playing with some orange dragon and yellow and green clay upright cylinders. Rainbow enters, whispering, "Hey, little gal. Mind keeping it down; we're in a library after all."

"I can be quiet! I can be quiet as a mouse, Rainbow Dash!" Scootaloo exclaims a bit too loudly. The filly holds up her hooves together as if trying to demonstrate something very small like a mouse. "I live in a quiet home!"

Scootaloo held up her other hoof in the same position. Of course, Twilight shush her in annoyance for yelling in the library.

* * *

Rainbow, back at her computer, explains 'Fact 5' as it shows up on the screen, "Fact 5: Directorial inexperience." The same words appear on the screen. The pony continues typing, "May as well since the one of the fewest plays that Scootaloo has done is 'Barno the Dragon', I pretty doubt that even she can handle an adventure on her own."

* * *

Sure enough, after some static, we see a play happening on stage as it begins. We see a title appearing with a foal holding it that said 'Barno the Dragon' (the 'O' in 'Dragon' is in the shape of an egg).

"Dragon," Scootaloo is heard narrating some off screen.

On stage, we see two cylinders. Scootaloo, dressed like a dragon, appears, making noises as she and the other ponies dressed up like dragons as well, do activities. Barno the Dragon (Scootaloo) roars.

Now the green cylinder flips over like a Slinky as a smiling face appears on it. Barno then attacks, causing the thing to shoot out stuffing like mad. As Barno 'eats' the green cylinder, a tape dispenser can be seen for a while for some reason in the place.

The yellow cylinder is seen fleeing as Barno licks her lips. That was fun, she was really hungry! Next up in the play, a toilet appears, making the dragon flush it. The seat comes up as something red came out of the toilet, grabbing Barno/Scootaloo by the face and pulls her in.

As it ends, the green cylinder 'sits' up, with a smile with Scootaloo's hoof appearing for a few times.

Cheerilee blinks in confusion and embarrassment. That is the last time she let Scootaloo suggest this play for her school!

* * *

Rainbow shakes her head and begins typing, remarking, "See what I mean? Misguided direction and acting, no comedy timing whatsoever and the script got a lot of gaping plot holes." We see the entire script for 'Barno the Dragon'.

**int: dragon - day****  
****go barno!****  
****RAWR!****  
****toilet. (Drawing of a toilet)**

"And finally..." Rainbow said before typing again, "Fact 6: Have you even seen her computer?!"

* * *

Indeed, at Scootaloo's house, the Pegasus filly is decorating a paper bag to look like Rainbow's previous comptuer (with the 'disk' word appearing on the screen) and an up-turned cardboard box to looks like Rainbow Dash's Floppy Disk Container (that says 'disks'). Ironically, she is trying to be even more like her idol!

"All right, e-commerce and e-business, here I come!" Scootaloo exclaims with a smile. She can't wait to get on the internet...or whatever that the filly is doing

* * *

"All right, let's review." Rainbow types back at her computer, bringing up the facts again. "Fact 1: Ehgh..."

"Hey Dashie," A familiar voice whispers; Pinkie is sitting on Rainbow's desk...though not looking at her friend. "I want my own episode or cartoon."

"Uh, Pinkie Pie; I'm over here."

"Oh, sorry," Pinkie whispers before turning back to face Rainbow, "I want my own episode or cartoon, Twilight."

"First off, I'm Rainbow Dash, not Twilight. Second, you already got a few adventures of your own. And third, not to be mean, but a cartoon with you wouldn't work. It would be you bouncing around and acting 'random' all the time."

"No, not, not anymore," Pinkie spoke normally and eagerly. "I also got a new catchphrase, Dashie!"

"Uh, no," Rainbow said, not in the mood to hear what catchphrase that her friend just thought up.

"Wanna hear it?"

"Sorry, no!"

"I would be saying 'Okie dokie lokie' all the time!" Pinkie pauses then realizes something, mking her whisper, "Oh, sorry. I mean 'Okie dokie lokie'."

"Why are you whispering?" Rainbow asks Pinkie puzzled, wondering why her friend is whispering all of the sudden.

"Oh because...Tank is sleeping and so is Gummy, see?" Pinkie points out as she points to her mane that Gummy is sleeping on while biting into it.

"Now you can see the random chit-chat that we got? This is what you're cartoon will be like."

"And it will be a number one hit!" Pinkie exclaims happily. Then she begins to sing. _**"And that's the end of my show; DONK!"**_

Suddenly the paper comes down, most to Rainbow's annoyance as she protests, "Hey!" The Pegasus pony is supposed to do the paper bringing this show to a close thing!

* * *

We now see a screen that shows Pinkie holding a popsicle with a hoof somehow. The words 'We'll be right back' appears as the pony voices over while singing.

Pinkie: _**Pinkie Pie will be right right back!**__**  
**__**Pinkie Pie will be right right back!**__**  
**__**Pinkie Pie will be right right back!**__**  
**__**We're coming right back after these messages!**__**  
**__**We're coming right back after these messageeeees...**_

The End

Author's note  
So that's why Scootaloo doesn't have her own episode, but I'm sure Rainbow has no idea as to why. In the next chapter/e-mail, the mare explains what she would put in a time capsule. Read, review and suggest.


	73. time capsule

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: time capsule

"Checking e-mails since the return of the Mag'ne,it's Rainbow Dash's e-mail." Rainbow said, bringing up the first e-mail of the chapter again.

**So Rainbow**

**Do you ever read the My Little Dashie fics like my little AJ or MLD 2 : My little Twily ? cause those stories really make you cry on the inside but overall there great but me i'm going to focus on Scoots in the sequel You and Twilight have moved out and have gotten your own places so its me Pinkie (Yes we are dating in the sequel) and we help raise scoots into a a great mare and of course along the way she earns her cutie mark so if you want check out my story My Little Rainbow Dash and Twilight its pretty interesting though if you ask me so uh yea leave a review telling me what you think of it i wannt hear if i screwed up in anyway at all**

**your's Truley**

**Adam**

**P.S I also am going to be doing Dimension hopping chipmunks so when you have the time check out the trailer and tell me what you think in the form of a review bye**

"Adam, as I previously stated, 'My Little Dashie' is based on a true story. As for the other ones, didn't know they existed, especially any stories including Applejack and Twilight. Makes me wanna cry too," Rainbow said with a sigh. "And you and Pinkie? Don't get me wrong but I see my pal with somepony else."

Rainbow clears the screen as she continues, "I may check the stories out whenever I have the time. As for the trailer, that's a big maybl. Next e-mail!"

**dear RAINBOW dash****  
****you are 20% extremely awesome but how are you going to be sooo continuing to do so if you'rre dead; how about make a time capsule of cool stuffed filled with stuff about you to be opened in at least X0 years.****  
****please answer this,****  
****D.J. Scales, Cowifornia**

Rainbow put the emphasis on the RAINBOW in the Rainbow Dash. She remarks, "This I truly know" after the 'you are 20% extremely awesome', say 'sooo' as 'sue', pronounce 'you'rre' as spelled, with 'capsule' as 'capsoole' and said 'X0' as in 'exty'.

Rainbow begins to type while saying, "I assure ya, D.J., that my time capsule will reign supreme. Even your hot single Dad would wanna date my own time capsule. Now a key to a good one is being an actual capsule, none any of those shoe boxes or tennis balls, forget it! Those things are called 'time boxes' or 'time tennis ball cans' to this pony."

Rainbow clears the screen then continues, "Those are different and lame and differently lame." We see a small advertisement for 'Filthy Rich' Ale, the slogan if 'Differently Lame'. "Not to mention they would end up getting dug up in 4 days anyhow, being filled with uncool stuff liked leaf rubbings..."

An image of leaf rubbings pops up as Rainbow continues, "And current newspaper clippings..." A newspaper clippings shows up. "And...toenail snippings?" The said item appears, "Anypony?"

Rainbow shrugs, clears her screen and continues on, "Anyway, I am talking about a real capsule. You know, like a big old headache medicine!" We see a bottle of 'Donut Joe's Big Ol' Headache Medicine', the slogan is 'Eat'em like donuts, mate!'. "So what kind of awesome stuff I should put in there? Maybe a cassette tape with one of my number 1 jam on it...in the future, it will be a huge hit. That way, they would send all the royalties and groupies back in right time back now..."

Rainbow mumbles for a second then exclaims, "NOW!" As if on cue, the doorbell rang, "Sweet! It worked, I am one meanest genius!"

Of course, Twilight came in, floating a shoebox while asking, "Rainbow Dash? All right if I put this gross old wig in your time machine or whatever you call it," The pony takes a gross old wig out of the shoebox, much to Rainbow's disgust.

"Uh...it's a capsule so no. And I'm busy so please leave."

"Fine, all right but..."

Twilight puts the gross old wig on her own face for some reason. Rainbow blinks a bit while asking, "Why would you want to put that dumb thing in a time capsule anyway? Aren't you too smart for that?"

"i found it in the closet while Spike and I were cleaning. It's gross, nasty, old and neither of want it." Twilight explains as she takes the wig off her face, putting it on Rainbow's floppy disk container. The Pegasus pony became annoyed by this.

"Twilight, it's not a trash capsule! The thing is for cool stuff so ponies of the future can know how cool I am!"

"Oh, is that how you want to play? Well then, I'll make my own time box with a gross old wig...so ponies of the future will know that I had a gross old wig! Don't ask me why I acted random all of the sudden! I must be hanging with Pinkie Pie too much."

With that, Twilight put the gross old wig back in the shoebox. Rainbow rolls her eyes as she remarks, "Good for you...now leave."

"Okay, okay!" Twilight groans as she leaves the house. Rainbow sighs a bit. What an egghead! The pony goes back to her computer to resume her typing.

"Also, I might spit in the capsule, in case they ever figure out how to make ponies from spit. Say, I'd put some dry ice in there too! That way, when they open the capsule up, it will be smoky, steamy and it would say 'froosh' when the ponies open the thing! There will be no doubt about my coolty!"

Many years later (in My Little Pony Anime)

Generations has passed as Equestria gotten better...so to speak. Crono is kneeling in front of a hole with dirt around her mouth. The pony groans, "Gah! Those first 400 bites of dirt aren't so good! Perhaps the next one would be better." Crono puts a hoof into the hole then an audible clanging sound is heard. She has hit something. "WHAAAT'S THIS? Some sort of challenge buried in the GROUUUND?!"

Crono found out some sort of red and white capsule, pulling it out of the hole. The thing opens out as Rainbow is heard saying 'froosh'. The pony grins as she pulls out a cassette tape from the thing.

"Awesome, lookie; A power bar," Crono exclaims then grabs the cassette tape...and throws the thing into her mouth, eating the tape and crunching it up. "Tastes like a number one jam!"

Crono then stands, getting bulked up (we can hear the powered up noise). Wild Milly chose that time to walk in wearing a gross old wig on her head. She didn't notice her friend bulked up as the pony exclaims, "Hey Crono! Look what I found buried in the time box!"

Present

Rainbow continues typing at her computer as she remarks, "Yep, cassette tape is definitely the way to go. What could ever replace the durability of magnetic tape? Probably duct tape. I wonder when those groupies and royalties will get here. How about right...hamina hooo...NOW!" The pony stops typing. Nothing happened, "Ugh, HORSECRAP! Okay, how about right...here it comes, a little bit longer...NOW! Ugh, this could take a while..."

The paper comes down, bringing this chapter/e-mail to an answer. Rainbow kept on waiting for royalties and groupies which will never come even in the future. She mumbles, "Time is passing by, what a lovely day...NOW! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...NOW! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...NOW! 3, 2, 1...NOW! 2-1...NOW! NOW! 1-NOW! NOW! Argh, come on!"

We can hear a familiar song being played as a familiar voice sang, _**"Only liars and thieves eat Scootaloo Cakes, and those ponies go to prison. Just ask Scoota..."**_

Of course, the tape begins slows down as if someone is taping over it. Someone did as Rainbow is now heard saying, "Stallion, I figure we haven't gone through a lot together. In fact, one thing might say that we're standing here, in the line at the Wonderbolt stadiums, but I am sure of one thing." The pony then begins to sing.

Rainbow: _**Let me get them Scootaloocakes **__**  
**__**and please don't Scootaloo fake,**__**  
**__**I just need them Scooaloocakes. **__**  
**__**Ohh I'm Scootaloocaking with you.**__**  
**__**Let me get them Scootaloocakes, **__**  
**__**and please don't Scootaloo fake, **__**  
**__**I just needed them Scootaloocakes. **__**  
**__**Ohh I'm Scootaloocaking with you.**__**  
**__**I'm really going to Scootaloo bake **__**  
**__**another batch of them Scootaloocakes. **__**  
**__**So let's raise the Scootalootakes. **__**  
**__**Clean the yard with the Scootaloorake. **__**  
**__**Girl give me a Scootaloo break.**__**  
**__**I wanna see you Scootaloo shake.**__**  
**__**Don't make a Scootaloo mistake. **__**  
**__**Let me see you Scootaloo down!**_

The End

Author's note  
Well, looks like Rainbow won't be a big success even in the future. In the next chapter/e-mail, the pony reveals what's the extra plug is for and shows off her new Electro Pony Boots. Read, review and suggest.


	74. extra plug

Author's note  
Okay, I got three more chapters/e-mails left and this season will soon be over. It has been a long time but it will finally be done, folks.

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: extra plug

_**"Ow ow ow... Ow ow oww... Ow ow owww... Email..." **_Rainbow sang as she is at her computer, ready to put in the first e-mail of the chapter.

**Rainbow**

**sometime next year i'm going to be doing a story called Dimension hopping chipmunks and of course simon builds a device that can travel through universes space and time and even travel to other dimensions as well so maybe you could check out the trailer just a recomendation though that is if your not to busy though**

**Adam**

**P.S I think that Simon would get along well with Twilight btw he's my brother i have alot of brothers and sisters though**

"Well, sometime next year, I may take a look sometimes. I will be waiting." Rainbow said with a nod as she then checks out the next e-mail.

**Yo, Dear R to the Dash,****  
****I noticed you have an extra plug socket underneath your desk, babe. Anything cool you could plug in there?****  
****Simcity,****  
****Harvey Cocoman, MASS**

"Argh, I ate getting these kind of mass e-mails!" Rainbow groans, thinking that she got a mass e-mail all of the sudden. The pony types in while snapping, "REMOVE ME, UNSUBCRIBE, HAY, GET ME OFF THE LIST! ANYTHING! STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

After calming down, Rainbow then continues tying, "Well, BIG to the LAME-O, your timing couldn't be any more perfect, because I just got my new Electro Pony Boots in the mail today! Check out these babies!"

Rainbow stops her typing and took out a box which is labeled 'Electro Pony Boots'. The pony smirks while continuing, "Oh yeah. No fewer than 8 lights flashing at any given time. Whisper quitet and...check out that mare dancing with a cool stallion. That's going to be me at that club...and the hot stallion will be Scootaloo...err, I mean an actual hot stallion!" With a smile, Rainbow pretends to be like a mare that is printed on the box. "Oh yeah, fruit pie...the magician. Want to dance, baby?"

Rainbow now speaks like the stallion while saying, "Oh yeah, I wanna be your colt-friends mostly because of your 20% awesome boots!" After putting the box right onto her desk, the mare put the Electro Pony Boots on. She nods to Scootaloo who is near the empty socket with the boots' plugs. "All right, Scootaloo, let's do this!"

"Let's plug this baby in, Rainbow Dash!" Scootaloo exclaims eagerly.

Scootaloo plugs the boots right into the boots. This causes the lights on the boots to come on...followed by one loud vacuum cleaner like noise to sound throughout the place. Because of how loud the boots, Scootaloo has to cover her ears to drown out the noise.

"OH YEAH," Rainbow shouts over the noise. "THOSE LIGHTS; CHECK THEM OUT! THEY ARE FLASHING!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Scootaloo shouts over the noise, having trouble hearing her idol. She left the room; it's too loud in here!

"HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING, SCOOTS? WAIT UP!" Rainbow got up and prepares to follow Scootaloo, but yelps as she reach the end of her cord...literally, "HORSE FEATHERS! I'M GOING TO NEED AN EXTENSION CORD FOR THIS!"

* * *

Rainbow goes back to her computer, typing while shouting to hear herself over the noise, "Attention all cool and interested stallions: Please have electrical sockets installed every 5 feet before asking me to come over to your place! So I guess I'm pretty awesome..." Without warning, the powers go out throughout the entire building, including the computer. "...THAT EXPLAINS WHY!"

Rainbow tries her best to continue typing despite lack of power, saying, "Wow, I guess those boots I got musta suck up a lot of energy. Perhaps that's what 'solid state' means. That means I should stop typing now." Sure enough, the Pegasus pony stops typing. "Hmmm, I'm going to need some help to finish this e-mail without power..."

* * *

As it turns out, Rainbow's Electro Pony Boots has caused the power throughout Ponyville to go out. Regardless, the pony arrives at the library where her friends are at. Applejack, Rarity and Fluttershy appears to be watching TV, laughing, while Twilight is using her horn to help her read.

"Say, whatcha all you doing?" Rainbow asks her friends curiously.

"Shhh," Fluttershy shushes her friends. Rainbow glances and saw a TV screen...that has a picture of actor Andy Griffin's head taped right on it. The ponies watching TV begins to laugh once more, pretending that a show is on

"So wait, you are watching a picture of Andy Griffin's head taped to a TV?"

"And me reading with my horn! Apparently someone's Electro Pony Boots has caused a power outage throughout Ponyville!" Twilight snaps to Rainbow with a glare. "I've already send a message to the princess. It may take hours before we could get our power back."

Pinkie bounces in happily with a popcorn bag full of soda. The Earth pony asks, "Has it started yet? I brought some popcorn! Ooooh, Dashie! I love your boots!"

"Indeed, not the latest style though." Rarity said to Rainbow in amusement.

"Listen, I'm going to need some help in finishing this e-mail up." Rainbow explains to the rest of the Mane Six with a sigh. "Can somepony lend me a hoof?"

"Sure, right after 'dis here show is over." Applejack remarks to her friends sternly as the gang resume watching their show a bit. Rainbow sighs in annoyance, this could take a while.

* * *

Sure enough, we can hear the boots running again as Rainbow is back on her computer...with Fluttershy flying as she is holding a piece of black paper in front of the monitor to reveal what her friends has 'typed' down. Due to the power still out, Twilight is frantically using her horn to give her friend light.

Rainbow, typing, shouts over the boots noise, "Well, whoever your name is, the boots are back in action as well as yours truly! I can already tell that they will be a hit once I wear them to the club this weekend. The stallions can't resist flashlights along with that annoying loud hum!" The pony stops typing. "Okay, go for it, AJ!"

The paper comes down as Applejack made the sound effect; we saw that Rarity is using her own magic to hold the paper while standing near the cowpony. The extra plug is burnt now so Rainbow has to plug her boots somewhere else. As Fluttershy is holding the black piece of paper to obscures her fellow Pegasis's text while Twilight's horn kept on glowing, Pinkie is seen being wrapped up in an extension cord that leads from Rainbow's boots to elsewhere.

Rainbow grins while she exclaims, "All right, way to go, girls! Betcha no one could tell the difference between a regular e-mail and this unplugged one! Now keep holding it, nopony moves. It's going to take a while before the power comes back come."

"Oh great, my horn is definitely going overtime on this." Twilight groans a bit, the unicorn hates having to wait until Celestia gets the power back on.

Pinkie pauses for a while then spoke rhythmically, "I really got. I really gotta pee. I really got. I really gotta pee pee. I really got. I really gotta pee."

Flutterhy joins in as she and Pinkie both said rhythmically, "I really got. I really gotta pee pee. I really got. I really gotta pee. I really got. I really gotta pee pee."

"Okay, now that's disgusting." Rainbow remarks to her two friends in disgust.

* * *

At the Ponyville Club, Rainbow is dancing while wearing her Electro Pony Boots near an outlet; the boots make the usual loud humming noise. Scootaloo is plugging her ears with a couple of glow sticks to drown out the noise. Music plays in the background.

_**All is on! Feel it, feel it, feel it, feel it! All is o—**_

Of course suddenly, power goes throughout the whole club. Looks like the boots has done it again; Scootaloo unplugs her ears, relieved that is over for now.

"Okay, Scootaloo, let's get this party moving and onward to the next club!" Rainbow exclaims as she unplugs her boot and takes her leave.

* * *

At Castle Canterlot, the princesses were doing their best to keep order as well as power in the kingdom. There's a new addition to the place: a familiar extension running from a sparking outlet that goes out a window to somewhere else. A sign is over the outlet itself that reads 'very important thing. DON'T UNPLUG!"

**"THIS ELECTRIC BILL IS PRETENDOUS!" **Luna shouts in her Canterlot Bill as she loojs at the bill for the power that is being run. The pony clears her throat while speaking normally, "It could take centuries to pay it off."

"When do we get the extension cord?" Celestia ask, glancing at the extension cord puzzled. Both alicorns are unaware as to how that cord got there in the first place.

The End

Author's note  
Dang, those boots cost a lot of power and more! In the next chapter/e-mail, Rainbow makes montages involving a cart full of pancakes. Read, review and suggest.


	75. montage

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: montage

"Tonight on Rainbow Dash's E-Mails...Comedian Pinkie Pie, actress Sapphire Shoes and some stallion from a zoo!" Rainbow announces as she brings up the first e-mail on her computer eagerly.

**Rainbow**

**What is your favorite food? mines pizza**

**Adam**

"Well, hope you mean tofu pizza, Adam, because us ponies don't eat meat, of course if it involves vegetable toppings, that's another story." Rainbow answers the e-mail. "Now then, to me, I prefer daisy sandwiches. Next-email!

**Dear Rainbow Dash,****  
****Who don't you creat a montage?**

**Herbert****  
****Cool Town, NJ**

Rainbow said 'create' as 'cree-at' and said 'NJ' as 'No Job'. The pony then taunts in a high-pitched, mocking tone of voice, "Ooooh; How about making an alternative reality where you don't have to spell correctly...and I talk like this; with your name being Touched Down; Nah nah nah!"

Rainbow chuckles and clears the screen, speaking in her normal voice while continuing, "A montage, eh Touched Down? Like about anything? Okay, no problem. Let's see...I'll make a montage about..."

* * *

We see an empty field as Rainbow continues, "Me." The pony appears. "And a cart" As a short tune begins to play, we see a cart appearing. "Full of pancakes." Now pancakes appear in the wagons.

We see Rainbow and the cart going past Sugarcube Corner then we see her kicking the said cart calmly. Then the pony pulls the thing uphill.

The music stops as Rainbow spoke, "Saaaaay, maybe a montage of me falling in love with the cart full of pancakes! Weird, yeah, but it's true!"

Sure enough, we see Rainbow in a boat as she smiles lovingly to the cart; both of them are holding glasses of apple cider. Romantic music begins to play as we can hear the pony sing.

Rainbow's Voice: _**Let's make this moment be the symbol of our lives**_

Rainbow and the wagons listen to a Shadowbolts LP via headphones.

**_We'll pawn your dad's computer_**

Rainbow and the cart sat on a hill looking at the stars, the Pegasus pony smiles while pointing to some. The two are having a great time.

_**and we'll sail to paradise**_

Bellum spins around, holding 'hooves' while being so much in love or whatever you call this. The two are at the movies, Rainbow giggles while dropping some popcorn.

_**You're a colt... or maybe a cart...**_

At a restaurant, the two sat at a table with Rainbow smiling and laughing while putting ketchup on some hay fries with the cart full of pancakes watching.

_**filled up with pancakes**_

As the montage and song comes to an end, Rainbow frolicking across a field with the cart. Once it's done, we can hear the Pegasus pony saying, "Or maybe a montage of the cart full of pancakes..."

* * *

We see the cart with Caramel, both of them are wearing business class fedoras as if being sales ponies. Rainbow's voice continues, "...and Caramel being two door-to-door sales ponie really down on their hard."

Caramel sighs as he lies in the dragon with the cart rolling parts. The two tries to sell something both several doors kept slamming on Caramel's faces at different angles. Rainbow sang a new song.

_**You can't do it so give up now**__**  
**__**Whatcha gonna do when your dough runs out?**__**  
**__**Ain't that a drag?**_

The song and montage came to an end as the cart sat in an arm chair with Caramel in front on the floor, smoking in depression. Rainbow finishes her singing as she said, "Wait, wait, I got it! A montage of the cart full of pancakes training..."

* * *

We see Golden Harvest wearing a shirt that says 'The #1' glancing at the cart in a field with Rainbow's voice adding, "...for the championship; Yeah!"

"Wait, wait, a cart full of pancakes in the Championship," Golden Harvest ask in surprise and disbelief. This cart wishes to challenge her? The pony scoffs as if challenging it, "I like to see you try!"

And so the pancakes begin to train as the right music plays. The cart climbs up the stadium steps as Rainbow sing a new song.

_**Guts, guts, and might**_

The cart's handle collapses slowly on top of a barbell. Regardless, the training continues as Rainbow helps the cart on a track.

_**Liftin' weights and feelin' all right**_

Rainbow clicks on a stop watch, smiling in approval. The cart is going to do great! We see both running past a sunset and an ocean as the intense training continues.

_**It's a showdown going downtown**__**  
**__**You're gonna mess around showdown**_

The cart ascend the bleachers once more as the song gets ready to end.

_**Put your nose down showdown**_

Once the song is over, the cart jump up and down on top of the bleachers. It is ready for the championship.

* * *

The day of the championship has come as the cart prepares to fight off Golden Harvest, who is wearing a karate black-belt and head, band who is ready to fight off. Pinkie is in a referee costume, in charge of the fight.

"Hi-yah-hi yah," Golden Harvest booms as she kicks, the fight begins. Of course, the cart's handle just falls on it, like it did with the training with the barbell, and knocks the pony down. "Ouch!"

"The pancakes win!" Pinkie exclaims as a buzzer sound is heard, the score changes from 6-6 to 6-7 on the scoreboard. Rainbow sang one more note.

_**Showdown.**_

* * *

"Pretty good montages, eh Touched Down?" Rainbow asks the fan while typing back at her computer. "That must be the montage of montage. Well, the only thing left is the end credits photo one! Hit it!"

* * *

A new montage begins to play as music starts. Captions show up, explaining what happened to each character in the montage. As Golden Harvest sings, we see Rainbow and the cart in the boat in one photo.

Golden Harvest: _**Partying... party party party**_

In another photo, Raonbow is seen about to kick the wagon.

_**It's the weekend... party party party**_

We see the two in movie theater in a third photo, then a close up of Caramel lying on the floor in the fourth.

**"Caramel never sold a single box of toner and i currently unemployed."**

_**And a cart... party party party.**__**  
**__**Full of pancakes...**_

We see Golden Harvest kicking at the gym in the fifth photo.

**"Golden Harvest sold her 'The #1' shirt for 3 bits. She definitely got a good deal."**

_**party party party**_

In the sixth photo, Rainbow is seeing frolicking through the field, not with the wagon in the photo.

**"Rainbow Dash meanwhile went on to host a show on Everfree Planet.****  
****Unfortunately, it was cancelled right before first commercial break."**

_**And we're partying... party party party**_

The next photo shows the cart with a fedora.

**"And right after winning the championship, the Cart Full of Pancakes did some local TV sports for a used wagon dealership for some reason."**

_**It's the weekend... party party party**__**  
**__**And we're partying... party party party**__**  
**__**Everybody does it tonnniiight...**_

**"It is now living in Long Hair Beach with a wife and 2 foals."**

The song is over as Golden Harvest stops singing. The paper comes over the photo; the chapter/e-mail comes to an end. After a while, we see a captioned photo of the current scene.

**"The paper stays around until e-mail #173, during that time Rainbow Dash upgraded to an inkjet printer."**

* * *

Golden Harvest lies on the floor at the dark championship stadium. Despite being defeated, she continues being undefeated in spirit as she tries to recreate a tournament scene from a movie while singing.

_**I'm the best around! **__**  
**__**Sombadubba sombadubba, take me down! **__**  
**__**I'm the best around! **__**  
**__**Dubba dubba dubbado, take me down!**_

Golden Harvest's score on the scoreboard changes from 0 to -1, resulting in a buzzing sound to be heard. That was sad, ain't it?

* * *

We see highly pixelated of Rainbow in a pink jogging suit and the Cart Full of Pancakes rushing through a highly pixelated city as if in a video game. Rainbow sang a familiar song here.

Rainbow: _**It's a showdown going downtown **__**  
**__**You're gonna mess around showdown **__**  
**__**Put your nose down showdown**_

The End

Author's note  
Cool montages! Next time, it's the next and final chapter/e-mail of the season and this one is going to trouble as Rainbow ends up getting a virus on her computer that endangers all of Equestria...and someone is going to get shot for this...or something. Read, review and suggest.


	76. virus

Author's note  
Here we are, folks, the season finale of Rainbow Dash's E-Mails. It has been a few months but this season will finally be done, so let's begin.

Rainbow Dash's E-Mails: virus

_**"I got the email, you got the email, I got the email, you got the email." **_Rainbow sang as she prepares to check her e-mails on her computer. Unknown to her, today is going to be the most nastiest day that Equestria has ever experienced.

**Dear Rainbow Dash,**

**Have you ever been sent a virus email? You know, the kind moms and offshore casinos send you?**

**SquirrellyJay**

"Oh please," Rainbow scoffs a bit as she types in her answer. "The day that happens is the day that all of Equestria will be in danger. Okay, next e-mail!"

**ert+****  
****y76p; '0lu8jykee;u4p;e'/Rh****  
****Rainbow da15456`-++++++gf****  
****+++++-/==========/*8901ikg**

"Ert plus: Why seven-six P? Ohlyuu eightguh—" Rainbow looks a bit confused as she tries to read the e-mail but stops, frowning a bit. "Hang on, what happened? Did the quadratic formula exploded? I can see a 'Rainbow das' in there, but it looks like the whole thing is being eaten by...some Linux or...wait, hang on! Is this one of those virus e-mails that SquirrellyJay warned me about, like the kinds moms and offshore casinos send ponies? Well, I will handle this; DELETED!"

Rainbow types 'deleted' to get rid of the e-mail but the screen flashes this...

**NICE TRY, RAINBOW CRASH!**

A red line of text appears that said, 'That didn't work. Rainbow yells in shock, "What?! Hey, I said 'deleted', you dumb computer!" The pony types in the same word in capital italicized but this time, the screen flashes this...

**NOT A CHANCE, RAINBOW CRASH!**

The words 'that neither' shows up on the computer, much to Rainbow's annoyance. Her computer got a virus apparently and is insulting her now! What a jerk!

"Oh, a wise stallion, eh; Well, how bout I introduce you to a pal of mine, my main stallion 'Visier!' Rainbow snaps in determination. She types in 'Visierware dot exe' in hopes to deal with this problem.

Some text appears along with a quick tune.

**Vizier the Virus Hunter**

**programmed entirely in mother's basement****  
****by Vizier c1982**

Rainbow smirks as she hits enter, time to get rid of this stupid virus. The screen now shows the following text...

**Virus Protection****  
****version .0001**

**Last scan was NEVER at all.**

**Scanning...**

"All right, Vizier, time to drop one huge buffalo on them!" Rainbow exclaims with a smile. Just then, her computer dings, showing a message...

**Scan Complete!**

**423,827 Viruses Found!**

**One Huge Record!**

"The hay; ARGH! THAT ISN'T A SMALL NUMBER, MORE LIKE A BIG NUMBER!" Rainbow exclaims in horror. Her computer is hit by a huge virus, lots of them! "Man, what am I going to do?"

Suddenly a new text appears, followed by the startup beep.

**FLAGRANT SYSTEM ERROR****  
****Virus = Very Very Yes**

"Computer over? Virus equal very very yes?! Not a good prize!" Rainbow gulps a bit. That doesn't sound good...and then something horrifying happen: the text and the background of the computer melts off, sliding right onto the floor, "ARGH!"

Rainbow jumps out of the way, making her gulp, "Great, the Flutterpony just peed onto her cloud floor. How could things get worst?"

Rainbow's question got answered. A corner of her computer desk soon flashes, showing an underlying grid work to it. The No Loafing sign became the following psuedo-HTML code, falling right off the wall.

**head****  
****hrefno loafing!/href****  
****/body**

Rainbow watch in horror as her Floppy Disk Container gets eaten by the computer desk. This isn't any normal virus, this is a reality one that could destroy all of Equestria!

"Rainbow Dash, what's going on?" Fluttershy is heard demanding in annoyance. Rainbow saw her friend flying in but her head is floating a foot to where it should be...and it is showing emotions like mad, cycling through 'Normal', 'The Stare', 'Flutterage', 'Discorded', and 'Assertive'.

"Holy cupcakes; Errr, I don't know!" Rainbow exclaims in shock and alarm."Did you forget your neck? And why are you giving me the Stare and some other looks?"

"Have you been using the Internet irresponsibly?'

During this time, a top of a Main Stare appears in top of the e-mail; the text 'Stave it off, 1, 2, 3...' appears in the corner in place of 'What's new' text (whatever that is).

We see some buttons like 'Quote of the Week', 'Weekly Fanstuff', and the 'hidden main page'; the last one goes to the Nightmare Night Fairstival. The Quote of Week bounces across the screen until it gets lodged at the top by its bottom corner.

Now clicking 'Hear It...wait; hang on! Why am I telling you folks this for anyway? This is fan-fiction, not a webpage. Check out the actual e-mail that this is based on for crying out loud!

"Errr, no more irresponsibility than usual," Rainbow said to Fluttershy, a bit guilty and worried.

"Did you get a virus that could destroy all of Equestria?" Fluttershy ask her lower body is walking away in place.

"Well, no..."

"Did you get 4000 viruses?"

"...yes, very yes," Rainbow said in submissive. May as well admit it, she did get a lot of those viruses.

"Can you hurry up and do something! It will get worst and destroyed all of Equestria!" Fluttershy groans. She then turns into a character card, flying up and off the screen as the Main page creeps right out of the story.

"GAH; TWILIGHT, SCOOTALOO, ANYPONY," Rainbow then heads off to get help...but ends up right into the black at the right of her computer desk. She stops, much to her confusion, "What the hay?! Is this the fourth wall that Pinkie Pie spoke of?! Whoa, it's cold out here!"

Rainbow shivers then tries to go back to the room, only for it to shift left and making her fall onto blank space. The pony screams, "Hey!"

Things got more weird as Pinkie Pie appears...her torso is her ancestor Surprise's but the rest of her is the same thing. In fact, she just flies, leaving a motion trail behind herself while making several ghost images of herself; It's kinda creepy and alarming.

"No worries, Dashie! I can fix your computer box thingie!" Pinkie exclaims happily as she flew over to the computer to fix it.

"Wait, no, don't touch that!" Rainbow yelps in alarm while standing up. Pinkie is going to break things moreso than usual!

"Let's see...this super box needs word..." Pinkie comments; To Rainbow's shock, her head falls off, falling right onto the ground. "Like these here. Gotta have this one and this one as well as this one..." The Earth pony begins to take stuff like 'downloads', 'games' and 'characters' from out of nowhere!

"Gah, wait, stop; you're making more stuff more impossible!"

A lot of pop-up windows appear after the other (along with a real one) titled 'Click on the Donkey'. They all show an old school Pinkie that said 'Making out with Twilight is totally awesome' like mad. Rainbow begins screaming, pounding the side of the screen with the hooves. This is going out of control.

* * *

Rarity is inside her Carousel Baroque, grinning at a stack of VHS tapes hat Spike brought over for.

"It's amazing, Spike! This is the best stack of VHS tapes that I've ever..." Rarity suddenly turns into a PSCIII art rendering of herself, her voice became deep and distorted and making things harder from her to understand.

"Whoa, Rarity; I can't understand you!" Spike gulps in alarm as Rarity spoke more unintelligible gibberish. Suddenly the baby dragon is turned into a picture version of herself from a Yearbook Character Page that walks offscreen with a walking noise. We can see cut-off text appearing on top of the screen which said this...

**If anyone is a true friend, Spike is. He is small, loyal and pretty much a big crusher of Rarity. One ti Twilight Sparkle asked her to pick up one big. An he did, but it was the wrong one. But still, loyal and small. He's...**

* * *

Twilight is in her library, doing some research as her owl Owlowiscious is carrying a book to her left, the pony said, "All right, Owlowisicious, just a little to the left." The owl moves the book towards her. "Good and..."

Suddenly without warning, the whole area turns into a piece of paper out of Teen Colt of Squa, the text 'issue whatever' is at the stop. Owlowisicious disappears, much to Twilight's surprise as she spoke up, "Owlowisicious; what's going on here?!"

The Ugly Mule appear, the Hydra sound from one of Rainbow Dash's games is heard. Her mouth became huge and distorted while he booms, "I can do it! I can do it 9 times!" He then begins slapping the unicorn, making her yelp.

"Ouch, stop! Please, quit it! Come on, I'm young, a student, still got live; someone who has lot to give!"

* * *

We see a view of Ponyville...that slowly turns into a black void...that shows the text 'It is now safe to turn the fanfiction off'. Looks like all of Equestria is destroyed...

Of course, Applejack trots in from the side of the screen, her mouth is broken, two of her legs look weird, her midsection is gone and she's holding one of Pinkie Pie's legs, some however. Her remaining legs i waving about, a bit larger than it should be.

"Dang it, time Ah do something like Ah should've done a million years ago." Applejack groans in annoyance; Looks like there's only one way to save all of Equestria as well as reality now.

* * *

In the field, the Tree is gone. Rainbow has one big foot instead of her legs; her cutie mark is too high with her head and mouth all weird looking. Tank is floating around between different versions while a pitch-black Peasant Dasher and a colon fly on in the foreground.

Rainbow spoke in a weird voice while her left upper foreleg detaches from er body, going off in random directions, "Yes, with this item from Rarity's place, we will win the competition for..."

Suddenly an explosion sound effect is heard...and everyone goes back to normal, including Rainbow and Tank who are standing by the Tree. The pony looks surprised and amazed. All of reality is saved!

"Hey, looks like AJ has fixed the problem! Don't ask me how! She is one computer genus! Time we do a dance for the computer genius pony!" Rainbow laughs excitedly. She and Tank begins to dance as a salsa rhythm starts up. Sure enough, the one who saved all of Equestria, Applejack, came up with a shotgun. "Hey, good work, AJ! So how did you get rid of..."

Rainbow saw the shotgun that Applejack has as the music fades away. She looks uneasy and alarmed while asking, "Wait; hang on...why do you have a shotgun?" The pony looks shaken and horrified. She doesn't like the look of this. "Okay, Applejack, what the hay did you did?! Where is my Flutterpony computer?!"

"Shucks, it's in a better place now, Rainbow Dash." Applejack explains with a nod. "Or in 'dis case, in 'de same place...but now 'de vermin got a big hole in it." Rainbow is horrified. That means...

"NO! YOU MURDERER! YOU KILLED MY BROTHER! Err, I mean my computer; Why, why?!"

"Hey, Rainbow Dash, mah mouth got messed up along with 'de rest o' Equestria! Sorry, Ah done had no choice."

"No, you don't understand, none of you do! You really...YAAAUUUGGGHHHH," Rainbow screams in grief as she flew off, very distraught. Tank looks worried as he flies after his owner. The Pegasus pony is in horror of what happened to her computer.

Pinkie hops onto the scene one three legs, holding the last one while asking, "Say, Applejack, can I have my leg back now?"

* * *

Rainbow sobs as she sat in what used to be her computer...which now has a huge hole through its monitor, along with most of the wall behind the thing. Applejack has to blast a huge hole in the computer to save all of Equestria...but at a cost.

"Dear Rainbow Dash, I duh do duoh horsecrapfully yours..." Rainbow sobs, her head hits her head on the keyboard a few time, "I...UGH, DOH DU DUOH CRAPFULLY YOURS! Oh, I can relate to that."

Rainbow hits her head on the keyboard a few times while groaning, "Oh, I really an't relate!" The pony does it again. "I gotta get...I gotta get in there and mix..." She hits her head. "...it up!"

The paper comes down with the pony still distraught. She groans, "Tony, I don't remember your names!" Rainbow hits her head on the keyboard with her voice trailing off. "Dear Rainbow Dash. How do you text with your hooves?"

Poor Rainbow Dash; She lost her computer, all thanks to a virus and Applejack's shotgun.

* * *

A while later, we see the Flutterpony 399 on sale at the shop with signs showing 'Very Used' and 'Slightly Shotgunned' on it. Rainbow is going to need a new computer after this.

* * *

We see an original Pony Commandos with one using Pinkie Pig' leg as a gun a narrator shots, "...to save the world from the evil forces of Griffin Blaster!"

The End

Cast list  
Ashleigh Ball: Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Crono, Rainbow Robot, Ashleigh, Vector Rainbow Dash, Billy Arratoon  
Andrea Libman: Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Wild Milly  
Tabitha St. Germain: Rarity, Princess Luna, Derpy Hooves, Photo Finish, Granny Smith  
Tara Strong: Twilight Sparkle  
Cathy Weseluck: Spike the Dragon, The Mayor of Ponyville  
Michelle Creber: Apple Bloom, Gello  
Claire Corlett: Sweetie Belle  
Madeline Peters: Scootaloo  
Daveigh Chase: Nyx  
Peter New: Big Macintosh, Stave It Off Pony  
Stephanie Ann Mills: Lyra Heartstrings  
Frank Welker: Announcer, Singer  
Maryke Hendriske: Gilda the Griffin, Spitfire  
Samuel Vincent: Film, Customer  
Trevor Devall: Prince Blueblood, Iron Will, Store Clerk  
Kathleen Barr: Trixie Lulamoon  
Scott McNeil: Rover, Tough Apple, Lefty  
Sandy Duncan: Firefly  
Charlie Adler: Gen 1 Spike  
Chuck Huber: Caramel  
Matt Hill: Soarin', Tamby  
Nicole Oliver: Princess Celestia, Cheerilee, Mom on TV  
Andrew Francis: Lucky  
Charles Martinet: Luario  
Chantal Stand: Diamond Tiara  
Terry Klassen: Hoops  
Brian Dummond: Dumbbell  
Laraine Newman: Roseluck  
Matt Smith: Time Turner  
Cathy Cavadini: Firecracker Burst  
April Winchell: Bon-Bon  
Tom Baker: Clock Tower  
Jayson Thiessen: The Royal Guard

Author's note  
Poor Rainbow Dash, she lost another computer due to some computer problems and neglect. That's life. But no worries, for she will get a new computer in the third season! But for now though, it's time to get another MLP: FIM fanmake story, which is one that is of the second episode of the Strong Bad games which is called 'Clousdale the Free'.

Here is the cast list...

Episode 2: Cloudsdale The Free:  
King of Town-Princess Celestia  
Strong Mad-Big Macintosh  
Homsar-Derpy Hooves  
Coach Z-Spike  
Poopsmith-Shining Armor  
Pom Pom-Rarity  
Strong Sad-Fluttershy  
Marzipan-Twilight Sparkle  
The Cheat-The Cutie Mark Crusaders  
Bubs-Applejack  
Drive-Thru Whale-Drive-Thru Manticore (MLP OC)

Looking fun to look forward to, eh? Well, that's it for this season of Rainbow Dash's e-mails. All right, until next time, read, review and suggest!

Tom Baker voiced Doctor Who in the British series which is why he is in a previous incarnation of Time Turner.


End file.
